By Beth Donovan, ~INDYGIRL

Before being the fat girl, I was the girl with the scars. I was a burn victim at the age of 2, scalded by a coffee pot I managed to pull over on myself. I was burned over three quarters of my body and barely made it through.

Growing up with burn scars is hard because children are unusually cruel. Thank God that the scarring faded as I aged and now it is only on my neck, shoulder and chest. Still, in childhood and the delicate dating years, I learned to hide well.

Around third grade, I started gaining weight, so I was the fat girl with the scars. Talk about not wanting to be seen in a locker room, by the pool, or in anyplace I could be exposed, sheesh! I would avoid these places like I would die if forced into the position to be in one. In fact, I blatantly refused to dress with the other girls or shower in gym and took a grade deduction instead. The next year, I required mental therapy about my body image and luckily my psychiatrist said that it would be too damaging to put me in that situation again, especially since they didn’t have a plus size gym suit for me or a uniform swimsuit required for the aquatics class.

By college I was still shy, but learned some things from life and from therapy that really helped me get over my fear of the locker room at gyms, showering there, and changing. I’m not going to say that I’m totally comfortable and stroll freely around the locker room, but I do muster the courage to swim, shower, and change clothing. Let me tell you a few of my concerns and how I dealt with them.



Concern: I’m disabled. I want to work out with others who want health benefits, not compete in a beauty pageant.

Solution: Find a gym associated with a hospital or a rehabilitation facility or the YMCA. Usually those places have programs for the disabled and for the health conscious without all of the pageantry.

Concern: I need something that meets my needs and is affordable.

Solution: Almost all gyms give tours, offer trial memberships, and a few sometimes operate on sliding fee scales according to your income. You can see the whole place and all of the equipment, including the locker rooms, changing area and showers before you ever purchase a membership.

Concern: I've decided to join a gym, but I still feel uncomfortable changing clothes in front of people.

Solution: Wear what you’re going to work out in, and then throw on a cover up, like at the beach and go. You’ll never have to change clothes. If you must change because you have to be somewhere after the gym, then buy a large beach towel or a robe and drape it around you while you dress. By exercising at off times (midafternoon or later in the evening), you will find that the dressing room is often empty.

Concern: I’m afraid to shower in front of people.

Solution: Make sure the shower room has curtains, or use the stall in the back. Most people don’t want to walk all the way to the back to shower, so you get a little more privacy. Again, the large beach towel comes in handy for covering up, drying and changing.

Concern: I feel so ashamed of my body.

Solution: That’s why you’ve joined a gym. Try to focus on the things that are changing, the things you actually do like about yourself and appreciate them. Play them up by wearing new clothes when you work out or buying new underwear that makes you feel good.

Concern: I still don’t think I can change in front of people.

Solution: Find discreet locations (behind a locker door, in the toilet stall, in the farthest corner of the room) to change if you must, but move out a little every now and then. Soon you’ll be proud of your accomplishments and want to show them off. Remember that everyone there feels vulnerable. You are not alone.



The photo above represents how far I've come. I show you this picture of me less afraid to wear spaghetti straps now. You can see my scars and that I am overweight, but I am no longer ashamed to shower or change in the locker room.

Are you ashamed when you change in a public place? What will you do to reclaim your strength and overcome that fear?