'Did You Get What You Wanted from This Life?'
Last Thursday, I was in a car accident with a close friend. We survived unharmed. Her car was totaled.
It had been raining that night, and we were running late to meet some other friends for a dinner party. As she approached the on-ramp, we hit a pothole. She swerved several times, trying to regain control of the car. We skidded to the left, struck a cement retaining wall, then did a 180-degree turn across three lanes of traffic and hit a second cement wall. Smoke poured from the engine, and gas leaked from below. We looked at each other. We were fine. We were calm. We were thankful.
In the split second before hitting the first wall, I grabbed Jennie's hand, we looked into each other's eyes and braced. "Are you OK?" I asked. "Yes," she replied, "but we're still crashing."
During the entire crash, we didn't see another car and were never in any danger of hitting anything but the cement walls. Immediately after, as we scrambled from the car to safety along the underpass, we noticed how heavy the traffic was--and how fast the cars were traveling. We were going at least 45 mph; within speed limits and slow enough that we would have been OK traveling that road under other circumstances. She and I have each taken that road countless times before.
Truth be told, although we continued on to our dinner party (which had a decidedly different tone), we were quite shaken up, and I still am not fully back to "normal." My body, though uninjured, was stiff and sore. I awoke several times those first nights with a start, having relived the accident in my dreams. As I tried to nap the day after the crash, my body felt like it was swerving.
I've cried, I've panicked, I've pondered the "what-ifs." It replays in my mind, in slow motion. And I continue to ask myself: "And did you get what you wanted from this life?" It comes from an epitaph my friend--the same one I visited in Turkey, the same one who was in the accident--recited as we shared a bottle of wine with friends just a couple of nights before the crash.
With an undergrad degree in creative writing, Jennie always knows just the right words for any occasion. And on this night, as we discussed the future with old friends, she reached for Raymond Carver's epitaph, found on a slip of paper after his death and nearly discarded.
So, indulge me for a moment, as I think about how lucky I am. A dear friend died in a car accident in high school. Several other friends were badly injured in wrecks. My mother has endured 20 years of excruciating back pain due to a car accident. I don't like being in a car, and I avoid driving whenever I can. Yet I walked away from the car calm and healthy, with a deeper sense of trust for my friend. I thanked the universe, called my family to tell them I loved them, and hugged my friend tightly.
I didn't need to ask myself that question. But my answer would be that yes, I did. I do. Every day, I get what I wanted from this life. I love and am loved. I am alive.
Why am I relaying this story to you here, on this blog about healthy living? Well, because without "living," the "healthy" part doesn't matter.
There were times in my life where I simply went through the motions, hoping and praying that the future would arrive quickly and cause my problems to vanish. Today, I realize how precious each and every moment is--even the bad ones.
How many times have you put something off for tomorrow? Do you repeatedly promise to start your new life next week? Ever walk through life in a fog?
Don't wait. Start now. You can't change everything, but you can take the first step.
Henry Miller said it best: "The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware."
Be aware. Be alive.
Have you ever had an experience that really left you thankful to be alive? What was your reaction?
It had been raining that night, and we were running late to meet some other friends for a dinner party. As she approached the on-ramp, we hit a pothole. She swerved several times, trying to regain control of the car. We skidded to the left, struck a cement retaining wall, then did a 180-degree turn across three lanes of traffic and hit a second cement wall. Smoke poured from the engine, and gas leaked from below. We looked at each other. We were fine. We were calm. We were thankful.
In the split second before hitting the first wall, I grabbed Jennie's hand, we looked into each other's eyes and braced. "Are you OK?" I asked. "Yes," she replied, "but we're still crashing."
During the entire crash, we didn't see another car and were never in any danger of hitting anything but the cement walls. Immediately after, as we scrambled from the car to safety along the underpass, we noticed how heavy the traffic was--and how fast the cars were traveling. We were going at least 45 mph; within speed limits and slow enough that we would have been OK traveling that road under other circumstances. She and I have each taken that road countless times before.
Truth be told, although we continued on to our dinner party (which had a decidedly different tone), we were quite shaken up, and I still am not fully back to "normal." My body, though uninjured, was stiff and sore. I awoke several times those first nights with a start, having relived the accident in my dreams. As I tried to nap the day after the crash, my body felt like it was swerving.
I've cried, I've panicked, I've pondered the "what-ifs." It replays in my mind, in slow motion. And I continue to ask myself: "And did you get what you wanted from this life?" It comes from an epitaph my friend--the same one I visited in Turkey, the same one who was in the accident--recited as we shared a bottle of wine with friends just a couple of nights before the crash.
And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
With an undergrad degree in creative writing, Jennie always knows just the right words for any occasion. And on this night, as we discussed the future with old friends, she reached for Raymond Carver's epitaph, found on a slip of paper after his death and nearly discarded.
So, indulge me for a moment, as I think about how lucky I am. A dear friend died in a car accident in high school. Several other friends were badly injured in wrecks. My mother has endured 20 years of excruciating back pain due to a car accident. I don't like being in a car, and I avoid driving whenever I can. Yet I walked away from the car calm and healthy, with a deeper sense of trust for my friend. I thanked the universe, called my family to tell them I loved them, and hugged my friend tightly.
I didn't need to ask myself that question. But my answer would be that yes, I did. I do. Every day, I get what I wanted from this life. I love and am loved. I am alive.
Why am I relaying this story to you here, on this blog about healthy living? Well, because without "living," the "healthy" part doesn't matter.
There were times in my life where I simply went through the motions, hoping and praying that the future would arrive quickly and cause my problems to vanish. Today, I realize how precious each and every moment is--even the bad ones.
How many times have you put something off for tomorrow? Do you repeatedly promise to start your new life next week? Ever walk through life in a fog?
Don't wait. Start now. You can't change everything, but you can take the first step.
Henry Miller said it best: "The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware."
Be aware. Be alive.
Have you ever had an experience that really left you thankful to be alive? What was your reaction?
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Comments
And I've had a few wake-up calls of my own. About 10 years ago, I fell headlong down a flight of stairs - and only suffered a few minor breaks/sprains. And last year, I stood up from my desk and suddenly was overcome by paralysis and excruciating pain - two ruptured discs in my lower back that took almost a year to heal.
What did I learn? Well, I learned to spend a "little" less time at work. A year or so after my sister's accident, I shifted from an 80-hours per week law practice to a job in the public sector that gave me the time to develop other interests, the opportunity to travel the world - and the time to meet the man of my dreams. I've pursued a few passions, like learning to scuba dive and to speak Spanish. More recently, I focused on weight loss and getting healthy, and have managed to lose 30 pounds and maintain the loss.
But I still work too hard. At my current job, I work about 60+ hours 6 days per week and could easily do another 20. My job has put me front and centre in the financial crisis, and in its aftermath, I'm grateful to have a job but I wish it was less all-consuming. There are experiences I want to pursue. I know what I should do to make my job less central to my life, but I just haven't done it yet. 20 years, or 5 years, or 1 month from now, will I look back and regret the way I'm spending my days? - 7/31/2010 7:16:36 PM
But now as I've gotten older I value each day and realize that they are speeding by faster than I ever though possible. Each day is a positive day for me but I need to make more time for the people I love. Because in this life all I want is to be loved by my family and friends and to be remembered as a person who was good.
Thank you for reminding me again to savor each moment, each day. - 7/31/2010 5:46:55 PM
I'm so glad you're ok Stepf. You're a tough cookie, coming right back to work. Get some rest this weekend. And if I were you, I wouldn't miss church this Sunday. You have Someone to thank! - 7/30/2010 10:14:24 PM
Thank you for posting such an inspirational story! - 7/30/2010 9:41:05 PM
Joy to you, Stepfanie. - 7/29/2010 10:05:33 PM
Death is a doorway. There is eternal life on the other side of the doorway.
For more info, read your Bible, especially the book of John, or contact me.
Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life." - 7/29/2010 6:16:54 PM
I feel I've lived a good life, so far, inspite of life's tragedies, which we all have to go through. I've been blessed, have had much love in my life, have a wonderful family, decent health, and with those things, you have everything. - 7/29/2010 4:29:25 PM
Have you thought about what happens after this life? You are a child of God and need to have a personal relationship with Him so that you will go to heaven when you do pass away. You have been given another chance at eternal life. We will all live forever...either in Heaven or hell. Your choice. - 7/29/2010 2:59:04 PM
I am scared by what is out there, but staying within my comfort zone isn't bringing me what I want. So I have to go out there and get it!
- 7/29/2010 1:28:01 PM
I was so happy to be alive that it really snapped me out of the severe depression I had been in and I started making healthier lifestyle changes gradually over the next year. It started out eating better and communicating with my family and eventually I went back to my doctor and got a new diagnosis of bipolar disorder and got back on psychiatric medications. It was a life-changing event. - 7/29/2010 12:59:18 PM
Thank you this wonderful blog today. You definitely had an angel sitting on your shoulder last Thursday.
These experiences have given me an appreciation for life. Someone once asked me if I would have changed anything in my life knowing what I know now - meaning having my daughter - I told them NO!! I would not change one minute of the bad because she brought untold joy into my life. She and my brother lived their lives to the fullest. I can only do the same in mine. - 7/29/2010 12:51:16 PM
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