Stop Dieting and Start Living!

Have You Made the Change?

-- By Dean Anderson, Behavioral Psychology Expert

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You’ve heard it so many times that you probably say it in your sleep. "Diets don’t work; if you want to lose weight and keep it off, you have to make a lifestyle change."

But what does a lifestyle change look or feel like, and how do you know when you’ve made one? The way some people talk about it, you’d think there’s some sort of mystical wisdom you get when you “make the change” that tells you when and what to eat, and how to stop worrying about the number on the scale. Does this mean you’ll finally stop craving chocolate and start liking tofu?

The basic difference between a diet mentality and a lifestyle mentality is simply a matter of perspective. Having the right perspective may not make tofu taste better than chocolate, but it can make all the difference in the world when it comes to achieving your goals, avoiding unnecessary suffering along the way, and hanging onto your achievements over the long haul.

Trust me on this. I’ve lost well over 350 pounds in my life—I know how to do that. But I also put 200 of those back on again, getting bigger each time. The 150 pounds I lost a few years ago is staying off, because I’ve changed my perspective.

Here are the main ways a diet differs from a lifestyle:

A diet is all about numbers—the number on the scale and the number of calories you eat and burn. Success is defined in terms of how well you stick to your numbers.

A lifestyle change is all about you. It’s about lining up your eating and physical activity with your real goals and desires. Success is defined in terms of how these changes make you feel about yourself.
The diet mentality assumes that reaching a certain weight is the key to finding happiness and solving other problems. That’s why messing up the numbers on any given day can be so upsetting—it means you’ve messed up on just about everything that really matters.

The lifestyle approach assumes that being overweight is usually the result of other problems, not the cause. Addressing these problems directly is the best way to solve both the problems themselves and your weight issues. This means focusing on many things, not just the numbers on the scale or the Nutrition Tracker. Numbers only tell a small part of the story, and “bad” numbers often provide good clues into areas that need attention.
Going on a diet involves an external and temporary change in eating technique. You start counting and measuring, and you stop eating some foods and substitute others, based on the rules of whatever diet plan you are using. Maybe you throw in some exercise to burn a few extra calories. You assume that it’s the technique that produces the results, not you. The results of a diet are external; if you’re lucky, you may change on the outside—but not on the inside. Once you reach your goal weight, you don’t need the technique anymore, and things gradually go back to “normal.” So does your weight—and then some. And, of course, all the problems you hoped the weight loss would solve are still there.

Making a lifestyle change involves an internal and permanent change in your relationship with food, eating, and physical activity. You recognize that the primary problem isn’t what you eat, or even how much you eat, but how and why you eat. Eating mindlessly and impulsively (without intention or awareness) and/or using food to manage your emotions and distract yourself from unpleasant thoughts—this is what really needs to change. Learning to take good care of yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually—so that you don’t want to use eating to solve problems it really can’t—is a lifelong learning process that is constantly changing as your needs and circumstances change.

This doesn't mean the surface level things don't matter. Clearly, controlling how much and what you eat is vital, and caring how you look is a great motivator. The real issue here is where you fit into the picture. The key to both permanent weight loss and feeling satisfied and happy with yourself and your life is to take personal responsibility for what you can control, and let go of everything else.

Many factors that are out of your control—your genes, age, medical status and previous weight history— will affect your weight and appearance. These factors may determine how much weight you can lose, how quickly you’ll lose it, and how you’ll look and feel when you’ve gone as far as you can go. When you focus too narrowly on the numbers on the scale or what you see in the mirror, you are staking your happiness and satisfaction on things you really can’t control. That pretty much guarantees that you’ll be chronically worried, stressed, and uncomfortable—and more likely than ever to have problems with emotional eating.

And when you rely too much on external (diet) tools, techniques, and rules to determine your behavior, you are turning over your personal responsibility to the tools and techniques. If you find yourself frequently losing motivation or feeling powerless to control your own behavior, it’s probably because you’re counting on the tools to do your part of the work for you. You’re the only one who can decide what’s right for you; only you can change your attitude and perspective to match your personal reality.

There are many articles in the Resource Center and countless conversations on the Message Boards that offer good information and practical ideas for putting yourself in charge of your own lifestyle makeover. In fact, one of the best ways you can start the transition from a diet to a lifestyle is by taking on the responsibility to identify the problems you need to work on and gather the info you need. Whether it’s coming to terms with emotional eating, improving your body image, or finding a vision of the life you want to live—you’ll find that you aren’t alone and that plenty of support and help is available.

You just need to take that first step away from the diet mentality and closer to a new and improved life(style).

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About The Author

Dean Anderson
Dean Anderson has master's degrees in human services (behavioral psychology/stress management) and liberal studies. His interest in healthy living began at the age of 50 when he confronted his own morbid obesity and health issues. He joined SparkPeople and lost 150 pounds and regained his health. Dean has earned a personal training certification from ACE and received training as a lifestyle and weight management consultant. See all of Dean's articles.

View All Comments (129) Leave a Comment ›

Member Comments

BREIT67

This is a great article. Thanks! - 3/1/2013 7:46:03 AM
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123ELAINE456

Great Article Dean. Like it very much. God Blessings To Everyone and Have a Wonderful Week. Take Care. - 2/7/2013 5:26:06 AM
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MADZI88

Dean Andersen has articulated precisely the problem AND solution to permanent weightloss. This is a keeper and I'm printing it out to give to friends who are in the same boat as I am.
Thanks for this motivational gem! - 1/9/2013 5:22:04 AM
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MSMOSTIMPROVED

A test of whether or not I've made a lifestyle change comes on the days I do nothing I'm supposed to do but still manage to drink my water, eat more fruits and veggies, and move my body instead of being a lump on the sofa. - 11/29/2012 4:21:07 AM
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ANNIEL96

I loved this article!!! It is what I have been trying to achieve for years - a lifestyle change. I feel like I am on my way. My success today is being measured by how how I feel, the choices I make, and not necessarily the number on the scale. That will come! Last night I gave up a big greasy cheeseburger (that I thought I wanted), after looking at the calories, and chose instead a healthy, low fat dinner. Yeah!

To Had_Enuff - I don't think the word willpower should be in our vocabularies. It is not about being able to just say no. It is about knowing how what you eat affects you and your goals. It's also about setting yourself up to make better choices. I know that's not always easy, and not always possible. There are going to be days when we just have to give in to our cravings. But know one slip (r tow or three) in a week is way better than life used to be. Especially in stressful times! I think it's more about being aware. - 10/24/2012 2:35:38 PM
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TREKKIE1969

BEST article I have read in a long time. Wow. I've said the words so many times, I need to make a lifestyle change, not follow a diet. But even though I said the words, reading this article made me realize that I was still approaching this with a diet mentality. Which is why it wasn't working for me. I need to lay blame at my own door, not the diet/lifestyle plans I would try and then discard when I didn't see results. I am the one who needs to be accountable. Thanks for the great words! - 8/27/2012 2:33:09 PM
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JESSJESSB

I rarely share articles, but this one was so on point and powerful that I had to pass it along to everyone else I know who is struggling with weight loss. Especially point #2. Well done, and thank you. - 7/31/2012 9:14:41 AM
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CHIBIUSAGISAMA

Really realistic and inspirational. Thank you for writing this. I like the down to earth reasoning and how one can approach the thing they actually are suppose to seek out. - 7/25/2012 10:51:51 PM
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FAERY_PRINCESS

I's a journey and we are all in different places. Thanks for showing us what the end of the tunnel is like. - 7/25/2012 1:09:24 PM
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PAINTERGIRL24

A great book to read about this is called Intuitive eating. - 7/16/2012 7:30:43 PM
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JUSTI246

it's really helpfull. thank you so much. - 7/5/2012 11:01:04 AM
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GAYNOR58

Thank you, Oh thank you! You know, I asked my docotu if I could go to see someone (a shrink) to talk about my weight and he said I should see a dietician. I expalined that I have been dieting for years, I have a degree in Food science and nutrition (how funny is that!) and I know what I shouls and shouldn't eat and how much of it. He was surprised by my outburst and send, well then join a gym (!!) I explained it was in my head the problem. He didn't seem to have a clue of what i was talking. I changed doctor!! I haven't yet had the conversation with the new one. I joined SP but this article is what I have been looking for. I would live to know WHY I eat.. maybe i'll follow that link mentioned earlier but have you written a book? Maybe a collection of your articles will be enough - I'll download them! Thanks anyway! And just look at how many people have responded to what you have said - impressive!! - 1/6/2012 3:06:38 AM
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CHANTING

Thank you for this article. Now I know that my emotions are affecting my diet and I was too scared to admit. This is 2012 and I am turning 60 and a new beginning for me.
- 1/3/2012 1:10:17 PM
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GRYNELDON

For the folks asking about emotional eating and the specifics of how to stop it -- I picked up a wonderful book by Dr. Roger Gould called Shrink Yourself. He specifically addresses this issue in detail. I had always known on some level I was an emotional eater, but really didn't have clarity on what triggered it at times and more importantly, how to break to break the pattern. This book deals in specifics and steps you can take to find out what your specific emotional issues are.

Here is a link to his website's tips page.
http://www.shri
nkyourself.co
m/tips/Will_E
motional_Eati
ng_Ever_Go_Away.asp

If you subscribe to his free newsletter, you get a link to his weekly blog entries which I also really enjoy and find helpful. I believe he also has a Youtube channel and is on Facebook. There is a paid online support program you can elect to do as well.

I hope this helps. - 12/30/2011 12:12:57 PM
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BARB5970

OMG, this article realy struck a cord with me... always feeling "chronically worried, stressed, and uncomfortable" that's me. I suppose I'm not alone. The question is how in the world do you get past feeling that way. - 12/30/2011 11:27:53 AM
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