Swimsuit season is almost here, and while I love summer, I downright DREAD the skimpy clothes that come with it. I can handle sleeveless shirts. I'll even sport shorts on occasion. But I am too uncomfortable with my own body to wear a bathing suit in public. Call me prudish, but we don't parade around in our underwear in front of strangers, so why do we wear bathing suits that leave about as much to the imagination as a bra and panties? Doesn't anyone besides me think that's a bit odd? I admit though, I don't avoid the pool or the beach because of prudishness (although that could be a tiny part of it). The real reason is that I'm embarrassed to wear a bathing suit in public, and that self-consciousness has kept me from doing so for 8 years! While I have come a long way, after struggling with an eating disorder in college and learning how to treat myself better without expecting perfection, I have to be honest. I haven't fully accepted my own body yet, and I'm definitely a long way from really loving it. My friends and family think I'm CRAZY to not wear a swimsuit. They assure me that I look great and that no one will be analyzing me. My best friend (who has a pool in her backyard, that I won't jump into unless it's dark outside!) confidently says that bathing suits don't offer any surprises—that you can pretty much tell what a person's body looks like, even when they're fully dressed. None of this helps me. First, all the people in the world can tell me that I look good and it won't matter—what matters is how I feel about myself. Second, in my head, everyone IS analyzing and silently judging me, and I "know" what they're thinking: Her stomach doesn't look very good; she has cellulite on her thighs; she should be more toned since she's a fitness expert. And I can counter my best friend's claim, too. I strongly disagree that you can tell what a person's body looks like when they're clothed. I feel great about myself in clothes because I know how to dress well for my body shape. Plus, clothes hide those imperfections in skin tone, and the lumps and bumps of a less-than-hard body. What's more likely is that I'm projecting my negative feelings about myself onto others. I think that I should look better because I'm a fitness expert, but others probably don't think that (or even care). I think that I should look perfect to be "allowed" to wear a bikini, but there are no rules about that. And I feel safe and confident in my daily wardrobe, but that's probably just because it's normal and habitual whereas wearing a swimsuit is not. Most likely, I've built this event up to be something more important and powerful than it really is. I know it's silly. I know that many people would trade in their bodies for mine in a heartbeat. I know that there are way more important things in life than worrying about how you look. Still, it's a source of struggle for me, and I can't really explain why. All I know is that I've missed out on fun opportunities (going to the pool with my friends, relaxing on the beach with my family) and I've been hot and uncomfortable on unbearably warm summer days. All because I'd rather cover up than wear a bikini in front of others. I've decided that I'm too young to have avoided a bathing suit for nearly 10 years, and I'm sick of sitting on the sidelines over something as trivial as the shape of my body (which I only have so much control over). Moreover, I'm extremely concerned about passing my negative thoughts or body issues on to my future children, especially if I have daughters. Even though I'm years away from that, it's motivation enough for me to get used to wearing a bathing suit, say good things about myself, and focus on the positive traits that REALLY matter because I'd never want my own kids to deal with the unrealistic body and eating issues that I've dealt with. So I've set a goal for myself this year, and I've started to tell others about it. My goal is to wear my bathing suit in public, at the pool, on vacation—anywhere that it's appropriate. And I'm going to do it this summer. It's been a long time coming. Two catalysts helped me arrive at and set this goal once and for all, and I hope that they'll help you, too. First, Coach Dean blogged recently about exercises he wouldn't do in public because he felt too self-conscious about his body. One of his comments in particular resonated with me (emphasis added): "These days, I rarely worry enough about how other people might see me to let that restrict my activity. And it's not just because I've lost a lot of weight. It's because I made myself do the things that made me feel uncomfortably self-conscious, until it was no longer a problem. I think that's much more powerful than simply trying to talk yourself into accepting your body." I've decided that's exactly what I'll do. Like my bathing suit phobia, I didn't wear shorts for several years—in fact, I just started wearing them last year. While I was uncomfortable and felt almost naked at first, the novelty wore off and now I can do it comfortably without feeling weird. It gets easier each time and I realize that no one cares about my legs or pays attention to them as I once thought. I think that by wearing my swimsuit enough, I'll get over my fears and feel more comfortable, even if I haven't accepted my body; if I waited for that fateful day, it might never happen. Second, one member (GRANCY) left a comment on that post of Dean's that offered some of the best advice I've heard in a while. In fact, I've turned it into my own personal mantra, one that I'll surely tell myself once swimsuit season arrives. She said (emphasis added): "If people have a problem with you, it's THEIR problem, not yours. You're doing something about improving yourself. That's AWESOME! Please, for the sake of YOU, take a big breath, hold your head high, and try that something that you've been avoiding. I have a feeling you'll wind up having fun and wonder what all the fuss was about." I hope that this confession has been eye opening for some. Body image is a real issue for people of all shapes and sizes, and it's not a problem you can solve just by losing weight or toning up. It has to come from within, regardless of what you look like from the outside, and it's something all of us should work on improving no matter where we are in our lifestyle journeys (myself included). So who's ready to conquer their fears and hit the beach with me this summer? Have you ever let your own self-consciousness stop you from enjoying certain aspects of your life? How do you feel about wearing a swimsuit? Have you learned to accept your body, just as it is right now?  You will earn 5 SparkPoints
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I don't think I've been in a suit since. That was 25 years ago. So I get annoyed when people tell me that no one notices. Being 25 years older I understand they were shallow young men and I would give them a tongue lashing now. But, nothing can take away that humiliation for me. I never told my husband what happened. It was our 25th anniversary trip. Report
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A bikini is just an outfit. You don't have to be a certain age, height, weight, skin tone, etc. regardless of what any magazine says. When I see a woman uncomfortable at the pool, wearing shorts or some big frumpy suit with a cover up and are self-conscious, it's a shame.
From what I see, Europeans have the right attitude - you see big guys in Speedos and women of all shapes and in their 60's and 70's all in bikinis. They don't wear big one-pieces. And "Boy Shorts" are for boys, that's why they're called that.
The best quote I've seen: "How to Get a Bikini Body - Put a bikini on your body"
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However, my weight has always been a factor in the kind of bathing suit I wear. It wasn't until this summer (after losing 52lbs) that I felt comfortable in a 2pc suit. For years, I have always worn a 1pc and for many years, I wore the skirted kind of suit that covered my hips and tush. Wearing a smaller 2pc was such an incredible feeling! And I looked hot too!!! Report
Over the years I've gotten more comfortable with myself and it's been a slow upgrade process with my suits. I used to wear those bathing suit/shorts combos, but now I wear a short skirted tankini. Next year I plan to drop the skirt part. And while I agree I always felt bikinis were no different than parading around in your underwear, it would be nice to eventually not feel unhinged wearing one. Report
I refused to wear a bathing suit in highschool gym class, there was no way I was going to subject myself to any possible ridicule. Now I feel that I am in the best shape of my life I feel fine wearing a bathing suit, not so much because of the weight loss itself but how proud I am of myself for finally taking control of my life. I still have 20lbs to go but I truly don't hate my body anymore but not in love with it just yet ;o) Report
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Your confession got me thinking about my current attitudes towards my body. I'm a very short, stubby 57 year old--with spider veins and cellulite--which I tend to cover up even at the beach. How silly! The other 57-year-olds look pretty much like me (but taller) and the younger folks on the beach certainly don't care about me. Report
I lost a lot of weight and now am dealing with the muscle and body areas that are just excercise resistant. I was so happy when I first lost weight that I went to Florida with a family member and she really upset me. She said "That isn't for you wait until you have plastic surgery. TSK TSK. " Now I do not wear string bikinis I wear 2 piece boy short tankinis (sometimes with shorts over them) and if I could wear biker shorts to my knees I would. My thighs are my worst area. I hide then with a sarong, but you have to take that off too to swim. AND BOY DO I LOVE SWIMMING!!
I am very scared of post weight loss surgery as I have had necessary surgery before and just don't want to go through the trauma unnecessarily. Of course I just can't afford it financially either and trying to get insurance to cover this is a major hassle! So currently I am down to a size 4 and just wear my 2 piece with a tshirt and shorts. A good tan and being toned helps too! Report