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SPIEGY's Photo SPIEGY Posts: 1,842
12/21/09 1:53 P

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Oh, boy, my 13 1/2 year old eigth grade son so far expresses no interests in girls. He's definitely a late bloomer and apparently hasn't had his hormones kick in yet. He's also very quiet and I don't know if he would even tell me whether he liked someone anyway. I know a few boys he hangs out with started having girlfriends in 6th grade, but he doesn't seem to care. But I can see how it would be hard when you DO care. I don't know what you can say to make her feel better except to keep being supportive and loving!

"When the blues whomp you up on the side of the head, throw them to the floor and kick them out the door..." -- the B'52s

Phyliss in NJ


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3IN4YO's Photo 3IN4YO Posts: 212
12/20/09 11:52 A

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I have a set of 15 year old twins. Both are beautiful and happy with the choices they are making. They have many boy friends, but no "boyfriends." They are intent on doing their best in school and carry very high GPA's. They discuss boys and have definite ideas of who's HOT and who's ok, but aren't stressed at not dating. It's hard when nobody is really driving yet, anyway. I feel very blessed to have these two girls who have great common sense! emoticon

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KENZIBROOK25 Posts: 2
12/20/09 11:04 A

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I have a 13 year old son, he and his friends are not ready for "girlfriends". They like girls but have found that the best thing about a girl is the frindship you can form with her without the pressure of the label "girlfriend".
When I was in school I was also late in getting a boyfriend and my mom kept telling me it was them not me. That did NOT help me. What did help me is when a friends mom told me that boys are not asking me out because I am assertive and confident, that scares them because they are not at this age. It also helped to know that when boys get a grilfriend they start being pressured into having sex, and intern will pressure the girl. Unless she is ready for that then I would hang back. My bestfriend in school made the mistake of not hanging back and wound up pregnant at 14.
Just be honest with her, dont tell her it is them not her, tell her the reason it is them not her. Think about how you felt at 13 when your friend(s) had boyfriend(s) and you did not, tell her about it. DO NOT be afraid to talk about sex with her, give her the basics and tell her how much it hurts to have a baby and why having a boyfriend at this leads to more teen pregancy.

Hope this helps.

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12/19/09 5:45 P

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It is so hard to be a teen. Just be there for her. Letting her confide in you is a great thing! I always try to be a good listener for my daughter. It seems to help her just knowing I understand and can relate to her feelings. I'm sure your daughter is happy you listen to her too.

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TIAD21's Photo TIAD21 Posts: 545
12/18/09 11:01 P

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My daughter just turned 15 and she was just complaining to me how she is the only girl in her school that has never had a boyfriend. I am happy with this, but I know that she feels left out and wonders "what is wrong with me". I just keep reminding her how beautiful and smart she is and how the boys will be showing up way before I am ready for them...lol. I know it's hard for her now, but we just try to keep her busy doing other things and know that it will all work out in the long run emoticon

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MELODY.N's Photo MELODY.N Posts: 184
1/19/09 10:08 P

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As everyone has said - No. My daughter didn't have too many boys interested in her at that age because she was tiny (still in girls size 10-12 clothes) and frighteningly smart. In grade 10, she looked her age and was uncomfortable with the interest. So tell your daughter that her time may come whether or not she wants it too! She wasn't interested in boys until she met her current boyfriend. They started dating at the end of her grade 11 year (he's a year older) and she's now finishing her 2nd year of university. Its the first real relationship for each of them.

Tell her boys are chicken and might be afraid to show interest or ask her out. On the other hand, my 16 year old has had girls calling him, knocking on our door since grade 6. He's popular, funny, athletic, etc. Although everyone thinks he's really outgoing (always cracking jokes, etc) - he's really quite shy. He's afraid to ask a girl out because he might be rejected. He hangs around in groups with girls & his friends tell him which ones want him to ask them out but he's still nervous. His sister's boyfriend was the same way so he's been getting advice from him! I'm happy that he has lots of girls who are friends and told him not to rush.

Edited by: MELODY.N at: 1/19/2009 (22:09)
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PJWOLFE's Photo PJWOLFE Posts: 126
1/19/09 9:40 P

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You are not only one with 13 yr old without a boyfriend and that is a GOOD THING!!!! my daughter went thru a purity retreat with our youth group that really made a difference, and although we catch her from time to time saying she has a boy - friend, it always ends up he is the perverbial,
" just a friend" and she has actually told others she is not allowed to have a boy friend until older, which is something we have tried to stress, that it is not important or desirable to have one at this age. the youth group really helps with this, so if in doubt maybe it would be good to find a good church youth group to get involved in and help her develope a different type of friendship/ relationship attitude.

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NETTAMARIE Posts: 297
1/19/09 9:06 P

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My DD is 12, soon to be 13, and has no bf. She talks to boys but has no interest in the bf and gf stuff. I tell her it is too soon for that.
I would tell her that the right person for her may not be in that school or is suffering from blindness and/or hormones. She should tell her friends that she hasn't found the right person and he hasn't found her.

BRIDIEK's Photo BRIDIEK Posts: 1,180
1/19/09 4:15 P

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I have a cousin who thought of dating the same way many of us do... She married her very first boyfriend ever at age 48! No she did not ever have children but she waited until she felt right and found the right person. And now 12 years later, couldn't be happier.

Bridget

"Diet" is a four letter obscenity.


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TDAWN8000's Photo TDAWN8000 Posts: 22
1/19/09 11:19 A

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I can talk from both sides of the fence I have a 15 yr. old girl who has only had one serious bf off & on for 3 yrs. then it just ended. They still talk but she says she's over him & now in high school she has lots of guys who like her but she says she doesn't want a bf which is fine w/ me that's one less thing I have to worry about plus she doesn't really have much time for one w/ having so much cheerleading. Then I have a son who is almost 13 & he too has only had one main gf but again he has lots of girls who like him but he's more involved w/ hunting & hanging out w/ his friends he doesn't really want a gf. I agree w/ some of the others, they tend to start out so young these days when they should be more focused on school, sports, or just being a kid & not in such a big rush to grow up!!!

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TENOFUS Posts: 5
1/19/09 10:10 A

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I think you should read the forum on teen pregnancy.
www.rebelution.com is also a great site for teens on this. The book "I kissed dating goodbye" is full of wisdom on this subject.
God's way is best, why not encourage children to be pure for their spouses, save their heart for the one they will marry, and then they won't have so much baggage to bring into a relationship that will last.

TEACHERMAMA2's Photo TEACHERMAMA2 SparkPoints: (0)
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1/18/09 10:53 P

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One of my girls didn't start dating until she was 17. She didn't feel the need to date, and didn't find anyone who interested her until then.

I think kids date too early anyway. I was more than okay with her thinking!

Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.


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PRITTIMO's Photo PRITTIMO Posts: 5
1/18/09 3:55 P

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It's great to hear that there are soo many girls waiting to date and have boyfriends. My daughter is 20 years old, and has said since her teenage years that she doesn't want to date. She wants to wait till she begins a career so she doesn't get convinced to do things that can possibly put her in the position to raise a child alone as I did with her for the first 5 years of her life.

I think it's great and told her that when she is ready she will know. She has many male friends but chooses not to go out alone with them. I just choose to wait patiently with her.


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SUNSHINE-30's Photo SUNSHINE-30 Posts: 61
1/18/09 11:48 A

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Speaking from the other side, I have a 13 year old boy and although he has liked girls in the past, he now says that he does not want a "girlfriend". He likes hanging out with some of girls from school but a few of them got the wrong immpression and starting telling other kids that they were his girlfriend. Now he does not want to talk to them. So I think your daughter should be friends with boys and not get concerned about labels. Easy for me to say, I am not 13...:)

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MRSCDOC's Photo MRSCDOC SparkPoints: (0)
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1/18/09 10:30 A

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Like many of you, I have a 13 yo daughter also. She does not have a bf, nor does she express much interest, except to say certain boys are cute (Hot, i believe is the "in" term). I'm very glad! Trouble enough is just around the corner....I'm not borrowing any for today!
Good luck with your daughters...& sons!

"You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth."
~Shira Tehrani

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
~Carole~


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BRIDIEK's Photo BRIDIEK Posts: 1,180
1/17/09 9:10 P

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My dd is 13 as well and doesn't have a boyfriend. She does like one boy and we know he likes her too. But...I guarantee he won't be around our house anytime too soon...He knows Daddy has lots of shotguns for hunting. rofl.

Bridget

"Diet" is a four letter obscenity.


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MARICARMEN38 SparkPoints: (0)
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1/15/09 10:45 A

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My 14 yr old daughter doesn't have a boyfriend and she is content with that...I guess its normal, she doesn't express a desire to have a boyfriend, she likes boys in school but she doesn't express the desire to "date". Which I am sooo glad.


Maria


Philipians 4:13 I can do all things through he who strengthens me.


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MOMMAK777 Posts: 4
1/15/09 9:42 A

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I have two daughters 14 & 15....both are extremely beautiful. My 14 year old does have a bf this year. Although she had many opportunities in middle school she never really found anyone she wanted to date...lots of guy friends. I am so happy to see that you take an open interest & understanding of your daughters social life. I work with youth and although many parents "forbid" their children to "date" etc. they will make those choices with or without our permission. Having parents to guide them through this and be there to help influence their choices is so important. Your support will give her that confidence and security she needs to get through high school!! Good Luck.

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MISSBUNCLE Posts: 25
1/15/09 9:15 A

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My daughter is 13 next month and her best friend has boyfriend. I wondered if she felt behind the curve with boys but she says, "I'm only in middle school!". Which is fine by me!!

Ah, the drama of middle school girls!!

"I can resist anything except temptation."
-Oscar Wilde


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THICKEMADAME's Photo THICKEMADAME Posts: 46
1/14/09 2:04 P

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My daughter is 15. She will be 16 in May. Currently, she doesn't have a boyfriend. She has friends but chooses to focus on school. I love her for that!!



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TRYINAGAIN3's Photo TRYINAGAIN3 Posts: 1,597
1/14/09 9:39 A

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My daughter is 13 and thankfully doesn't seem to care if she has a boyfriend or not. She has a group of 5 kids she hangs out with regularly two of which are boys. I guess because none of them are dating yet either she doesn't feel out of place. She does have a friend that lives in another state that she sometimes spends the summers (the friend comes here she doesn't go there to visit) with that has been dating boys since she was 10.....Each school and group of friends is different I guess. I would tell her she has all her life to date. Tell her shes so pretty guys are just to scared to ask her :) Then find her some more hobbies to get her mind off of boys. It's funny when I was 14 I had my very first boyfriend. Had a lot of guy friends but that was the first hold hands all day, first kiss and all. We dated for about a month by the end of that month I was so tired of seeing that boys face I couldn't stand it. He was always there walked me to classes, sat with me on the bus, walked me home from the bus stop, and would hang out after school with me and other friends. I couldn't stand it. The oh I have a boyfriend thing wore off really quick. I wasn't ready to have that kind of relationship and once it was out of my system I didn't date again until I was 16....Then I married him LOL!




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MZKTCHR's Photo MZKTCHR Posts: 622
1/14/09 9:33 A

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Peer pressure is an ugly thing and feeling like the odd man (or woman) out can make it even worse.I went through this at a little bit later point with dd1 who is now 19. Just tell her that right now her job is to find out who she is before she can think about including another personality in her life in that way. At her age there seem to be a few that make "boys" their obsession but I'd say most are really not there yet... like the posts seem to show! If she has certain friends that are making her feel bad maybe she needs to try hanging with some of the other crowd.. the ones that still think boys are just friends. That would include my dd2 who turned 13 last month. She doesn't care at all about the dating/bf thing and her bff is a boy! Good luck and hang in there.. just remember nothing is forever.. not potty training and not even teen angst! emoticon



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PAPILIO's Photo PAPILIO Posts: 8
1/14/09 8:27 A

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Ok, let me clarify. I am not trying to get my daughter to date at 13. I am perfectly content with the status quo. But she feels that she is the only girl in her school who has never had any boy ask her out or show romantic interest in her. What would you say to this kid? As adults we can sit back and say "it's all for the best, focus on school/sports". But to the tender heart of a teenage girl?

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BRIDGEMIK's Photo BRIDGEMIK Posts: 1,314
1/13/09 11:03 P

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My dd just turned 13 and doesn't have a boyfriend. I will say that she had a boy in the neighborhood that she has been friends with for 10 years. About a year ago, they liked each other and she told me she got her first kiss. But that was it. He went to a different school and when school started, it all cooled down. They are still great friends, but nothing else.

She feels left out at times I think, but she is left out of a lot of social events by her own choice. She trains for soccer 6 days a week and at this point prefers that over the socializing with boys. I pray every day that she continues with that, LOL!

Bridget

"A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline." -Harvey Mackay


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JMOM2GS's Photo JMOM2GS Posts: 124
1/13/09 10:07 P

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My girls are 12 and 14, and while they have boys that they are friends with, they are not interested in any boy like that yet. Also, we will not allow our girls to date until they are 16 as well, and even then, it will be group outings with their friends. I don't see any reason to rush any of this.





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MOMOFASKATER's Photo MOMOFASKATER Posts: 2,955
1/13/09 10:05 P

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Well my daughter is almost 14 and hasn't had a boyfriend yet. Most of her friends ahve and are dating. She is interested in boys but is pretty busy. She trains 6 days a week, junior coaches, takes dance and is on student counsel. She has ample opportunity to speak with boys at these activities. When she is 16 we will talk about dating.

icesk8rsmom aka: Deb



Smile all of the time. It keeps people wondering what your up to !


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KARALVS2SCRAP's Photo KARALVS2SCRAP Posts: 422
1/13/09 7:49 P

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my kids won't date until they are 16. 13 is way too youngIMHO. they are 12 and 14 and so far we haven't had any problems!

"Life is short. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh
uncontrollably. And never regret anything that makes you smile."



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CAREBEAR2009's Photo CAREBEAR2009 Posts: 43
1/13/09 7:21 P

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My DD is 14 and while I know she is interested in someone, she has yet to announce having a boyfriend. I tell not to rush things. I see parents of her friends who have been encouraging their children to "date" since they were in the 6th grade by arranging times for their kids to get together during the summers to see their "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". I personally have never encouraged it and figure it will happen when it is right for her. Kids grow up way to fast these days with all of the pressures put on them, I don't see any reason to add the stress of trying to fit in with a relationship at this point. On the occasion she does feel "out of loop" when all ofher friends are talking about it, I just remind her of all the nonesense drama that has occurred in the past with her friend's relationships and she seems just fine to leave it alone.

KING*GET*FIT's Photo KING*GET*FIT SparkPoints: (0)
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1/13/09 5:16 P

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My children aren't even allowed to date, which includes having a boy/girlfriend until they are 16. Don't rush growing up. It happens soon enough.

"Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are but princesses that are waiting to see us act just once with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest essence, something helpless that needs our love." -Rainer Maria Rilke



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DAZYMAE7 Posts: 88
1/13/09 4:38 P

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what a smart girl.
you are a very lucky mom!

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MARYKAY64's Photo MARYKAY64 Posts: 409
1/13/09 4:37 P

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I have an 18 year old who has never dated yet. When she was in school she concentrated on school work and said she just wasn't ready for the drama and B*S* that comes with dating guys.

I am worth being thin and healthy!


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DAZYMAE7 Posts: 88
1/13/09 4:01 P

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I have two 13 year old daughters and neither of them date. They both have liked boys and one even snuck to the mall to meet one and they talk on the phone to them but neither have a "boyfriend".

I think it they are way too young to have a boyfriend at this age. I hope they'll wait a couple of years or a few....lol

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JR=HEALTHNUT's Photo JR=HEALTHNUT SparkPoints: (0)
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1/13/09 3:54 P

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My DD is 13, tall, and sweet. No boyfriends, and I am happy about that. It seems to be more of a status symbol w/some girls. She has to concentrate on school and on her sport.

When I was young,I didn't have a boyfriend through middle and high school. Though I felt out of the loop, I am glad I didn't get caught up in all the girl/boy stuff...so, I guess it depends on how things are handled. My DD seems fine...guess the girls she hangs around aren't too focused in that direction.

Edited by: JR=HEALTHNUT at: 1/13/2009 (16:55)
Be kind to people. No one knows what battles they wage.

JR





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92120MOMMA's Photo 92120MOMMA Posts: 4
1/13/09 3:51 P

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As a mom of a 13 year old boy, it's ok! Mine has not had a girlfriend and he thinks it is not the right time for him to have a girldfriend. He hangs out with a group and they keep each other in check, they don't think it's ok to date at this age. If two of them are to break off to be alone they all follow. There is plenty of time for her to date!
Don't know if that helps!

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PAPILIO's Photo PAPILIO Posts: 8
1/13/09 3:00 P

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If you ask her, she'd say "yes". She's just 13, never had a boyfriend and is seriously stressing over this issue. She is physically beautiful, 5'8", strong and opinionated. Personally I think she probably scares the snot out of your average 13 year old boy (which is JUST FINE by me). But I hate to see her upset. Self confidence is fragile at this age and, while it shouldn't come from pimply, awkward boy's approval, she feels left out. Any suggestions?

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