The First Day I Decided to Live Again

By , SparkPeople Blogger
Today 
 
I reach
Through beams of dusty light
Falling to the earth
Through all of their prisms and geometry
Past the wind that dances on my skin...
And I want to know
Am I the only one who sees it?
Here, right now?
In this frozen moment of time?
There is something so mystical about the ordinary.
How could I have missed it yesterday?
 
The ordinary, that’s the beginning of change. 
 
Bedridden at 460 pounds, I had become very complacent. After all, there was nothing I could do, I thought.  Getting out of bed and rejoining the world seemed to be an immense journey that would take years and willpower that I just didn’t have.  I got tired and depressed just thinking about trying to get out of my situation.
 
The day I decided to live was not some miraculous moment in time.  It was a “Why the heck not try this since I’ve tried everything else” kind of moment.  Amazingly enough, the tips from Dr. Oz’s book, YOU on a Diet and SparkPeople taught me to take things slowly and work with my body instead of against it.
 
I had to learn to take things slowly, work smarter, not harder, and change up my life to include more than food.  This was crucial!  My days consisted of staying in bed eating and doing anything I could from there.  That’s a small world.  The chronic pain didn’t help.  Somehow I had to reach beyond that and find friends and support, which I found on SparkPeople.  This gave me courage to reach out in the real world.
 
Thus that day, I realized that I had to replace my ordinary life with something different.  It didn’t need to change with a bang, it just had to change, and so it did with the throwing upward of my hands and saying “Why not, I’ve tried everything else, what have I got to lose?”  With those changes comes empty space.  What do you do with the time you would have been pleasantly eating or sitting?  Find pleasant alternatives, discover or invent yourself.
 
Somehow this half-hearted throwing up of the hands effort took a turn.  The first few weeks and things I tried yielded results for a change.  Then I read and studied SparkPeople writings and YOU on a Diet like a college student would their classroom texts.  I wanted to do everything right.  This, in my opinion, was the last shot I was taking at losing weight.
 
Never stop taking last shots, I haven’t.  I’m still in the trenches fighting the good fight with you.  Remember to fill your life, not your stomach.  If that isn’t easy at this time, work on it any way you can.  That will be a saving grace. 
 
To date, I’ve lost 153 pounds I take it day by day.  This has taught me patience and has even taught me to slow down and think on a day-by-day, meal-by-meal basis.  I feel for the first time in life like I am searching and the journey is the best part.  The main thing I’m trying to find now isn’t weight loss.  I honestly think it’s something more fulfilling.  Weight loss is a major part of the journey.  It all started with a half-hearted “Why not?”  It’s that I took that “Why not” and did something that made all the difference.
 
Don’t wait for fireworks, perfection, the right day, or anything else.  Just start making better choices now, because, well… Why not?
 
What’s holding you back from making better choices today?

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Comments

Exactly Beth - why not?? Its really a win,win situation and in the end - if you decide you don't like the changes you make to yourself, the smaller clothes, wonderful independance, mobility and flexibility - then you can always go back to the old habits - but why would you??

Yes Beth, you are doing so very well - and insiring so many people on the way - people who are joining you on the journey!!
Keep going well - we are all here beside you in the virtual sense!!
I even have my pom, poms at the ready - lovely gold and red ones!! Report
thank you. I'll keep trying. I don't have a lot of pain or any good reason for my problem, it's all never having said no to myself before. it's shaming to realize that this is all my fault. anyway, thanks again, Kitty Report
MAKURZ
Very Inspirational, Congratulations on all the progress you have made since that first day!!!!! Report
LJEINVT
Congratulations Beth on taking that first step and the huge change you have already achieved. I wish you well as you continue the journey. Report
Beth - This is one of the most beautiful, honest blogs I have ever read. I am so happy for you! WOWWW!! We are all so lucky to be able to share in your experience. You are awesome!! Report
I am so happy for you. I have felt the same lots of times. Thanks for sharing. Great Inspiration. Report
Bravo! I understand the courage it took to "try again". Blessings on your journey. Report
Good for you! Way to be an inspiration. Report
So wonderful! You keep going on your journey. You should be so proud. Report
LILBON1
What a great new beginning for you! Would love to give you a big hug. You can do it and I feel in my heart you will. God bless will be looking for new results from you. Report
Congratulations Beth. Report
Inspirational...I'm so moved by your words. Report
BRAVO! I HAVE FOUND THE ANWER TO THE EMPTINESS. Report
JULIA1154
As always, you've once again provided us with a lot of food for thought, Beth. Thank you. Report
Kudos to you! To put things in perspective: you've lost the weight equivalent of one person. That is no small feat. Keep it up, you're inspiration to many of us! Report
SHAJES
Very inspirational. Report
There's something mystic about the ordinary - what an interesting sentence.
It's so good to read you, I'm never tired of hearing "don't give up", and I need to hear it again and again. Thanks. Report
An epiphany! Awesome ! Keep your positive attitude. "Remember you never have failed at anything unless you have quit trying!".....some wise person said that. Report
DONNAINNH
Hi Beth! Thanks for writing your blog. I am so happy you decided to try again and have lost weight. I, like you, have to take this journey on a day by day, meal by meal, path. Right now, it's the only thing working for me. I tell myself when I am tired, cranky, don't feel like cooking, "I am going to make this one meal a healthy one and I will worry about the next meal later." And that seems to help me get through those dark moments when I just don't want to do what I need to do to be healthy. Keep going! We all support you! Report
This was an AWESOME and extremely inspirational Blog. Congrats and all the work you have done and I am sure you will continue to do more and I will certainly be cheering for you. Thank you for sharing. Report
Thank you for sharing your story! I am a social worker in a nursing home, and I have many "bariatric" patients, including a gentleman who weighs over 700 pounds. Every time he walks up the hall, I smile, because I know he is fighting the best fight he can that day. He never stops, and neither should we. I love the line "remember to fill you life, not your stomach". Words of wisdom that will get me through each day. Again, thank you! Report
i am at the beginning of my journey. i am just starting to navigate my way through this site and found your blog. or should i say your blog found me. thank you. it spoke to me on so many levels. Report
AWESOME! Good job on your efforts ~ that was such a good post! Thank you for sharing. Report
WOW - what an inspiration you are. Never giving up. Always beliving you could do this, and you have. I know you are still on this journey and I will cheer you on forever. What a wonderful person you are. Report
Great post, thank you.
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Great blog, as usual! I join others loving the line "Remember to fill your life, not your stomach." And, what did you have to lose? You found it! I thought the same thing when I started Spark People; I not only found what I had to lose, but also all that which I could gain! Thank you for sharing. Report
Wow, what an inspiration! I have a large amount of weight to lose and reading this has really inspired me. Where I started is about 5 pounds heavier than where you are now in this blog. So far I've lost about 15 pounds, and hearing this makes me want to work even harder towards my goal. Making smarter decisions and staying confident. Thank you for the encouragement! Report
MELISSABEV1
Good for you! And very inspirational, thanks for sharing with us! : ) Report
A lesson for the ages! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Keep up the great attitude and the great job! WooHoo! Report
Great job! Great Attitude. Keep it up! Report
153 pounds is an amazing accomplishment! I've been battling with 30 pounds for longer than I can remember. You inspire me. Thank you. Report
Great attitude! Great job! Thank you for sharing. Report
I read on one sparker's page: "If hunger is not the problem, then food is not the answer."

Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. Report
Thanks for sharing! I will remember to "fill my life, not my stomach."
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Thanks for sharing! I will remember to "fill my life, not my stomach."
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Great blog regardless of the picture and typo!! My favorite line is "Remember to fill your life, not your stomach" Report