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THETROUT's Photo THETROUT Posts: 1,740
12/2/19 8:02 P

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Day 85 - Let it Go!

I really try to lay down my anger, resentment, etc. at the feet of Jesus. I also have a couple of good listening friends who help me to process.

Don't think I've got this all under control. I still have a bit of resentment about the amount of effort I put into Thanksgiving dinner and how little others did. I'm hoping to have a "game day review" session with my good listening friend to process how it can be better next year.

Janet in Georgia

Just using SP suggested calorie/protein/carb range

Perfection is not the Goal; Slow and Steady wins the race


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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,609
12/1/19 10:04 P

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DAY #85 LET IT GO

I agree that when I give up my expectations I sometimes find myself wondering "Why do I always have to be the one who gives in? "It's not fair!"

I used to let these kind of thoughts get the best of me and fill me with resentment. I would tell myself "I've had enough of this! I'm done being the only one who gives in!" But, as it is pointed out to us in this lesson, this only serves to allow my negative feelings of anger, resentment, and frustration to keep eating at me. This reaction does nothing but hurt me in the long run.

Journaling about these situations and feelings has been a great resource and release for me. It helps me LET GO and turn myself towards kindness, love, joy, and so much more that is good!



Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 14,253
11/29/19 11:31 P

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Day 85 - Let it go


set a time limit on your feelings, and then let them go.

I think it is better to resolve feelings than just let them go. They are going to come back, they are not going to go away. Feelings have reasons, it is worth exploring and resolving them.

I can let go of indulging in bitterness and resentment. I prefer to direct my feelings into trying to see the big picture and understanding the feelings. If I can't resolve them, I let them go for now, but hope to understand later. Without bitterness, with faith in a higher power.


June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,463
11/29/19 8:14 A

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Day #85 Let It Go

As far as sometimes holding a grudge, I am guilty, but at least now I am aware of it and thank heavens I have an awesome friend who lets me vent when I need to. It makes it much easier to get past whatever it is.

Recently I spent a couple of days at a wonderful place where I was able to think about my life and how I want it to be. One of the things I spotted there was a labyrinth and I took the time to walk it and at the end I placed hurts of my past there and have been able to “let them go!”
It is a heart-warming exercise.

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
2/2/19 5:33 A

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This was from Brave Girls Club on 2nd Feb 2019

QUOTE
"Dear Good Soul,

So....what's the first thing you think of when you see the picture right under this message? Yes, take a moment to see and read it before we move on...

Did something come right to your mind?

Well...that's probably the thing it's time to let go of...because it's too heavy and it's holding you back. Because you were never meant to carry it all this time.

You are not the crummy things that happen to you. You are not your disappointments or your mistakes. You are not your bad mood, or someone else's bad mood, or your careless act, or any of the other labels that come when something crummy happens in your life...even if it feels like you may have been part of making it crummy.

You are a human being, and you are learning something new every day.

And you are good. You are made of goodness. And your life is meant to be good too.

You are getting better, and wiser, and more equipped. That path to wisdom and peace, all of the crummy things that happen are what get us there fastest, it seems!

You are doing a great job.

Let yesterday go. Be done with it. Walk onto your light-filled path and make today a better day."END QUOTE

I get their daily truths email - always uplifting
bravegirlsclub.com/archives/category
/d
aily-truths


Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
1/30/19 4:45 A

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When I woke up this morning, even sitting quietly with my coffee in my emotional 'safe space' with the fairy lights and the fake fire.......... my mind was still mulling over work stuff from the previous day.

emoticon

I decided to count down from 100 in my head (something suggested by a Spark friend recently) and it did help. Gave my mind something else to do.

But having just done this lesson, I really noticed how hard it was to let go!

and I've been using that stretch - and showed some other people at work.

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 1/30/2019 (04:46)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,650
1/29/19 3:25 P

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TOPIC: Day 85, 100 days Let it go

First I must say I like the stretch Paula and will try it again to ease tension!

Linda suggests we should set a time limit on your feelings and let them go rather than allowing negative feelings to fester or grow! Decide how long to hold on to emotions, pick a time limit, close your fist tightly around your feelings (written on paper or mentally) and send these thoughts into outer space.

I did try this last night as my MiL was worrying about something and I was worrying at bedtime so I thought of it and squeezed it from my hand and thoughts and then blew it away from my hand, I slept much better after that and will try to use this technique again when needed/useful. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
1/29/19 2:09 A

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Most things fade over time.............but I know that I can feelings can be revived too. At the moment the scale is up slightly, and I find myself reviving negative feelings about my ability to stick at things - like a diet or exercise plan.

Thanks for sharing. Losing family and friends to death is certainly one that we don't always want to 'let go' of - changing how you think about it is a good idea, Babs.

I just tried that stretch, Paula - it certainly does squeeze out the tension in the back of the neck and shoulder-blades. Better than just shrugging the shoulders.

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 1/29/2019 (02:11)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,314
1/28/19 6:26 P

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Day 85 Let it Go

Hard, hard lesson in life isn't it? There are so many things that we just have to allow to stay in the past; events, harsh words, disappointments, hurts, resentments... We just have to be able to accept that they happen; they can't be undone; you cannot change them and you definitely cannot EAT them.

I know because I've tried....You just have to let them go.

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

Eastern Standard Time




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WALKINGSPARK's Photo WALKINGSPARK Posts: 11,961
1/28/19 4:45 P

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Trying to let it go! emoticon

Blessings!!


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PAULALALALA's Photo PAULALALALA Posts: 27,030
1/28/19 4:08 P

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I enjoyed the links Gill posted (Thanks, Gill!) in this morning's email. I've saved the Woman's Day one because of so many good ideas I want to try. I just now tried *this one by placing my hands on opposite shoulders crossing near wrists, and reversing hand on top each time. I guess they could have meant to put each hand on it's "own" shoulder, and that might be interesting to try too....

*"20 Place your hands on your shoulders, elbows close to your body. Inhale and bring elbows up as far as possible, stretching your head back. Exhale as you return elbows to start position. Repeat several times."

It's good to have some things in mind like this to at least try when emotions are overwhelming and that desire to eat to numb them is so powerful.



Edited by: PAULALALALA at: 1/28/2019 (16:09)
Paula -- Waco, TX area
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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,851
1/28/19 1:24 P

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This is a powerful and emotional lesson for me. I know I have to 'let go' and sometimes that is difficult for me. I lost my son 3 years ago and I lost my sister in March 2018. Depression/sorrow/sadness is not my normal make-up, but boy those 2 losses took the wind out of my sails.

I like the idea of opening my arms - letting go. Maybe I can squeeze, open my arms and say 'See you on the other side!' I'll try that. I have found that journaling is a tremendous help.

Babs
SW Illinois - CST


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
1/28/19 12:47 P

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Writing things down does seem to be a powerful way of off-loading feelings. It doesn't seem to make much difference to me whether I throw it away or tear it up or not - but I'm willing to do that if it is helpful.

I don't have anyone I'm feeling sore about at the moment! That's good news!
emoticon

I have seen several things lately that have given me the message to focus on the present, don't look back...........(like Maribeth's Snoopy quote below) and I think I'm getting much, much better at that.

I do, perhaps, limit my future by holding onto past experiences, especially failures in the past that make me afraid to try again - or repeat the same mistakes.

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 1/28/2019 (12:59)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,068
1/23/19 12:23 P

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emoticon Linda u.nu/q-pk
emoticon Freedom - let feelings go - stretch arms out plams facing up - mentally picture negative emotions flowing down arms and out through fingers - watch them drift away. Eating won't solve problems - food is nourishment. Set time limit & move forward to productive, creative pursuits. Lets Go! walking outdoors, indoor tracks, keep active.

"Let go of life-raft" u.nu/9tw3 Stres busters u.nu/ktv2

Edited by: AURA18 at: 1/28/2019 (19:10)
Maribeth MN CT Black Panthers draxe.com/ dance u.nu/ixjy planks u.nu/9w-u hands u.nu/httpsunu7lag
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6/1/18 9:57 A

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This is a difficult lesson and to learn and maintain.

I had a counselor tell me that unresolved feelings are like beach balls being shoved under water. The more you shoved them down … the more they will resurface until you truly let the air out of them by dealing with them. Do the things you can to resolve them and then … let them go.

emoticon

Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
5/29/18 3:42 A

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emoticon
for sharing those things - I find them very helpful.
emoticon

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
SKIRUNNER1's Photo SKIRUNNER1 Posts: 2,261
5/28/18 4:22 P

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I don’t think letting go of feelings is very easy if we try to do it with our minds. At least for me.

I remember coming home from work angry. It didn’t matter if I had already handled the situation. I was angry and didn’t know what to do with the feeling. My husband used the term “dissipate”, as in “let it dissipate,” and I found that worked, especially if I didn’t try to think too much about it.

Later, I heard a podcaster (Brooke Castillo) talk about feelings. She defined them as vibrations in our bodies and suggested we feel them, acknowledge them while we let our minds sort of step back and observe. Then, after the feeling becomes less intense, we can think about them and what our thinking is behind them. (This is my simplified version...)

These quotes are from her podcast #29, titled “How to Feel.”

“...feelings need to be felt. They are vibrations in our body. When we resist those vibrations, we cause ourselves problems. It does not make them go away. Avoiding them, pretending they're not there does not make them go away. It doesn't stop you from feeling them. It just pushes them down and creates all sorts of avoidance patterns and reacting issues.”

And another quote: “ if you pretend like it isn't there, you do not overcome and in fact, you end up letting it determine your action with very little awareness.”

I think this is less easy for long festering feelings - I used to do my damnest to avoid what I didn’t want to feel again, but it does work...some I have to “let go” over and over and over, but the fear of feeling so badly starts in itself wearing off.

Added: I just remembered I have these quotes on my Spark goal board (which I still use, even though it’s hidden pretty well) —




Edited by: SKIRUNNER1 at: 5/28/2018 (16:32)

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
5/28/18 2:57 P

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emoticon
gosh, how time flies!


Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
FOCUSONME57's Photo FOCUSONME57 Posts: 7,356
5/28/18 2:02 P

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If only releasing the pounds was as easy as releasing the anger and other emotions rather than bottling them up inside and trying to bury them with food! Then again, if that were the case, I wouldn't be here.

In my 4th year as a widow, I still have days when the pain of the loss is too great, and I still reach to the wrong types of foods to bury it.

I am a work in progress.

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
5/28/18 1:49 P

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It's definitely worth a try! I find the beach is the 'easiest' place to do this - pick up a pebble and squeeze it for a while, then toss it into the sea. I think that, for me, for most things, I have to throw a pebble more than once..................



Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
PAULALALALA's Photo PAULALALALA Posts: 27,030
5/28/18 11:58 A

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Good lesson, and I was also intrigued by Gill's remarks in the sparkmail about old memories surfacing when we release weight or bad habits. I've had this happen to some extent in the past....and some of the memories were ....uncomfortable. So I do think there is something to this idea.

I find is so much harder to let go of my own past mistakes than wrongs done to me by others. I sometimes have these sharp memories of mistakes I made in the past hit me -- both the cringe-worthy "what was I thinking?" small missteps that made me look and act like a turkey; and then the more serious lapses in judgement.

I will work on the activity of holding whatever issue is troubling me in the palm of my hand for awhile, then consciously letting it go. It was suggested that one might even do this several times. Can't hurt, right? emoticon

Paula -- Waco, TX area
CST zone

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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,463
5/28/18 9:05 A

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Day #85 Let It Go
For me this is a hard lesson to continually live by.
I am doing much better in dealing with food issues and find it easier to use other solutions when I am disappointed, angry, hurt or frustrated.
However as far as sometimes holding a grudge, I am guilty, but at least now I am aware of it and thank heavens I have an awesome friend who lets me vent when I need to.

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,068
5/28/18 7:33 A

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emoticon Time limit to consider options, then Let-Go! Food doesn't solve problems. Ongoing work dilemma with negative person. Actually eating less and exercising more to remove tension. Let go of daily mistakes faster, prevents build-up. Lets Go! walking to think clearly ***Freedom from negative thoughts.
emoticon Food is nourishment. Fitness is fun. emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon Reduce Stress with your Senses bit.ly/2wntE8A bit.ly/2hZfUJT

Edited by: AURA18 at: 1/23/2019 (14:04)
Maribeth MN CT Black Panthers draxe.com/ dance u.nu/ixjy planks u.nu/9w-u hands u.nu/httpsunu7lag
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5/28/18 6:31 A

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Let it go... darn, the Frozen song is in my head.

Thoughts are thoughts...

I have trouble letting things go when I do not behave / act the way I think I should have. I have trouble letting it go when I am corrected or receive criticism.

I do not forget. Everything is part of me. It is how I work with my life experiences that matter.

I have not been able to let go of feelings as suggested in this chapter.

C

Live in the moment

I follow the MyWW Blue Plan
Reached my WW goal on 1/26/2020 :)

Love the Mindful Dieting Team!
sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_indiv
idual.asp?gid=71537


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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,650
2/1/18 2:02 P

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TOPIC: Day 85, 100 days Let it go (29/1/18)

Linda suggests we should set a time limit on your feelings and let them go rather than allowing negative feelings to fester or grow! Decide how long to hold on to emotions, pick a time limit, close your fist tightly around your feelings (written on paper or mentally) and send these thoughts into outer space.

Sadly the issues going on this week have proved too challenging for just one fist! On Monday 29th my daughter helped me to rationalise my worry so I didn't use this technique but I will try it another time. emoticon emoticon



Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
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1/30/18 4:12 A

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This is a difficult lesson for me. I enjoyed reading all of the posts.

C

Live in the moment

I follow the MyWW Blue Plan
Reached my WW goal on 1/26/2020 :)

Love the Mindful Dieting Team!
sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_indiv
idual.asp?gid=71537


EST


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
1/30/18 1:13 A

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Great posts!

I am very good a burying things/feelings and am not often aware that I am still holding onto something until something triggers the memory.

Something tangible, like writing it down, then burning it/ripping it up - those things help me. It really does depend what it is. I can be like an elephant about some things, and like a butterfly about other things.

Doing something physical like yoga - which is also reflective - also helps.

If I realize I'm harbouring some bad feelings, I am most likely to try to analyze it. For example, when I got on the bus one morning last week, I made a cheery comment about the weather to the bus-driver as I got on - he just looked at me and said nothing, no smile, nothing.

My first feeling was one of hurt and rejection. But as I sat there, I talked to myself about how it wasn't personal to me, I have no idea what's going on for him etc. And every time the hurt feeling came back, I told myself again "It's not about me - it's not personal".

I was listening to a talk by John Douillard yesterday, about meditation, and he said something similar - about how if someone else is hurtful to us, it's because they are hurting.


Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 1/30/2018 (01:16)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,314
1/29/18 9:20 P

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Love that graphic, Susan!! Very wise words and I feel the same as you about old woes.

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

Eastern Standard Time




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FOCUSONME57's Photo FOCUSONME57 Posts: 7,356
1/29/18 7:34 P

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I have learned you cannot plan the past. You can dwell on it, worry over it, or learn from it, then LET IT GO!

I am not responsible for the pains of my past. I am responsible for my attitude and my approach to healthy living TODAY.

I have learned to not let the sun go down on my anger. I love deeply and do not want to waste time fretting over minor things. If it won't matter in 5 years, why waste 5 minutes on it?



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DI_NAMIC's Photo DI_NAMIC Posts: 4,263
1/29/18 2:14 P

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Maribeth, the quotation with the butterfly 'spoke' to me. Thank you.

Events in my personal life mean that I live alongside a situation that caused me enormous hurt, but choosing to view things in a negative light is not helpful to anyone. I need to do the 'let it go' exercise at regular intervals to stay balanced but it IS possible.

I did not do this thing. I am worthy of respect. I have a lot to give. I will take care of myself.


Diana UK GMT (EST + 5hrs)

Delighted to be a 'Determined Daisy'.
'Defeat is a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.'



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MASTERPIECE8's Photo MASTERPIECE8 Posts: 9,851
1/29/18 10:20 A

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I totally agree with what's been said.

I think we only hurt ourselves when we can't let it go. I want to be happy. That means 'let it go.'

Babs
SW Illinois - CST


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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,314
1/29/18 10:15 A

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Day 85, Let It Go

Holding a grudge is never healthy. It may hurt the person with whom you are angry but it will inevitably hurt yourself more eventually. My sister and mother did not speak for 9 years before my mother's death. They had always been pretty close. Neither blamed themselves at the time and it was really not over a big issue, but an accumulation of minor ones and then some unkind words flared up.......well neither could/would take that first step so.....

My sister was absolutely devastated at my mother's sudden, unexpected death. Who blames herself now? You know the answer. My sister still beats herself up even though my mother has been gone for 18 years. I can't get her to let it go.

I have never in my life been able to stay angry for more than a day or two. Is it just a matter of personalities?

Please. everyone, be kind to yourself. Let it GO....whether it is anger, hurt, frustration, irritation, blame, etc. and whether it is aimed at yourself or others...LET IT GO. It will hurt you!

Now...as for letting go...I really need to let go of the pounds that are creeping up on my scale. I'm walking 2 -3 miles a day and the numbers are going up. I know that means that I am enjoying vacation food way too much so I'm letting go...starting today!

exercise today - Everyday body workout

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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CGH-ARTYPANTS's Photo CGH-ARTYPANTS Posts: 1,307
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It is never good to hang on to anger and hurt. As I have matured I am less likely to keep those things in. Currently, things are pretty calm in my life. I did hold onto a major hurt in my younger days. One thing that helped me was writing a letter to the person, expressing all my feelings. I then put it in the fireplace and burned it. It was a freeing experience.

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9/24/17 3:49 A

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Day 85, 100 days Let it go

I like this technique, too.

Maybe I can even do this with my feeling of "hunger." It would not kill me to NOT eat when I want to,

I have a few other things to let go of , too. chris

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9/23/17 2:46 P

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I'm not sure what I can add to today's discussion. I think, like I've said before, when I'm feeling strong I can counter any negative feelings with positive thoughts and by taking action. When I'm on top of things, I can be happy to focus on what I can do, and let go of what I can't do.

I don't have many of these feelings about food any more, but I do have what I perceive as 'brick walls' in my life that cause me to complain, worry, moan and groan - those feelings can lead to unplanned eating of course. For example, I have concerns about not having any money - no savings, no capital, no assets - and concerns about finding somewhere to live that I can afford when I retire. I try to let it go - but it keeps coming back. I think the best thing I can do is to try to reframe the problem, and to take whatever action I can.

Today, I was having a discussion with colleagues about our low incomes and the cost of rent. We are all in the same boat - it's not just me. I suddenly thought that instead of looking for somewhere to live that I could afford, I could decide that I need a place that is 1/3rd of my income (33% instead of the current 70%!) - it seems unlikely that I would be able to find a place for that price, but I realized that if I made that my goal, I'd have more chance of seeing the opportunities, rather than continuing to feel defeated.

Gill

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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,068
9/23/17 1:47 P

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Day 85 Let it go!
Problem solving method - 6 Thinking Hats by Edward de Bono
www.youtube.com/results?search_query
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ono+6+thinking+hats
www.storyboardthat.com/articles/b/si
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9/23/17 8:31 A

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Day 85, Let it Go

This has been one of the most important lessons to me and I AM getting better and better at it.
Like Sue I can visualize those expectations and toss them out. Also like Sue, i think, is that most of those expectations are laid only on myself and not others. I do find that I've done a better job of throwing away my expectations of others. Is it age and maturity? The fact that I can look back over my life and realize that sometimes other people laid exceptions on me that were hurtful...and I don't want to do that to anyone. I'm definitely kind of a live and let live person now and one easy thing for me to throw away is judgements.

So life no longer holds daily failures, harsh judgement, and disappointments. Thank you Linda Spangle for helping me with this.

Exercise today - taking care of a 4-month old all day - tons of bending twisting and lifting!

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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9/23/17 7:30 A

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I have to be quick this morning so this will be short.

I have had a lot of expectation squares in my life. Too many to hardly think about! And, as Spangler says, it has caused me a lot of problems. Although I have gotten better at recognizing this character flaw in myself, and I have been able to handle some situations better, it is still an issue for me because I seem to forget not to react to some situations until it is too late. I will keep working on this and I like the question I can ask myself "Could it be like this and still be okay?" I also love the Letting Go exercise she recommends. I actually could picture those negative emotions in my hand on a crumpled piece of paper!

For this weekend I will be facing my expectation of healthy eating and resentment that the group of people we will be with never choose a restaurant that has any healthy options. Always a frustrating and disappointing situation for me.

Sue

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5/25/17 10:31 A

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Awesome photo, Aura! I concur!

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
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5/24/17 6:57 P

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emoticon

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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,314
5/24/17 2:41 P

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Day 85 - Let it go

Gill made a connection between "decluttering" and "letting it go". I read somewhere that if spring cleaning is needed, it is as often needed on our insides as in our home. Hmmmm...

You know, if truth be told.....I can still get in a funk and mull over hurt feelings, anger, resentment, or frustration from years and years ago. Like Gill said, it can be triggered by feeling ill, tired, or sometimes the deja vu...it's happening all over again.

I'm pretty good at fighting it off though and over the years I've learned that it is best just to think about it for a minute - forgive AGAIN....and move forward. After my little forgiveness exercise, I have about 3 zen minutes when I can decide to move on to something else before I fall back into the morass. I grab those 3 minutes and start walking, reading, cleaning, cooking, calling a friend....something, anything! Getting my mind set on something else helps me to rise above those negative emotions and be more like the person I aspire to be.

We will be traveling for two days this week to get to our son's; it is our granddaughter Elena's fifth birthday. Well her birthday was actually earlier this month but the celebration is going to be over the long weekend. She has been discussing with her parents the fact that "some" children don't have to wait so long for their birthday party because "some" children have the party on the actual day! Well my daughter-in-law has a wonderful, large Italian family and birthdays are celebrated by everyone who can get there. It is a lot of work for parents who work full time so Memorial Day weekend is a nice time for them with the extra day off.
Poor Elena....already learning that everybody doesn't have the same idea of "fairness"! She will have a wonderful time though and we'll make sure she is queen of the weekend.

exercise day 85 - Every Day Upper Body workout - Spark TV

Edited by: LIVINTODAY at: 5/24/2017 (15:08)
Wanda

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Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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5/24/17 9:40 A

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Let it go. Oh my goodness this is a toughie for me. However, I will admit that when I hold negative feelings inside for any length of time I make myself physically ill. Wears me out. Makes me sad. Makes me upset. And I'm the 'loser!' in the end. I'm working on this.

I do journal, and not just a journal of food. It helps me vent. I'm working on meditation too. I'm enjoying that. Relaxing. Energizing.

Babs
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TOPS2KOPSVILLE's Photo TOPS2KOPSVILLE Posts: 23,911
5/24/17 6:55 A

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Day 85: Let it go
You worked at widening your square and becoming more accepting. But you're certainly not happy about it. At times you may wonder, "Why do I always have to be the one who gives in? It's not fair!"
You're right. A lot of things are not fair. But bitterness and resentment will simply allow your negative feelings such as anger and frustration to keep eating at you. After a while, instead of resolving your emotions and moving past them, you carry them around like a huge rock on your shoulders.
When others have emotionally hurt you, it's easy to say, "They can't treat me this way! I'll make them pay!" But somehow, these other people never seem to suffer very much. In your efforts to "show them," you're the one who overeats, gains weight, or feels depressed.
Let them go
Learn how to set a time limit on your feelings, and then let them go. To do this, choose a difficult situation and write down or mentally list all your thoughts and emotions about it. Then either on a piece of paper or even mentally, place all of these thoughts into the palm of your hand.
Decide how long you want to hold on to these emotions. Pick a time limit, using anywhere from a few seconds to several hours. Close your fist tightly around the feelings and hold them until the time is up. At the end of the time limit, open your hand and throw the paper away or mentally send those thoughts into outer space.
As you let the feelings go, stretch your arm to its full length, and hold your hand open with the palm facing up. Mentally picture those negative emotions flowing down your arm and out through your fingers, then watch all of them drift away.
Repeat as necessary
When you release a feeling, be sure you completely let go of it. Don't pick it up again or allow it to creep back into your thoughts. If you can't seem to get rid of a bad feeling, repeat the process of setting a time limit. Once again, decide how long you will hold on to that emotion, and when the time is up, let it go.
Think about any high-risk activities or possible food temptations that you'll be facing over the next few weeks.
Try to come up with at least three ways that you can minimize the damage in these situations.
Record your plan in your notebook, then read it often over the next few days so you'll feel strong and prepared.
Life is short and we have to live our life as full as we can and let bygone stay in the past. I am letting all the frustration, anger, not fair, disruptions or whatever is bothersome and it will stay in t he past.
I have lots of frustrated situations makes it stressful. I have learned over the years esp. since doing the book not to keep it in like I used to. Holding a grudge was a known thing for me in my younger years. and boy did my Dad make me angry. I am told I am just like my dad. boy that made me mad. too. but in reality we both like to have the last word in and be right. I used to think I was alway right as a child. LOL . anyways I learned to let my Dad say what he wanted it made him happy and we argue less. if I did not agree with him I could still do what I needed to do. boy some things he was correct and I followed his guidance. I sure do miss him.
Don't hold a grudge it just eats at you it only makes the person sad but they go on with their life. Relationships can be restore you just have to take the first step. they still care about you.
Some things are hard to let go but we have to try.

Leslie Knudson
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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,463
5/24/17 5:56 A

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Day #85 Let It Go (this is how I live)
Recognizing my feelings of frustration, anger, fear etc. is becoming more routine.
Using instant solutions (besides food) is becoming easier too.

Sometimes I go for a walk, knit, call a friend, grab a cup of coffee or a glass of water.
Sometimes I still just cry! However that is much less often!

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

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5/24/17 4:59 A

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I agree, it can be difficult to let negative feelings go.

Typing in my journal every morning helps me a lot. While I am not always able to let things go, I am able to look into the why. Why do I think or feel that way? Does it help me to think or feel that way?

If I made a poor choice, why did I make that choice? If I made a good choice, why did I make that choice?

C

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
5/24/17 4:37 A

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I just read my last post on this thread - I didn't start journalling again. I do have a nightly mini-journal where I write down what I ate, and any really significant factors that might have influenced my choices. But that's it.

When I'm 100% well, letting go is not an issue - there are too many good things going on to be bothered about the negative things. But I've noticed how easy it is to let negative feelings and thoughts hang around when I'm no feeling 100% - either a bit under-the-weather, or tired.

Sleep is my best way of processing feelings I think. Under that duvet!

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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1/4/17 6:15 A

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During one of our many mergers throughout my career, we were led through an exercise for dealing with change. We were allowed a 24 hour wallow space ( to whine) and then we either had to act on it ( our feelings) or let them go!

It is not always easy to let go, yet the more I work at it, the easier it becomes. Living through that horrid 18 months when first we didn't know if my husband would survive the fall and subsequent brain injury, then pneumonia twice, then didn't know if he would ever return home, I learned " let go & let God" . When he came home and I spent 11 months as his 24/7 caregiver, I learned even more to let it go.

Losing him to dementia, and learning to live my life as a single person was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Now I am in a loving relationship and I have gotten better at letting things go that won't matter in 5 days, 5 weeks or 5 months. Why spend even 5 minutes agonizing over them? We cannot change our past, we can live today to the best of our abilities and hope for a better tomorrow.

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1/4/17 5:16 A

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Gill, if using the journal helped in the past, then is is a wonderful idea!

It is so hard to let ill feelings go. I know I have a lot on my pile too!
emoticon

C

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
1/3/17 4:11 A

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This is another thread that I notice I've not posted much on. I think I do hold onto things - but I hold onto the emotional memory and forget the details of the situation. Those emotions form a sort of pile of stuff that is mostly hidden from view probably.

Just recently, a friend referred to something that had happened to me 8 yrs ago when my father died. My father had disowned me, so in his will, he left me half of what my brother & sister each got - his rationale was that it was the portion that effectively would have come from my mother (who died before him). I'd forgotten that completely - but I was really shocked that my friend was still feeling angry with my brother & sister about it!!!!!! I really felt 'it doesn't matter'. And I don't think it does - but maybe it's in my memory pile?

The thing I am going to do this year (2017) is start actually journalling again. I used to do the three pages a day thing from The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron - that was very revealing. I am going to have a go at doing that again - see what I can dredge up - and let go!

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 1/4/2017 (14:30)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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TWEETYX2's Photo TWEETYX2 Posts: 2,071
1/2/17 11:43 A

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Well, this weekend was a lesson in letting go. I decided last summer to get my knocking around the neighbor hood car fixed rather than go into deeper debt and get a car off the lot. I had about $400 to spend on some minor things to fix. I had hubby take it in and he came home with a long list and $1500 (parts only!) that the mechanic found. I did not ask him to do the diagnostics and I had a coupon for the tire rotation (1 cent per tires) which he charged me $22.95 for (shouldn't it have been 4 cents?) but he didn't realize I only want the rear window wipers replaced and he replaced the front ones too and didn't charge it but $54.95 to replace wiper blades? So, the cosmetics are done and it looks great but I am afraid to drive it because it needs the power steering fixed. I was very disappointed on Saturday. Very disappointed. I couldn't even cry. I just whimpered.

I had to let it go or I would have been miserable the entire weekend and my husband works such long hours that having him all to myself for 72 hours is wonderful so I let it go. I will admit that I reminded myself that if the mechanic hadn't taken it upon himself to run the computer diagnostics and the power steering would go out while I was in heavy metropolitan traffic I would have been very stressed (I had this happen once a long time ago but I was in a relatively desolate area) so I kept telling myself that it was actual a blessing he did that without my permission ($64.95 too). He did say that if I have the power steering done (why wouldn't I?) he will wave the flushing of the line ($120). He is a natural accountant, have you noticed?

Let it go until you feel better because you won't feel better until you do---let it go.

Pam

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1/2/17 9:59 A

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I really like the idea of a time limit for the things that bother me throughout the day. From now on I will try to acknowledge my feelings then let them go and move on to something more positive.

Have enjoyed reading all of your thoughts and comments.

Cheryl
Central Florida
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"The way get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” -Walt Disney
"What you allow is what will continue." Unknown
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1/2/17 7:53 A

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Day 85, 100 days Let it go

I never thought of putting a time limit on things that bother me. Linda is right that others never seem to suffer very much.

I used to hold grudges and sometimes for days. but the person it did not even bother them if I didn't talk to them or I had a lower lip. dad used to tell me a bird was gonna come along and poop on it. LOL memories.

"The wonderful thing about letting go is that it leaves room for good things to fill it. Joy. Peace. Love. Happiness. Fulfillment. Serenity." Pam
"lot of things are not fair, but I do not like when negative feelings, and anger keep eating at me." Chele
1. Choose a specific item, person, or situation that makes you feel angry, frustrated, hurt, or sad. In your notebook describe this in detail.

2. Mentally or with a piece of paper, place this issue into the palm of your hand. Hold it for a specific length of time, and then let it go. If necessary, do this several times in order to release the feeling.

I now don't let people stress me out anymore- situations yes sometimes but I will start setting a time limit. a very good idea.
Life is short and we have to live our life as full as we can and let bygone stay in the past. I am letting all the frustration, anger, not fair, disruptions or whatever is bothersome and it will stay in t he past.

I have lots of frustrated situations makes it stressful. I have learned over the years esp. since doing the book not to keep it in like I used to. Holding a grudge was a known thing for me in my younger years. and boy did my Dad make me angry. I am told I am just like my dad. boy that made me mad. too. but in reality we both like to have the last word in and be right. I used to think I was alway right as a child. LOL . anyways I learned to let my Dad say what he wanted it made him happy and we argue less. if I did not agree with him I could still do what I needed to do. boy some things he was correct and I followed his guidance. I sure do miss him.
Since this is my second time thru the book and I do look at things differently each time. I still have things I have to let go of but I also do not eat from others, situations and events like holidays birthdays or spur of moment dining out and choices I should of made. now I am going to let my overeating over holidays go. no paper but mentally in my mind it is GONE!!!

Don't hold a grudge it just eats at you it only makes the person sad but they go on with their life. Relationships can be restore you just have to take the first step. they still care about you.





Leslie Knudson
MN Area Captain TOPS
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1/2/17 7:30 A

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Day 85: Let it go

I have widened my squares and I will concentrate on keeping them wide. Yesterday's lesson helped me realize that my expectations of my self needed to be tweaked, so I dropped out of one of my 2 weight loss challenges. I need to lose weight for myself, because I deserve it.

I will focus on keeping the squares bigger so they don’t they will become rigid again. Larger squares help me stay positive and calm. Yes a lot of things are not fair, but I do not like when negative feelings and anger keep eating at me. I am not one for revenge, but I do hold on to bad feelings.

I love her idea of letting it go from my hand, while taking deep breaths when something happens that goes against my expectation square. I just did it now and feel like some weight has lifted off my shoulders.

Letting go of stress..... letting go of strict expectations.
I do not get the flu shot so I can't compare it to that LOL!

C

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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,463
1/2/17 5:34 A

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Day #85 Let It Go
Recognizing my feelings of frustration, anger, fear etc. is becoming more routine.
Using instant solutions (besides food) is becoming easier too.
Sometimes I go for a walk, knit, call a friend, grab a cup of coffee or a glass of water.
Sometimes I still just cry! However that is much less often!

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time

20/20 Vision- What we focus on expands. “Never give up on the dream!”


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12/30/16 4:39 P

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Edited by: AURA18 at: 1/23/2019 (12:34)
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SKIRUNNER1's Photo SKIRUNNER1 Posts: 2,261
12/3/16 8:53 P

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It' not fair! It's just not right! Linda is right that others never seem to suffer very much. They don't want us to let it go; if they can cause us to be bitter and unhappy, they don't have to face whatever it is in their own life that is causing them to act as they do. They actually don't get rid of their own unhappiness, they just try to spread it. Finding techniques to "let it go" is equivalent to getting a flu shot. emoticon



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8/31/16 7:23 P

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Yesterday I would have said I am good at letting things go. When I get angry I burn white hot and then it is over. But sometime little things nag at me and that happened today. My DIL posted on face book a "joke". She is a stay at home mom. The Post said "MY husband asked me why the house wasn't clean when I was home all day. So I asked him why we weren't rich when he was at work all day?" It is a stupid Facebook joke. But it is her attitude also. My son works 10-12 hours a day and sometime on the weekend. He is trying his hardest to make ends meet. My DIL used to budget their money and take really good care of the bills. This year she has lead them into debt many times with compulsive spending. I want to let this stupid thing go but all day it has just kept coming back up in my mind. How unfair it is. So I am not as good as I thought I was at letting go. I guess this was a good day to focus on letting go.

goal is to be able to walk again
Linda
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8/24/16 11:26 P

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emoticon emoticon

Edited by: AURA18 at: 1/23/2019 (12:34)
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8/24/16 8:31 P

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Everyone has opinions, feelings and perspectives … to include me. I have always been able to speak my mind … my belief is you don’t know what I think if I don’t tell you. I expect you to do the same … tell me what you are thinking and feeling. There goes those expectations again!

I like to take care of issues as they arise … so they don’t get bigger. So they don’t go off in all kinds of different directions. And so they don’t stock pile.

Not everyone operates this way.

Through years of ups and downs … holding on … eating my frustrations while everyone else seemed to float through life … I decided I took things way to personally. I use to carry the load.

Now I speak my mind, listen for you to share … and then let it go the best I can. I don’t have any control over others … and I don’t let others have control over me.

Of course this is put the test over and over. Some times I succeed and others … not so much.


Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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DJBTOO's Photo DJBTOO Posts: 3,160
8/24/16 1:37 P

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Chele - thoughts are with you today! emoticon

I love to "Let it go" and am getting more adept at it for smaller things for sure but the larger things? I am of the same thinking/frame of mind as Skirunner ... it's one thing to let go ... another to not have it boomerang back on you. So, to me, it's important 'how' one let's go of things ... temporarily or finally.

Unless some things are faced, thought out, and resolved to some degree they do tend to come back at you ... in a variety of ways ... maybe not even outwardly but inwardly - buried and stewing and maybe not even totally consciously but still there ready to boil over. This can affect one's health and how they live their lives (freely or rather cautiously).

Life is short ... I'm learning it's better to face things head on and figure it all out and then let it go ... for good. I spent too many decades letting it go 'for the moment'.

Edited by: DJBTOO at: 8/24/2016 (13:45)
dj ~ Big Island Hawaii
Whole-foods, Plant-based, No Sugar/Flour/Snacks, Moderate Exercise, Spiritually Focused/Supported - that's the plan!

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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 6,650
8/24/16 1:20 P

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Another work in progress day for me, I am sure I will have chance to use this in the future but not today or this week. emoticon

I also say Good luck Chele. emoticon

Edited by: DSJB9999 at: 8/24/2016 (13:41)
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8/24/16 11:08 A

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Chele - saying a prayer that you will be as comfortable as possible today and all the news will be good.

Let it go - I'm not sure it's possible to actually do this completely without some work. At least, it hasn't been for me. I've mentioned before the podcast I listen to by Brooke Castillo. She says we can never control what someone else does to us, just what we think about it, and that what we think about something has everything to do with how we feel about it; finally, that we can choose to decide what we think about it. (Not always easy.) That means we have to analyze the thought behind our feeling response and see if there are alternative honest ways to think about what has happened to us, maybe concluding the other person is a jerk or maybe realizing I need to have a candid talk with them if I want to continue the relationship. This thought work isn't easy, but without some thinking about why we're feeling badly, letting it go can become a boomerang. The next day a vagrant thought crosses our mind and boom, it's back. That all being said, the more skilled we can get at letting the resentment or anger go, the better we get at it because we can feel how light and good it feels when we do! When we realize that nothing has changed but us, we can see that feeling badly only hurts us. I guess this is doing the same thing working backwards.

It does feel so good when we can let it go. I actually have a crumpled piece of paper sitting in a cabinet by my reading chair that I have some things written on - when I crumpled it to get ready to throw it away, it looked like a flower to me, so I tucked it where it reminds me of something I did let go.

Edited by: SKIRUNNER1 at: 8/24/2016 (11:09)

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TWEETYX2's Photo TWEETYX2 Posts: 2,071
8/24/16 8:06 A

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I had learned this lesson over a period of decades. I had a lot to let go and a lot to forgive. I don't think there is anything that has happened to me that someone here wouldn't recognize having happened to them. I think that is KEY in not resorting to feeling sorry for oneself (which I haven't in years---my favorite answer to anything is 'It is what it is.') This change did not happen overnight but it did happen. As a result I do not harbor ill will for much longer than a few minutes. I blow my stack and then brush it off. Small things remain small things and let's face it we can't do a whole lot about the much bigger things in life so why sweat them?

The wonderful thing about letting go is that it leaves room for good things to fill it. Joy. Peace. Love. Happiness. Fulfillment. Serenity.

Let it go.

Pam

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8/24/16 7:25 A

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Day 85: Let it go

I have widened my squares and I will concentrate on keeping them wide. If I don’t they will become rigid again. Yes a lot of things are not fair, but I do not like when negative feelings, and anger keep eating at me. I am not one for revenge, but I do hold on to bad feelings.

I will try her idea of letting it go from my hand, while taking deep breaths next time something happens that goes against my expectation square. It sounds like a wonderful idea.

I have no expectations for today as I go for my procedure. I report at 12:45 and have not been allowed to eat or drink since midnight. I am nervous but I am sure all will be fine.

Have a great day letting it go!




Hmm, shouldn't it be "make" you sad? (Sorry, teacher voice... letting it go!) emoticon


Edited by: MINDFUL-C at: 8/24/2016 (07:26)
C

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TOPS2KOPSVILLE's Photo TOPS2KOPSVILLE Posts: 23,911
8/24/16 7:09 A

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Day 85, 100 days Let it go



Edited by: TOPS2KOPSVILLE at: 8/24/2016 (07:09)
Leslie Knudson
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TOPS2KOPSVILLE's Photo TOPS2KOPSVILLE Posts: 23,911
8/24/16 7:01 A

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Day 85, 100 days Let it go

The books idea is great. 1. Choose a specific item, person, or situation that makes you feel angry, frustrated, hurt, or sad. In your notebook describe this in detail.

2. Mentally or with a piece of paper, place this issue into the palm of your hand. Hold it for a specific length of time, and then let it go. If necessary, do this several times in order to release the feeling.

Although, I have lots of frustrated situations makes it stressful. I have learned over the years esp. since doing the book not to keep it in like I used to. Holding a grudge was a known thing for me in my younger years. and boy did my Dad make me angry. I am told I am just like my dad. boy that made me mad. too. but in reality we both like to have the last word in and be right. I used to think I was alway right as a child. LOL . anyways I learned to let my Dad say what he wanted it made him happy and we argue less. if I did not agree with him I could still do what I needed to do. boy some things he was correct and I followed his guidance. I sure do miss him.

Now since the book instead of resorting to eating or not eating like i used to I now relay on sharing in a blog or with a friend. if out of head then I feel better. but if I don't have access to do those things i will try the paper or mental method as suggested.

Life is short and we have to live our life as full as we can and let bygone stay in the past. I am letting all the frustration, anger, not fair, disruptions or whatever is bothersome and it will stay in t he past.

as far as the credit cards mentioned in other posts- that happen to me thru divorce and also a x boyfriend too but i build it payed more than the minimum and now I have good credit. it takes time.



Edited by: TOPS2KOPSVILLE at: 8/24/2016 (07:06)
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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,463
8/24/16 6:07 A

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Day #85 Let It Go
I'm still a work in progress but things are much better.
I try to recognize my feelings of frustration, anger, fear etc. and use any solution except food. Sometimes I go for a walk, knit, call a friend or go to the front porch swing with a cup of coffee.
Sometimes I just cry!

Edited by: MAWMAW101 at: 8/24/2016 (06:28)
Phyllis ~~
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6/21/16 6:20 P

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Thanks for that post, LIVINTODAY. I'm sorry that your son went through the same thing, but it does make me feel a little better to know I'm not the only one, somehow.
Marc told me (he's never admitted to the fraud) that that he wanted to make me regret leaving him, but of course he just made me thank my lucky stars I got out when I did.

Rebecca

He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
-Edwin Markham

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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,314
6/21/16 9:46 A

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Rebecca, that was a HUGE betrayal!! OMGoodness, it keeps coming back to bite you! I think that eventually those debts will be written off as bad debts by the credit companies and they will fall off your credit reports. I know, however, that it can take years. I've heard that you can also place a statement on your credit record explaining the situation. If possible, perhaps a lawyer would even submit that statement for you.

I know my son went through this with an old girlfriend who had acquired credit cards by using his name and income and requesting a second card for her. She would destroy his card and go merrily along charging everything she bought. They were living together and she made sure she was the one home to get the mail, in fact most of the time she did not work at all. When he finally found out what was going on, he was 23,000 in debt and she was finally to the point where she couldn't make minimal payments. It forced him into bankruptcy. About five years later though, he was able to buy a house. He just concentrated on his credit score and working on bringing it up by keeping everything after the bankruptcy squeaky clean.

You will pull out of this too! I'm so sorry that you have gone through this. There is no way that he can ever make it right. Maybe over time you can pull some positive lessons from it but you must just keep putting it away, hopefully it will come up less often as time goes on.
I would say that forgiveness is the answer, as I believe that we forgive for ourselves as much as for others, but even then I sometimes have to forgive the same grief over and over.

Pride yourself on the fact that you have built a good, rewarding, happy life in spite of that jerk! Every time you think of him, give yourself a pat on the back for moving far beyond him!

Remember what goes around, comes around. Take that from an old lady who knows it!

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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6/21/16 3:00 A

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Wow, I need to figure out this lesson for reasons other than my weight. I don't tend to perseverate over little slights, or even remember them, but there are a few issues in my life that are the gift that keeps on giving. Every time I let them go, they affect my life again and I have to let them go again. e.g. the college boyfriend who ran up a bunch of credit cards in my name and let them default. That was 25 years ago, but it's still the reason my house isn't in my name. I can throw away that crumpled up piece of paper as many times as I want, but when I apply for an apartment I can easily afford and the landlord says no thanks because my credit score is low, I am angry with him all over again. I guess that was his goal, so I'm giving him the win, but I haven't figured out how not to keep getting smacked by his choices decades ago.

Rebecca

He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
-Edwin Markham

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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 15,245
3/27/16 4:55 A
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Hoo, boy, this is huge for me. Perseverating on difficulties is a strong habit for me. I just called it thinking. I have to look at this more carefully and for more than a day.

But I rarely eat over these things anymore.

Seven years of maintaining a 20% weightloss and counting.
*To seek happiness, identifying the Self with the body, is like trying to cross a river on the back of a crocodile." Ramana Maharshi
*The No S Diet saved me from my emotional eating defeats.
8 years and counting! nosdiet.com/
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3/26/16 9:24 A

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The sun is shining this morning and I am so glad! We have had too many gray days lately.

Maria, thank you for reminding me of Corrie's "No Fishing" sign. I too read her books many years ago and they had a profound effect on my life. She survived so much and continued to see the good in people. She responded with love, not anger or distaste, or despair although I'm sure she sometimes felt those emotions.

I'll be re-reading now too.

Phyllis, we do go through cycles, don't we. It isn't fair....a long time moan of mine too! Sometimes it disappears for long periods but it seems to come back and I have to fight it off again.

Jodie, YES! This too will pass.....it really does you know and you will get over holding grudges. After the grudges cause you more emotional pain than they inflict on others. Who needs it.....glad you are learning to let it go. It may help you let go of emotional eating also. Sad story, my sister and mother did not speak for 9 years over something both caused and both should have forgiven. Guess who was most devastated by my mother's death. That old grudge will affect my sister all of her life unless she can forgive herself.

CAT, you have made such great progress with your emotional eating; I think the fact that you are learning to keep old hurts in the past is probably helping you on the way.


Edited by: LIVINTODAY at: 3/26/2016 (09:30)
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Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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GOCALGAL's Photo GOCALGAL Posts: 5,166
3/25/16 7:34 P

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I got a lot out of all of your thoughtful, excellent posts and could identify with them. Journaling this lesson made me think of Corrie Ten Boom and her book, "The Hiding Place". I am going to reread this because way back when it changed me and helped me let go of some things. There are different things to let go of now. One of her quotes that I remember and still use is to put up a "no fishing sign" in my mind each time unforgiving thoughts appear.

Maria ~ So. Cal. ~ Pacific Time Zone
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But ourselves." unknown

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3/25/16 11:34 A

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This lesson is a tough one for me.

My childhood was not ... the Leave It To Beaver/Waltons kinda place. Lots of things happened that were hurtful and have stayed with me too long.

The later years of my work career were very, very unhappy years due to unfairness and disrespect. Lots of things happened that were hurtful and have stayed with me too long.

This is baggage that I have worn ... being 130 pounds overweight ... and I have carried for too long.

It's past time to let it go and free myself.

Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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GOTTALUVPINK's Photo GOTTALUVPINK Posts: 613
3/25/16 10:13 A

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Day 85... Let it Go

I feel this is similar to the old saying, 'don't sweat the small stuff.' I tend to hold a grudge, so I have been trying to get better at this for years now.... with much success!!! Now, as for the BIG stuff, that's another story. I dwell on things and caught up in the whole poor me pity party. For those things I tell myself that its not as bad as I believe in that moment.... I need to just breathe... sometimes talk issues out.... and realize, this too shall pass.

Jodie


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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 12,463
3/25/16 10:08 A

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From the time I was very young I have thought, "It's not fair"! It wasn't!
During the busy years of children and work it didn't come up so often.
Now at this time of my life when I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the many changes and expectations of others, I definitely feel it some days.
I like the idea of "learn to set a time limit on your feelings" as suggested by Linda in the book.
Since I can now usually decide what is causing those feelings (thanks to this book) and I have learned to put a limit on my "blue/poor me/heart hunger" days, maybe I can use that theory to put a limit on my "unfair/poor me/head hunger" days.
Now I need to write down those frustration/anger/unfair feelings and use whatever it takes to really "let it go!" The suggestion to do it as many times as it comes up seems smart. Some things keep coming back.

“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy – I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it” Art Williams

Edited by: MAWMAW101 at: 3/25/2016 (10:11)
Phyllis ~~
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11/5/15 3:17 A

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Day 85 - Let it go

I learned along time ago that if I have a disagreement with someone to handle it right away. I go to that person and try to make things right it as quickly as possible. Hurt feeling or sad situations are often a little different situation and can become very stressful if I allow it to. The choice is always ours. Sometimes I’m a bit too quick to anger but it goes as quickly as it comes. I never hold onto anger or an offence long. It’s the day-to-day pressures that I find so stressful and I do need to learn to deal with that better. I think I need one of those stress relieving thingamajigs you squeeze in your hand. I could really get into that some days.

Abby
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IAMBLESSED103's Photo IAMBLESSED103 Posts: 17,184
10/30/15 9:21 P

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Day 85 Let it go!

I remember how I felt when an employer I worked for as a consultant years ago did not honor their promise to hire me fulltime. After all the overtime (unpaid) hours I put in, I felt betrayed.

After giving it a lot of thought, I had to let it go and focus on my way forward, forging a new path for myself. I don't even think about that old employer anymore.


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10/28/15 4:19 P

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Something is happening at work which I have tried to apply this lesson to. I've been in a temporary post for a few months, and a new manager is starting on Monday - and having 'my' desk. I felt really thrown by this. Unloved, side-lined, rejected yada yada....... you know the sort of thing. Poor me!

On my desk I have a stress ball I can squeeze - so I did a bit of that........... I thought about this 'let it go' lesson, and went back and sorted out the drawers - chucked stuff out that I didn't really need to bother about - got motivated to clear my in-tray - and generally gathered all my stuff up and put it in my big work bag.

I have to re-set my mind to helping the new manager settle into her role - be flexible etc - and not allow the negative feelings to spoil my days! I will try writing down my discontent on paper and then chucking it away.

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
10/26/15 2:47 P

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27th October 2015

Day 85 – Let it go

Note: If you find your way to the beginning of this thread, which was started in 2011, you'll find inspiration from posts made about this activity.

Here are today's suggested activities:

1. Choose a specific item, person, or situation that makes you feel angry, frustrated, hurt, or sad. In your notebook describe this in detail.

2. Mentally or with a piece of paper, place this issue into the palm of your hand. Hold it for a specific length of time, and then let it go. If necessary, do this several times in order to release the feeling.

3. In your notebook, write a few lines that affirm you've let go of the issue as well as the feelings around it.



Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 9/23/2017 (14:47)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
4/26/15 7:52 A

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emoticon Good luck Di! It was good to be reminded of this one today.


Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
DI_NAMIC's Photo DI_NAMIC Posts: 4,263
4/26/15 2:33 A

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This is extremely pertinent. I am now a year in of dealing with some major 'poop' in my personal life, which could either make or break. It surely was NOT going to break me and is NOT going to destroy everything I've worked towards.

I need to do the 'let it go' exercise at regular intervals to stay balanced but it IS possible. I did not do this thing. I am worthy of respect. I have a lot to give. I will take care of myself.

Diana UK GMT (EST + 5hrs)

Delighted to be a 'Determined Daisy'.
'Defeat is a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.'



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10/14/14 5:03 P

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Boy, do I believe that...when I got my knee replaced, I lost weight too. The stress at my job is so much, I can barely stand it. I have to work for 2 more years - there's no way around it. And with my health not great, it is really hard. I just want to quit every day and unfortunately am unable to.

I am SO very happy for you....

take care
hugs
barbara

Set yourself up for success and anything is possible. - SP



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10/13/14 10:10 P

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Day 85 Let it go

I find that I have to get my feelings out ... or I stuff them in. The serenity pray is very, very valuable because there are things you can not do anything about them.

My work environment was not conducive to my well being ... I could not change it ... and it was changing me. So I retired!!! I gained 70 pounds working there and have gotten rid of 52 of them since retiring!!!!!!! I am amazed at how many dreams I have had over the year about working ... let it go, let it go!!!!!

Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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1KINDREDSPIRIT3's Photo 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 Posts: 6,053
9/28/14 2:34 P

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Boy do I need to learn this lesson. I harbor on an issue and don't let it go - it eats me alive until it dissipates. "Learn how to set a time limit on your feelings and then let them go" says Spangle.

Big deep breaths and let them out!!!

cheers
barbara

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
9/26/14 12:17 P

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I've not come across this before, but I think it's a great idea to (1) allow the upset feelings (2) set a time limit on it then (3) map out the way forward. I am happy to have learned about this.

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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MKBWNSUGAR's Photo MKBWNSUGAR Posts: 10,916
9/26/14 12:00 P

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MYTURNNOW2013 in the many reorganizations I went thru in my career, we had similar exercises. In one the speaker said give yourself permission to be in a pity party, 3 mins, 3 hrs or 3 days, then map out a course to take care of the situation. I also repeat the serenity prayer when I get upset, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,890
9/26/14 6:22 A

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that 'wallow space' sounds like a great idea - I think I'm in one of those at the moment. I have three more days before I go back to work - by then I'll have come out of my 'wallow'!

Day 85 Let it go!

Well today I used my anger, anxiety, fear about my work situation to do the suggested exercise. I wrote my feeling down on a sheet of paper - decided on 10 mins to hold onto it. I sat in the garden in the sunshine, with my timer on 10 mins and squeezed that ball of paper.

Then I threw it in the bin, and stretched my arm up and mentally released the feelings.

I did feel a bit freer afterwards - the intensity of the feelings was definitely less.

I have a lot of doubt about whether these methods work - but I am willing to give it a try - because what is there to lose? except negativity which drags me down?

I'm having a conversation with my manager on the phone today - so she can update me on the events that have led to this situation - and having done this activity makes it more likely that I will listen actively without being emotional.

update; following my conversation with my manager I've been temporarily promoted for a 3 month secondment as Assistant Manager - starting on Monday!

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 9/26/2014 (10:11)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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FOCUSONME57's Photo FOCUSONME57 Posts: 7,356
9/12/14 1:40 A

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During one of our many mergers throughout my career, we were led through an exercise for dealing with change. We were allowed a 24 hour wallow space ( to whine) and then we either had to act on it ( our feelings) or let them go!

It is not always easy to let go, yet the more I work at it, the easier it becomes. Living through that horrid 18 months when first we didn't know if my husband would survive the fall and subsequent brain injueryry, then pneumonia twice, then didn't know if he would ever return home, I have learned " let go & let God" .



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KITT52's Photo KITT52 Posts: 97,755
10/2/11 1:12 P

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we can only try and do our best each day

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In GOD WE TRUST...
MOTIVATION REALLY IS--- TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR CONSCIOUS ACTION
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WARMSPRINGDAY's Photo WARMSPRINGDAY Posts: 5,073
10/2/11 7:58 A

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This one is tough for me on some of the big scale things in my life. I'm not sure that is so much that I have trouble forgiving, but it comes around full circle and I find I must forgive many times - every time that resentment wells up within me, I must forgive again. Sometimes I do better than others, but I don't find forgiveness a one time and done process.

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DBBDANFORD's Photo DBBDANFORD Posts: 188
9/26/11 2:41 P

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I'm with you Kitt52....I can forgive fairly easily. I "forget" when I can but I don't open the door for continued abuse either. I learned a long time ago it did nothing for me at all except cause my anguish and suffering beyond the offense in the first place. Most assuredly, the offender was not effected by my continued resentment. So I learned to do myself a favor and forgive. Life is too short. There are too many serious issues to deal with. Not saying the offender didn't cause serious harm...just saying it is over, in the past, can't be changed or fixed. Harboring resentment gives it even more power over you, causes you even more harm. Love yourself enough to forgive and move forward

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KITT52's Photo KITT52 Posts: 97,755
9/25/11 8:35 P

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this was a lesson that seems easy for me....I have always been able to forgive others ...it's myself I have trouble forgiving...but doing better

2014 Ruby-lite of the YEAR
In GOD WE TRUST...
MOTIVATION REALLY IS--- TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR CONSCIOUS ACTION
FOOD NEVER SOLVES ANY ISSUE EXCEPT HUNGER.



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LIFEWALK's Photo LIFEWALK Posts: 2,791
9/25/11 8:22 P

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This rings a bell with me... I tend to chew on things past the point of where I can actively do anything to make it better. At that point, I have to choose to let it go... sometimes again & again until the emotions ease. Never easy, but it does help :)

LIFEWALK's Photo LIFEWALK Posts: 2,791
9/25/11 8:20 P

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emoticon Day 85 Let it go

You worked at widening your square and becoming more accepting. But you're certainly not happy about it. At times you may wonder, "Why do I always have to be the one who gives in? "It's not fair!"

You're right. A lot of things are not fair. But bitterness and resentment will simply allow your negative feelings such as anger and frustration to keep eating at you. After a while, instead of resolving your emotions and moving past them, you carry them around like a huge rock on your shoulders.

When others have emotionally hurt you, it's easy to say, "They can't treat me this way! I'll make them pay!" But somehow, these other peopel never seem to suffer very much. In your efforts to "show them," you're the one who overeats, gains weight, or feels depressed.



emoticon Let them go.
Learn how to set a time limit on your feelings, and then let them go. To do this, choose a difficult situation and write down or mentally list all your thoughts and emotions about it. Then either on a piece of paper or mentally, place all of these thoughts into the palm of your hand.

Decide how long you want to hold on to these emotions. Pick a time limit, using anywhere from a few seconds to several hours. Close your fist tightly around the feelings and hold them until the time is up. At the end of the time limit, open your hand and throw the paper away or mentally send thoughts into outer space.

As you let the feelings go, stretch your arm to its full length and hold your hand open with the palm facing up. Mentally picutre those negative emotions flowing down your arm and out through your fingers, then watch all of them drift away.



emoticon Repeat as necessary
When you release a feeling, ake sure you completely let go of it. Don't pic, it up again or allow it to creep back into your thoughts. If you can't seem to get rid of a bad feeling, repeat the process of setting a time limit. Once again, decide how long you will hold on to that emotion, and when the time is up, let it go.


emoticon Suggested activities for today
~ Choose a specific item, person or situation that makes you feel angry, frustrated, hurt, or sad. In your notebook, describe this in detail.

~ Mentally or with a piece of paper, place this issue into the palm ofyour hand. Hold it for a specific length of time and then let it go. If necessary, do this several times in order to release the feeligns.

~ In your notebook, write a few lines that affirm you've let go of the issue as well as the feelings around it.




emoticon link to author's daily comments

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emoticon link to our discussion day 84

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emoticon link to day 86 :)

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Edited by: LIFEWALK at: 9/27/2011 (18:32)
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