Should Mom of 555-Pound Boy be Charged with Neglect?
By: Jen Mueller,
SparkPeople Blogger
7/3/2009 10:00 AM
: 1149 comments
: 67,411 Views
Most parents only want to do the right thing and give their children a happy life. But when a child becomes overweight, or even obese, are they no longer doing the right thing? If not, should something be done? A mother in South Carolina has been charged with neglect (and put in jail) for allowing her 14-year old son, Alexander, to reach a dangerous weight of 555 pounds.
Officials say they have given Jerri Gray the chance to help her son and get him treatment, but she has not taken advantage of those opportunities. She says she doesn't have enough money for treatment. Jerri works multiple jobs to make ends meet, and says she doesn't have as much time as she'd like to prepare healthy meals for her son. She also says that sometimes she'd purchase fast food for him when she had to sleep between shifts.
Alex is now in the custody of the Department of Social Services. Jerri admits she's made mistakes. But she wants her son back, and the opportunity for them to learn together how to change their lives and get healthy. Should she be given that chance when her child's life is at risk because of his weight?
This story is heartbreaking to me for a number of reasons. I'm fortunate that I have the knowledge and tools to know what my children should and shouldn't be eating. I'm fortunate that I don't have to work multiple jobs to make ends meet, taking me away from them on a daily basis. But not everyone is so lucky. If you grew up in a home where fast food and high fat meals were the norm, you probably didn't learn anything different. It's easy to see how someone could get into a situation where they think they are taking good care of their child, but in reality their choices are doing more harm than good.
On the other hand, this child is not just 50 or even 100 pounds overweight. Alex's weight has reached a level that is very dangerous to his health. It's not clear exactly what officials did months ago to try and help Jerri before the situation reached this point. Was she given access to help? Was she given any tools to start changing his eating habits? Did she just choose not to follow through with it?
In my opinion, a 14-year old child needs his mother. Taking him away from the woman who loves and cares for him is not the solution. The solution is an intensive intervention with the two of them, giving them the education and resources they need to start turning things around. If someone is going to change their lifestyle, they need to learn how to establish new habits and behaviors. If they are given all of this and the mother still refuses to follow through, then I think that's a different story and more drastic measures need to be taken. But for now, I think they should be given the opportunity to change- together.
What do you think?
Officials say they have given Jerri Gray the chance to help her son and get him treatment, but she has not taken advantage of those opportunities. She says she doesn't have enough money for treatment. Jerri works multiple jobs to make ends meet, and says she doesn't have as much time as she'd like to prepare healthy meals for her son. She also says that sometimes she'd purchase fast food for him when she had to sleep between shifts.
Alex is now in the custody of the Department of Social Services. Jerri admits she's made mistakes. But she wants her son back, and the opportunity for them to learn together how to change their lives and get healthy. Should she be given that chance when her child's life is at risk because of his weight?
This story is heartbreaking to me for a number of reasons. I'm fortunate that I have the knowledge and tools to know what my children should and shouldn't be eating. I'm fortunate that I don't have to work multiple jobs to make ends meet, taking me away from them on a daily basis. But not everyone is so lucky. If you grew up in a home where fast food and high fat meals were the norm, you probably didn't learn anything different. It's easy to see how someone could get into a situation where they think they are taking good care of their child, but in reality their choices are doing more harm than good.
On the other hand, this child is not just 50 or even 100 pounds overweight. Alex's weight has reached a level that is very dangerous to his health. It's not clear exactly what officials did months ago to try and help Jerri before the situation reached this point. Was she given access to help? Was she given any tools to start changing his eating habits? Did she just choose not to follow through with it?
In my opinion, a 14-year old child needs his mother. Taking him away from the woman who loves and cares for him is not the solution. The solution is an intensive intervention with the two of them, giving them the education and resources they need to start turning things around. If someone is going to change their lifestyle, they need to learn how to establish new habits and behaviors. If they are given all of this and the mother still refuses to follow through, then I think that's a different story and more drastic measures need to be taken. But for now, I think they should be given the opportunity to change- together.
What do you think?
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Comments
She was killing her child.
- 5/26/2013 11:35:18 PM
When was the last time YOU were in the classroom? I graduated from high school two years ago, and I was never taught about healthy living, not once! My high school still serves pizza for breakfast and lunch and counts it as a "vegetable". To be clear, I live in a middle class area with a highly recommended school district. Just because you might know of a school that teaches good health habits does not mean that everyone is getting the same treatment in other parts of the country. - 5/23/2013 1:46:27 PM
Second, this kid was doing more than just living on fast food. When I was single many years ago, I had fast food at least 2 meals a day. (This would go on for weeks at a time) I did not gain a single pound. It was not remotely healthy, nor would I promote doing it. I probably got NO nutritional value from anything I ate at that time. I just wasn't over eating. I wasn't eating a super sized meal, I was getting something very small and then being done with eating.
This is a form of child abuse. To me, it is like smoking. I'm not saying that someone might not know the entire list of dangers of smoking, but you have to know that inhaling smoke into your lungs isn't healthy. I would think that with all the news reports that come out, ANYONE would know fast food isn't healthy. I am not saying she knew HOW bad, but she had to know it wasn't good!
On days when we need to have fast food as a family, we make the healthiest possible choices.
My nearly 2 year old is the reason I realized I needed to control what I was eating, so that she didn't start eating a lot of junk. I wanted her to love fruits and veggies. AND SHE DOES! - 5/2/2013 1:59:40 PM
However, when a child (15 is still a child) is 250-300 lbs. overweight ... Something needs to happen. Should she be charged? No. But there should be some serious oversight of the family. Others have made comments about how if this was drugs, or liquor, etc. people would have stepped in already. It's the same general idea. The child's welfare is at risk.
The social workers should ahve someone come in and help as much as they can. Help get him moving. Help train him to think differently about food. They need to do the same for his mother - counsel her on how to pick good foods that will provide for him and help him lose weight. - 3/15/2013 10:15:30 AM
The other reason is that the mass-produced food is not tasty in many schools, even though it might be healthy. Healthy doesn't mean that the food has to taste like cardboard. - 2/18/2013 7:05:46 PM
It is possible for her to change the situation by finding ways to better her work and home life. She could take classes on nutrition or at least research online. Perhaps take classes to expand on her job so she could spend more time at home and make more money. In other words, there is always a solution even if it isn't easy.
I am hoping there is no other factors, like verbal, physical or sexual abuse going on that could have intensified the situation(not necessarily by her). If not, she should be able to get custody back,that is, if she shows that she is applying herself to make necessary changes.
Being a parent isn't easy, even if you think you have it all figured out, there is something that comes up that makes you question yourself on what to do. - 2/18/2013 6:54:58 PM
We are responsible for our children's health and now this kid is a prime candidate for heart disease and strokes, etc. His emotional and social health have all been affected, too. - 2/12/2013 10:07:49 AM
My next concern is how could she not see what was happening with her son's weight? And how is it that nothing was done until he weighed 550 pounds? Didn't he have a pediatrician? What about the school nurse? Or his teachers?? While I do not think that she should be in jail, I do feel that her son needs to receive help she is either unable or unwilling to seek for him. In a situation where health is a concern, a rational, loving parent would cancel cable t.v. or some other non-essential to be able to pay for their child's medical concerns. We did and our children didn't suffer from it. - 1/29/2013 3:53:28 PM
Best, Christine - 1/27/2013 10:30:31 PM
All we can do is look around and see if we can assist our family and friends with the same problems! Everyone has a role in this situation. It takes a village! - 1/27/2013 2:44:44 PM
Does things need to change? Absolutely. I do think its a matter of teaching the whole family about eating healthy.
When I was going to college, we had a community service project that we went into a middle school and taught families what were healthy food and what was unhealthy. We also taught them about exercising. I was surprised on how many families were uneducated on food and exercising. I guess I took that for granted that every one knows these things. - 1/27/2013 11:54:50 AM
What I mean is that if it were so simple to prevent yourself or your loved ones from getting obese, society wouldn't be plagued with obesity.
I agree that a lot of help and intervention and encouragement would be the best thing, However I don't think society is able to offer the support that is really needed for the Jerri's and Alexanders in this world. I wish them and all the others who are struggling the best. - 10/24/2012 1:29:30 PM
I don't know when the last time you where in the schools, but healthy habits and nutrition are taught in the classroom. In fact the school lunch system has been changed dramatically over the last few years. The sad thing is, the children are rebelling over it! Check out the latest news reports. True healthy eating choices and an ACTIVE LIFESTYLE needs to start at home. In this instance I am sure there are other issues going on with this young man. I hope he (and his mom) get the help they need.
Be Healthy and Happy All!
- 10/3/2012 11:03:21 AM
It would be interesting to know what weight she is herself...like your commentary said, this isn't a child who is mildly overweight this is a kid that would shock 99.99% of the people in my country if we saw him...
555 pounds??!!?!?
This woman has neglected her son - there is no doubt about it.
This kid is going to have to lose at least 400 pounds to be a normal size...think about it...it's truly shocking to me...
- 8/11/2012 6:51:24 PM
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