Life Isnít Always Fair

By , SparkPeople Blogger
One of the biggest lessons I have learned in my 48 years is ĒLIFE JUST ISNíT ALWAYS FAIR.Ē However, we know that by walking through lifeís storms, we usually come out the other side stronger than when we entered them. Some days are most definitely more challenging than others, but with the support and encouragement from our friends and family, life doesnít have to be so overwhelming.

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when one area begins to unravel and it seems as though there is a chain reaction and before you know it, we feel tremendously overwhelmed and burdened with the changes we have to make or better yet, endure?

When I lost my mother-in-law this past February, my husband and I had just begun a major kitchen remodel that we had started even before her diagnosis in December. I had cabinets sitting in my living room for well over a month before anything could get going because the floor guys were delayed in getting the tile which had to be laid before the new cabinets were installed. Because of this delay, our contractor had to move onto another job, so we had to put everything on hold.

When they say double the time you think itís going to take for a remodel, trust me, they arenít kidding. My home was in shambles for months as we dealt with her diagnosis and her subsequent passing. Trying to work in my runs, as well as dealing with all the changes was challenging to say the least. I had to fit my runs in whenever I could. I even began to dread my beloved runs. I was beginning to lose my passion.

Last month as I was continuing to struggle with my runs, a former high school classmate of mine going back 30 years was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. This was her second bout just shy of her 10th anniversary since her first diagnosis. It was totally unexpected as we just celebrated her 9th anniversary of being cancer free last October at the Dallas Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure.

The pity party was over that day. It was time to quit my whining and to get back to my routine of running. The reality is, there will always be obstacles that will get in our way. We have the choice to knock them down, go around them or go back to the life we used to know. The last one was, not nor will it ever be, an option for me.

We all have had, or will have, our own share of heartaches. They can either make us want to give up or they can make us stronger. Itís been a rough year to say the least, but I have found that through the love and support of some of the greatest friends in the world I am stronger today than I was just a few short months ago. This is life-- it isnít always fair, but we will, and we do, get through it, one day at a time.

Have you ever had a time in your life where the obstacles seemed too much to overcome? How have you dealt with these obstacles?

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I am so tired of people saying you come out stronger. After so many times, it takes a toll on you and if life keeps knocking you down the older you get you begin to lose hope, faith, and strength. Life is not fair remember, not everyone comes out stronger. Report
Yes. Agoraphobia. After a lifetime of stuffing my fears I finally boiled over. I was in my twenties, newly married and buying our first home, which we COULD NOT afford. I froze. It took all the years of my life to lead up to that agoraphobic event. and many years following to put my self back together, more correctly this time. It took a lot of hard work and determination. Weight gain and health loss are symptoms. They are probably not as difficult to resolve but much more socially acceptable then agoraphobia. I can now work on that, because I did so much ground work with the agoraphobia. Report
i am suffering from an inacurable disease since the birth of my child. i'm twenty-four...
his father has left me one week before i knew that i was pregnant.
i realized that sometimes others CAN'T help when you really really need them - depression kept my mother from being a friend.
still i believe that my heavenly father knows about all i'm struggeling with. Report
Thanks for sharing, both your trials and your triumphs! As for me, I cope by hanging out with my friends, getting in the Bible and praying. It works!! Sometimes not as quickly as I want it to, but it always works. Listening to good, uplifting praise music helps, too. Report
Yes, I didnt handle things very well but I am learning
Last year was my overwhelmed year. My beloved pet rat died on New Year's Eve, 7 days later my great grandmother died, 3 weeks after that my second favorite ratty was put down, 1 week later my last and favorite rat passed away just 2 days before my wedding. My grandfather passed away the day of my wedding. Yeah, all of that in a 5 month period created a complete emotional nutcase. Thank the universe for my husband, because he's the only way I got through it. Then last September we started TTC and house hunting which was an even crazier emotional wreck. We finally found our first home in April (after sitting on and losing a short sale for over 6 months) and still have not been successful with conceiving.
I just tell myself "You can only worry about what you can change, the universe will take care of you and if it is not ok, then it isn't the end yet." Report
I totally agree on what you said. Life is not fair!! But I think : what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!! I did have a terrible year too: my house burned and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I can tell you (I'm almost done with the treatment): this things made me stronger! I know God put all this in my way to be more mature and specially to seize the day. To enjoy it and especially to take care and look after me.
All things happen for a reason...we have to put our best smile and keep going! =) Report
This has been a challenging week for me as well. Thankfully, not for bad reasons. I've just had alot going on and it has interferred with my workout routine, but that was THEN. I'm back in the now, as of this morning. Thank you all for letting me know that there are plenty of us out there that can get distracted, and that it is possible to leave that distraction behind and move on!!!! Report
I am so in that "overwhelmed" place with sick children and missing time from work. Seems small compared to some of what I've read here, but nonetheless, enough to throw me for a loop...starting with increased water..a doable goal to help get me back on track...reading posts are helpful! Report
Nothing likes life's reality checks to make you grateful for what you have and motivated to keep moving forward. Report
This is so true. I sometimes feel like when I try it's not always going to be the way we want or what we would like. Life is full of surprises some good some bad. How we deal with these so called "surprises" is what reflects how we cope with these situations. In life we only hope for the best and expect the worst. At least I do? Because If I expect life to ALWAYS be fabulous and great then I will be having a lot of disapointments. When you expect the worst then the great happens and you feel relieved but when you have hope you at least know that you have your chances or a great outcome? I always count my blessings and thank the Lord for them every single day of my life!!!
Life is not fair but I am on the road to better health and a more reasonable weight. Three years ago I changed jobs to one I thought would be less stressful and more relaxed. Really really wrong! It was the worst job I had ever had - including one that I quit after a week. I torn an achilles tendon, and on the way into my "pre-surgery" check up I fell in the parking lot and tore the other. So I had to have surgery to reattach both and was in casts on both legs (which puts you in a wheelchair) for eight weeks. Because they would not let me work from home, even though it is an option and I am just an accountant, I had to come in and work from my wheelchair. Because the doctors orders were not to work but to elevate my legs, I left about an hour early each day. So I was fired.

During this time I had to live with my mother in her retirement village so the doors to the bathroom were wide enough to bring in the wheelchair and get through the doorways. This meant sleeping on her couch. My two teenagers were not happy, as there loving father does not know how to cook.

After the recovery from this and getting a new job I found out about nine months later that I had breast cancer. After a couple surgeries, just before I was to start radiation, my husband was in a car accident that almost killed him. He had to have open heart surgery to repair the damaged valve from where he was ran over, after being knocked off his motorcycle. So I had many hospital visits to him, then had to leave for my radiation appointments. During this time I gained 20 lbs, on an already obese frame.

Now that he is better and the cancer is gone I have lost 17 lbs and am using the tools on spark people to continue down to a healthy weight so I will be here to play with grandchildren when I get some! Report
Thank you for the blog and the great comments! Report
Lauren, you are looking gorgeous, dispite your health issues and could be a poster girl for fitness and overcoming. Report
I think sometimes these obstacles are too much to overcome. I worry about my exercise and think how can I possibly do that when there's so many more important things going on. Exercise has helped me get through some of these tough times, though. It's become a way of dealing with many recent deaths, my slew of health problems and injuries, my family's ongoing health problems, multiple surgeries, no job, and more. I can't say that I'm always optimistic, though. I feel that I'm really a pessimistic person. I like this blog and people's stories, though. It's a reminder to me that I have gotten through so many tough life situations, and so have others. It's not impossible - just hard. Report
Frankly, I'm in that moment right now. But I'm just trying to counteract the negative thoughts with positive ones. Report
I as others have said have had dificult times.I remember two very hard times that me and my family have come through.We actually had two rough months this year.In Dec I had surgery on my neck removing 4 disc.About a month later my husband had knee reconstruction.He gotout of the hospital on friday and on Sunday I was put in for pneumonia.I stayed in the hospital for 4days.This was an unsual occurance for both of us to be down.Through the help of our children and the grace of God we got through.
Also about 8 yars ago we had 4 death of close family members.It was only through God giving me the strength to go on. Report
"Life isn't fair"...what an understatement of truth.

I've had mountains of problems avalanche on top of me, some so painful I couldn't conceive how I could recover. Time has been a great healer. It gave me perspective, and I can now put these bad times far back on my personal history timeline. Ancient history.

I wish I could say I found some inspirational way of coping to share with others. But I can't. I do believe all of us have a tiny light inside of us that refuses to be extinguished no matter what happens. But finding that light in the darkness of hard times...that is the real challenge.

Keep running. Keep looking towards tomorrow. Let time do its magic. Let go of the notion that we control every single aspect of our lives, and accept that Life Isn't Fair. Report
This doesn't exactly answer the question, but we're now on year 5 of a kitchen remodel. We originally planned to hire it out, but it became a DIY project after my husband lost his job. And then it became a never-ending project when my husband's father died before they were able to finish it together. Report
Hi Nanacy,

Thank you for your Blog, and prompting this insightful series of comments. My Mother-in-Law passed away two weeks ago following her fight with cancer for the past year. We live overseas, and have been travelling to be with her during this period. I can relate in a small way to what you might have experienced. And certainly, I have had buckets of "too painful to imagine" stuff going on for several years as well.

So many difficult experiences read, and hard to imagine how folks come through them? I have walked myself in to many of mine, frequently wondering as well if I could endure. But we seem to. And I can confirm that the times in my life I best managed my challenges, were those when I was running, swimming and taking the time to take care of myself. It's not always easy to do, especially if you have fallen off track (as I sure have of late), but I hope to find a way to get back to what

Thank you again, and best to all. Report
In a period of 13 months, I interviewed for what I thought was my dream job, lost my father, sold my apartment, bought a house, moved, got what I thought was my dream job, and lost my mother. In that order. These are some of the most stressful transitions in and of themselves, much less at one time. That was 6 years ago.

To be honest, it all seems like a big blur. I remember bits and pieces of crying, going to funerals, going to work with strangers and trying to be on top of my game, picking out things for the was all a jumbled mess. I do know that I stopped working part-time as a fitness instructor and gained 15 lbs. I blamed it on the new job, but I'm not so sure that was the reason. I was used to working 2 jobs and even going to school at the same time. I think I felt like I needed a break, wanted to rest, but my new job was so demanding mentally I always felt stressed. Maybe it was a combination of the job and everything that happened. I wanted everything to stop, but that was the only thing I had control over.

After six years, I am finally starting to live again. It's been a long, slow, mourning process, but I think I'm ready to move on...

I can absolutely relate to the content of this blog as well as to the stories of my fellow spark friends. I am also facing difficult times although I can say I am finally coming out of a very dark time. It is extremely difficult to face some of life's painful situations. I have found that support from family, friends, a competent therapist as well as using my own inner resources have helped me face the facts. It takes time and patience. When there is nowhere to go and much pain to face, I have found that the best thing to do is breathe. Report
I have had MANY "life's not fair" and "why me" moments in my life, but this blog really helped put things in perspective for me. We ALL have those moments, and I need to remember to not turn to food for comfort as has been my habit before SP. Thank you so much! Report
When my husband took a job out of town, I was left behind with the kids to sell the house. It was hard on our family; def. the worst 7 months of our marriage too! My food and exercise was the only thing that held me together. Every morning, if I didn't get my 6 miles of biking and a hour of swimming, I couldn't focus. The daily grind of being a single parent left me an exhausted mess every night. But at least I got my exercise in that morning. I'm so glad that's over and we're all together again! Report
to read this is like to see my life, of course, with some diferences, last december, when my husband and I just decided to retired from years of hard work and move to another quite city, the doctors found in my husband a colon cancer with metastasis in his liver. He was operated that december, he was in quimio treatment for four months, operated again in may from liver, now goes to quimio for six more months, and in between it was the moving to the new city, I was selling the old house (Iīm still selling it) and everything looks like is falling down over me.
but yes the light is there, at the other side of tunel.
We get stronger after all (sorry about my english) Report
A great blog and one I needed to read today! After a toss & turn night worrying about odds & ends going on in my life the thought of just giving up did cross my mind, but I know we need to be thankful for what we do have and continue on day by day. For every bump in the road there is usually smooth sailing around the curve! Report
I've been incredibly lucky in the past year, and I do everything I can to stay grateful for it. But I've definitely had rougher times, and it was in those times that I made a push to care for myself better. I found a lot of solace in taking time for myself, exercising, journaling, reading, reflecting. I surrounded myself with the family and friends I could really rely on. I really tried to take the negative events as a catalyst for positive change. I'm lucky that for now, since I don't have children or infirm family, I can take that time to look after myself when things go wrong, and limit the impact on others. Report
Sometimes it feels like the world is crashing down, doesn't it? "Hold on, help is on the way..." love that song.
Love you Nancy! Thanks for a fantastic blog, again at just the right time.
:) Report
I have definitely had a time when everything felt VERY overwhelming. I dealt with it by joking around - I told everyone I was postponing my nervous breakdown until after my 40th birthday. While it got to be an old joke, it helped me put a lighter spin on things and helped me get through a really tough situation. Report
Thank you... I decided to quit this morning... to come in and send out a mail to all my spark friends and teams telling that I just cannot do this because "life" is just too hectic for me to prioritise myself - in the last year I've lost my dad, had to euthanase my cat, had a friend diagnosed with cancer and an aunt with a tripple by-pass... the last week my moms friend was killed in a house robbery...
... life happens... and we have to work around our problems...
I'm glad that I decided to first read some posts today before I quit... I'm going to do this for myself... and I'm going to reach goal weight... before 1 January 2011.
Thank you... sometimes I think that its just me going through all the ups and downs... Report
hello everyone, my mother who is 80 had a brain anurism. she had surgery and survived, by the grace of God. this humbeling experience has motivated me to get back on track. sometimes it may take a tragedy for a wake up call for some of us. out of this fortunately we both are on the right track Report
Nancy, so sorry to hear of these particular obstacles, but you are soooo right (again). Life will always have obstacles in our paths. It's really what makes us pay attention and learn. What we need to overcome, is the obstacles becoming more important than our path.

Thank you for this blog on this day. You have no idea how many people will be able to benefit from your wise words.

Hugs! Report
We all have obstacles to overcome. Great Article Report
Well put Nancy ~ God always gives us the support we need, when we need it - You have all those supportive and wonderful friends to bring you through your trials. Having read your blogs and updates - I know you include - high school friends and spark friends. You have been blessed, as we have been blessed knowing you. Report
this has been the year from %@!* for me. My wife's grandmother died, my father-in-law had a heart attack, a very good friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer, another friend may have stomach cancer, my best friend (who has dementia) was his by a truck and broke his arm and ribs.... can't wait for 2011! Report
life will never be the same . It will be forever changed . you can rebuild one brick at a time . one day . putting everything back in place and trying to fit all you need to be in your life . You will go on . everyday it will get better . best wishes to you and your familly . hope your new kitchen is all it was meant to be and more . Report
Great Job! I have changed the way I think about things when life happens...I approach getting over that speed bump as arming me with the information I will need the next make anything that comes my way EVEN EASIER!!! Report
Thanks for sharing this. I had just written in my journal, ending it with "one day at a time" and then I read your blog, ending with the same idea. Interesting! Yes, I struggle with many health problems and chronic pain, and sometimes it feels like no matter what I do these health problems will always be with me, but I know that staying healthy, eating right, exercising, is basically my only shot at getting out of the bad health woods, and even though I will still have health problems after keeping my exercise routine and achieving my healthy weight, doing these things can't but help my current physical problems. Yes, I won't have the problem-free body I had 15 years ago, but that doesn't mean to throw in the towel. I have thrown it in before, and all it gets me is.... more health problems! Surprise, surprise LOL So I just keep going, some days it's harder than others, but I can't give up! Thanks again for sharing, it really helps to hear from others. Report
Our friend's son 18 yr old son died in a horrific car accident (drunk ran a stop sign). The same year their 14 yr old daughter was diagnosed with bone cancer. Her parents were always upbeat as their daughter endured many surgeries and radiation/chemo treatments as the cancer metastasized to several parts of her body. The next surgery or treatment would be the cure. That gave their daughter encouragement to earn a nursing degree, get a job and marry a doctor before she died at age 27. A couple of years later her dad was in an uncharacteristic sharing mood as he pulled a worn piece of paper from his wallet. ďLife is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering ó and it's all over much too soon." Woody Allen. It is his reminder not to expect good things in life, but to live each good moment to the fullest. I try to do the same. Report
I do believe everyone has there own sets of problems....My way of handeling things most of the time, is praying and asking God, to help me and all others who have trouble dealing with everyday life.
God bless all! Report
My dear uncle died in 2004 right after his birthday, then my 21 year old cousin with MD died in November, another cousin died in December. In February of 2005 my husband and I did not celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary because he was unemployed and my best friend's ovarian cancer had returned. After a trip to see my family in Europe, I went to Ohio for a family reunion to see one of my younger sisters looking like death warmed over. I asked her if she had seen her cardiologist lately and she said no, but she was going in August I told her to NOT MISS that appointment. August 16th-two days before my 57th birthday my best friend died, on the 28th my sister called to say she needed open heart surgery and I had to be with her because our parents are gone and she wanted her eldest sister with her. We celebrated my husband's 57th birthday in September and in October I was back in Ohio to be with my sister who made through her surgery and is relatively well today. In November we were to celebrate my mother-in-law's 75th birthday, while she and I were picking up the grandchildren my husband had colapsed in the garage. My eldest son, at home for his grandmother's birthday, was frantically trying to get me home without telling me more than his father fell in the garage and they were calling the EMT's. My husband died the next morning on November 19th, 2005 of a cerebral hemorrage due to untreated high blood pressure and diabetes. In a year I lost five loved ones and can only thank God that He gave me the strength to carry on when I wanted to curl up and quit. My five children went in to panic mode the following spring when I had to see a cardiologist for some "mysterious" heart defect. Thank God it was nothing to worry about, but it sure gave me an indication of how much my children and grandchildren still wanted and needed me around. I am truly blessed and grateful to be alive and am now with sparkpeople to bring quality to my health. Report
great blog and comments. thanks for sharing, Report
I was always saying "That's not fair" in one of my classes at highschool and one of my teachers wrote in my memory book "Sandy, always remember, life is not fair". She was so right! But no matter what happens, there is always someone else worse off. I have always told myself that and it helps from getting down about things in my own life. Report
Everyone faces challenges at sometime in their life. I am stronger because of what I have faced. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father and so many family, friends and neighbors and strangers that helped me get through the ups and downs. My faith in God, scriptures and expecially prayer gave me the strength I needed.
We experienced what seemed like years of never ending challenges. My husband went through a couple of job lay-offs. My daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor a year or two after this, followed by another tumor in another part of her body. I lost my parents within a few years of each other. My husband has faced health issues starting in our early years of marriage. The list goes on and on. I wouldn't want to deal with them again and this may sound weird but I am grateful for the experiences. I am stronger than I think I am. Report
Yes, I've had so very many obstacles along my life's journey. Some were overcome with ease and others took longer. However, strange as it may seem, I am a very happy and contented person.
Lee Report
You all have blessed me with your's hard to keep going when the going is tough. Like many of you, I experienced finding the strength I needed to go on from friends, family, and my faith in God. Thanks for sharing! Report
I've have had quite a few obstacles to overcome in life. Many very overwhelming. In fact my psychologist once told me I was a strong women. I didn't understand it that the time, but I truly was strong woman. I have felt like I've been fighting a battle for quite sometime now. I tried to use as many resources I was aware of to help make it through (support groups, doctors, reading, etc.). Report
I've have had quite a few obstacles to overcome in life. Many very overwhelming. In fact my psychologist once told me I was a strong women. I didn't understand it that the time, but I truly was strong woman. I have felt like I've been fighting a battle for quite sometime now. I tried to use as many resources I was aware of to help make it through (support groups, doctors, reading, etc.). Report
I always knew that life was not fair to me as I was growing up. To avoid stressing about it when I had my children I kept myself buried in thinking, caring and providing for them. When it came time for the empty nest, I tried to keep myself buried in working. Then came a car accident that almost killed me. That is when I really had to learn that "patience" really was a "virtue" and I had to facing life for what it was. Lots of things happened in between times and lots has happened since. But when October 2, 2009 came and I had to put my precious dog Little Girl down it like to have destroyed me. Once again I had to keep going because I had my mom who was dying of lung cancer. Talk about putting on big panties. I sure had to do that. Then on November 28, 2009 I had to say good bye to mom as she passed away. She was not only my mom but also my best friend. I know she is now in heaven with my Little Girl and I will be with them again someday. I told myself that life must go on and it has been only I knew that I had to have more to my life and start dealing with all that has happened throughout my life. I deal with things in a different manner. For instance, I started making my bed everyday when I get out of it. I feel it takes 21 days to make a habit and I am doing that one habit at a time. Everytime I think of something bad or negative I thank God that I am so blessed to to be the person I am and have all the things in life that can and will make me happy if I use them.
I want to thank you for reading this blog. Have a wonderful day and be Blessed.
Pat Report
Some of Spark's most simple of motivational quotations can apply to all of us. "Fall down seven times. Get up eight" and "One step at a time" are ones we can all follow.

Even though working through two open heart surgeries (the first at 33 and the second at 44) with a total of nine by-passes seemed overwhelming at the time, I made my way past.

Being diagnosed with diabetes and aware of the long term implications seemed like a huge weight had been placed on my shoulders. 27 years later I'm still giving friends and family a hard time.

Having the electric "Governor" on my heart rate go out and seeing the monitor at my cardiologist's office hit 460 beats per minute was a total shock. Frightened and overwhelmed by the choice of drug therapy with a 20% 5 year survival rate or a defibrillator implanted in my chest with an 80% survival rate after 5 years - but I am still surviving after twelve years.

Just get up and taking that next step. If you need some help, accept it. Lot's of cars need to be jump-started to get going, and they're made of steel and other metals and ballistic plastics.

Not one of us does it alone, so enjoy being helped by a friend. Enjoy it as much as you enjoy helping a friend. Report
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