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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,677
7/30/18 9:32 P

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4 Husbands

The local news station was interviewing an
80-year-old lady because she had just gotten
married for the fourth time. The interviewer
asked her questions about her life, about
what it felt like to be marrying again at 80,
and then about her new husband's occupation.


"He's a funeral director," she answered


"Interesting," the newsman thought.


He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling
him a little about her first three husbands and
what they did for a living. She paused for a few
moments, needing time to reflect on all those
years.

After a short time, a smile came to her
face and she answered proudly, explaining that
she had first married a banker when she was in
her 20's,
then a circus ringmaster when in her
40's,
and a preacher when in her 60's,
and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.


The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished,
and asked why she had married four men with
such diverse careers.



(Wait for it)




She smiled and explained, "I married one for
the money, two for the show, three to get ready,
and four to go."



Cherrie
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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,677
6/11/18 5:11 P

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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"



(You're gonna love this.)



The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."


(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)
Never take life too seriously.

Cherrie
Ohio - EDST


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CD23249749 Posts: 418
5/19/18 6:11 P

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CARPROTH's Photo CARPROTH Posts: 19,335
4/22/18 11:59 P

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Healthy Eating

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

Carol


Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land amongst the stars.


Nothing changes when nothing changes.



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TWEETYKC00's Photo TWEETYKC00 Posts: 162,860
4/18/18 3:16 P

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IMUSTLOSEIT1's Photo IMUSTLOSEIT1 Posts: 9,772
4/18/18 3:03 P

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Linda

CDT live on a country road near Alta, Iowa

I am going to watch the carbs.

If you are not going to sprint the horse get out of the saddle

I will learn the difference between an excuse and fact.


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SCRIPTEDFLIGHT's Photo SCRIPTEDFLIGHT Posts: 2,061
4/13/18 1:43 A

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~MJ~

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Alberta, Canada


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TWEETYKC00's Photo TWEETYKC00 Posts: 162,860
4/11/18 10:29 P

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~MJ~

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~MJ~

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4/5/18 10:32 A

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~MJ~

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3/28/18 11:08 A

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~MJ~

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3/26/18 1:07 P

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~MJ~

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CTUPTON's Photo CTUPTON SparkPoints: (202,299)
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2/28/18 11:09 A

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I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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TWEETYKC00's Photo TWEETYKC00 Posts: 162,860
2/19/18 10:06 P

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lol

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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,677
2/19/18 7:30 P

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An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: Aaagh ! -- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500.00

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!!!!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)

Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"


Cherrie
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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,677
2/9/18 11:34 A

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the Weigh-in

www.facebook.com/OffTheLeash
DailyDogCa
rtoons/videos/1568698279873037/


Cherrie
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1/10/18 8:14 A

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Richard, great photo! Hope you enjoyed playing Santa!

chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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TWEETYKC00's Photo TWEETYKC00 Posts: 162,860
1/5/18 9:49 P

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RKOTTEK's Photo RKOTTEK Posts: 23,213
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I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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TWEETYKC00's Photo TWEETYKC00 Posts: 162,860
12/14/17 8:40 P

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DEJU_DIKE's Photo DEJU_DIKE Posts: 788
12/14/17 7:09 P

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12/3/17 8:13 P

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chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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TWEETYKC00's Photo TWEETYKC00 Posts: 162,860
12/2/17 11:27 A

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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,677
12/2/17 11:05 A

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Do you have your Christmas tree yet?

Cherrie
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11/30/17 4:33 P

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LEANMEAN2's Photo LEANMEAN2 Posts: 20,022
11/30/17 6:41 A

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I love it!

Slowly and surely wins the race.


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11/29/17 12:55 P

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emoticon

Cherrie
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11/29/17 12:33 P

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chris

I have to be diligent about caring for myself. 100 DAYS OF WEIGHT LOSS is a great way for me to keep focused. Day 1 is July 1, 2017. Build habits to produce success. Most of these habits I have at least tried before but did not sustain. First habit: delay eating by using a timer.
LONG TERM GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight.Evening Eating Sabotage Myself Frustration ..Help! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=51755


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TWEETYKC00's Photo TWEETYKC00 Posts: 162,860
11/26/17 7:18 P

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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,677
11/26/17 7:08 P

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K9 diet woes

Week 1 www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KDE
FUnY3AY


Week 2 www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALfM
Cume2Xk


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11/18/17 7:28 P

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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,677
11/18/17 1:21 P

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Cherrie
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TWEETYKC00's Photo TWEETYKC00 Posts: 162,860
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MOOGIEBEE's Photo MOOGIEBEE SparkPoints: (31,235)
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11/14/17 5:55 P

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MoogieBee

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” -- Thomas Edison


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AUNTIEANN7's Photo AUNTIEANN7 Posts: 6,996
11/14/17 1:30 P

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Who is bigger, Daddy Bigger or Junior Bigger??






Junior Bigger because he is just a Little Bigger. emoticon

Ann


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LEANMEAN2's Photo LEANMEAN2 Posts: 20,022
11/1/17 11:43 A

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Thanks for sharing! I love them.

Slowly and surely wins the race.


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10/31/17 10:03 P

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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,677
10/31/17 9:39 P

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Cherrie
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