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I've been watching the Food Channel all day and I haven't seen one good recipe for socks!

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More Health and Weight Loss Cartoons

I can get by on just 2 hours of sleep every day, as long as I nap for 14 hours. My doctor told me to increase my activity. Chewing, changing channels, and napping are activities! I'm making my will. I'm leaving my money to charity, my organs to science, and my cellulite to the donut shop. You know you are a SparkPeople member when you check your SparkMail more than you check yo ur email. Spend more time outside with your dog. Teach him how to throw a stick for you to chase.
Dinosaurs didn't smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, or eat junk food… and where are they now!? My doctor told me to keep in shape. Well, this is my shape and I'm keeping it! After I lose 20 pounds, I'm moving to a new apartment. When my weight comes back, it won't know where to find me! Normally, I don't recommend starch blockers, but this one really works! Fried pork rinds are the perfect diet snack. They crunch so loud, you can't hear the beer or pizza commercials!
If I'm digging my grave with a fork and spoon, wouldn't that burn a lot of calories? My heart has survived 16 girlfriends, 7 fiancees and 4 ex-wives. You think my heart is afraid of a cheeseburger?!

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