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CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
3/8/17 10:53 A

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My love is extremely supportive and does not EVER judge what I am eating. He respects my decisions to take care of myself.

I need to do a better job of helping myself.

GODS_SERENITY's Photo GODS_SERENITY Posts: 4,334
3/8/17 10:48 A

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Day 8, Help me Please..

My husband has seen me on and off diets. I'm now looking at it as lifestyle. He can be my supporter and then not so much. He'll say is that on your diet? Can you eat that? Or he'll say, you're doing so well. I can tell you're losing weight. He is learning not to food police me! I tell him what I need and want. He usually does it. As far as other people in my life they remain neutral. They don't say anything one way or the other.

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TOPS2KOPSVILLE's Photo TOPS2KOPSVILLE Posts: 23,911
3/8/17 8:56 A

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Day 8: Help me, please...
Sometimes I wish people would cook for me check in to make sure I am doing the right things help me get to gym.... but I only have me in the end to make sure I am doing the right things.
Decide what you want
To get support instead of criticism from the people you love, you may have to train them. Instead of begging, "Please help me lose weight" or "Be nicer to me," clarify exactly what you mean by those words, and then be more specific in your requests.
First, decide what type of support you truly need. Do you want words of encouragement? Silence? Help with cooking meals? Instead of being angry or frustrated because people don't do these things, let them know how they can help you. this can be hard when you live alone basically.
Speak up about the challenges of leftovers Set up agreements with your support people by saying, "It will help me if..." followed by what you want them to do
Please don't say this...
Be sure you also let people know the things you don't want them to do or say. do you enjoy being praised or having people comment on your progress? Or would you prefer they not say anything about your weight or your looks right now?
Let people know which type of comments feel good to you compared to the ones that make you feel uncomfortable. Also tell them about specific phrases that set you off decide what you'd like to hear instead and let them know
I live with son and he eats alone as I do
He don't snatch or say why are you eating that
it would be nice if he helped me cook
put away leftovers
I do need to ask for help when I need it that is a hard one for me as I think I am bothering them whether it be family friends or tops family. need ideas for meals.
But love when others encourage me with emails. or snail mail. thanks for all who done this
also nice to go out to eat with friend who likes same thing so you can split it.
, write a list of things that people are always welcome to say or do in regard to your weight-loss efforts.
People can compliment me- ask me how I succeed
People can make a gym or walk appointment to help us both
people can help me with cooking or suggestions of recipes and ways to get help me stay where I need to be. Ask if they can help either by cooking or anything in general
Create another list of things you don't ever want people to do
Take food or my plate from me
Say I should not eat something
Make me feel bad for eating something
Keep trigger foods in plain sight
Push me to try a food I do not want
Push me to eat anything when I am not hungry
people who make an issue of my choices and point it out if I'm in a group.
Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, your children, and your best friend.
Now this is something I need to do let the people surrounding me what I need from them.
Encouragement and praise is what I need to succeed.

Leslie Knudson
MN Area Captain TOPS
ASK ME ABOUT IT
www.tops.org
Central time


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 12,679
3/8/17 8:49 A

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Day 8 Help me, please.. emoticon

Edited by: AURA18 at: 7/8/2017 (13:34)
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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,993
3/8/17 8:12 A

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When I become complacent...like yesterday...I need to say "Help me, please..."

Yesterday I gave in to snacks and it was a Tuesday...I don't eat snacks on Tuesday. We were out running errands and I grabbed a bag of Reese's mix - 180 calories - OOPS, gave 1/2 to hubs but I shouldn't have eaten what I did. Then last night not one, but two, Snackwell cookies.

Hm...something called SNACKWELL should be healthy, right....not so much!

So I should have asked for help and didn't; now today I am already craving sugar and I ill be fighting it all day!

Day 8 Strength exercise will be upper arm exercises while I walk.

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

Eastern Standard Time




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BLONDEE53's Photo BLONDEE53 Posts: 15,674
3/8/17 7:43 A

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Me too. I can trip myself up quicker than I can say "Boo!". I bring trash home from the store and eat most of it before I come to my senses again. I did however, yesterday....put the no sugar added blueberry muffins and marked down cookies back on the rack at Wal-Mart. But I came home with bologna and a bag of chips so it wasn't a complete win.

I will not quit or consider myself a lost cause. That will be a "win".

In all things, I will acknowledge Christ, my Savior and strength of my life.
Brenda (Bren)


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BOWDIDDLE's Photo BOWDIDDLE Posts: 1,898
3/8/17 7:15 A

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emoticon I am my best friend and my worst enemy....today and everyday here after...my goal is to be a best friend ALL the time!

"Being Challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional"
~Roger Crawford~


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CD15245502 Posts: 6,797
3/8/17 4:19 A

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JUSTME9898's Photo JUSTME9898 Posts: 3,759
10/19/16 12:25 A

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The only person blocking my success is me. My daughter is suppotive, so is everyone else in my family. I am not hindered by others. I am responsible for my own decisions.

goal is to be able to walk again
Linda
high desert, California


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MTN_KITTEN's Photo MTN_KITTEN Posts: 9,703
10/18/16 5:59 P

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Help me please …

I am a firm believer that we teach people how to treat us.

I have very few issues with following my healthy path due to other people.

Hubby and I had a serious conversation a long time ago that we each are responsible for ourselves. We can’t make any one do anything.

It’s like the adage … no one can make you happy or take your happiness away unless you let them.

We can help … just like I “help” him with his long term brain injury challenges and he helps me to be more active.

I personally don’t want any attention to my eating behaviors. I don’t need or want a watch dog.

I don’t want to be the “diet lady”. I am much, much more than that. Hubby has a small stash of things he dearly loves to eat … which he partakes of seldom.

Compliments and positive words are always welcomed … about anything in my life.

I ask for help more easily as I get older … about the things I truly need help with.

Wow, Gill … "Understand that someone who doesn’t honor your path is not showing you love. What they are interested in is a conditional relationship, not love.

*****They may love THEIR idea of who you should be, but they are not loving you as you are. You may have to reevaluate who has consistent access to you."*****

As a woman from an abusive childhood … this is a lesson I did not learn easily. But learn I did!!!!!


Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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GOCALGAL's Photo GOCALGAL Posts: 5,573
10/18/16 10:02 A

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WOW! DJ, your post was Brilliant and like Pam, I say ditto! emoticon emoticon It's been hard in my house because I have banned so many trigger foods here and DH has supported me. I have to be Very careful as a few are added back. Some just can NOT come back, ever. Fortunately, DH is seeing the value of healthier choices.

I made crustless pumpkin pie yesterday emoticon Even though I had a red star day (I continue to work on portion control), it was quite healthy, with little sugar. DH was SO happy and said he did not miss the crust. emoticon

Fluffy some of the lessons hit the bullseye and others don't. It gets better and better. Hang in there. As Linda says, "one more day". I gave up my first time and came back later because I was so tired of losing and regaining. I give my SP friends, this book, the challenges (like 5%, BLC and so many others) and the entire SP site with its emoticon info and blogs for me finally working my way into maintenance after so many years of yo yo-ing. I continue to work but with more info, better tools and the support of SP friends. emoticon emoticon

Edited by: GOCALGAL at: 10/18/2016 (10:06)
Maria ~ So. Cal. ~ Pacific Time Zone
Smile, hug, encourage others

"It's not the mountain we conquer,
But ourselves." unknown

Winning is Not Quitting

DJBTOO's Photo DJBTOO Posts: 3,166
10/17/16 9:20 P

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Good idea Pam ... getting candy you are not that interested in for the kids at Halloween.
And, please - you and everyone here, feel free to call me DJ ... it is my nickname ... on Spark and real life too!

We do not get any trick or treaters here - it's too dangerous at night - not as in people-wise ... but traipsing through lava rock roads, driveways and yards in the dark. They have special community events for the kids.

dj ~ Big Island Hawaii
Eat as healthy as I can, moderate exercise, spiritually focused/supported - that's the plan!

"...casting all your cares on Him, for He cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

"When diet is wrong medicine is of no use, when diet is correct medicine is of no need." ~Ayurvedic Proverb


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TWEETYX2's Photo TWEETYX2 Posts: 2,071
10/17/16 7:55 P

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DJBToo said it so well that I will simply say "Ditto!"

I will also echo to Fluffy that I too am retired and do not have the same challenges as a person who is working outside the home. However, echoing what DJBToo said about the evolution of support. I agree that at some point you just plain have to remove the training wheels and go solo. The idea is that we will then finally be in total control of what we do and or say in this area of our lives.

I have tried to join my hubby on his Sunday candy day and realized all it does is get me into trouble. My blood sugar is higher for two days. My stomach aches. I have to put a red dot on my calendar. It is just a lose lose situation so I have decided that I am buying the smallest bag of candy for Halloween for the kids (many families moved away in the last year so I am not expecting as many at my door this year) and it will be something that I won't be interested in finishing up.

I want my program to succeed and the support I need to give that matters the most is ME.

Pam

TweetyX2 (Pam B.)
Time Zone: EST
Atlanta, Georgia [USA]

A Look Back: January 4, 2017: 265.4 lbs.
January 1st, 2018: 231.6 lbs.
Total Wt. Loss in 2017: 33.8 lbs.

2018 Wt. Loss Goal: lose 52 lbs.
End of Year 2018 Wt. Loss Goal: 188.2 lbs.

This is not a race to the finish but a journey to the end.















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DJBTOO's Photo DJBTOO Posts: 3,166
10/17/16 4:27 P

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Being further along in my chosen program and change of lifestyle (been working on it 3 years) I find I related to this chapter really differently this time.

I believe in asking for support when I need it. And I've learned to be as clear as possible when asking. And, boy oh boy, have I needed support in my life at various times and for more than food issues! However, support is only supposed to be for when one needs it - AS ONE GROWS STRONGER - and, at some point, one should be able to stand on their own two feet so to speak. Or forever be vulnerable.

As I learn and grow in my program I am starting to see that I can sometimes let some of this 'support' easily turn into a 'crutch' if I am not careful. When that happens I am no longer getting stronger in my own self-resolve/integrity with my plan. I may even be getting a bit lazy about it and relying too much on others to 'keep me safe'.

I've found it helpful to 'test' the waters ... see IF I am getting as strong as I think. So from time to time I've said to my husband "Okay, let's try letting you have some of 'your' foods back in the house - see how it goes!" After all, it's not fair for him to have to live in his home without having what he would enjoy once in a while! It'd be different if it were a matter of a few months but he's been 'supporting' me with various plans for decades - ha! But only in the last 3 years have we been 'keeping' things out of the house. Still, THAT is a long time.

So recently and slowly some of his fave chips, breads, crackers, salty snacks, and desserts once in a while have come back into our home ... and I am now able to gather that inner strength and resolve I've been working on and when the thought/urge comes to eat them I get to 'test' this out. It's like strength training for my ' healthy choice muscle' - ha!

I look at these foods and REMEMBER why they are NOT on my plan (full of salt, chemicals, processed flours, who knows what - ha!). And then I allow myself to make my choice ... whichever way it goes. Fortunately, it now FEELS GOOD to say 'no' and move on. (Note: there have been 'times' when my inner strength waffled - and surprisingly the item did not even taste that good to me anymore - so why bother with it anymore going forward! But if it HAD become an issue again I would have again asked for support and ask my husband to not bring it home for a while longer.)

I'm not discounting the necessity for support at all - we ALL need support...especially in the beginning ... and sometimes repeatedly. But I personally needed to actively work on growth as well ... and independence/freedom at some point. Or I will be 'dieting' or 'working a program' the REST of my life instead of living comfortably around all food and temptations with the ease and confidence I will make healthy choices ... and joyfully even.

SO I need to be careful that I don't use support as a crutch. Because crutches sometimes can slip out from under me...whereas my own inner strength, resolve, and perserverance will not...but only if I actively develop and, more importantly, exercise these qualities.

I am go grateful and thankful for ALL the support I have been given in my life and here on Spark ... and resources such as Linda's book. I would not be where I am were it NOT for this support. It's comforting to know Sparkers will always be here when needed for support or for celebration and community! Thank you!!!!


dj ~ Big Island Hawaii
Eat as healthy as I can, moderate exercise, spiritually focused/supported - that's the plan!

"...casting all your cares on Him, for He cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

"When diet is wrong medicine is of no use, when diet is correct medicine is of no need." ~Ayurvedic Proverb


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DJBTOO's Photo DJBTOO Posts: 3,166
10/17/16 4:19 P

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Fluffy - hang in there with the book - I felt similar in the beginning too. A lot didn't seem to apply to me because I am home 98% of the time with just dh and a dog. But the book gets better and better as it digs deeper and I ended up finding a LOT to work on ... and still am with add'l rounds with the team. I think you'll find it to be more beneficial with add'l chapters in.

dj ~ Big Island Hawaii
Eat as healthy as I can, moderate exercise, spiritually focused/supported - that's the plan!

"...casting all your cares on Him, for He cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

"When diet is wrong medicine is of no use, when diet is correct medicine is of no need." ~Ayurvedic Proverb


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,494
10/17/16 1:31 P

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Here's a pretty frank statement from Emelia Sam in an article I posted a link to last year on this thread.

"Understand that someone who doesn’t honor your path is not showing you love. What they are interested in is a conditional relationship, not love. They may love their idea of who you should be, but they are not loving you as you are. You may have to reevaluate who has consistent access to you."

www.emeliasam.com/unsupportive-loved
-o
nes/


I am one of those who has no significant other, no children or family around. My eating decisions are all my own! I have learned not to talk about my eating at all - I sometimes get "oh you're so healthy" or "you don't have to worry". I'm not going to be able to stop people saying that - but I can control how I react to it. I used to feel defensive and/or frustrated by these comments, but now I just acknowledge it, and say something like "yes, I do try to eat healthily - at least most of the time!" (ie, I'm not perfect, but, yes, I do have to work at it!)

I also take responsibility for changing the negative diet-culture, by not commenting on other people's eating or weight either! If someone is eating something I like the look of, I'll say "ooh, that looks nice" but I won't say it's 'good' or 'bad' or 'should' or 'shouldn't' etc. The effect is that people learn that I am not a willing accomplice in talking diet-talk!



Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 10/17/2016 (13:51)
GOCALGAL's Photo GOCALGAL Posts: 5,573
10/17/16 12:54 P

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So glad to be here again reviewing these lessons. This one has helped me a lot with voicing what I need and letting some things go. This probably sounds petty because my DH is very supportive but I've been experiencing food "grumpiness" again.

He can eat ANYTHING and has a drawer full of goodies but occasionally he wants to try some of my super small portion of a special treat that I am trying to savor and stretch out to two portions (which is annoying in itself as I would like to eat the entire thing.) It makes me feel stingy and unloving because I do not want to share. I have planned and would like to eat in peace. Grumpiness in the past has undone my good intentions and put me into a "poor me" or diet sabotaging mood. As I have said before he is not a mind reader so I need to explain this to him when I am not grumpy.

Maria ~ So. Cal. ~ Pacific Time Zone
Smile, hug, encourage others

"It's not the mountain we conquer,
But ourselves." unknown

Winning is Not Quitting

CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
10/17/16 11:41 A

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Day 8 - Help Me please
• In the space below, write a list of things that people are always welcome to say
or do in regard to your weight-loss efforts. Examples might include offer you
compliments, protect you from dessert, or clear the table after meals.

June 27, 2014 answers:
Don't hover over me at the scale on weigh in day.
Do be willing to eat at home once in awhile.

Today's answers:
Praise my determination.
Continue to encourage me to go for walks.



• Create another list of things you don’t ever want people to do such as snatch
your plate away, give you lectures, or admonish, “You’re not supposed to be
eating that.”

June 27, 2014 answer
Don't tell me I eat to fast!

Today's answer:

My sister needs to stop making high calorie treats to give me. Having said that, I really need to just TELL her because she doesn't realize yet that I am on WW.

• Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, your children,
and your best friend.

June 27, 2014 answer
Yeah, good luck with that. The man gets all pouty and bursts into tears for Pete's sake!

Today:

I did!

DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 7,767
10/17/16 11:32 A

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Day 8 - help me please!

My dh and kids are mostly helpful and understanding of my eating plan thankfully.

My good friends and work also understand if I take some food with me rather than eat something off plan.

Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
TOPS2KOPSVILLE's Photo TOPS2KOPSVILLE Posts: 23,911
10/17/16 10:31 A

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DAY 8
HELP ME PLEASE

I live with son and he eats alone as I do
He don't snatch or say why are you eating that

it would be nice if he helped me cook
put away leftovers

I do need to ask for help when I need it that is a hard one for me as I think I am bothering them whether it be family friends or tops family. need ideas for meals.

But love when others encourage me with emails. or snail mail. thanks for all who done this
also nice to go out to eat with friend who likes same thing so you can split it.

love compliments someone called me skinny and that was awesome







Leslie Knudson
MN Area Captain TOPS
ASK ME ABOUT IT
www.tops.org
Central time


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VIBRANT4LIFE's Photo VIBRANT4LIFE Posts: 2,369
10/17/16 9:28 A

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Day 8 – Help me please.
I am fortunate that my family is already supportive in ways I find comfortable.
They are thoughtful when offering me food and don’t push if I say no. They would never snatch food away and are able to politely ask if they think I am making a really bad food choice.


Cheryl
Central Florida
EST
"The way get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” -Walt Disney
"What you allow is what will continue." Unknown
"The secret of getting ahead is getting started." Mark Twain


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 12,679
10/17/16 8:14 A

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emoticon Great posts everyone emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: AURA18 at: 10/17/2016 (09:44)
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-SPIRITSEEKER2-'s Photo -SPIRITSEEKER2- Posts: 32,103
10/17/16 7:45 A

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not getting the book - thought this would be more helpful- again geared to people more active/work/socialize.......... I am just home ???????

Fluffy in SC

EST


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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 15,251
10/17/16 6:54 A

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Day # 8 Help Me, Please.........
What I like:
Since I've been focused on healthy eating, my best friends know I don't eat certain things and they are used to it.
My husband usually keeps his "treats" out of site or gets things I don't especially like.
I like compliments from my daughter who always notices when the clothes are fitting nicely.

What I don't like:
I don't like people who make an issue of my choices and point it out if I'm in a group.
I don't like to hear "are you still doing that?" For me it is "eating healthy" but to them it is "on a diet".

Like Chele, I don't like people who push food I don't like or when I'm not hungry.

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time


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CD15245502 Posts: 6,797
10/17/16 4:36 A

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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 12,679
10/14/16 11:33 A

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emoticon

Edited by: AURA18 at: 3/8/2017 (08:45)
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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,993
9/17/16 4:02 A

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You are right, SKIRUNNER1 - I love your term "gentle push". This entire book is a gentle push; every lesson. It teaches us to gently push ourselves towards our goals instead of beating ourselves up. We get further, just as fast, without burnout and we learn to accept our imperfection while we strive to do our best!

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

Eastern Standard Time




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SKIRUNNER1 Posts: 2,545
9/16/16 1:59 P

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This is another lesson that shows us how to control our own life. We CAN tell others what we want when we 'clarify' what we want instead of 'begging'. Of course, we need to think about and decide what we need and want before we can tell others. What a good gentle push toward becoming stronger people!



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JUSTME9898's Photo JUSTME9898 Posts: 3,759
6/21/16 6:51 P

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I am very lucky. My family has been very supportive this time. The only problem was that my daughter did not like to eat fish twice a week. I suddenly realized that I can easily grill a piece of fish for me as I grill steak or chicken for them. I needed to help myself. My daughter constantly brags about my NSV and that makes me feel great.

goal is to be able to walk again
Linda
high desert, California


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MTN_KITTEN's Photo MTN_KITTEN Posts: 9,703
6/9/16 10:32 A

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As a "giver" of help ... it's not always easy for me to ask for help. BUT ... I had a serious talk with hubby that this was my journey and I needed him to commit on my positive behaviors and NOT be my watch dog.

He is awesome!!! Yesterday he told me I was his hero coz I have been eating clean and exercising for 7+ months now. Walking in the rain and then walking in the humidity to ensure I get my exercise DONE. Made me puddle up.

My DIL has stopped asking "what can you eat???" after I talked with her several times.

SIL who is an alcoholic and sober for 2+ years ... asked me several times "what do we need to do for you???" After telling him it was much like his situation ... he wants the control ... I am in charge of my choices and I am doing great.

Help is different for all of us ... make sure you explain what you need.

Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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SKIRUNNER1 Posts: 2,545
6/8/16 10:48 P

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I think this lesson is so important. Be specific when asking for help. Ask in a quiet neutral, non-emotional voice. Thank them when they follow through. Remind them gently as needed!



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DJBTOO's Photo DJBTOO Posts: 3,166
6/8/16 9:43 P

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My comments/impressions of Day 8 are pretty much the same as when I posted on this thread on 4/26. My DH is still sooooo supportive and I'll have to share the phrase "hunger grumpiness" with him when he gets home Maria - I'm sure he'll get a chuckle out of that and recognize that characteristic! emoticon

That being said ...

In reading everyone's posts here I can see why Linda Spangle addressed this issue. But imagine if we were all seeing each other in person ... we each are on the same 'general' path towards health but each have such 'customized' helps/doesn't help preferences and foods that are correct for us/not correct depending on our plan ... I'm not sure I would remember or not slip up within our own little group. It makes me think we might want to give our loved ones and friends - and especially others that only see us once in a while - a bit of a break if they are not blatantly undermining our efforts.

I related to the situation when people might say I look like I've lost weight when I know good and well I haven't and may have even gained ... it generally annoys me and I know I come across as frustrated. I've never thought of asking people 'not' to comment on my weight however as might be suggested in this lesson but in thinking about all this just now I don't think I would. It's actually 'my' reaction and frustration within myself that I haven't lost weight in that moment that is irked ... not what they said ... they are only trying to be helpful and maybe encouraging. I think it's a case where it's more 'me' to be worked on than asking them to 'change'.

But, in general, (especially with the people we live with) I think it is helpful to be clear with them ...but also important to be forgiving if they don't always get with the program 100% of the time. emoticon




Edited by: DJBTOO at: 6/8/2016 (21:48)
dj ~ Big Island Hawaii
Eat as healthy as I can, moderate exercise, spiritually focused/supported - that's the plan!

"...casting all your cares on Him, for He cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

"When diet is wrong medicine is of no use, when diet is correct medicine is of no need." ~Ayurvedic Proverb


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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 12,679
6/8/16 6:05 P

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Day 8 Help Me!
Maria I agree my DH is not a mind reader! I had to learn to ask for help!

It has taken us awhile to eat meals together. I worked second shift for many years and DH still works late till 6p many nights. However, starting in May, we are helping each other with a healthy life...walking 7.5 miles or 2 hours every other morning. On our walks we talk about eating healthy and planing our meals together...shopping, preparing and eating slowly without screens. We may not eat together every day but we will be sharing healthy food. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: AURA18 at: 11/9/2018 (11:50)
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GOCALGAL's Photo GOCALGAL Posts: 5,573
6/8/16 3:44 P

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Since DH and I have talked about this several times now, I've benefited a lot from this lesson. I've learned my DH is not a mind reader and he tries to help whenever I ask. He is on board for much healthier snack choices and ones I can more easily resist. Both DH and I recognize the many causes of my "hunger grumpiness" and it occurs much less often. I am now in charge of my food choices not my dear, but food pusher friend. I thankfully accept any compliments.

Maria ~ So. Cal. ~ Pacific Time Zone
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But ourselves." unknown

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DELIKENS2014's Photo DELIKENS2014 Posts: 3,179
6/8/16 10:50 A

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Day # 8 Help Me, Please.........
What I like:
If you truly see that I have lost weight, say so.
When friends ask me to go walking with them.
When friends ask me where it is that I would like to eat, so I know that I can make healthy food choices.

What I don't like:
When someone remarks to me, "Should you be eating that?"
When someone asks me if I have lost weight and I know that I haven't.


Doris
EST - FL


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IAMSUNNYHOWARD's Photo IAMSUNNYHOWARD Posts: 1,655
6/8/16 10:03 A

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Day 8 Help Me

My hubby is generally supportive- He has his treat foods stashed away.
I prefer he not say anything!

My family friends- just notice that I am slimmer, without advice or criticism!

Sunny Howard
Tucson, AZ
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uwUNxpo/edit


FAB 4
1. What is the one thing I need to achieve today?
2. What is the one think I want to accomplish/achieve this week?
3. What is the one thing that is important to me today?
4. What can I do to always remain calm?



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TWEETYX2's Photo TWEETYX2 Posts: 2,071
6/8/16 9:26 A

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Day 8: Help me please...

What I like:

when others don't notice what I eat or don't eat (my food is my business as is yours---I don't make any mention about yours so why would you about mine?)

What I don't like:

when those around me are eating foods that look good to me but I would better be passing on and so I have to exercise my resistance muscle at a time when I may have not been prepared for.



Pam

TweetyX2 (Pam B.)
Time Zone: EST
Atlanta, Georgia [USA]

A Look Back: January 4, 2017: 265.4 lbs.
January 1st, 2018: 231.6 lbs.
Total Wt. Loss in 2017: 33.8 lbs.

2018 Wt. Loss Goal: lose 52 lbs.
End of Year 2018 Wt. Loss Goal: 188.2 lbs.

This is not a race to the finish but a journey to the end.















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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,993
6/8/16 8:51 A

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Help me!! Oh, please help me!

Friends can help me by:
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Being a friend, don't say anything to me about my health or weight or diet that you would not want to hear yourself

Choosing a restaurant that has some healthy choices if we meet for lunch
Giving me a break from cooking once in awhile; I do better on days when I'm not in the kitchen
Walk with me; walking alone gets a little dull
Talk about your life and your activities; let's share; our friendships do not have to be about food
Sincerely tell me if you notice weight loss
Don't ever critique my diet; that treat I just ate....I may have planned that for days

Family can help me by:

Just loving and accepting me!
Recognize that I am doing my best to be healthy for myself AND for you!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

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TOPS2KOPSVILLE's Photo TOPS2KOPSVILLE Posts: 23,911
6/8/16 7:44 A

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I am lucky as my family is watching their weight too and working a plan some been there done that so they are understanding.

Things that people are always welcome to say or do:

You look great
Help cook
Put away leftovers
Keep my trigger foods out of the house
Ask me what I am doing?
Offer to go for a walk together
Call or email me to help me keep on track
what can I do to help


Things that I don’t ever want people to do:
offer foods esp desserts that i have a hard time resisting
Looks like you are not following your plan
Offer me foods that isnt on my plan







Leslie Knudson
MN Area Captain TOPS
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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 15,251
6/8/16 6:47 A

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Day # 8 Help Me, Please.........
What I like:
Since I've been focused on eating healthy, most of my friends know I won't be eating certain things and they are used to it.
My husband usually keeps his "treats" out of site or gets things I don't especially like.
I like compliments from my daughter who always notices when the clothes are fitting nicely.

What I don't like:
I really don't like people who make an issue of my choices and point it out.
I really don't like to hear "are you still doing that?" (Yes I am!)
I don't like when the restaurant has no good choices (now I try to skip the meal and just go later for the meeting).
The choice to act or react is always mine! emoticon


Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time


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CD15245502 Posts: 6,797
6/8/16 4:44 A

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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 7,767
6/8/16 3:26 A

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I am lucky my close friends and family know I am trying to mostly follow a plan and as Aug 15, Jan 16 and Apr 16 I still think its good when my dh questions me sometimes 'Is that on your plan?' or 'Have you written that down'. and of course I too am trying to be kinder when he does try to help me which can be hard sometimes as you feel you are being got at!!!

Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,494
6/8/16 2:59 A

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I live alone - so I don't have anyone else's food choices to ambush me at home!

When I'm with friends, I have to say that I've gone beyond expecting anyone else to support my plans with diet & exercise: I just do my thing. Now that I've discovered I can say "No, thank you" without anyone else really giving a damn - I do that.

At work I am sometimes vulnerable if someone leaves chocolate laying around - but I can't ask them not to have chocolate - so it's down to me to say "No, thank you." and NOT to 'steal' the corner off the bar when I think no-one else is looking!!!!

When I first went through this 100 DWL book, I did write out a list of things I wanted people to not say/say. I shared them with my best friend - and she was (a) really surprised and (b) unable to remember them or stick to them - so I gave up! Now, if she comments on my weight, I shrug it off with something like "really? oh, I don't know... maybe" and if she has a food offering I don't really want, I do a quick mental check on how important it is to her/me if I eat it or not! If I think it's socially important, then I might eat it. If it's not important, I don't eat it!

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 6/8/2016 (03:00)
DJBTOO's Photo DJBTOO Posts: 3,166
4/26/16 5:18 P

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Well, we must be lucky ladies - I have a supportive husband too! Oh, but have I put him to the test in the 29 years we've been together ... soooooooooooooo many different diets, plans, etc. Poor thing would get confused and sometimes look at me exasperated and say "I thought we were doing 'this' ... what IS IT this week?" It's easier for him now that I've settled into whole foods/plant based plan the past few years.

I agree with Linda Spangle - we need to BE SPECIFIC ... when I am 'clear' with my husband it works out better. Recently I had to fill him in on the No S Diet principles I am following with my whole food/plant plan. He got that one really quick - it is SIMPLE after all - ha! I think HE even appreciates No S in that regard - ha! So that's new to him and me but with his help we're working on it together.

I did make a Do List/Don't List ... mainly in regard to others ...

On the Do List - I appreciate compliments ... and open to inquiry as to what I'm doing

On the Don't List - and these DRIVE ME CRAZY -

1) please don't offer me food(s) over and over repeatedly at one gathering

and

2) please don't say - "it won't hurt just this once" (or stuff like that)

I haven't 'quite' figured out how to 'tactfully' but 'specifically' get this across to people ... yet ...any ideas/suggestions?

Edited by: DJBTOO at: 4/26/2016 (17:20)
dj ~ Big Island Hawaii
Eat as healthy as I can, moderate exercise, spiritually focused/supported - that's the plan!

"...casting all your cares on Him, for He cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

"When diet is wrong medicine is of no use, when diet is correct medicine is of no need." ~Ayurvedic Proverb


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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,993
4/26/16 11:14 A

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So glad to hear that your husband is supportive! Mine is too! It is hard for them to actually know what WE would find helpful or hear in a positive way.

Recently my husband said that he is happy that I have worked to hard to get healthy the past several years. He knows how difficult it was for me to reach any kind of consistency but It was great to get the compliment and I am much healthier than I was before I started sparking.

It has been baby steps but now with the help of 100 Days, I really feel like I'm succeeding!

Wanda

Believe in Miracles.
Forgive Everyone.
Life is not fair, but it is good.

Eastern Standard Time




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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 7,767
4/26/16 10:47 A

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My dh is ALWAYS REALLY SUPPORTIVE, occassionally asking if a food is 'on my plan' and to be honest I'm not always kind when he says this! But it does remind me to write it down. We did talk about what I wanted to be said and overall he is really good.

I won't ask anyone else! Of course when I go to good friends houses I ask if its okay to take my own food. I even asked at school if it was okay to eat my own food when the headteacher had got sandwiches and chips for everyone. I was proud of myself to have asked.

Donna
Lancashire, UK

dsjb99@yahoo.co.uk

don't have a facebook account
FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 3,247
1/11/16 9:01 A

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I love reading everyone's comments. So informative with some new ideas PLUS inspirational and supportive!

I too have a DH who I think of as helpful and supportive MOST of the time. I don't have any problems being vocal about what I need, but when I tried to tell him what I needed regarding the nightly snack he always seems to need It must have gone in one ear and out the other because it continues to be a nightly ritual. Point being, I feel he says one thing (supportive), but then does another (non-supportive). But I know his heart is in a good place.

With that being said, I continue to go about my merry way on this journey staying strong and focused. I like what OOLALA said - We need t base our emotional foundation on just doing things as well as we can from our side and try to roll with the punches. I still need to stay MY course when I don't get what I want from them. I need to move on from my disappointment or resentment as soon as possible.




Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
"Live life to its fullest and make the most of every day."


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STONE815's Photo STONE815 Posts: 2,380
1/9/16 9:55 P

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I live alone and am retired. My buddy and I go to water aerobics and shopping together a lot. She is a great supporter and we often split a meal and add salads to enjoy.

I am lucky in that I have great friends who do not judge or make comments about each others that are not supportive.

My Spark family is great.


Daphne
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PGBACK's Photo PGBACK Posts: 4,971
1/8/16 10:03 P

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My hubby is very supportive in my healthy lifestyle journey. He is eating healthier. So far, he usually eat different for breakfast and lunch, but he has made healthier choices with his snacks. I used to be bad about eating the "goodies" that he enjoys because he would offer then to me. Once that I asked him not to offer me anything, it has helped a lot.
He is also good about giving me compliments.


I do not want my sister or my mother telling me that I do not need to lose weight.

Mary Ann


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PCOH051610's Photo PCOH051610 Posts: 7,417
1/8/16 6:40 P

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Like many of you, I can count my husband as my number one supporter. Luckily he is also interested in becoming healthier (he is on his fifth day of not having a glass of Coca-Cola at night) so I'm very fortunate.

Both of us have found we eat a lot better when we meal plan and we have a few backups on hand to cover the days when we are just too tired to cook. For instance, last night I was going to water aerobics but neither of us were hungry at supper hour. I made a pot of oatmeal, and added in skim milk, bananas, walnuts and a few raisins. We ate that and were satisfied.

I have two supportive friends and I work with a bunch of people who are respectful of anybody who is trying to eat better.

Unfortunately, my mother is not supportive despite being a diabetic. Luckily I don't spend much time with her (long story) but I do talk to her at least twice a day. She is really big on "treats" but doesn't seem to know what the word treats means. To me a treat is not something you eat each day! The next time we are going out for a day I am packing healthy snacks so I'm not tempted.


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