A Time for Healing

By , SparkPeople Blogger
Have you ever been afraid of something knocking you off of your healthy lifestyle track?  I'm a little scared now. Why?  I have a large hernia that needs to be dealt with, but the surgeons won't touch it. Why? I've lost 200 pounds now. There is enough loose skin hanging from my tummy to make it medically necessary that it be removed to proceed with the hernia surgery.  Luckily, they can do both in one surgery.  I have to get all of my ducks in a row medically for this, since my whole abdominal area will be open to infection at a VERY high risk, according to the doctors.
Now, you might think I would be jumping for joy at a chance for skin removal, but it scares me. I don't know why, except that they can't give me any idea what I will look like. They did say I might have a protruding area to work off. They can't attest to how much weight I will lose, but I was told 10 to 15 pounds in approximation. The hernia area has colon loops that come in and out, causing much pain. That makes a protrusion worthwhile, if they can fix that!
While I can't directly control all aspects of my life, I cling to the one area I can control: my SparkPeople lifestyle. Yes, that is the one thing I control-- my exercise and my will to do good for my body. Am I perfect right now? No. But I am much better than I could be. Each better choice I make for myself leads me to a healthier place.
Every player in life needs a game plan to get through the rough stages, I'm going to be cut from hip to hip and have drains inserted, taking months to recover. When the doctor gave me the list of things I couldn't do, I asked her for the things I could do. Sadly, she just said, "Walk."  I immediately told her I could arm bike and.... where she quickly cut me off and said my heart rate had to stay lower than 110 beats per minute and to just walk.
Since SparkPeople, I've been on a mission to prove that life gives second chances. Now it seems it is my time to heal for round two. Round two is going to start with maintaining my loss and building my strength back up. 
DING! Flashback to my round one:
I proved a 460-pound, bedridden, disabled woman COULD lose 200 pounds with SparkPeople.
I proved that same woman could:
-Get her walker out and train for a 5k.
-DO a 5k with her walker.
-Start having meetings in Indiana to get to know other Sparkers.
-Start having SparkPeople rallies to inspire people and ignite their Spark.
-Do yoga in public, including several components of the sun salutation.
-Buy a bathing suit when one first fit me and post my picture in it to promote body image.
-Learn and try new activities at the gym.
-Buy clothes at regular stores instead of specialty catalogs only.
-Use a seat belt.
-Fit in booths and theater chairs.
-Stand up for myself and others.
Those things did not come easily.  They took a lot of sweat and tears, pain and fears that I would never make it. But in each challenge to prove it could be done, I healed.  I stepped up to another challenge. Sometimes I would even say "I can't _____." just before I did it. Each success left me feeling like flinging open new doors in this brave new world of fitness.
It is very important to take time to heal, whether from surgery, grief, or any event that throws your life off track, but healing doesn't mean throwing your plan out. Healing may mean looking back at your past accomplishments and planning for new ones.  It could be making new friends.  It could be a very physical or emotional thing. During a healing time, you may just want to maintain your weight and do damage control if you feel overwhelmed.  I use my mantra "Lose, maintain, just don't gain." to keep me on track.  Another "Indyism" I use is "Tea and sympathy, not cake and apathy."
I'm a butterfly now.  I've almost emerged from my cocoon and the world looks a little scary, but I am so much different than I was as a caterpillar.  It's a brand new world... no wait, it's a brand new me.  So fears, be what you are, I will fly in the sun and the eyes of fear will be blinded by the light.
What fears to do have when it comes to your transformation? How do you deal with your fears?
Editor's Note: Remember the resistance chair that Beth reviewed awhile back? The company is offering free shipping and 2 free DVDs to SparkPeople members. Click here for more info

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