Motivation Articles

Government Adjusts Weight System to Help Country Lose Pounds

A Quick-Fix Solution for the Obesity Epidemic

Alarmed by a growing obesity rate across the country over the last decade, the United States Government has instituted sweeping changes in its system of measurements and weights.

The most significant change involves increasing the value of the pound. One current pound will be valued as 1.1 pounds under the new system. What does this mean? Fewer pounds per person. For example, a person who previously weighed 167 pounds would now weigh just 152 pounds.

"We think these changes will help the country solve its obesity problem," said April Wahn, Community Director of the US Department of Agriculture (USDA). "When eating right and exercising don’t work, these new standards can help people reach a healthier weight. It’s not the only answer, but it’s a start."

To underscore this point, Wahn estimates that this change alone would bring the number of overweight Americans down dramatically, from 63% to 49%.

To help people adjust, the US Office of Weights and Standards will make available scale calibration kits that can be used to bring any scale in line with the new standards. You can call 1-800-000-0401 to receive your free kit.

Consumer groups are responding to this change with enthusiasm. One local news editorial claimed, "It’s about time the government stepped in and did something about the country’s weight problem. It needs to be fixed – and quick." 10,000 scale calibration kits have already been distributed. But the biggest challenges in retail packaging, fishing regulations, and newborn weighing still remain.

"This isn’t going to be something we can incorporate overnight," continued Wahn. "It could take years and millions and millions of dollars. But in the face of unhealthy weight levels, we’re running out of options."

Wahn refused to comment on the growing opinion that numbers on the scale are becoming increasingly unimportant in the creation of a healthy lifestyle.

In related news, Happy April Fool's Day from SparkPeople!

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Member Comments

    Was slightly overweight before I lost 50 pounds with the 3 week regime,
    unds-21-days. You definitely do see more obese people these days and its going to be an serious health issue in the coming decade. Fast food is tasty and cheap. It's also readily available at every street corner. I don't see the problem of obesity being solved.
  • But it does sound like something the government would do!!
    If you read all the comments, you'll find out that almost everyone bought it. That is because everyone knows in their heart of hearts that the government is really this dumb and it ins't unreasonable to believe that they would do something like this... :-(
    April Wahn!?!?! ROTFL!
    You SO got me.. lol.. Here I was thinking that these were the results of common core education and we were all doomed lol
  • Oh my, I was believing this at first and I thought, WHAT??? Nice April Fools Day Spark!!!!!
  • Good one! Got me too! :-)
  • OMGosh! You totally got me Spark People!

    I was really getting steamed thinking "why not lie to people more Mr. Government?"

    Nicely played!
    Aaaaaaaaa! My head almost exploded when I read this. Thank goodness it was a joke; I just spent about 10 minutes ranting & raving about it. :^P
  • So glad this was an April Fool's joke. I was getting pissed!
  • I am a little late reading my SP emails as I've been traveling, so I really wasn't expecting and April Fool's joke! But I agree with Tops-Tortoise that it did cross my mind that they were just once again tweaking the numbers to make it fit their agenda! I guess we'd just better hope that no one in the government is reading the article because they might just adopt the idea and reach into MY pocket to make it work!
    So glad this was a joke, because I was steaming as I read it. Whew!
  • Got Me. Good one.
  • I was surprised this was an April Fools joke. It actually sounds like something the government would do. If you don't like the stats, tweak the numbers.

About The Author

Mike Kramer Mike Kramer
As a writer and artist, Mike has witnessed countless motivational stories and techniques. See all of Mike's articles.