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LIVINTODAY's Photo LIVINTODAY Posts: 9,977
1/8/16 4:03 P

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Hopefully each of us has someone who supports us on this journey to better health; whether it be a spouse, other family member, friend, coworker, etc really doesn't matter - it is just important to have someone who either understands completely or is willing to understand and therefore willing to listen. Spark is great at providing that kind of support but it is really helpful to have someone right there in front of you, face to face, listening and supporting.

I am fortunate in having a wonderful supportive husband who has been skinny all his life. That means he has not walked in these shoes but he has had his own health issues and worked through other issues in his life and his listening ear is truly invaluable to me.

I have three really good friends. One is a saboteur; she can't help it....she simply can't seem to support my journey even though she is very overweight. The other two are totally non-judgmental; they don't offer me food if they know it is something i'm not eating and they are happy to spend our time walking or going to a bookstore or the library, both places where we are not bombarded with food. So out of 4 people; 3 are tremendously supportive; I couldn't be luckier.

I wish all my spark friends will be able to find the support that they need and also that they will be available to support others on difficult journeys. Maybe that is what unsupportive people teach us....how to reach out and ask others what they need and how we can support them.
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Edited by: LIVINTODAY at: 1/8/2016 (16:04)
Wanda

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Forgive Everyone.
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MTN_KITTEN's Photo MTN_KITTEN Posts: 9,653
1/8/16 2:18 P

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Day 8

My hubby is the bestest. As he has seen me through thin and thick ... and thicker ... he has always been supportive.

I have an innate capability for asking for what I want or need. I don't always get it ... some times the answer is NO. But I am responsible for me.

I am getting support from Sparks ... and giving it as well.

Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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DEBPRE16's Photo DEBPRE16 SparkPoints: (0)
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1/8/16 2:00 P

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My husband is very supportive. So far he has said the right things to help me but if he doesn't I could tell him that it doesn't help. My best friend is dieting too so she inspires me and my best friend at work is losing weight too - so I am surrounded by support.

Debbie


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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 18,287
1/8/16 11:58 A

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I also live alone, so I can't blame anyone for what I do when I eat alone, which is usual for me, even at work, though it didn't used to be. In fact, what I eat when I'm alone on weekends is still often the sticking point for me. I eat pretty "good" meals during the week. I have been trying to come up with compelling things to do on weekends, and have tried to enlist the aid of my few friends, but it hasn't been successful yet. I play as much a part in that as anyone else. But I am glad to some degree that I'm in charge of my eating with no interference most of the time.

At most social events, there is the usual talk about food and comments about eating healthy or cheating or whatever. It still has a charge, but it used to bother me more. I don't really feel I need to ask anyone to be different, though. Or I don't feel close enough to them to do that. I'd just as soon listen and then casually change the subject. I myself do not talk about my plan unless someone asks specifically or seems really open. But I'm also trying to see that I don't need to be defensive. I can listen to others' perspective and be okay with my own and with theirs (even if I know the odds are against their strategy or I know that they aren't actually going to practice what they preach!)


I took a course in interpersonal relationships last fall and the program materials brought up something that I haven't seen emphasized much in all the assertiveness training stuff I've read over the decades. The originator said no matter how "right" we communicate, the other person is not obligated to agree or comply. We need t base our emotional foundation on just doing things as well as we can from our side and try to roll with the punches. This was new. I can ask for what I want, but I still need to stay MY course when I don't get what I want from them. I need to move on from my disappointment or resentment as soon as possible.


Edited by: OOLALA53 at: 1/8/2016 (14:25)
Nine years of maintaining a 20% weightloss and counting.
*To seek happiness, identifying the Self with the body, is like trying to cross a river on the back of a crocodile." Ramana Maharshi
*The No S Diet saved me from my emotional eating defeats.
10 years and counting! nosdiet.com/
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MAUITN Posts: 15,514
1/8/16 11:26 A

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I love alone so I have no one to prevent me from eating a healthy plan. My friends mostly don't push food one way or another. I do have one friend who uses being out (shopping or sight-seeing) as a good excuse to eat un-healthy. But then she does it at home also. That does not mean I have to follow her lead. I can be the example.





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If something is holding us back, today is the day to begin to push back. Today is always the best day


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DJNATHANS SparkPoints: (849)
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1/8/16 9:29 A

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This one is a good one for me to think about.

My parents live far away so I don't see them that often at this point in my life. But because I've been overweight for most of my life, I have heard many comments and suggestions over the years, mostly from my mother. I know her intentions are good, but it is NOT helpful and I finally decided a while back that I NEVER wanted to talk to her about my weight/appearance. I told her not to say anything and if she did I would walk away or hang up the phone. I think I had to do that a couple of times in the beginning, but it has worked and she has (mostly) changed her ways. I am sure if must be difficult for her because she is the kind of person who always wants to put in her two cents, but she is respecting this. Now, if she occasionally makes a comment such as telling me about a new weight loss plan she's heard about in case I am interested, she limits it to a sentence or two and then moves on so I can handle it. As I lose the weight, I might appreciate recognition, but I'm not even sure if I'd like that at this point. I will have to wait and see.

My husband is wonderful and I know he will help me in anyway he can. Since I am about to start a part-time job next week, I know my life is about to become a lot busier. So I guess his help around the house with cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids would be helpful so that I have energy leftover to take care of me. (He already helps a lot, but I know he'll need to step up a bit more now.) I have already told him this, but we will discuss it again this weekend. He also enjoys his junk food, so I always appreciate it when he buys the kinds of cookies that I do NOT like. Makes it so much easier to avoid them! I have not told my husband I joined SparkPeople but I think he's starting to notice that I'm drinking more water and planning my meals more, so he knows I'm trying to get my eating under control. He was always very slim but his weight has crept up in recent years. I'd love it if he joined me on this journey but I don't think he will. He's more interested in exercising than changing his diet. Maybe as I see results he'll be inspired. We'll see.

My friends are great and several are very health conscious, so there will be no difficulties -- just support there.

MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 15,058
1/8/16 6:18 A

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In reading some of the struggles others have, I know that I am truly blessed by the great family and friends in my life. Thank you for sharing and may you be blessed on your journey.

Day # 8
Help Me Please.......
Since I've been eating healthy for a while now my hubby is well trained to keep his "junk food" in his van or in his shop. He is a very helpful person and does a lot of the shopping so I just go through the bags, make one for him and say "this is yours"!

When I go out with the "girls" as one husband calls us, I try to order last so that everyone doesn't feel like they have to order my healthy stuff even though most of them should. It is probably up to me to just ignore some comments.

Actually I think I'm pretty good with other people just not as wise when I'm alone thinking of comments that were made and knowing where the extra food is. That is when I'll need to read Day 1 thru 7 again!

Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time
The Way of St James - 500 miles


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ITSASUNNYDAY's Photo ITSASUNNYDAY SparkPoints: (16,677)
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1/7/16 11:30 P

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I read Liberty Joy's post from November. Great way to sum up how I feel as well. Why does weight loss have to be such a touchy issue? Why do I get so upset with a comment I perceive as attacking me when it may be innocent? Why is it so easy to go back and forth- first wanting support in the form of spoken words and then glaring at anyone who dares say anything?

There is a lot of history between me and those around me in relation to weight loss. It can be a powder keg waiting to explode. But, does it really need to be that way? One thing I've done is encourage my family to read weight loss success stories/ watch videos with me and then I tell them "That person is a real inspiration to me because they did something that was very difficult." I think that's helped and I think my own attitude and reactions will continue to change as well.

After all, it's not about the final results, it's about the journey. Those around us are very important whether we weigh 400 lbs or 140 lbs.

Sunny, East Africa

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out."


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CD15408704 Posts: 1,995
11/11/15 3:51 A

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I know that one of the things I find difficult is that when I'm following my plan; I'm the one who needs to be in control of the decisions made. Sometimes those decisions may include knowing what else I've eaten on that day, or what exercise I've done; and then choosing to have something to eat that I'm looking forward to enjoying but to another person may result in them telling me things like - I can't have that if I want to lose weight; or eating that will make me gain weight; or that's bad for you etc. etc.

Linda suggests that to get the kind of support we need, we need to train people in how to support us; and to be very specific about what will help and what won't help. I can see how this could be very helpful for those people who ... are consistent in what they want and need; I've also found that, I'm not. There will be times when I want to hear compliments and times when they are destructive; times when I'm happy for someone to offer healthier chooses and not mention dessert and other times when I'll resent it. I am trying to work on getting more support from those around me; but it's also a very delicate balance which has sometimes backfired previously. One of the things I have been working on is coming up with healthier versions of meals and encouraging those closest to me in this (although making it an increased thing to do rather than an always).

I also had difficulty with one of the questions Linda asks related to "Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, your children, and your best friend." ... because I don't have a spouse or children; and my best friend lives in another country. So while the question was well intentioned; it just set off a string of brief 'stinking thinking' about not having those people in my life; and therefore not having that support available. I do think there seems to be a major assumption in the book (at least so far) that people have a strong support network; which isn't always true.

So ... those are some of the difficulties; however, support wise I've also found that most of my support needs to be found from those online which is one of the reasons I'm thankful for those of you on Spark. It helps having people who know what it is like to be losing weight; especially when it's a lot of weight that is needed to be lost and when it is a lifestyle and not just a diet


Edited by: CD15408704 at: 11/11/2015 (03:52)
AMYBELLES's Photo AMYBELLES Posts: 14,701
11/8/15 10:33 P

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My response to today's lesson is short. I'm a pretty independent person and don't feel like I need much help. But I feel blessed that I have supportive people in my life. My husband and son are pretty supportive and I have good friends who are also. I feel support from my spark friends as well.
The thing I want the most from anyone in my life is just saying positive comments about the great progress I am making, which they do! My dh always asks me if I want something he is going to get to eat, but I don't want to tell him not to do this, because I want to learn to say no thank you when it's something I don't want or need.

**~Amy~**
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May A&I BSG Challenge Team

~The Villages, Florida
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HUYANA_PHOENIX's Photo HUYANA_PHOENIX Posts: 499
11/8/15 5:58 P

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Day 8
HELP ME, PLEASE!

Today's theme is "Help me, please...." - focusing on how to train our support people to actually be supportive. This is a tough one for me. My mother WANTS to be supportive, but even when I'm very clear about what my needs are, she falls very short (not just about weight issues). Then I end up expected to console her because she feels bad that she didn't do the right thing. It's very warped and emotionally draining, and I come away from it feeling more alone and frustrated then if I hadn't anticipated or wanted help in the first place.

I have just a few very good friends who are supportive and loving, but I do not / will not live anywhere near them. I am not married or currently seeing anyone, so no significant other as support person.

So, I think instead of focusing on training others to be more supportive of me, I need to work on being more supportive of me. I have also been working on building a support network here on SparkPeople, and I will continue working on that. From what I've seen so far, the people on here don't need much training on how to be supportive! Thanks, everyone!

----------------

Even though I don't have specific support people that I see in person, I've based my responses to today's questions on previous experiences or potential opportunities of future support.

THINGS PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS WELCOME TO SAY OR DO IN REGARD TO MY WEIGHT-LOSS EFFORTS:
~ Suggest we go for a walk or hike
~ Make positive comments about how healthy I'm eating (but no comments that it should make me lose weight)
~ Keep healthy foods available / visible.
~ Suggest eating out where there are healthy choices for me to make. (Don't tell me that's the reason you suggested the place, but keep it in mind when making suggestions.)
~ When I've lost several clothing sizes if I'm still wearing bigger sizes, suggest that I find smaller clothes, The best compliment I got when I lost a lot of weight before was, "Hey, baggy pants!"
~ If I CHOOSE to share how much I've lost or how many steps I've walked, then praise and encouragement is welcome (or support and encouragement if I'm not doing well)

THINGS I DON'T EVER WANT PEOPLE TO DO:
~ Don't give lectures
~ Don't judge what I'm eating
~ Don't ask how much I've lost or if I lost this week - I want to focus on making positive changes and healthy choices, not be judged by the outcome on the scale
~ Don't sabotage my efforts by bringing home sweets or trying to shorten my activity time
~ Don't make negative comments or give judgmental looks about me being sweaty from exercise - sweat is a good thing!

Edited by: HUYANA_PHOENIX at: 11/8/2015 (17:59)
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KALISWALKER's Photo KALISWALKER Posts: 25,084
11/2/15 9:29 P

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Happy Sparker Lynn 'A good girl with bad habits'
Achievers! Not for the powerful and famous, but for regular people who set goals and achieve them by their own determination,

Greater Vancouver, BC Canada
2021 Summer 5% Challenge Community
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MAWMAW101's Photo MAWMAW101 Posts: 15,058
10/27/15 7:54 A

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Phyllis ~~
Indiana - Eastern Time
The Way of St James - 500 miles


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IAMBLESSED103's Photo IAMBLESSED103 Posts: 18,830
10/21/15 4:32 P

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GREBJACK, I agree, you're not alone in your feelings on this. I think many of us have experienced similar in some fashion. the key is to find what you can do TODAY and keep going from there every day. As you learn and have successes (and some failures too!) and keep going, eventually you'll win in an area and go on to win in other areas and challenges that are specific to your feelings and situations. I wish you all the best on your journey and remember the team is always here to bounce ideas and get support! God bless you! emoticon

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,291
10/21/15 3:17 P

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you're not alone in finding this hard - and tomorrow's activities are equally 'hard' - in fact, a lot of people chose not to do the activity..... keep going.... the book takes us through a whole range of easy/difficult things!

GREBJACK's Photo GREBJACK Posts: 8,787
10/21/15 1:56 A

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Oh, this is hard for me. I really don't like asking for help. I'd rather people don't know I need it! And when I was losing weight, I really didn't share my goals with anyone but the man I was divorcing at the time 'cause I was embarrassed to even admit that I'd let myself get as uncomfortable with my weight and fitness as I had (obviously they could SEE that I wasn't at my ideal weight)

Rebecca

He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
-Edwin Markham

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IAMBLESSED103's Photo IAMBLESSED103 Posts: 18,830
9/9/15 2:35 P

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Hi Vivi, that is a tough one. Maybe your DH would like the challenge of creating a healthier version of his dishes? sometimes? I know that's difficult though... we had a foodie in my family (not a chef but loved to cook and to eat out). He was 300+ pounds and resisted modifying his recipes until he started to have health problems and then had to learn to be creative with his dishes. the only other thing I could think of is to try to have smaller portions of whatever DH makes and step up your exercise. That is what I do now for special family occasions so that I don't regain what I've worked so hard to lose.

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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,291
9/8/15 12:02 P

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Good luck with DH - tricky one - does he support your desire to lose weight?

VIVICHAMPERS's Photo VIVICHAMPERS Posts: 637
9/8/15 11:21 A

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I am very lucky to have supportive friends except for the nights in that involve loads of candy & junk food.
From my hubby, I would love if he'd stop bringing snacks home and maybe curb the gourmet cocktails to the weekend. DH is a foodie & amazingly talented at both creating French food & crafting trendy beverages. They're really good & I have a horrible time resisting. Especially because he really wants my opinion as he tweaks them. If we could do that on the weekends, it would save me a few hundred calories every other day.
I must say, I'm a bit hesitant to ask as it's been such a struggle to get back on track & I'm hoping he won't roll his eyes at me about another "phase". That was BEFORE though, right?

Vivi
Canada


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IAMBLESSED103's Photo IAMBLESSED103 Posts: 18,830
8/11/15 2:38 P

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Day 8 - Actually I'm working on accepting that I cannot control other people's comments or responses. There are times I have asked people (both friends and family) not to say certain things or act a certain way about my weight loss plan, etc. Sometimes they have graciously gone along with my request, and others have not - they "forget" what I've asked and just do what pops into their head because it is so ingrained in them to be that way. Kind of like a leopard not changing his spots, I suppose. Thus, while I can ASK, I cannot control whether other folks actually go along with my request. So I have to learn to control MY RESPONSE to their version of "help" or lack thereof.

So if someone compliments me, I say thank you. If someone bugs me about "is that food on your diet?," I simply answer, "I can eat whatever I want as long as I plan for it." If someone asks, "Did you exercise today?," I respond, "I exercise every day; I am following the plan I set for myself and it's working."

And through all that, I have to keep reminding myself, it really doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks. They are not in my shoes and they do not know every detail of what I am doing. But I am and I do. That's all that counts. Because at the end of the day, I need to be my own biggest supporter.

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PEGPENGUIN's Photo PEGPENGUIN SparkPoints: (80,352)
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8/9/15 8:07 P

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Day 8, Please help me....
This was a tough one -
Things that people are welcome to say? I don't take compliments very well & I am rather tough and critical on/of myself. And if I have to tell people what to say I feel they really don't mean it anyway. I have gotten my kids to take turns cleaning up after dinner and that has helped in the area of leftovers.
Things I don't ever ant people to do? I get upset when my hubby says "Where can we go for dinner that will work best for your diet?". I should be able to make any place work, if I plan ahead and I don't want to keep people from going someplace because of my "diet".
I don't really feel like I have any support people because it is "my" problem and they haven't a clue what it is all about.....

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WORKING52's Photo WORKING52 Posts: 29
8/9/15 8:32 A

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Day 8

This one took a lot of thought and stirred up some emotional eating triggers (which I did not indulge!)

Please do:
1. If you notice a positive change in how I look, please feel free to say so
2. Let me follow my chosen diet plan without critiquing it
3. If I mention my dieting challenges I'm looking for commiseration and gentle support (eg It's hard but hang in there)
4. If you ask me how I'm doing on my diet be sure it's because you want to support me and not feel better about yourself because I'm failing

Please don't:
1. Don't buy/give me treats
2. Don't give/offer me seconds of anything
3. Don't comment on what I'm eating be it on my diet or not
4. Don't give me food advice
5. Don't make dieting a competitive sport; it's an individual journey which can be done with team support

I live alone so my home environment is neutral. Not a bad thing! I would rather live with solitude than with negativity. My daughter is awesome and supportive. My best friend is amazing but has a competitive streak. It's the one aspect I have never had the guts to address with her. I'm not sure if I will..... emoticon

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DSJB9999's Photo DSJB9999 Posts: 7,600
8/9/15 7:38 A

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Late again but emoticon emoticon

A fairly easy one for me as my family and friends are supportive (mostly).

In fact all I wrote in my diary last time still count but maybe I don't always
react positively when my dh reminds me things! For 3 I need to try harder
not to get upset when he asks 'is that included in your plan/program?' as I've
asked him to say.

I asked my helpers to remind me "if and when they see me eating standing up as
this is not a healthy way for me"
Reminding me to "write it down" is always good, thanks.
"Is that included on your plan?" is okay thanks.
Keep the compliments coming please.

Please don't ever be nasty about my eating plan, I would rather you said "Are you
supposed to be eating that" rather than "You're not supposed to be eating that!"
It forces my ownership and also doesn't sound like I am being told off!



Edited by: DSJB9999 at: 8/9/2015 (07:49)
Donna
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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,291
8/9/15 2:54 A

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emoticon brave Spanglers! This is quite a tough section of the book I think - and people do start to give up when it gets tough - but not us, right?!
emoticon

OPHELIE's Photo OPHELIE SparkPoints: (0)
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8/8/15 6:14 P

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When I first started the 100 days, back in December, I lived in Europe, and I had a much different relationship to food/weight issues and the people around me also were different.
We now live back in the US, and my family here understands the struggle of weight loss much better, and is not as judgmental. So, for today, my list of things is pretty simple.
I feel like i have great support from family and friends, and there is nothing in my life right now that makes me tense about dieting (as opposed to the comments I got a few months ago, while living in Europe).

Things people are welcome to say:
-compliments on my efforts / results
-ask questions about the plan
-offer advice (constructive!)


Things I don't want:
-people telling me what I should/ should not eat, unless it is offered as a kind advice.
-make judgment on my plan
-tell me I will not make it, I have never been able to in the past, and it will not happen this time either
-tell me that my plan is worthless
-dismiss SP

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8/8/15 3:40 P

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8/8/15 3:05 P

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Day 8: Help Me, Please…
08/08/2015
Day 8 Summary

Do you get the support you need from family members or friends?
~~I get wonderful support from my family and friends. When I lost weight before my husband was my biggest cheerleader. Losing him in Oct resulted in me "not caring" and making some pretty bad choices. But that could last only so long and now I have to get healthy. I think of his excitement and joy at seeing me get healthy and that is a big encouragement. My kids and my friends are now so very supportive.
~~I plan my menu and when I am with family I stick with my plan. I am allowing for those special times but they are NOT daily events.
~~My friends are aware of my plan and are very excited to help me succeed.

Sometimes the people who should be helping us the most do things that make us mad instead of motivated. They don’t intend to say the wrong thing. They simply don’t know how to be of help.

To get support instead of criticism from the people you love, you may have to train them. That includes being VERY specific about what you want and need.

Set up agreements with your support people by saying, “It will help me if…” followed by what you want them to do. Be sure you also let people know the things you DON’T want them to do or say.

Today’s assignment:

1. In the space below, write a list of things that people are always welcome to say or do in regard to your weight-loss efforts. Examples might include offer you compliments, protect you from dessert, or clear the table after meals.
~~Because I also live alone this really isn't something I get too concerned about. My own thoughts and opinions make or break me.
2. Create another list of things you don’t ever want people to do such as snatch your plate away, give you lectures, or admonish, “You’re not supposed to be eating that.”
~~again, I really don't face this problem.
3. Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, your children, and your best friend. Write a note here about their response.
~~I am finding great support from family and friends. But will now know how to react if I do get some bad info.

Edited by: MONAMOM at: 8/8/2015 (15:08)
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8/8/15 2:08 P

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I have good support from my husband -and the girls at work do offer me food but I say no thank you and they have been supportive. My best friend had gastric bypass and has lost over 100 lbs and she is supportive too.

Debbie


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8/8/15 1:46 P

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Day 8
I'm not good at this one. Help me, please. Seems that in the past, in spite of letting people know what I'm doing, it didn't seem to make a difference, there was no real sabotage and no real help either. I prefer keeping my weight loss to myself and handling things on my own.

CD14651201 Posts: 4,325
8/8/15 1:27 P

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Day 8 Saturday August 8, 2015. Help Me, Please...l


Here are today's suggested activities:

1. In your journal, write a list of things that people are always welcome to say or do in regard to your weight loss efforts. Examples might include: offer you compliments, protect you from dessert, or clear the table after meals.
-Helping clean up, prepare or bring in healthier foods and just saying nothing to me about my weight or what I am or am not eating are on my list.

2. Create another list of things you don't ever want people to do, such as: snatch your plate away, give you lectures, or admonish, "You're not supposed to be eating that."
-I generally don't want people doing anything or saying anything when it comes to my weight or my eating. The less said the better. While I was reading today's lesson I didn't think any of this was an issue for me until I got to this activity. I then realized that there a couple of things my husband will say from time to time that really get under my skin. Sometimes he will say things like " Do you really need that?", "You can eat just a little"while he is holding a plate full of fried potatoes or something greasy he has prepared under my nose, or the admonishing looks. I know that only i ultimately control what I eat or dont eat. This exercise definitely brought a few emotions to the surface when i really gave it some thought. My grandma was one to fix huge meals for everyone. When i was a kid i never remember any issues. But once i became an adult and started putting on weight after the birth of my first baby i remember comments from her and from in-laws and i even had a stranger in a store(he was intoxicated) but he was talking to his partner loudly and asking why someone as fat as her(referring to me)would even bother to dress up and do her hair and put makeup on because she is still fat. At the time that incident happened i was probably around 180-200 lbs and I am 5'8". I would love to be 200 lbs right now. I would feel downright skinny! All that being said I really don't talk about what I am doing one way or the other. That is why I love having spark friends to discuss diet and exercise struggles and successes with.

3. Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, your children, and your best friend.
-Not sure when or even if I will do this part of the lesson! Sparkfriends are my Support People!


Edited by: CD14651201 at: 8/8/2015 (15:05)
GOCALGAL's Photo GOCALGAL Posts: 5,559
8/8/15 1:02 P

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To be honest my first time through 100DWL I thought this lesson was a bit annoying and stupid but I did it anyway. I learned that my DH though supportive was not a mind reader. He would take my moodiness and grumpiness personally every time I would start feeling deprived because he was happily munching away on things I should not have.

I was sometimes irritable even if he wasn't eating and I was just feeling sorry for myself just thinking about the "unfairness of it all". lol This was not right and I try hard not to let this affect me so much anymore. He cuts me more slack.

I explained to him that me not watching TV with him was to minimize snacking danger zones and nothing else. I asked him not to munch in front of me and to please not leave wrappers and evidence on the kitchen counter.

I am lucky because he tries to do these things now that he knows. Now he usually asks if I I'm in my range enough to go out to eat and where. Sometimes going out to eat was a struggle before. Still not easy but def better. I try to remember to thank him often for helping me out and being supportive.

I wouldn't waste my time on my dessert pusher friend. I love her, but she'll never change. emoticon




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SINFULLYQUAINT's Photo SINFULLYQUAINT Posts: 1,365
8/8/15 11:38 A

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This was an interesting day - sorry to read that so many of our group don't have a lot of in-person support. Perhaps we could also think about this from the angle of how we want our spark friends to support us? Personally I don't like people to tell me I can't have something, I'm not a fan of shaming over food - a couple of years ago I had an acquaintance post this rather harsh criticism on a social media site because I mentioned that I'd been to McDonald's that day (and not even about the food - someone had paid for my meal unexpectedly which I thought was sweet, and I had actually gotten a salad which fit within my calories). But she follows a much stricter diet plan that me, and I guess that that was the kind of feedback she would want. But I have enough criticism in my own head, so I prefer not to hear it from others when possible :)

Thankfully I do have some in person support, though of course it's not always perfect. I've asked my family to not offer me snacks or desserts when they are eating, and they remember that for the most part. And they mostly keep any junk food in their rooms and away from the kitchen - the out of sight out of mind works fairly well for me.

As for things I do like to hear - I love to hear positive compliments, though I usually don't tell a lot of people I'm on a diet. What I really want is to compliment how strong I look, and I've got a ways to go before that could happen lol but I need to remember that as motivation :)

I hope that everyone has a great weekend - I've really enjoyed this book so far, and I have enjoyed reading the various ways we each interpret the days and what they mean to us.

~Liz
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8/8/15 11:10 A

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When I started SP years ago and lost a nice amount of weight my husband was alive and he supported me 100%. That was so helpful, I remember he used to love to bring me home little treats, like snicker bars (my favorite), when he did at the beginning of my journey back then I said I loved him for thinking of me, but it would not help me in my goal to lose weight. The next night he brought me home a Special K bar, he then told me he looked at all the stuff and it was the least calories they had and so if I wanted something sweet to snack on, that was the thing to have. His heart was in the right place. More than that, after a hard day at work, if I wanted to go for a walk, he would be right there at my side.

Now, today what kind of support do I have. My wonderful husband has passed. Where I work, well, no support there, I work at the local VA, in the Police Service. You can guess how that is, mostly all men and no real connection there.

Family, well my son moved out a couple weeks ago, yeah. My daughter who still lives at home, not so much in the way of support. She has her own weight issues that she ignores.

In short, that is why I come to SP, that is where I know I will get the support I need when I need it, or told to stop doing the stupid thing when I need to be told to stop doing the stupid thing (only usually nicer words). Sometimes just friendship when that is what I need.

Edited by: OHIOMOM at: 8/8/2015 (21:03)
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CAT125's Photo CAT125 Posts: 29,829
8/8/15 10:12 A

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Gill said this - "I don't have anyone in my life who can help me with this - and I can't control what other people say or do - so this lesson is not too helpful for me."

It's the same for me. I live alone, no close friends.

Cat, in Florida
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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,291
8/8/15 7:04 A

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Congratulations on reaching your 40lbs weight loss Abby! That's great motivation to keep going!

How lovely that your hubby is so supportive
emoticon

GETFITABBY's Photo GETFITABBY Posts: 314
8/8/15 4:59 A

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Day 8 - Help Me Please

I am fortunate that my family and friends are all very supportive of my weight-loss efforts, most especially my hubby. He has never criticized me because of my weight. He give me encouragement in my weight-loss efforts and compliments me a lot and tell me that I’m doing great. In the past we have talked about this very topic and this is what we discussed.
It would helpful to me …
1. If you don’t point out all the goodies when we go to the store (he still has a sweet tooth even though he knows he has to watch his sugar).
2. If you would exercise with me.
3. If you would watch for times when you see I may be struggling and Encourage me to stay on my plan when I'm feeling weak and about to give-in to temptation.

As for other family members and friends, there is really nothing to add because most of them have, to some degree or another, their own struggle with weight, so they are very understanding and supportive.

The other list of things (what others shouldn’t do or say) doesn’t really apply to me.

I feel that ultimately my success or failure falls upon me and me alone. I simply can’t put this on anyone else.
emoticon Yesterday I reached a 40 lb weight-loss since I joined Sparks in February.

Abby
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My past mistakes do not dictate my future. At any given moment I have the ability to improve and choose a new path for myself. Today I choose to follow my plan and live a healthy lifestyle.


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LOUBIE50's Photo LOUBIE50 Posts: 244
8/8/15 3:11 A

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That is a pertinent point you make Gill - talking about diet and food. I think that is one of the reasons food is constantly on my brain. By not dieting but following moderation (which No S is essentially) I am hoping to become less food fixated. Its fine if you are hungry as in I need to eat but not thinking about what next can I eat and not go over the plan I am following. This really does feel like Freedom to me - I just wish I had known about it some time back. And yes it is common sense but if you have been following a starve/binge lifestyle for as long as you can remember it isn't obvious to you.

Lisa

Taking it one day at a time to reach my goal :-)


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,291
8/8/15 3:02 A

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That's a good point Lisa! Not joining in on that 'path of destruction' is a good one to be aware of!

I remember Day 8 from the last time - and I'm going to re-post what I wrote then, because it's the same!
emoticon
I don't have anyone in my life who can help me with this - and I can't control what other people say or do - so this lesson is not too helpful for me. It does make me think about what control I can take of how I respond to what people say or do.

When I 'dared' to share my answers to this lesson last time round, my best friend 'failed' to be able to refrain from making the comments I'd asked her not to make - so I've lost faith in this particular thing.

However, I can stay out of other people's discussions about diets and weight etc - and not talk about it myself. I can also control what I say to myself!
emoticon
It has remained quite vivid in my memory - I dared to share with my friend, then she went and said exactly what I'd asked her not to say!

Now that I've found the NoS diet, the author actually recommends that you don't tell anyone you're following a diet - phew! I also don't join in with other people's discussions about their diets - it's amazing how much time IS spent talking about food and diet!

I had a friend here for supper last night - and as soon as she arrived she said she was doing Paleo........... so that sort of dominated the evening. I didn't offer my opinion on it, but did ask if there was anything she did/didn't want food-wise.

The link from Emelia Sam that I posted earlier, gives a gentle way of thinking about this 'Help me, please' thing.

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 8/8/2015 (03:06)
LOUBIE50's Photo LOUBIE50 Posts: 244
8/8/15 2:43 A

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The blog you linked to, does resonate with me. My support system is very good I would say 80% of the time, but if they are following there own path of destruction then the other 20% they are not so supportive of what I am trying to achieve and would like me to join them on their path to make them feel better about what they are doing. It is something I need to be aware of and try not get dragged down by it.

Lisa

Taking it one day at a time to reach my goal :-)


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,291
8/8/15 2:26 A

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8th August 2015

Day 8 - Help me, please...........

Note: If you find your way to the beginning of this thread, which was started in 2011, you'll find inspiration from posts made about this activity. I have also posted a link to the blog on Linda's website, which has all the info from the book (and leads to other good reads if you're so inclined!)

Here are today's suggested activities:

1. In your journal, write a list of things that people are always welcome to say or do in regard to your weight loss efforts. Examples might include: offer you compliments, protect you from dessert, or clear the table after meals.

2. Create another list of things you don't ever want people to do, such as: snatch your plate away, give you lectures, or admonish, "You're not supposed to be eating that."

3. Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, your children, and your best friend.

here's a link to the Day 8 blog, posted on Linda's Spark page
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
ur
nal_individual.asp?blog_id=5767254


Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 7/8/2017 (16:51)
SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,291
5/6/15 9:06 A

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I read this blog today which I thought related to Day #8

www.emeliasam.com/unsupportive-loved
-o
nes/


JENNIFERMARIE75's Photo JENNIFERMARIE75 Posts: 271
4/15/15 6:11 A

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Things I appreciate hearing: I agree with most everyone's answers already, compliments are nice but have to be sincere, I can't stand empty praise. I'd like to add that I appreciate hearing that "this must be hard for you but you're really working hard at it and not giving up" because it so hard sometimes and it would be nice to hear that someone understands that. ( one of the reasons I love SP so much! )
Things I don't like hearing: "Are you sure you should be eating that?" or any version of that. Like people have said already, I am trying to stop my self from eating too much or when I am not hungry, and coming up with a way to eat healthy for the rest of my life. There is no way that I am going to avoid eating a cookie here and there or some other "forbidden" food.
A few people have said they are scared to share their list or won't share their list and I agree with that too. I don't know that I am scared to but I feel like it would forcing them to only say what I want them to and it wouldn't be sincere. My husband is pretty good and I don't feel like it's fair to put that on my two daughters anyway. I am definitely going to think about this more.

"Maybe it isn't about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place


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LOUBIE50's Photo LOUBIE50 Posts: 244
4/3/15 2:59 A

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Day 8 Help Me, please

The things I don't mind being said to me are that they can see that I am beginning to get trimmer and it is helpful if my support do not eat things that I have a habit of bingeing on in front of me e.g biscuits.

On the other hand things I don't want said is I cannot have something. I plan my food every day and occasionally I do build a treat into the plan as I want my plan to be a way of life not an on/off diet. It should become a way of life and all that will change once I reach my target is that my boundaries for each day get a little bigger.

158lb (-1)

Lisa

Taking it one day at a time to reach my goal :-)


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THM_DEB's Photo THM_DEB Posts: 4,396
3/30/15 7:04 P

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Day 8 "help me, please"...

At the moment I can't think of anything that people are always welcomed to say or do in regards to my weight loss efforts. But then again a compliment is always nice!

What I don't want people to say is they probably won't but I'm sure thinking it "boy she got fat", thankfully they don't :)

It is just my husband and me and he never does anything negative in ways that would angry or upset me about my eating. He honors whatever I decide as in diet on or diet off :)

One thing I might say to my husband is "please don't love me so much you bring me snacks from the store". Normally when I tell him not to he abides.

Deb

"Enemy" of motivation is the tendency to see yourself as the hapless victim of forces (or urges) over which you have no control."

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3/29/15 11:45 P

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1KINDREDSPIRIT3's Photo 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 Posts: 6,053
1/8/15 7:44 P

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emoticon Write a list of things that people are always welcome to say or do in regard to your weight-loss efforts. Examples might include offer you compliments, protect you from dessert, or clear the table after meals.

Basically I don't want anyone to say much because it stirs me up to eat. When I lose a substantial amount of weight and people notice, they say something and I end up going backwards sliding all the way back home. I don't want to do that so I would prefer nothing said. But if something IS said, I will be polite and do what I can to move away from the subject.

emoticon Create another list of things you don’t ever want people to do such as snatch your plate away, give you lectures, or admonish, “You’re not supposed to be eating that.”

I don't understand why anyone feels the need to tell me what to eat, how to eat, etc. especially after I have lost a substantial amount of weight. Didn't I know what I was doing to lose it?! Everyone has their own ideas and to each his own. Why people do this is beyond me? I will say, I am sorry but I don't speak about my weight loss plan.

Barbara

Edited by: 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 at: 1/8/2015 (19:49)
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MTN_KITTEN's Photo MTN_KITTEN Posts: 9,653
1/8/15 7:37 P

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Day 8

Take 2 -

DO - Ensure that I have healthy foods available at alllllll times.
NOT - Do not ask me if I can or should be eating ____ fill in the blank.

My answer here is short and sweet and the same I had during Take 1. There is not a lot of discussion in my house about "food". I don't like to feel like I am "different" so hubby and I have a great understanding.

Edited by: MTN_KITTEN at: 1/8/2015 (19:39)
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1/8/15 11:02 A

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I won't make lists and read them to people, but I think it's an awesome idea to think about situations from the past and how to handle them more appropriately in the future.

I'll accept any compliments or encouragement from friends and family with thanks and a smile.

I will be be ready ("Constant Vigilence") to protect myself from "The First Bite". Some things to be sure to do: to keep my kitchen clear of anything that will set me off - if other people bake desserts in my kitchen, I will tell them to clean up immediately and take baked goods out of the house or put leftovers down the garbage disposal. If I'm at restaurants I will be sure to keep "Not For Me Any More" clearly in mind and say "NO THANKS" if anyone tries to push me to eat something I have decided not to eat. Luckily I don't have anyone in my life who will try to do any of the rude things described such as take things away from me or tell me things aren't on my diet. My awesome friends and family are more likely to say things like "You're beautiful the way you are, don't worry about it...." And who wouldn't "eat up" and believe a wonderful statement like that? (REALLY good excuse to have some cookies, don't you think?)

Lori

"...be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs...and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."


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GOCALGAL's Photo GOCALGAL Posts: 5,559
1/8/15 9:08 A

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Day 8~Help me, please...

My list is close to my first go round with the 100 Days, with just a few additions.

.DI-NAMIC, you got me to thinking about a friend who also gives me larger portions than herself and about how I do not want to do this to anyone who would not welcome it. emoticon Susan I also like your idea of offering sincere compliments and Teresa saying I'm proud of you to friends who are working hard and succeeding with their goals.

Things I like~ Compliments about anything I am doing towards my goals, encouragement, questions about healthy eating, sharing restaurant meal, no pressure to eat out at restaurants or frozen yogurt shops, junk food.

Things that don't help~Commenting on my grumpiness when I am struggling with the whole deprivation thing that sometimes comes over me. Not understanding that I need to eat when I am hungry and how much that can throw me off track.

2015 additions are~DH understanding that I am avoiding TV and the snacking at night...not him. Asking him to please remove all evidence of his snacking because seeing the chocolate wrappers on top of the trash is not helpful.

I will mention these additions today and I will also point out that I do appreciate.all that he does to help me accomplish my goals..

Edited by: GOCALGAL at: 1/8/2015 (09:17)
Maria ~ So. Cal. ~ Pacific Time Zone
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1/8/15 8:32 A

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Round 1, Day 8 - 100 Days of Weight loss by Linda Spangle
Help me please! A good support system is key to your success! Decide what kind of support you need and then train the people close to you to give you that kind of support. It helps me if you...

People are welcome to say:
I'm proud of you!
Keep up the good work!
Wow, you look great!
What have you been doing?

What people should not say to me:
You shouldn't have that.
That can't be on your diet.
Why can't you make the caramel rolls?

I shared with my husband and adult son that only chips with cheese are allowed in the house right now (I don't like cheese). When my son cooks cookies or desserts - I've asked him not to leave any in the kitchen including any utensils (into the sink) and he takes his food upstairs to the media room. My husband supports me by going to restaurants that choose. He has also supported me at social events just by knowing my program.


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