I’m going to be spending Christmas day alone, for the first time in quite a while. My granddaughter and her adults are heading south to visit her mom’s family this year, and my other kids are heading to Montana to visit their mom. I was invited to go along but decided to stay home this year.

Surprisingly, I’m actually looking forward to it.

The last time this happened, I spent my time with my head full of all those images you see in the media about how Christmas is “supposed” to be: smiling families all gathered around an elaborately laid out banquet, opened packages stacked up under the tree, kids playing with their toys, lovers sipping wine and gazing into each other’s eyes while a fire blazes in the fireplace. And there I was, all alone and wondering what was wrong with me that I was missing the boat.

Well, not this year.


I may miss out on the festivities (which, in my experience, never are nearly as festive as they look in the media, because those images don’t show all the work, stress, disappointments, and family problems that usually come with such unrealistic expectations of how things "should" be).

But I am going to do Christmas my way.

First of all, I’m going to listen to lots of Christmas carols–the old fashioned religious ones, like this one–without feeling like an alien. I am not a traditionally religious person (more of an eclectic with Taoist leanings), and the words in these carols don’t mean much to me. But I love the music. And I don’t get to listen to it much when the rest of the family is around, because they think it's worse than elevator or shopping mall music. I’m sure liking this stuff has something to do with growing up in a very Irish Catholic environment, but wherever it comes from, I do like it and I”m going to listen to it this year as much as I want.

I’ve also developed a personal “tradition” I try to observe every year on Christmas morning. I set aside some time to do a little “inventory” of the past year, looking at how I’ve done with my goals, how I’m feeling about myself and life in general, and where I’d like to be a year from now. Then I try to come up with some concrete goals and plans for the coming year to help me get there.

When I'm done with that, I’m going to throw some lentils (red and green, of course), carrots, onions, nuts, celery, corn, olives, garlic, serrano peppers, and mushroom broth in the crock pot so it can make a nice dinner for me. While the crock pot is doing that, I’m going to ride my bike about 15 miles up to Patrick’s Point State Park, walk along the cliffs overlooking the ocean for an hour or so, and ride back.

I'm also making myself a little treat for dessert--a bar of Dagoba dark chocolate, spread with chunky peanut butter, and left in the refrigerator for a few hours. Mmmm....

After dinner, I’ll call all the kids and say hello. Then I think I’ll watch a movie, or maybe listen to more Christmas music.

All in all, it sounds like a pretty good day to me. And when you get right down to it, that’s what Christmas is–one day out of many. Whatever special meaning it has, or reminds us about, is something that needs to be reflected in all the other 364 days of the year, too, or it really isn’t all that meaningful. Or so it seems to me.

And I think that’s what I’ve really learned between this Christmas and the last time I spent the day alone. If I’m feeling like there’s something missing in my life, or something I want that I don’t have, who I spend Christmas with isn’t going to fix that problem, and isn't the cause of it, either. It’s what I do all the time that’s going to make the difference.

So, this year I’m celebrating–and enjoying–the changes I’ve made in my life that make me feel better, including healthy eating, being physically active, enjoying a bike ride and walk in a very pleasant place, and thinking about how to keep this process of change and growth going and expanding in the coming year.

Are you going to be alone over the holidays? What have you got planned for yourself? Do you have any personal rituals or traditions you observe?

If you’re looking for ideas, or feeling down, here’s a website with some suggestions:

10 Things to Do If You're Alone for the Holidays