Body Bliss: Turn Every Negative into a Positive
By: Nicole Nichols,
SparkPeople Blogger
5/27/2009 6:00 AM
: 147 comments
Your thighs are too big. Those fat rolls on your stomach look disgusting. Your butt is as wide as a house. Your breasts aren't perky enough. Your arms need to be more toned. And since you're wondering, yes, that outfit does make you look fat.
You probably wouldn't dream of saying the things above to your friends, let alone your worst enemies! But you're probably guilty of talking like this to the most important person of all. Yourself.
Comments like these may enter your mind only occasionally if you're lucky. But for those who struggle with negative body image or poor self-esteem, these private thoughts occur dozens or even hundreds of times per day. No matter how often you talk down to yourself, the effect is always the same: It hurts you. And it sabotages your weight-loss efforts, your ability to stick to an exercise program, and your well-being, too.
We're all guilty of putting ourselves down sometimes—whether for your appearance, a mistake you made at work or an embarrassing moment. We would never stand for someone else talking to us the way we speak to ourselves on a regular basis. So what do you do about it?
I'm a pretty happy and confident person, but I'd be lying if I said that I never think negatively about myself. In fact, it happens more often than I'd like to admit. There was a time that I hid in oversized clothes, lamented about my body shape almost constantly, and couldn’t go anywhere without comparing my body to the other women around me. (Am I bigger? Is she thinner? Do my thighs look like hers?) I'm happy to say that I've improved in those areas and rarely think about my body or its size, shape or weight in a negative light anymore. It wasn't an easy thing to accomplish—it really took perseverance. One technique that helped me start down the path of self-love and body acceptance was to stop the negative self-talk dead in its tracks.
I know what you're thinking: That's easier said than done. After all, some people have a body image so low that they can't even think of a single thing they LIKE about themselves. Been there. Now, however, I can tell you lots of things that I like about my body. And at the very least, I know how to nip those negative thoughts in the bud before I let them get the best of me. You can do it, too. Here's how.
Notice how I didn't go from "hating" something to "loving" it in a matter of seconds. Instead, I focused on the real facts and accomplishments, reminding myself that there are a variety of sizes and shapes—none of which are "right" or "wrong."
You can follow these steps and spin the negative into a positive for just about anything. Try it next time you put yourself down and I promise that not only will you feel better about yourself—almost instantly—but you'll really begin to believe what you say, think negatively less often, and go further away from "hating" a part of yourself and a lot closer to loving it. That also means that you're more likely to go to the gym to take care of that amazing body of yours; eat healthy because you know you deserve to feel your best; and reach your goals because you know that you're pretty great and that you can do anything you set your mind to!
How often do you say negative things about your body? Are you willing to give this technique a try?
You probably wouldn't dream of saying the things above to your friends, let alone your worst enemies! But you're probably guilty of talking like this to the most important person of all. Yourself.
Comments like these may enter your mind only occasionally if you're lucky. But for those who struggle with negative body image or poor self-esteem, these private thoughts occur dozens or even hundreds of times per day. No matter how often you talk down to yourself, the effect is always the same: It hurts you. And it sabotages your weight-loss efforts, your ability to stick to an exercise program, and your well-being, too.
We're all guilty of putting ourselves down sometimes—whether for your appearance, a mistake you made at work or an embarrassing moment. We would never stand for someone else talking to us the way we speak to ourselves on a regular basis. So what do you do about it?
I'm a pretty happy and confident person, but I'd be lying if I said that I never think negatively about myself. In fact, it happens more often than I'd like to admit. There was a time that I hid in oversized clothes, lamented about my body shape almost constantly, and couldn’t go anywhere without comparing my body to the other women around me. (Am I bigger? Is she thinner? Do my thighs look like hers?) I'm happy to say that I've improved in those areas and rarely think about my body or its size, shape or weight in a negative light anymore. It wasn't an easy thing to accomplish—it really took perseverance. One technique that helped me start down the path of self-love and body acceptance was to stop the negative self-talk dead in its tracks.
I know what you're thinking: That's easier said than done. After all, some people have a body image so low that they can't even think of a single thing they LIKE about themselves. Been there. Now, however, I can tell you lots of things that I like about my body. And at the very least, I know how to nip those negative thoughts in the bud before I let them get the best of me. You can do it, too. Here's how.
- Notice the negative. The first step is simply taking note each time a negative thought about your body, weight or appearance pops into your head. Often, we think these things so quickly and so often, that we don't really notice them or realize that they truly do affect us.
- Stop the thought. Once you notice that thought, stop it instantly. Don't even complete the sentence once you know where it's going. If the sentence(s) came to fruition, stop there. Don't let one negative thought turn into a laundry list of things you don't like about yourself.
- Spin it around. As quickly as you noticed yourself lamenting about your thighs, for example, talk back to yourself. I know that it's not easy to go from saying "I hate my thighs" to "I love my thighs," especially when you don't really feel that way. That's OK. Start by saying positive things that you really DO believe or know to be true.
Start by being appreciative of your body as a tool for living your life—focusing on all of its amazing functions and strengths. When I start thinking my thighs are too big or not toned enough or whatever it may be, I talk back by focusing on all the positive things about them: "My thighs aren't here to impress others—they're tools for me to use to live my life to the fullest. My thighs are strong. My legs carry me through my day and my life. I'm fortunate to have legs that are able to walk, run, bike and do all the things I enjoy. I should appreciate my legs, including my thighs—for all the reasons that make them great—more often. And I reject the idea that I should change to fit in to some culturally stipulated idea that every person should look a certain way. Just like hair color or height, people's bodies are different sizes and shapes. I'm fine just as I am!"
Notice how I didn't go from "hating" something to "loving" it in a matter of seconds. Instead, I focused on the real facts and accomplishments, reminding myself that there are a variety of sizes and shapes—none of which are "right" or "wrong."
You can follow these steps and spin the negative into a positive for just about anything. Try it next time you put yourself down and I promise that not only will you feel better about yourself—almost instantly—but you'll really begin to believe what you say, think negatively less often, and go further away from "hating" a part of yourself and a lot closer to loving it. That also means that you're more likely to go to the gym to take care of that amazing body of yours; eat healthy because you know you deserve to feel your best; and reach your goals because you know that you're pretty great and that you can do anything you set your mind to!
How often do you say negative things about your body? Are you willing to give this technique a try?
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Comments
if you have a huge thigh remind yourself of people who do but cant use them often due to sickness. if you have a huge belly think of those who dont but because they r not blessed with enough food to eat. it will really feel like a blessing once you realize what it is to be without them
as for what people think of you..i believe people who are happy with themselves actually do look much beautiful than those who r too conscious of themselves..think about that - 12/9/2009 2:28:53 AM
if you have a huge thigh remind yourself of people who do but cant use them often due to sickness. if you have a huge belly think of those who dont but because they r not blessed with enough food to eat. it will really feel like a blessing once you realize what it is to be without them
as for what people think of you..i believe people who are happy with themselves actually do look much beautiful than those who r too conscious of themselves..think about that - 12/9/2009 2:25:18 AM
- 6/19/2009 8:58:30 AM
odd problem, eh? - 6/1/2009 9:20:22 AM
Why are women especially so obsesses with their bodies that they allow a male media to dictate what they do or do not do. Give me a break. There are far more important things in life that sitting around worrying about how big your butt is , or how big your feet are, or heaven forbid what people might think if they saw you without makeup.
And no I am not a single number size women. Just one who has had a life to life instead of worrying about what people think of the way I look. - 6/1/2009 8:44:11 AM
But then I tried on a slinky summer dress at the Dress Barn, and looked, I think, pretty hot. In a curvy, voluptuous way.
I'm not sure what the lesson is here. Something about finding flattering clothes and feeling good in them, I suppose. But I'd still like to be able to wear a kicky, short skirt!
Maybe I'm just feeling middle-aged today. - 5/29/2009 10:56:41 PM
Like most things in a lot of our lives, we focus on the negative and not the positive. At least after reading this I don't feel so alone in the game.
I think it would be a good (or at least interesting) thing if you could walk up to a stranger(s) and ask them what they think about your body to get a more honest answer than we give ourselves.
So anyway, I guess I'll give this whirl - until I get the nerve to ask a total stranger ...
Thanks Nicole and SparkPeople - I hope to find some other folks like me here. - 5/29/2009 4:15:05 PM
Real Fact: I am heavier than I'd like (or am suppose to be) because I do not exercise enough.
Accomplisment: I have begun to drink more water and watch the types of foods that I eat.
See... on my way to positive thinking! - 5/29/2009 3:56:23 PM
Mea culpa. Forgive me?
-- Jeannette - 5/28/2009 11:59:31 PM
http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/go
rdon-brown-denied-doves-soft-touch/
2008/06/09/1212863496239.html
If the copy of this photo that was available on istockphoto.com was NOT actually taken from the Dove campaign, then the folks at istockphoto may want to be alerted to its misrepresentational use.
-- Jeannette
- 5/28/2009 10:00:04 PM
I am not all the way to self love yet, but I don't hate my body any more, and I got there pretty much the way Coach Nicole describes here. - 5/28/2009 6:59:16 PM
Even when my legs gave way when I tried to stand on them and couldn't, they were taking care of me. They gave me a message. That got me to the doctor and the treatment I needed, which has already gotten me back to being able to walk around the house.
It might even improve my overall health in the end!
Really great turnaround talk! - 5/28/2009 3:05:08 PM
I agree with a previous poster who said it is maybe the hardest part of losing weight...because I did talk negatively to myself when I was fit, thin and strong. Now that I am regaining health I have to watch my thoughts.
- 5/28/2009 2:25:37 PM
Thanks! - 5/28/2009 1:37:24 PM
You'll probably never know the number of people you have inspired, motivated and encouraged.
THANK YOU from one of your "fans" who loves you just the way you are! - 5/28/2009 11:57:16 AM
The biggest thing I had to struggle with in being negative was/is comparing myself to myself. Such as my thighs. When I gained weight in my teens, it showed in thighs (and glutes) and I pretty much stayed slim everywhere else. Back then I was usually only 10 lbs shy from the weight I needed to be. Whenever I lost some weight, it seemed like my thighs were the same size. Then I just had to learn to accept it (thinking one day, with work, they will get slimmer) as looked pretty much thin anyways and people didn't usually notice my thighs as the rest of my legs which looked slim. But now, with gaining several pounds in the course of a year and a half, my thighs are probably a third larger they were just then, and especially three years ago. And now I compare the small issues I had with my stomach, which was pretty slim but now bigger, and the similar issues I had with my glutes which was already too big to me and now bigger. I went from an ok weight, wanting to lose maybe a few more pounds one day, to not being able to fit any of my clothes and being the heaviest I ever been. I usually have to catch myself comparing starting weight of losing with others b/c some start at my inital weight I struggled with (160-170s), and I gained several pounds beyond that, not thinking I would gain that much. But in the lines of comparing myself to myself, I was extremely upset at myself for gaining all this weight b/c I could fit clothes, even though I just look like I am simply thick in places (and to others outside my family not needing to lose weight) and much of this weight gain was due to depression and stress eating.
I think one of the things I can't say to myself is that my body parts don't have to be a certain size. To me, I'll sound like someone that would have fight within myself not to fuss at them for making such a remark, not knowing a thing about me. Because in my mind it sounds like complacency, and an excuse not to change (even though I know it can be taking differently like the way you said in not comparing to others.) I don't like the size that they are now. What I have to say at time is ok, I am working on that so that they will be the size I want them to be. Nowadays, I'm frustrated b/c I have lost very little weight or inches this year (and I gained back the few I lost). I started to take this weight loss journey seriously in Dec, and just realized a few weeks ago my undereating has preventing me from losing any weight. so, really I have to fight to not be negative, but I know it can be done. - 5/28/2009 11:48:38 AM
It goes both ways. You notice the fat girls in the skimpy clothes because they stand out. You don't notice the thin girls in the baggy clothes, because they are slinking around in the background, trying very hard not to be noticed because they don't want you to see how fat they are. - 5/28/2009 11:44:09 AM
I've been doing something like this for awhile now. Usually when I go running I always feel like people are staring at me and as soon as I feel like I should stop running cause I'm too big, I always, always, always remind myself that I have really nice calf muscles. I focus on that 1 body part that I really like and it forces me to continue on!
It's hard cause I always think that passerby's are thinking "why does she think she can run?" Or I always think that they're thinking "wow, look at that fat girl trying to run" (both of which are really negative and hard to push out of mind) but I've found that each time I focus on a body part of mine I really like (like my legs), it helps me (even for a little while) to keep moving forward. :)
Violet - 5/28/2009 11:25:24 AM
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