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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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6/9/18 10:24 A

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I'm not even that ambitious!

TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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HOPEFUL-DEBBIE's Photo HOPEFUL-DEBBIE Posts: 142
6/3/18 6:23 P

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3/3/18 12:17 P

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So funny! I am with George, only with squash and sweet potatoes. I love broccoli.

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THELMAONSONTAG's Photo THELMAONSONTAG Posts: 165
3/1/18 3:45 P

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"I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli."
- George Bush, U.S. President, 1990



. I believe that I am less likely to procrastinate if I change my "wish" to "will", my "like to" to "try to", and my "have to" to "want to".



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MOLLYMERMAID3's Photo MOLLYMERMAID3 Posts: 77
3/1/18 3:27 P

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Being healthy and fit isn't a fad or a trend. Instead, it's a lifestyle



ISLAORANGESTAR's Photo ISLAORANGESTAR Posts: 17
3/1/18 2:55 P

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command "! http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember,overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend! Food 3.0 and HotLingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.





MOLLYMERMAID3's Photo MOLLYMERMAID3 Posts: 77
2/28/18 8:18 P

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Q: Whats the difference between a jet engine and a flight attendant?
A: At the end of the flight the jet engine stops whining




Being healthy and fit isn't a fad or a trend. Instead, it's a lifestyle



THELMAONSONTAG's Photo THELMAONSONTAG Posts: 165
2/27/18 8:55 P

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My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

. I believe that I am less likely to procrastinate if I change my "wish" to "will", my "like to" to "try to", and my "have to" to "want to".



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MOLLYMERMAID3's Photo MOLLYMERMAID3 Posts: 77
2/26/18 3:13 P

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Being healthy and fit isn't a fad or a trend. Instead, it's a lifestyle



MOLLYMERMAID3's Photo MOLLYMERMAID3 Posts: 77
2/26/18 3:10 P

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What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers:

Cinderelephant emoticon


Being healthy and fit isn't a fad or a trend. Instead, it's a lifestyle



PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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2/13/18 10:26 A

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If wishing were getting, we'd all be millionaires!

TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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2/10/18 11:01 A

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HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I like that.

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ISLAORANGESTAR's Photo ISLAORANGESTAR Posts: 17
1/29/18 5:45 P

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My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "no it doesn't"



I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.





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12/2/17 3:20 P

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That IS funny but the weird thing is, mine does the same thing!



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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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11/9/17 2:21 P

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Patient: "My right foot hurts."
Doctor: "That's just old age."
Patient: "But my left foot is just as old. Why doesn't IT hurt?"

TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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ROCKS8ROX Posts: 2,112
9/19/17 4:52 P

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That's funny! sounds like kids would like that joke!

125SOUTHERNGIRL's Photo 125SOUTHERNGIRL SparkPoints: (20,477)
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9/19/17 12:10 P

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A favorite of my niece and nephew...

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9. :)

"For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Leonardo Da Vinci


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ROCKS8ROX Posts: 2,112
9/19/17 5:24 A

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Love it! emoticon

CBRINKLEY401's Photo CBRINKLEY401 SparkPoints: (220,789)
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9/19/17 12:12 A

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Now that Iím older, hereís what Iíve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. Funny, I donít remember being absent-minded.
4. Funny, I donít remember being absent-minded.
5. If all is not lost, then where is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser.
7. Some days, youíre the top dog, some days youíre the hydrant.
8. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.
9. It is hard to make a comeback when you havenít been anywhere.
10. The world only beats a path to your door when youíre in the bathroom.
11. If God wanted me to touch my toes, heíd have put them on my knees.
12. When Iím finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
13. It is not hard to meet expenses ... Theyíre everywhere.
14. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what Iím ďhere afterĒ.
15. Funny, I donít remember being absent-minded.
16. My git up 'n' go has got up 'n' went...without me
17. Have I sent this message to you before or did I get it from you?
18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.



-Cathy B
Illinois, Central Standard Time Zone

If it's to be, it's up to ME.

Organic Gardeners team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=12953



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LOVEDABUNCH2's Photo LOVEDABUNCH2 SparkPoints: (12,535)
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9/12/17 9:41 P

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love it!

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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8/26/17 1:54 P

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Did you hear about the company that produces ice cubes and ice cream?
All of its' assets are frozen.
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TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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ROCKS8ROX Posts: 2,112
8/21/17 7:33 A

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That's hilarious! Never thought of that before LOL!

WEARINGTHIN's Photo WEARINGTHIN Posts: 8,156
8/21/17 4:00 A

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Really like the one about " because dogs can't read". (Why shouldn't you advertise in the paper for your lost dog?) Glenn

Whatever It Takes!!


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ROCKS8ROX Posts: 2,112
8/12/17 12:28 P

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I love it!

PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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8/12/17 10:28 A

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"As a matter of fact" is an expression that precedes man an expression that isn't.

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ROCKS8ROX Posts: 2,112
8/9/17 1:56 P

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emoticon Hilarious!

PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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8/9/17 11:23 A

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The best way to keep kids at home is to make sure the home has a pleasant atmosphere-- and let the air out of their tires.
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COASTERB's Photo COASTERB Posts: 174
8/5/17 12:14 P

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SKIMBRO's Photo SKIMBRO SparkPoints: (116,526)
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7/25/17 7:52 P

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ROCKS8ROX Posts: 2,112
7/19/17 4:36 P

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That is funny!

ROCKS8ROX Posts: 2,112
7/19/17 4:33 P

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I wonder if I have that same book? And like you, I haven't read it yet!

ROCKS8ROX Posts: 2,112
7/19/17 4:30 P

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I wonder if I have the same book? Like you, I haven't read it yet either!

ROCKS8ROX Posts: 2,112
7/19/17 4:28 P

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Hilarious!

PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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6/5/17 5:07 P

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Money talks--Mine says, "Bye!"

TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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SUNDANCE00's Photo SUNDANCE00 Posts: 242
6/2/17 5:21 P

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6/1/17 4:50 P

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4/29/17 3:16 P

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VANELLA4's Photo VANELLA4 SparkPoints: (7,683)
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3/22/17 8:10 A

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Why did the cookie cry?
Because his mom was a wafer so long.

Eastern Standard Time


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GINGER228 Posts: 87
3/17/17 11:15 A

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3/16/17 12:15 P

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1/1/17 4:30 P

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"Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children."

Doris Day.

TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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1/1/17 4:29 P

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Edited by: PICKIE98 at: 1/1/2017 (16:29)
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HAPPYCAMPER17 Posts: 5
1/1/17 5:44 A

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I have a book about procrastination,but I haven't read it yet.

PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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12/31/16 1:04 P

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How do you make friends with a computer?

Bit by bit.

TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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HAPPYCAMPER17 Posts: 5
12/29/16 4:22 P

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Good work and like your joke,

PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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12/21/16 1:59 P

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Which runs faster, hot or cold?

Hot;anyone can catch a cold.

TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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LINDA719's Photo LINDA719 Posts: 475
12/20/16 10:53 A

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Me too! emoticon

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12/15/16 6:13 P

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When I was 18, I wanted to save the world. Now I'd be happy to save $100."

Earl Wilson

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SALLY_BROWN's Photo SALLY_BROWN SparkPoints: (11,082)
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12/14/16 1:25 A

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I had to stop reading at number TWO - my favourite! I'll have to remember that one!

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11/22/16 3:25 P

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What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
Spring time.

TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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LAPPEROO's Photo LAPPEROO Posts: 2,099
11/21/16 8:35 P

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I've been getting some exercise...doing diddly-squats.

You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough. [William Blake: Proverbs of Hell]

Dare to make your own history; be yourself and lead by example. [Darie Lapp]


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11/21/16 5:26 P

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Oh my goodness! Those are hilarious!! I am still laughing about the spider web one.
Thank you for these, I really needed them after the day I had!!!!!!!!!!!

TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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GOLFINMOMMA's Photo GOLFINMOMMA Posts: 4,252
11/21/16 3:26 P

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1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.





2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.



3. How to prepare Tofu:

a. Throw it in the trash

b. Grill some meat



4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.



5. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.



6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.



7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.



8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.



9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.



10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.



11. I love being over 70. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.



12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.



13. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.



14. November 6, 2016 will be the end of Daylight Savings Time. Hope you don't forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.



15. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Annon

Jan
Looking forward to a whole new me somewhere in my future


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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 SparkPoints: (562,073)
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11/17/16 2:36 P

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My hair is thin, but then again, who wants fat hair?
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TEN YEARS SPARKING!!

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