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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 14,420
6/3/19 6:49 P

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Day 57 People make me eat

When we want to connect with people, food becomes the string that pulls us together. Sometimes your efforts to connect donít even work. Heading to the refrigerator might seem like a good solution, but food canít make up for the absence of good companionship or meaningful conversation.

Today

Identify situations where you eat to please someone or because itís expected.
ē Write a statement that describes how you will avoid giving away your power by eating to please others.
ē Create a plan for managing the situations where you eat to please someone. Put it in place today.


Identify situations where you eat to please someone or because itís expected.

When invited to someone's home and they prepare a meal, I don't want to disrespect their efforts or judge their food choices.

At social gatherings, it is easier to eat like I want because there is usually more variety of choices and if I know that the type of gathering will have food way off what I usually eat, I can eat something healthy before I go (so I won't be hungry and end up eating something I have decided ahead of time not too) and I can take smaller amounts of food and I can completely skip food I don't want to eat

ē Write a statement that describes how you will avoid giving away your power by eating to please others.

I will eat and appreciate what someone else prepares in their own home. Luckily I have no food allergies or problems with specific foods. I will eat a reasonable amount and it will be one meal, among 21 in a week, and won't throw me off kilter. I will stick to my plan at home.


ē Create a plan for managing the situations where you eat to please someone. Put it in place today.

- eat reasonable portions
- when at home, eat according to my own plan
- don't obsess over one meal
- be thankful to the meal preparers


Gill's example is the most difficult scenario imaginable, staying with child, and grandchild in their home for several days and wanting to be on good terms with all, also and maybe even especially with the daughter-in-law, who in this case is the food preparer and who is going to be most sensitive to being judged. After all, your kid and grandkid are going to be more accepting and will feel less judged by your actions. This is not just one meal. And there is no doubt a strong wish to connect with close family and please them, not judge them. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation, and I don't have to face it. I would really regret anything that decreased connecting opportunities, but I would have to think of my lifestyle guidelines and reasons for the choices I make as well.

Edited by: JUNEPA at: 6/3/2019 (19:02)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,671
5/29/19 10:43 A

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DAY #57 PEOPLE MAKE ME EAT - ROUND 2

Geez, can I ever relate to this lesson. I'm afraid to even look at what I wrote in Round 1. Gill said it very well - "I still struggle with feeling the need to eat what other people suggest, things I don't want to eat, or having seconds or extras when eating with a friend, or at a party, or out for lunch because it seems like good manners to fit in with people".

ID SITUATIONS WHERE YOU EAT TO PLEASE PEOPLE OR FEEL IT IS EXPECTED:

1. I did this just the other night when I went to dinner with a friend. She talked me into having desert after our dinner and wanted me to choose which one we would share. Thank goodness we shared! Desert is my kryptonite! I know I shouldn't eat it, period.

2. Sometimes my dad will bring desert when he comes to our house for dinner. Thank goodness he doesn't bring it every time.

3. I am the only one in our family who is trying to loose weight and cares about eating healthy which makes cooking at holidays and family gatherings difficult. I have tried to make some of our traditional dishes healthier, but only get a bunch of grumbling from the crowd so I have given up even trying.

4. One of those family people who could care less about eating healthy is my DH. God bless his soul! Just last night he announced he was making his popcorn for TV time and asked if I wanted some too. Thank goodness my resolve was strong last night. There have been many times when it has not been.

I do not view myself as a people pleaser most of the time. I usually do not hesitate to speak up when I don't like something. But I want to connect with people, to feel closer to them, and, as Linda tells us, food becomes the string that pulls us together.

WRITE A STATEMENT THAT DESCRIBES HOW I WILL AVOID GIVING AWAY MY POWER BY EATING TO PLEASE OTHERS:

"Food can't make up for the absence of good companionship or meaningful conversation".

My Mantra: I MATTER AND WILL PROTECT MY PLAN!

Edited by: FUNLOVEN at: 5/29/2019 (10:47)
Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,702
5/25/19 4:55 A

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Day 57 People make me eat

When we want to connect with people, food becomes the string that pulls us together. Sometimes your efforts to connect donít even work. Heading to the refrigerator might seem like a good solution, but food canít make up for the absence of good companionship or meaningful conversation.

Identify situations where you eat to please someone or because itís expected.
ē Write a statement that describes how you will avoid giving away your power by eating to please others.

So hard, this week it was my hubby's birthday so he encouraged me to eat the Chocolate cake and the Thornton's chocolate he had been given. I had ensured I didn't eat much else to 'accompany' this extra as I have been know to do sometimes (linked to day 25). I actually restricted my extras that day.

My hubby does 'make me eat' sometimes but I also make my own choices and even when he is having extras I try to 'choose myself' if I want to eat the extras he is eating and try to remind myself of the 100 day lessons and the lessons of my eating plan.

I feel I am made to eat at my friends house, at parties or Barbecues but still try to make good choices.

Edited by: DSJB9999 at: 5/25/2019 (04:58)
Donna
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YOUNG-AT-HEART's Photo YOUNG-AT-HEART Posts: 1,806
5/22/19 10:58 A

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emoticon DAY #57 emoticon

Day 57 - People make me eat



When we want to connect with people, food becomes the string that pulls us together. Sometimes your efforts to connect donít even work. Heading to the refrigerator might seem like a good solution, but food canít make up for the absence of good companionship or meaningful conversation.



Today

1. Identify situations where you eat to please someone or because itís expected.
Family gatherings, birthday parties, holiday celebrations





2. Write a statement that describes how you will avoid giving away your power by eating to please others.



I will use self-talk and remind myself I am eating for my health and not to please another person. I will remind myself I was pre-diabetic before I started living a healthy lifestyle.

3. Create a plan for managing the situations where you eat to please someone. Put it in place today.





I will just say ďNoĒ to anyone pushing food. Itís not that I canít eat certain foods, but I choose not to eat them. I may eat eat certain foods and treats in moderation.






Just for fun...




Edited by: YOUNG-AT-HEART at: 5/22/2019 (11:05)
~~~MARILYN ~~~
Virginia - Eastern Time Zone
The worst thing to be without--hope.
The most effective sleeping pill--peace of mind.
The main reason my past diets failed--lack of motivation.
The greatest "shot in the arm"-- encouragement.


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 19,257
5/22/19 4:31 A

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Our bodies soon let us know if we're fuelling it with the wrong stuff - even if our hearts & minds justify it. I agree, Phyllis - I like it when I feel good!

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp




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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,609
5/21/19 7:32 P

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Day #57 People make me eat
emoticon But it was my birthday yesterday! emoticon
I actually woke up feeling like I had a hangover and I had no alcohol.
Today Iíve been back to normal and expect to continue on that track because I like when I feel good!



Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. ďNever give up on the dream!Ē


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MADAMEJEANNE's Photo MADAMEJEANNE SparkPoints: (80,157)
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5/21/19 12:35 P

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#57 People make me eat
1. Birthday parties
Potlucks
Going out with friends or family
After I come home from any social event
2. Our family usually has a healthy option and I can bring one
At a potluck bring a desert I can eat
With friends and family if I ask them to help me they
3. Today I bought a caffeine free zero calorie drink and flavored triple zero Greek yogurt instead of ice cream.

Edited by: MADAMEJEANNE at: 5/21/2019 (19:52)
Matthew 11:28 Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden and I will give you rest unto your soul.


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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,890
5/21/19 10:29 A

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I can relate to Gill's email and post below. I've been in those situations. I think people are trying to welcome us, prepare foods especially for our visits/celebrations. Their intentions are good but when I give in I definitely suffer. On the flip side, there were times when I'd think 'Oh, great. My sister will fry chicken (Note: I grill or bake it) and she makes it sooo good.' So I was also looking forward to it. Definitely paid the price. I felt bloated, heavy, etc.

Good plan for your next visit, Gill.

Babs
SW Illinois - CST


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 19,257
5/21/19 5:45 A

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The last time we did this book, I wrote quite a long entry about how much I've overcome the pressure from other people to make me eat. I no longer get forced into eating a cake I don't want to eat, or having seconds or extras when eating with a friend, or at a party, or out for lunch.

BUT - I have just come back from a visit to family and staying in someone else's house brought up different challenges for me: it's their house, their customs, their routines. And it seemed like good manners to fit in with them.

This isn't quite the situation that Linda talks about in the book. But I had four days of basically eating things I didn't really want to eat. They weren't bad things - but there was wheat-based food at every meal (which I usually avoid completely), and very few fruit & veg. I mean VERY FEW - like 'spot the veg!'

My plan for my next visit is not to stay with them - but to stay in an airb&b or travelodge type place where I can do my own meals, and just see them during the day.

On the first day, I did get a good vegan, whole-food lunch which i bought at a cafe, with my d--i-l. On the last day I did get a good vegan, whole-food lunch by buying a Wicked salad bowl from the supermarket.

We did have a good connection - but I felt very out-of-control with my eating once the carbs got a grip of me. I was constantly hungry for 'something'.

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp




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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,090
12/26/18 3:48 P

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Day 57 People make me eat

Unfortunately, I know a few toxic people and I'm learning to set boundries.
If I can't stay far away ~
Remember to breath and shake them off my mind with meditation.

Five Types of People to Avoid u.nu/kn0q
emoticon Stop monkey mind * Deep Breaths * drink water * no eating till calm

Edited by: AURA18 at: 5/21/2019 (08:08)
Maribeth MN CT Black Panthers draxe.com/ dance u.nu/ixjy planks u.nu/9w-u hands u.nu/httpsunu7lag
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CAROLYNINJOY1's Photo CAROLYNINJOY1 Posts: 12,173
9/12/18 1:51 A

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100 More DWL , Day 57 People make me eat

When we want to connect with people, food becomes the string that pulls us together. Sometimes your efforts to connect donít even work. Heading to the refrigerator might seem like a good solution, but food canít make up for the absence of good companionship or meaningful conversation.

Today

Identify situations where you eat to please someone or because itís expected.
ē Write a statement that describes how you will avoid giving away your power by eating to please others.


ē Create a plan for managing the situations where you eat to please someone. Put it in place today.

I'll have to come back to this lesson when it applies. Right now, food is simply fuel. People don't make me eat.

Joy is a Choice. Choose joy moment by moment.

When all else fails, persistence prevails.

Injoy:) Carolyn

(Arizona - Mountain Standard Time)

My personal story as a blog:
https://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_p
ublic_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6
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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,090
8/25/18 7:11 P

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Day 57 People Make Me Eat (food pushers)
Drink water and say I'm waiting or I'm good and change the subject
more tips u.nu/0dny

Enlarge image u.nu/oen8
It's not easy but I stick to foods on my plan LCHF.
Avoiding these food for so long, I feel sick and tired (tiny amt. okay)


Edited by: AURA18 at: 5/21/2019 (08:16)
Maribeth MN CT Black Panthers draxe.com/ dance u.nu/ixjy planks u.nu/9w-u hands u.nu/httpsunu7lag
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OHANAMAMA's Photo OHANAMAMA Posts: 28,100
8/22/18 11:25 A

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Today

ēIdentify situations where you eat to please someone or because itís expected.
cake times... (baby showers, retirement parties, pot lucks,...)
ēWrite a statement that describes how you will avoid giving away your power by eating to please others.
I will not eat solely to please another person or be pressured into having just a bite cause "you gotta try this it's fabulous!"
ēCreate a plan for managing the situations where you eat to please someone. Put it in place today.
I can defer to another time... "No thank you. I'm not hungry right now, maybe later."
I can be honest... "No thank you, I stopped eating sugar over 3 months ago and I don't want to mess that up cause I feel so much better now."
I can simply decline without having to explain anything... "No thank you."

~ Renee ~

Turn your magic on.


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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,671
8/15/18 8:27 A

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Day #57 People Make Me Eat

Here are some of the statements in this lesson that struck me:
1. Because I want to feel close to - - -
2. Because I want to connect with - - -
3. Because I don't want to hurt - - - feelings


One situation that is frequently problem for me is when my 91 yr. old father invites us for dinner. This is a HUGE deal in his life and he does a wonderful job at making it nice and preparing the couple of dinners he knows how to cook well. Now how am I suppose to say "No" to that?! It is very difficult.

My dad usually comes to my house instead so the above situation doesn't happen too often. He loves his deserts. We always had them after dinner when I grew up. He knows I do not have anything in my house that would be considered desert and he usually says "OK. I'm going home now to have my cookies". Sometimes, however, he will stop at the store on his way to our house and buy a pie telling us jokingly "I thought Larry could use a treat tonight". The problem, of course, is that I eat some too! I don't want to hurt his feelings after he was so thoughtful and kind.

The third situation that came to mind was family birthday parties. Who can turn down cake & ice cream on such a special occasion?!

Of course, these situations can all be managed with a bit of portion control, but if I was successful at being able to do that I would most likely have desert/sweet things in my home. Sweets are one of my trigger foods!

I really need to learn how to say "THANK YOU BUT NO THANK YOU"!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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READY201811's Photo READY201811 SparkPoints: (108,376)
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8/13/18 10:57 P

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Day 57 people make me eat
Out of love my make makes a special pie just for me every time she knows we are coming. We do favor for friends and feel they need to take us out to eat as a way to say thank you. We help out a recent widow and her husband always brought her ice cream and since she doesnít have that anymore she knows we are coming and has it to eat with her as a special treat.
Finding ways to improvise by trying a bite, saving for later, throw it away when noone is looking

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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,609
8/13/18 10:43 A

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Oops, already posted! emoticon


Edited by: MAWMAW101 at: 8/13/2018 (10:46)
Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. ďNever give up on the dream!Ē


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CAT125's Photo CAT125 Posts: 28,604
8/13/18 7:56 A

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Day 57 People make me eat





Cat, in Florida
Eastern Time Zone


Pounds lost in 2020......


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 19,257
8/13/18 7:24 A

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Oh my goodness! I highlighted almost ALL of today's lesson.

This USED TO BE how I was. As a child I developed the habit of being easily-persuaded to 'finish up that last piece' - I was the family 'dustbin'!

That habit lingered a long time into my adulthood - at any social event I'd be the one who would pick away at food on the dishes until it was gone; I was the one who'd submit to the pressure of being offered a second-helping, or especially 'finishing up that last piece' of something!

The No S diet was the first thing that helped me stop doing this - a single plate of food; no seconds, no sweets, no snacks. I began saying that I'd had enough after my one plate. I started saying 'no thank you' to desserts, cookies, snack foods.

Gradually this became easier and easier, until now, people who know me well don't even offer me this stuff any more.

I used to be afraid of offending people or upsetting the relationship by not conspiring to eat cake with my friend. I found as long as I just say 'not for me, thanks' - and not going on about it - other people are surprisingly comfortable to eat cake without me! Other people are relieved not to have to provide biscuits and snacks because they don't want to eat them either really!

The sooner we stop trying to make other people eat, the better! I don't do it to other people now either - I no longer offer cakes, cookies, seconds, etc routinely. I used to think it was just being hospitable - but it's not. It's just as easy to offer a nice coffee, or even a few grapes or nuts if I think someone needs something to nibble.

If I do find myself faced with the 'I bought one for you!' situation, I usually now say 'thanks, I'll save it for later' - then I can get rid of it, or save it for another day.

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp




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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,609
8/13/18 7:01 A

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Day #57 People make me eat
A friend was going to come to my house to work on a sewing project.
She is a regular lunch buddy but I assured her I didnít want to drive to town to eat, then come home to sew.
She called to say she would pick up lunch to bring but I said I already had my lunch planned. So we decided she would pick up her lunch, come on out to my house and we would eat together. When she arrived she had picked up doughnuts and had a special one for me. Yup, I ate the doughnut.

I have had many occasions with that friend to take back my power and only the first time was difficult. Once I stopped giving in she stopped pushing but on occasion makes a comment about what I order but follows it with ďi know you just want to be healthyĒ and she is right!

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. ďNever give up on the dream!Ē


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TOPS2KOPSVILLE's Photo TOPS2KOPSVILLE Posts: 23,911
8/13/18 6:03 A

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Day 57 People make me eat
When we want to connect with people, food becomes the string that pulls us together. Sometimes your efforts to connect donít even work. Heading to the refrigerator might seem like a good solution, but food canít make up for the absence of good companionship or meaningful conversation.
whenever you eat to avoid hurting people's feelings, you hurt yourself instead. Take care of your own needs instead of eating to please others. Eventually they will stop pushing you to overeat."
Today
Identify situations where you eat to please someone or because itís expected.
ē Write a statement that describes how you will avoid giving away your power by eating to please others.
ē Create a plan for managing the situations where you eat to please someone. Put it in place today.

Leslie Knudson
MN Area Captain TOPS
ASK ME ABOUT IT
www.tops.org
Central time


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CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
5/8/18 9:57 P

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Day 57 People make me eat

When we want to connect with people, food becomes the string that pulls us together. Sometimes your efforts to connect donít even work. Heading to the refrigerator might seem like a good solution, but food canít make up for the absence of good companionship or meaningful conversation.

Today

Identify situations where you eat to please someone or because itís expected.
ē Write a statement that describes how you will avoid giving away your power by eating to please others.


ē Create a plan for managing the situations where you eat to please someone. Put it in place today.

Link to day 56
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
team_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=200
58x211
94x69021028


Link to day 58

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/
team_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=200
58x211
94x69021034


Edited by: CD13384562 at: 5/12/2018 (16:39)
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