When you first start making room for healthy habits in your busy life, being a stickler can be beneficial—setting a workout schedule, planning your meals in advance, saying no to things that get in the way of your goals. Without giving yourself some rules—and being a little inflexible—at the beginning, you’ll be likely to fall off the wagon much more quickly.|
But as you build your habits, you'll eventually discover that things don't always go according to your plan. There will undoubtedly be road bumps (an unexpectedly long work day), detours (your favorite body sculpting class gets cancelled) and setbacks (birthday cake!). If you rigidly follow your plan instead of being a little flexible once in a while, you could do more harm than good.
Experts in behavior science view mental flexibility not as a personality trait or a state of mind, but as a set of behaviors that can be changed. Everyone is flexible about some things and inflexible about others. When you think about flexibility as "something I do" and not "who I am," you will start to realize that you can make lasting, positive changes that may open up opportunities for some relaxation, laughter and joy amid the daily grind. If you feel like you’ve become a bit of a stickler about strict schedules and perfect plans, it may be time to loosen up and become more flexible. Here's how.
Accept Your Behavioral History
People often talk about Type-A characteristics as if they are inherent personality traits. But most people didn’t become inflexible and perfectionistic overnight. There have probably been many times in your past when your perfectionism paid off: You led study groups (complete with mock quizzes) for your middle school friends. You hosted an impromptu bachelorette party for a girlfriend when the maid of honor’s venue fell through. You volunteered for your kindergartener’s dance recital and ended up coordinating the whole production (which received a standing ovation). The science of behavior holds that we will continue doing those things that get recognized, revered and rewarded. The reason that you’ve developed so many take-charge tendencies is because, throughout your life, you’ve received lots of powerful praise for taking the reins.
Identify Places Where You Can Compromise
Perhaps you’re always the first to speak your mind in important meetings or you have a habit of jumping to point out grammatical errors in company communications. Maybe you're "that parent" on the field, making playbook suggestions to your child’s soccer coach while the other parents simply cheer from the bleachers. None of these habits are inherently wrong in and of themselves, but there’s a fine line between being assertive and being domineering.