Motivation Articles

Government Adjusts Weight System to Help Country Lose Pounds

A Quick-Fix Solution for the Obesity Epidemic

Alarmed by a growing obesity rate across the country over the last decade, the United States Government has instituted sweeping changes in its system of measurements and weights.

The most significant change involves increasing the value of the pound. One current pound will be valued as 1.1 pounds under the new system. What does this mean? Fewer pounds per person. For example, a person who previously weighed 167 pounds would now weigh just 152 pounds.

"We think these changes will help the country solve its obesity problem," said April Wahn, Community Director of the US Department of Agriculture (USDA). "When eating right and exercising don’t work, these new standards can help people reach a healthier weight. It’s not the only answer, but it’s a start."

To underscore this point, Wahn estimates that this change alone would bring the number of overweight Americans down dramatically, from 63% to 49%.

To help people adjust, the US Office of Weights and Standards will make available scale calibration kits that can be used to bring any scale in line with the new standards. You can call 1-800-000-0401 to receive your free kit.

Consumer groups are responding to this change with enthusiasm. One local news editorial claimed, "It’s about time the government stepped in and did something about the country’s weight problem. It needs to be fixed – and quick." 10,000 scale calibration kits have already been distributed. But the biggest challenges in retail packaging, fishing regulations, and newborn weighing still remain.

"This isn’t going to be something we can incorporate overnight," continued Wahn. "It could take years and millions and millions of dollars. But in the face of unhealthy weight levels, we’re running out of options."

Wahn refused to comment on the growing opinion that numbers on the scale are becoming increasingly unimportant in the creation of a healthy lifestyle.

In related news, Happy April Fool's Day from SparkPeople!
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About The Author

Mike Kramer Mike Kramer
As a writer and artist, Mike has witnessed countless motivational stories and techniques. See all of Mike's articles.

Member Comments

    Aaaaaaaaa! My head almost exploded when I read this. Thank goodness it was a joke; I just spent about 10 minutes ranting & raving about it. :^P - 5/11/2015 5:43:50 PM
  • So glad this was an April Fool's joke. I was getting pissed! - 4/28/2015 9:36:33 AM
  • I am a little late reading my SP emails as I've been traveling, so I really wasn't expecting and April Fool's joke! But I agree with Tops-Tortoise that it did cross my mind that they were just once again tweaking the numbers to make it fit their agenda! I guess we'd just better hope that no one in the government is reading the article because they might just adopt the idea and reach into MY pocket to make it work! - 4/8/2015 5:34:42 PM
    So glad this was a joke, because I was steaming as I read it. Whew! - 4/7/2015 1:37:17 PM
  • Got Me. Good one. - 4/7/2015 1:12:38 PM
  • I was surprised this was an April Fools joke. It actually sounds like something the government would do. If you don't like the stats, tweak the numbers.
    - 4/6/2015 5:22:00 PM
  • boo hiss! I was hoping they'd change the scales in my doctor's office prior to my appointment a couple of weeks from now! I bet if you keep track of how many hits each post gets, this one got a bazillion! - 4/2/2015 10:53:39 AM
  • Good one guys! LOL! - 4/2/2015 10:15:24 AM
  • I wonder if this will show up in one of those "big bad government" spam emails posted by people who don't read beyond the headlines. - 4/2/2015 7:33:25 AM
  • Hee, hee, hee! Ha, ha, ha! - 4/2/2015 12:41:00 AM
  • I was shaking my head in disbelief until I got to the end. You got me!
    Good for you LOL - 4/2/2015 12:12:05 AM
  • Wow! And here I thought no one was able to prank me today - but Spark People did! I was ready to believe this - only because this is something our government could do. - 4/1/2015 11:01:48 PM
  • OMG! I was getting ready to post this on Facebook and caption it "ARE THEY CRAZIER THAN I THOUGHT THEY WERE ALREADY?"!!! You almost got me. Good one. Good one!! - 4/1/2015 9:05:09 PM
  • You really had me going there I thought "are you kidding me"? Thanks for a good laugh. - 4/1/2015 8:20:06 PM
  • Bahahaha! I was reading this and thinking "this is crazy!" Yep, you got me too! :) - 4/1/2015 7:30:45 PM

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