Coach Nicole suggested this catchy title after listening to my small rant in the office recently about accepting people where they are and encouraging them toward where they want to be. Lately I have been bothered by the intolerance of people. Not intolerance related to religious or political views (although there is a great deal of intolerance in these areas as well) but by the intolerance of people for health and fitness goals and habits that are different from their own.

If we are all different and unique, shouldn't our lifestyle habits be as well? What if some of us are still stuck in a dieting mentality and don't even realize it? Could that be causing intolerance with others that have embraced the healthy lifestyle journey?

Shakespeare said, "we know what we are, but know not what we may be." Each of us has to start where we are and work toward what we can become at our own pace and timeline as our life allows. For many of us, losing weight is the original focus of the journey but as we move along and begin to make healthy lifestyle changes, we discover more and more about who we are and how we see ourselves and the world around us. This is the biggest difference between lifestyle changes and dieting.

Many of us have embraced a lifestyle change mentality that focuses on day-to-day eating, activity, and health habits reflected by our life goals and desires. We evaluate success and improvement based on how the changes cause us to feel about ourselves. We focus as much on the issues that surround our battle with our weight and health as well as how they are influenced by our life and seek to make small improvements that will make a positive difference to hopefully last a lifetime. We focus as much on the how and why of our battles as we do the small victories and use numbers as our clues instead of as an indication of success or failure. We incorporate lifestyle changes into our daily life and many times include the people and things we love and cherish the most into our journey. Others of us are stuck in a dieting mentality and the continued focus on numbers to confirm our success or failure -- numbers on the scale, numbers on the measuring tape, numbers on the tracker just to name a few. There can also be an ever-increasing focus on ourselves, which can lead to less and less focus on those people or activities around us. Success continues to be measured by how well we have stuck with and achieved the "right" numbers and not about the cost or experience of achieving them. Perfection is about being accurate and exact and so is dieting. Dieters come in all shapes and sizes and their desire to be perfect and have total control can be unhealthy in many other ways even if the numbers are just right.

This is where I believe some of the intolerance comes in and where comments slip from supportive and encouraging to judgmental and hurtful. If someone with a dieting mentality has a lot of time each day to focus on themselves, their numbers and seeking "perfection" in their food and exercise, they may lose sight of someone on the other end of the spectrum that is focused on a lifestyle journey in the midst of a hectic and active life. We are all at different places on the continuum and in a world of good-better-best choices and some of us are at good while others are at best in the journey. Some of us are "foodies" while others of us are not. Some of us love the challenge of training for a marathon while others of us do not. The journey is finding who we are, what we like and how we can take another step forward to live healthier and more active lives.

The Bottom Line

It is important to remember that what is right for you in your life might not be right for someone else. We are each unique individuals with lives that are equally unique and individual. Learning to live a healthy lifestyle includes learning to find the right balance not only in what we eat and in how we move but in all our other life choices as well. We all start at different points and may never end at the same place regardless of how long we work at it because we don't all have the same ending point in mind.

It is helpful to take a quick inventory of our life, our goals, and our day-to-day routines from time to time. Take a few moments and do it right now. Here are a few questions to help. Do you have a healthy balance related to the time you spend meeting health and fitness goals, time with family and friends, time with work, other responsibilities and volunteering? Does how you spend your time reflect what you believe to be what you value most? Do you believe you are trying to live a healthy lifestyle to meet your goals or are you stuck in a life of dieting? Do any of these answers affect the way you support or respond to other people?

Are there changes you need to make in your healthy lifestyle journey. What are they and what will you do differently to help you meet them?