Are You a Problem Perpetuator or a Solution Finder?

By , SparkPeople Blogger
When it comes to healthy eating, exercise, and developing other good habits, the biggest problem most of us have is...ourselves. Let’s face it: this stuff isn’t rocket science. You don’t need a Ph.D in nutrition or exercise physiology to know what you need to do. And if you’re not sure about something, there are plenty of ways to get the information you need.

The real challenge is actually getting yourself to do what has to be done.

One reason this can be so difficult is that we often start off on the wrong foot. Whenever we have a problem doing what we need to do, our natural inclination is to start asking ourselves why. And that almost always puts us into problem-focused mode: we start trying to identify the problem, figure out why we have it, and think about what we have to do to solve it.

That may be OK when the problem is out there in the world. If your car won't run, you need to identify the problem and fix it. But when it's your own behavior or attitude that needs changing, being in problem-focused mode often doesn’t work very well. It just makes you sink even further into the problem, like a quicksand pit.

Read on to find out why, and learn 4 tricks you can use to shift yourself into solution-focused mode.


In a nutshell, here’s the situation: Your energy follows your thoughts. It takes quite a bit of energy to change habits, and the amount of energy available for this is determined mainly by where your thoughts are focused. If you’re thinking about the behavior you want to change and why you do it, you're investing most of your energy in the status quo, which usually will just make your behavior seem more powerful and more difficult to change than it actually is. And even if you do figure out why you do (or don't do) something, that doesn't necessarily help you figure out what to do differently.

The best and quickest way to solve many behavior problems isn't to analyze them to death, it's simply to do an end run around them and let the problem behavior wither away by itself. You won't be able to see opportunities to do that if you're in problem-solving mode.

But if you’re thinking is focused on how you'd like things to be, you’re energy will flow in that direction, and you're much more likely to come up with some pretty creative and useful ideas. And if you try out some of these new ideas, your energy will be freed to go into actually changing your behavior. That, ultimately, is what makes it a lot easier to change your habits and your attitudes.

Here are four simple mental exercises you can do to get your thoughts and energy flowing away from your problems and towards effective solutions:


1. Look for the exception that proves the rule.

No problem happens all the time. No matter how often you don’t do as well as you’d like, there are always times when you do better than others, and it’s usually not an accident—there’s something about these positive times that makes your task much easier. The trick is to figure out what that something is, and how you can make it happen more often.

Try to remember a recent time when things went well, and simply ask yourself what you did differently that time, or what was different about that situation. For example, was it easier to make the right choice because you were in a better mood? If so, what got you in that mood, and how can you get that to happen more often? What were you thinking about or doing the last time you made the choice you’d like to make most of the time? Can you find a way to spend more time thinking or doing that (or something similar) now?

2. Activate your imagination with the Miracle Question.

The Miracle Question is a great way to help yourself focus on solutions. Imagine that tonight while you’re sleeping, a miracle is going to happen that will completely solve the problem you are struggling with, once and for all. How will you know, when you wake up, that the miracle has happened and the problem is solved? What will be different for you—how will you think, act, or feel differently once the problem has been solved? What will be different about the day ahead of you? Are these questions already helping you think or feel differently now, at least a little bit? How can you make this happen more often?

3. Find the good intention behind the “bad” behavior.

Almost every persistent behavior happens for a good reason—no matter how many problems it may cause. You rarely do the “wrong” thing because that’s what you want to do, or because you literally can’t stop yourself—you do it because there is some payoff. And if you don’t like the negative side-effects (like weight gain) that come with a particular behavior (like overeating), your best bet will probably involve finding a way to get the payoff without those undesirable side-effects.

So if you’re having trouble resisting that sweet tooth of yours, for example, don’t waste time blaming yourself or trying to figure out what’s wrong with your willpower. Ask yourself what the payoff really is. Is it simple pleasure, emotional comfort, or relief from boredom or other unwanted feelings? Then ask yourself what you can do that would give you that same payoff, without the extra calories.

4. Predict your way to success.

Bad habits are often the product of self-fulfilling prophecies. You expect yourself to have a problem, and so you do—again and again. You can interrupt this cycle by trying to predict your own behavior in advance. Before you get out of bed in the morning, take a minute to predict how you’re going to handle the potential situations you may encounter that day. What are the chances that each of those situations might trigger the behavior you're trying to change? Pick an actual number—is it 100, 60, or 34 percent likely? What specific events, thoughts or feelings might make it more likely that you’ll be able to do what you want to do instead? Can you identify people or activities that would be helpful to you? What can you do to make this desirable chain of events more likely to actually happen, and increase the odds that you won't fall into your bad habit today?

Keep in mind that you’re not trying to convince yourself in the abstract that you can handle or avoid the problem you want to work on. This is not an exercise in positive thinking, but rather an effort to concretely look at your options differently and prevent problems before they happen. Instead of asking yourself why you have a particular problem, or what “causes” this behavior, do the exact opposite. Focus on why you do things "right" and what you can do to increase the odds of that happening more often. Be very concrete and specific.