Controlling Kids' Portions Could Create Future Food Issues
What my children eat and how much they eat is a source of stress for me, as it is for many moms and caregivers. Both of my children (ages 3 and 1) have gone through periods where they don't eat much. It usually lasts for a week or so and then things go back to normal. For that week, I'm constantly worried about whether or not they are getting enough of what they need. But many dietitians follow the philosophy that children should eat when they are hungry and stop when they are satisfied. Instead of controlling portions (or forcing them to eat just because it seems like they should), the idea is that they need to learn to regulate their own appetites.
Recently we took a 5-day trip to visit family. I thought sleep would be our biggest problem, but it was actually food. Things that they normally eat without a problem were suddenly unacceptable. I think it was just because they were out of their normal routine, but nonetheless it was very stressful for me. My husband said I just needed to relax and eventually things would get back to normal. Of course, he was right.
Ellyn Satter is a registered dietitian who is an expert on children and eating. My co-worker (who is also a nutrition expert) gave me her book "Child of Mine; Feeding With Love and Good Sense" before I had my first child. It's a book I still refer to years later. Satter's philosophy is that "parents should be in charge of what to eat, when to eat and where to eat. Kids, meanwhile, should be in charge of how much to eat - or whether to eat at all at that particular meal."
According to Satter, "If a robust child's hearty appetite is restricted, that child may become preoccupied with food and tend to overeat or hoard food, given the chance. Conversely, children who have food pushed on them may become turned off by it and undereat when they get the chance."
My daughter is a much better eater overall than my son. He's picky and even though I try to offer a wide variety of vegetables, he'd be happy if he only had to eat carrots and sweet potatoes for the rest of his life. I am not a member of the "clean plate club", and if my kids are full they are allowed to stop eating- with the understanding that they won't be getting a snack an hour later. If they are extra hungry and want more, that's okay too. I think I am a little controlling when it comes to what they eat and making sure they always get enough of the healthy stuff. But I try not to label foods as "bad", since a wide variety of foods have a place in a healthy diet.
Is your child's appetite a source of stress in your household- whether it's eating too much or eating too little? How do you handle it? Do you agree that it's better to let kids be in charge of how much they eat?
Recently we took a 5-day trip to visit family. I thought sleep would be our biggest problem, but it was actually food. Things that they normally eat without a problem were suddenly unacceptable. I think it was just because they were out of their normal routine, but nonetheless it was very stressful for me. My husband said I just needed to relax and eventually things would get back to normal. Of course, he was right.
Ellyn Satter is a registered dietitian who is an expert on children and eating. My co-worker (who is also a nutrition expert) gave me her book "Child of Mine; Feeding With Love and Good Sense" before I had my first child. It's a book I still refer to years later. Satter's philosophy is that "parents should be in charge of what to eat, when to eat and where to eat. Kids, meanwhile, should be in charge of how much to eat - or whether to eat at all at that particular meal."
According to Satter, "If a robust child's hearty appetite is restricted, that child may become preoccupied with food and tend to overeat or hoard food, given the chance. Conversely, children who have food pushed on them may become turned off by it and undereat when they get the chance."
My daughter is a much better eater overall than my son. He's picky and even though I try to offer a wide variety of vegetables, he'd be happy if he only had to eat carrots and sweet potatoes for the rest of his life. I am not a member of the "clean plate club", and if my kids are full they are allowed to stop eating- with the understanding that they won't be getting a snack an hour later. If they are extra hungry and want more, that's okay too. I think I am a little controlling when it comes to what they eat and making sure they always get enough of the healthy stuff. But I try not to label foods as "bad", since a wide variety of foods have a place in a healthy diet.
Is your child's appetite a source of stress in your household- whether it's eating too much or eating too little? How do you handle it? Do you agree that it's better to let kids be in charge of how much they eat?
![]() You will earn 3 SparkPoints |
NEXT ENTRY > Poll: Are You a Healthy Foods Martyr?























Comments
I am on the fence of letting my kids decided when, what and how much to eat. I am not so worried about the daughter I mentioned up above but I worry about her twin sister who would eat candy and other sweets all day if we let her. She does like some veggies but still goes for the sweets first for a snack. We have had to limit how much sweets she gets and the same for salty snacks like chips. When I watch her eat I worry she will be like her mommy who also battles overeating. Any tips on dealing with this, I would greatly appreciate it. - 1/27/2011 11:21:01 AM
I was always an eater and always a try-er, so getting me to eat a wide variety of foods was never a problem. My brother, on the other hand, ate a steady diet of toaster-oven chicken fingers and french fries, and the only fruit my parents could coax him to eat was a banana. Sometimes, if he wanted a snack, it would be "Okay, but it has to be a fruit," and he'd go get his banana. And the dinner rule was "You eat what I make." No special dinners just because he was picky. He had to eat a least some of it before he could have something he "liked." Since then, however, his tastes have expanded, and he's every bit of a try-er as I am, right down to visiting a friend in Scotland and trying the haggis.
My parents never worried about either of us because we were active and thin. I think that's the right approach, and I plan to follow it when I have children. Allow them their treats in moderation, and allow them their full servings at meals. Of course, if they're getting no activity and are becoming overweight, that's another issue, and maybe they DO need to be monitored more carefully. It's really up to the parent to know their child well enough to make whatever adjustments need to be made. - 5/10/2010 12:18:16 PM
My mother didn't give me bad eating habits, I gave them to myself and learned how to shut off my hunger/satiety signals by the time I was 6. In the last year I have completely re-learned how to pay attention to them, and I've been known to prepare a plate of food, eat half of it, and eat the rest two or three hours later. If my kids are full after eating three bites, so be it, but if they are hungry in a half hour, it's back to the dinner plate. There won't be any games played about the menu that way.
Even though labeling foods as "bad" and depriving kids of all the "goodies" their less-mindful friends get to eat, I do think that, if children are provided only with whole foods for snacks and such (fruit, veggies, that sort of thing) instead of the Little Debbie's and "fruit" snacks, they will naturally prefer them. My brother never allowed my nephew candy or sweets and made sure that treats at Grandma's house were limited (but not totally forbidden, because whose grandmother would permit a marked absence of brownies?), and always scraped the icing off any cake or cupcakes his son was given. By 5, the boy scraped the icing off his own cupcakes because it was too sweet, asked for fruit and Ovaltine for snacks, and at 6 he very politely ordered a salad to go with his chicken fingers at a sit-down restaurant. He's 11 now and while he'll go for a cookie given the chance, he's all about the fruits and veggies.
- 4/25/2010 4:57:33 PM
My youngest daughter (bio granddaughter, adopted daughter) is 1/2 Asian. She was stockier as an infant than my other children, but never overweight. Her bio father is very husky, a picky eater, and eats alot of fried foods. He and his mother informed me at one point that they were concerned that she was underweight. I was shocked because she has never been too skinny, nor overweight, but compared to my other two weighed more than they did at that age. She is 6 now and slimming down even more as she attains more height. She is a somewhat picky eater, not liking anything spicy or, as my other daughter (her bio mother) things to touch on her plate. She would rather have a piece of chicken that has been boiled than to have a piece grilled with sauce or seasonings on it. She is getting better about trying new things, but I don't force her to eat it if she decides she doesn't like it, figuring there will be other times that she can try it when older and may like it then. I do feel good about her eating because besides learning at home what is healthy to eat, they are also enforcing it at school. Candy is not forbidden, however, it is not consumed daily or too often. - 4/24/2010 3:21:06 PM
My other son is at risk of being overweight. He is very active, but I don't want him to overeat certain things. If he has two hot dogs, fine. If he wants a third, I tell him no but that he may have an apple or some yogurt. If he wants some chicken noodle soup, that's fine. So I want to give them what they like but don 't overdo it. - 4/22/2010 3:25:42 PM
1) You must try one bite of everything on your plate - and yes this has led to some forcing to get a real taste of everything.
2) After the trying bite, eat what you want, then stop - if you don't like the regular meal after trying it, we will help _you_ get an alternative yourself (they are old enough to grab their own yogurt and spread PB on bread when given the parts)
3) All of the other things that comprise good manners - such as use your utensils, don't kick anyone et c.
Ari - 4/22/2010 12:39:28 PM
Now, my cat is a little piggie. On some days she doesn't want to eat what is on her plate, but on other days she eats and licks off her plate. I know this is not related to this blog. She is my kid, that is all.
So...I think we need to start our kids on an exercise plan so that they won't gain weight. - 4/21/2010 11:41:14 PM
hot dogs (ballpark only)
tacos (with cheese and meat only and it had to be extra sharp cheddar which is still the only kind she likes)
pizza with pepperoni only
cheetos and potato chips (ruffles only)
chicken nuggets
hamburgers & french fries
meatloaf (but only mine)
mashed potatoes (no gravy and eventually only instant)
bread and butter
ice cream, preferably choc. or with choc. sauce.
the only veggies were corn & raw cauliflower and no fruits at all.
When she went into the Navy at age 18 she learned to eat regular baked chicken, lettuce, apples and bananas. Going to weddings with buffets were a nightmare as far as I was concerned, when she was a kid. She'd usually eat the mash pots and a roll with butter. Nice meal, huh? But I was determined NOT to make an issue of food, so I didn't. If she didn't like what we had for supper, she knew to get out the bread and butter. She grew up healthy and today is training for a marathon. - 4/21/2010 9:47:11 PM
Fast forward to 2010. He is sixteen, very athletic, has a muscular, although lean body and is in excellent health. He bikes over ten miles a week and runs track.
My conclusion is worrying never changes anything. :) - 4/21/2010 3:21:33 PM
While I do control what it is my kids eat (healthy protein, veggie, and maybe a starch for dinner, followed by some kind of fresh fruit, and then maybe a "treat" afterwards), I don't make them eat more or less than what they want. During the day, when they ask for a snack, I make sure to have yogurt and granola bars around the house. Sure, sometimes we'll have nachos for dinner or grab some fast food (maybe once a month, if that) so they don't feel like they're never "treated" to a fun meal, but I'm still in control of what my kids put into their bodies on a regular basis. It matters so much that we make food not about how much or how little, but about healthy choices and family togetherness. We all four sit around the table, play games by asking each other what our favorite things are, and make dinner enjoyable and relaxed. It's no suprise to me that neither of my children are overweight (even though I was as a kid) and neither obsesses about food. - 4/21/2010 12:02:05 PM
My eating was controlled as a child and it made me feel badly about myself as a child. - 4/21/2010 11:25:30 AM
A wide variety of healthy foods like Jen says she offers is perfectly acceptable. Shame on anyone who bullies a smaller person into eating, you are creating future eating disorders. I have a friend who was force fed as a child, her own child was under-fed because anytime she started playing with her food, as toddlers do she was whisked away from it. - 4/21/2010 11:17:35 AM
Because of the high nutritional quality of the foods available to them -
they got full WAY before they ate too many calories.
I never wanted them to have to struggle with their weight as I had to.
It worked.....
so long as they ate wholesome foods - they never had weight problems. - 4/21/2010 11:07:24 AM
If they don't want to eat their meals that is fine (as long as they follow the rule 2) just don't ask for a snack between meals. I remember my kids going through what I call a 2 year hunger strike when they were young and barely ate anything. So to make myself feel better I would make their plates with extremely small portions. If they wanted more I would give it to them and if they only ate what was on their plate it made me feel better!
I am teaching them to look at labels and to make sure they have a balanced meal/diet. That is really the only thing we as parents can control. I believe if they decide later in life to eat junk, well it wasn't because they weren't taught anyother way! - 4/21/2010 10:53:31 AM
At meal times, I put toddler sized portions on their plates and let them eat whatever they choose during the meal. At the very least they must take a "no thank you bite" of something they think they don't like or don't want to eat at that meal. If they eat all of at least two food groups from their plates, they can ask for more. If they don't like what is served they can request an alternate meal (generally pb&j or cheese sandwich). When they leave the table the meal is over and they can't come back for more. They also must wait an hour after the meal is served before coming back for a snack. - 4/21/2010 10:42:05 AM
We were also required to eat everything, including rubber chicken hearts in soup, liver, and various other traumatic things.
We were not allowed snacks between meals despite how hungry we might be. It took several years after leaving home before I could stop eating when I was full vs. finishing everything on my plate.
To make matters worse, my parents were both OBSESSED with weight and made it clear that those who were over weight lacked self control (I won't mention the other horrible things they said). In an appropriate twist of fate, they both ended up over weight later in life...
My sister was adopted from Korea when she was 3. Understandably, she always wanted to eat everything she could get her hands on since food was in short supply in the orphanage. My father was so mean to her, called her names and put her on a diet when she was very young. She turned to hoarding food and telling teachers and students at school that her parents didn't feed her in order to get more food. Needless to say, she continued to struggle with her weight for years. Fortunately, she was able to overcome these issues as an adult and is a very healthy person today. She eats very healthfully and runs 3 miles or goes to the gym 5 days a week.
All of these things had a subliminal and blatant affect on my views about food and weight.
I didn't pass these horrible things on to my kids and they (now 23 & 25) both eat well and exercise without the psycho trauma.
Bottom line...provide you kids with healthy food and let them eat what they want. Be sure to educate them about nutrition, balanced diet and exercise and most importantly, be a good example! - 4/21/2010 9:50:32 AM
And when she is finished she wants our food..
We have to watch how much she is eating. - 4/21/2010 8:30:40 AM
I have noticed that when his appetite increases and he "eats me out of house and home" he is on a growth spurt. His eating, and his height/weight growth, have now settled down and he is growing at the rate that he settled into when he was younger. He is still slightly underweight according to growth charts but he is happy and healthy (or as healthy as he can be due to disability) and I have learned not to get stressed about the lack of breakfast. He makes up for it during the rest of the day. - 4/21/2010 7:38:15 AM
I follow Ellyn Satter's advice, too, and I think it is helping me teach my young children good nutrition habits. - 4/21/2010 6:58:27 AM
We always had cereal (like Cheerios) available for those occasions when the kids were bottomless pits, and that was also the only alternative for those nights when any of them refused to eat whatever was intended for supper.
It worked for us. - 4/21/2010 6:42:06 AM
Please Log In To Leave A Comment: Log in now ›