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VAL_LYNNE's Photo VAL_LYNNE Posts: 750
5/28/12 9:23 P

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What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A FRISBEE! emoticon



Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.


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1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 595,523
5/28/12 9:23 P

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WORLDSERIES: That is too funny!

Love is the root of all things good in life.


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WORLDSERIES11's Photo WORLDSERIES11 SparkPoints: (342,431)
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5/28/12 4:32 P

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A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the restroom at John F. Kennedy Airport, when in walked a Marine staff sergeant, dressed in his dress blues. The little boy turned to the Marine and said, “Wow! Are you a Marine?”

The Marine replied, “Why, yes I am, young man. Would you like to wear my hat?”

“Boy, would I!,” said the little boy. He took the hat and placed it on his head and turned to admire himself in the mirror.

As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room. But, this was not just a man — he was more than a man. He was an Airborne Ranger.

The little boy turned and went over to the soldier. As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eyes widened as he stared up at the soldier’s chest full of medals and combat ribbons. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t. Finally, he took a deep breath, and managed to say, “Excuse me, Sir. Are you an Airborne Ranger?”

The Ranger replied with a thunderous voice, “Why yes, I am!! Would you like to shine my boots?”

The little boy smiled, and said, “Oh, no sir!! I’m not a Marine. I’m just wearing his hat


Teresa
in So. Calif.

When you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
--C. S. Lewis

You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.


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HEALTHYLISA's Photo HEALTHYLISA Posts: 487
5/28/12 1:21 P

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My son, Alex (age 8), loves to tell this joke:
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Alex
Alex Who ?
Just let me in, Alex-splain later !

Fruit by the foot humor compliments of my kids:
Why did the lion lose at cards ? He was playing with a cheetah ! (I like this one LOL)
What kind of stories do giraffes tell best ? Tall tales.
What bird is always out of breath ? A puffin.





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SPARKFRAN514's Photo SPARKFRAN514 Posts: 64,636
5/28/12 1:04 P

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knock knock
whose there
arent you
arent who
arent you glad we don;t do this every day



Fran
live in Spokane Wash
standard time zone
Invincible Indigos
star fish e leader
several fun spark teams cheering each other on to the finish


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5/28/12 1:02 P

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I will have to go back to the days of "Floppy" and only old central Iowan's will remember that show!

What did one wall say to the other?
Meet you in the corner!

Why did the man throw his clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly!
emoticon

And if you can take on more:

What is black and white and red all over?
A newspaper! (read) emoticon

Sorry! emoticon These are the only one simple enough for me to remember!!

Happy Memorial Day everyone!

Chris


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1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 595,523
5/28/12 11:16 A

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These jokes are so bad I forgot to smile. Well, it COULD happen! emoticon

1. What kind of a horse goes out after dusk? (drumroll please) . . .
A NIGHTMARE

2. How does the man in the moon cut his hair (alright, forget the drumroll!)
Eclipse it.

3. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the softball team? (ok, it's alright to groan here) . . .
Because she ran away from the ball!

4. Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? (last on, I promise!)
It is making headlines.

Alrighty, on that note, have a great Memorial Day.

Love is the root of all things good in life.


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CMW123's Photo CMW123 SparkPoints: (0)
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5/28/12 7:12 A

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A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the
duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!"
she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."


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CMW123's Photo CMW123 SparkPoints: (0)
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5/28/12 7:08 A

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So Descartes goes into a bar late one night for a beer.
At closing time, the bartender makes Last Call and asks him, “Get you another?”
Descartes replies, “I think not.” And disappears.

emoticon

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