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CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
1/8/15 8:02 A

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For once, I don't have a lot to say!

emoticon Ways you can help:
-offer sincere compliments
-trust me to make decisions around my food plan

emoticon Please do not:
-assume something I want to eat is "bad for me" and become the food police
-be a food pusher

Onward & Downward!

DI_NAMIC's Photo DI_NAMIC Posts: 5,743
1/8/15 3:34 A

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Day 8 Help me please...

Welcome:
Any genuine compliments. I need practice in accepting and believing them.
Being asked whether I would like something to eat and about portion size.

Not helpful:
Emphasis on eating it all up.
Asking me if I'm not well if I don't clean my plate.
Giving me noticeably larger portions than themselves, even if it is being polite.
Telling strangers at a function that I am on a diet if I pass on canapés or dessert.

Personal note: I have to add that, having read that list through again, I feel rather shallow. Bearing in mind how much poverty and genuine hunger is around, carping on about being offered too much food seems a bit self-obsessed. Speaking as a smaller family unit than we were 10 years ago, we now need to consider what we buy and how much we truly need. It's one thing ensuring we buy organic and balanced but I wonder whether we have really scaled down our buying and eating to a different phase of life.
Lots of hitherto unconsidered issues. I have to say a big thank you, Linda and group, for making me think!

Diana UK GMT (EST + 5hrs)

Delighted to be a 'Determined Daisy'.
Willing on the 'Wonderful Watermelons'.

'Defeat is a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.'



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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,494
1/8/15 3:04 A

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Day 8 (take 2)

I don't have anyone in my life who can help me with this - and I can't control what other people say or do - so this lesson is not too helpful for me. It does make me think about what control I can take of how I respond to what people say or do.

When I 'dared' to share my answers to this lesson last time round, my best friend 'failed' to be able to refrain from making the comments I'd asked her not to make - so I've lost faith in this particular thing.

However, I can stay out of other people's discussions about diets and weight etc - and not talk about it myself. I can also control what I say to myself!

APONI_KB's Photo APONI_KB Posts: 704
10/10/14 6:28 A

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I just don't know about this one. My husband packs my lunch every day and we had a little chat about portion sizes some time ago. For example, he actually counts out 24 almonds because I like having them for that afternoon snack and if there are more than that in the bag I'll end up eating them.

"There's so much to discover,
think how much wiser we'll
be at the end of all this"
doctor who

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BLH507's Photo BLH507 Posts: 2,739
8/25/14 7:01 A

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I had a hard time thinking this one up. My husband is SO supportive and learned long ago not to say anything about what I am eating. He cooks about half the time and does a really good job of fixing healthy dinners. The one thing I would ask of him is to help me plan ahead so I can plan my breakfast/lunch around the dinner he is preparing.

I would ask others to accept it when I decline food.

I do not want people to say "It's ok if you do it once in awhile, you don't want to deprive yourself!"

Jane - Kansas City, MO

"...success is about consistency, embracing imperfection, and being proud of your best, where your best is the healthiest life that you can enjoy living, not the healthiest life that you can tolerate." Yoni Freedhoof Weighty Matters



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JUSTSLAPHAPPY's Photo JUSTSLAPHAPPY SparkPoints: (23,718)
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8/11/14 1:36 P

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I agree, CRUISEPUPPY. I can't stand people judging me and making negative comments! I have done enough of that to myself over the years.

It's helpful to have people notice my efforts and tell me to keep up the good work, or pay me a compliment by noticing my weight loss. I really don't feel that I need much affirmation, just a little bit goes a long way towards keep me motivated.

Oh God of Second Chances and New Beginnings, here I am again. (Nancy Spiegelberg)

"All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." Hebrews 12:11

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong; because the Lord is the One who holds his hand."
Psalm 37:23-24


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THINTASTICME's Photo THINTASTICME Posts: 491
8/11/14 1:34 P

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Day 8

People can say:

- You look good.
- I'm proud of you.
- Your clothes look baggy.

People shouldn't say:

- You're not fat.
- Should you be eating that?
- Refrain from eye-rolling, smirks or raised eyebrows, when I eat a dessert or treat. Trust me, it is probably my weekly treat.
- Avoid asking me if I want dessert or ice cream.
emoticon


Edited by: THINTASTICME at: 8/11/2014 (13:35)
Tracy - Flagstaff, AZ

Be Yourself: An original is always worth more than a copy.


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CRUISEPUPPY's Photo CRUISEPUPPY Posts: 5,644
8/2/14 7:55 A

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Key Thought: A good support system is key to your success! Decide what kind of support you need and then train the people close to you to give you that kind of support.

After thinking about this lesson, I realize I usually don't tell people I'm even on a diet - because I'm sure they will just roll their eyes and think "Here she goes again!" My husband is my main support person and is great - always encouraging, accepting, and doesn't say negative things.

I like gentle reminders, compliments, and words of encouragement.

I don't like commands like "You shouldn't be eating that!" or someone asking loaded questions like "Is that on your diet?



CruisePuppy

"Success is the progressive realization of a worthwhile dream."

"Success is the result of small efforts -repeated day in and day out! "

If you have enough strong days in a row, that makes a strong week. If you do it again, you’ll have two strong weeks. Do it some more, and you’ll have built a strong month. Keep it up, and you will have a strong year—one strong day at a time.


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CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
7/25/14 6:30 P

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Gosh I love PB sandwiches ! I love just about anything PB though, have PB in my oatmeal or a PB and banana sandwich every day LOL!

Barbara makes a good point. What kind of help do you need from your Spark Friends Wyndy?



1KINDREDSPIRIT3's Photo 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 Posts: 6,053
7/25/14 4:15 A

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Wyndy,

People may not be around you physically, but we here at SP, are here with you emotionally and mentally!!!! Keep up the good work...

My program is meeting calorie levels -- so I eat anything I want as long as I go within 1100-1500 calories a day. The lower levels make me lose while the higher levels make me maintain. Anything over is a gain. I do something a little different too. I add all my calories each day and divide it by 7 to make sure I meet 1100-1200 calories overall to lose. This means some days I am higher than others as long as the 'overall' total for the 7 days is that lower range.

I 'only' tell you this because for me eating the sub would be fine if I left enough calories in the day for it. I was wondering if you wanted to share your Program? And whatever it is, it is good because I think we each do what 'works' for us best.

take care
barbara

Edited by: 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 at: 7/25/2014 (04:16)
Set yourself up for success and anything is possible. - SP



CD14066155 Posts: 452
7/25/14 12:43 A

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Oh that's a difficult one. Not because people sabotage my efforts but because there is really no one else around except my hubby who is cooperative but hardly ever here. He is constantly telling me that pb sandwich is not supper when I am alone. I don't know, kinda tastes like supper to me! emoticon


CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
7/12/14 4:45 P

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Fernnie that "You're not fat" comment...oh yeah that can really derail us as we get closer to goal.

Good one to point out!

1KINDREDSPIRIT3's Photo 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 Posts: 6,053
7/12/14 12:12 P

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Wow...can I identify with the cardboard taste of vegetables and no taste in fruits. I go the farmer's market Jun-Jul-Aug and then to Whole Foods for those items otherwise. I cannot stand going to a regular grocery anymore for those items.

barbara

Set yourself up for success and anything is possible. - SP



CD14767897 SparkPoints: (14,592)
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7/12/14 9:52 A

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Hi PennyPearls and it's great to have you join us!

Day 8

People are welcome to say:
You look great, what have you been doing?
I've noticed, you look thinner
So, what's you're secret to looking so great
This SparkPeople thing is really working for you.
I'm proud of you and see all the effort you are putting into getting fit.
Want to go to the Famer's Market?

What people should not say to me:
You know what I could go for right now?
When are you ever going to make one of your delicious desserts?
Want to stop and get some Ice Cream?
You're not fat.

I agree with everyone who posted it, yes, this is the worst comment, because I'm obviously over weight. Fine, I'm not as over weight as so and so, but that's not the point.
I want to be healthy and YES loose some weight in the process. Don't lie to me and tell me I'm not fat. Thank you.

We are getting a nice group going here emoticon emoticon


CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
7/12/14 9:32 A

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Iya I can identify! My husband wants sweets every single day, and after all he's been through the past two years, I do indulge him. I am ok as long as I don't take one bite as for me, once I taste the sugar I want more, and more and more of it. If I have none, it's easier to resist.

Barb I am laughing at your son's comment and I absolutely agree with you and Rawcookie that eating healthy can be more expensive. There is no "dollar value menu" in the produce aisle!

I am delighted that all of our Summer fruits and vegetables are just now coming in to season and I will be able to make reasonably priced purchases at our local farm stand, which will open July 17th. There is nothing quite like a "home grown" tomato after those cardboard, tasteless things that I've been having lately.

Penny catching up is good right now because you aren't in the chapters with the eating exercises yet. I envision us having little groups of folks on same days throughout our journey as we are now asking new members to start their day #1 the following Monday. Hopefully that gives everyone a chance to have at least one buddy in the journey and we are all doing a great job supporting on the wall posts and in chat.





1KINDREDSPIRIT3's Photo 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 Posts: 6,053
7/12/14 9:19 A

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We are glad Penny for you to be with us on our weight loss journey!!!!!! emoticon

hugs
barbara

Set yourself up for success and anything is possible. - SP



CD13424537 Posts: 1,434
7/12/14 8:58 A

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1KINDREDSPIRIT3's Photo 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 Posts: 6,053
7/12/14 8:07 A

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Iya did bring up a good point. ANY time I said I was going to "diet", my husband would always bring home sweets. I got so ticked and frustrated with this and I would use it as an excuse to "cheat"! It felt as if, the person closest to me did not want me to succeed so why the heck should I? I realized later (and this strictly pertains to me and my situation) that he did not want me to succeed. I figured out he was threatened that I might look good enough that someone else might be attracted to me. Fact is we were having marital problems. We divorced, but he actually was my best friend in so many ways - just not in losing weight!!!! lol

Iya, you know what works best with your husband more than any of us. Would Spangle's suggestion of using the wording that "It would help if..." work? Is it possible to state "the things you don't want him to say or do"? It's hard to give advice when its a married couple...things can be so complicated and the wrong advice can be given. I think it has to be in "your" head that you are going to lose and then NOTHING a person does will matter. That is so much easier said than done, isn't it? Some people are able to get their dander up and deliberately do well just to defy the sabotage. I wish I was one of "those" people!

DId your book come, Rawcookie?

Thanks for all you are doing for us, MyTurnNow2013.

hugs to all,
barbara

Edited by: 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 at: 7/12/2014 (08:09)
Set yourself up for success and anything is possible. - SP



SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,494
7/12/14 2:17 A

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Thanks for reminding me about those ones IYA - 'one bite won't hurt' 'you don't need to lose weight' etc! I'd forgotten those!
I'm sorry to read that your DH derails your efforts - can you think of a statement to tell him that you need his help (and to not bring sweets home)? It's a tough one, isn't it!?!

1KINDREDSPIRIT3's Photo 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 Posts: 6,053
7/11/14 9:26 P

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DAY 8 – Help Me, Please

This chapter did not necessarily pertain to me (and it appears that by reading our “team” replies, everyone is in unison with this thought). Mainly because I only have my son and he really doesn’t say too much. He mostly supports me and is proud when I manage weight loss. He does talks to me about the physics of calories in and out, but I don’t know what the heck he’s talking about.

I have to tell this story: there was a show that didn’t last long right about the time I joined SP around 2008. It had Dr. Oz and Dr. Roisen going to houses and throwing out the “bad” (chips, cookies, goodies, etc.) foods from people's cabinets. So, inspired by this, I went to the cupboards and threw everything out. Sometime later, my son exclaimed to a friend, “I don’t have anything good to eat because my mom threw everything out!” I had to laugh. I never realized how this affected him. But we have never looked back. If he wants something "good", he has to go and buy it himself and bring it downstairs to his semi-styled-apartment. He is actually into eating good foods and said recently, “you need money to lose weight – to buy the right foods”. So true. And in one thread, Rawcookie talked about this.

At work, however, it’s a different story. I don’t want them to say anything about my weight and would just use Chapter 6’s instructions of the reply, “thank you, but I don’t discuss my weight.” The idea of setting new boundaries is difficult and I hope I can change with that regard.

Cheers,
barbara

Edited by: 1KINDREDSPIRIT3 at: 7/11/2014 (21:31)
Set yourself up for success and anything is possible. - SP



SUNKISSEDSOUL's Photo SUNKISSEDSOUL Posts: 5,768
7/11/14 9:20 P

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I like it when people are positive. "Don't give up"... Your doing great!...... etc. Positive is always welcome.

I don't want to hear, what do you want to lose weight for? Why don't you have a bite of this.. or that, one bite won't hurt? I don't like it when people (DH) try to derail my success that I have made.

My support are my Spark Friends, the people here on Spark, and my boss (even though he drives me crazy sometimes he is supportive)
My husbands derails me. I have to be very careful because he brings sweets home, he eats things that I stay away from and he tries to get me to fall off the food wagon. I don't think he does it intentionally, but I'm not 100 percent positive of that yet.

Edited by: SUNKISSEDSOUL at: 7/11/2014 (21:21)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am turning the "outside world" off and turning "my world" on. The only way out is in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I could spin in one direction
for the rest of my life
it would be with the moon
keeping gait with the stars
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Regina , living in South Florida
EST
BLC - Black Panther Winter Warrior Challenge 2020
A & I Team - BSG Monthly Challenge



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CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
7/11/14 4:18 P

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I like that plan Gil emoticon

And I like your 100 days ticker too :D

SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 24,494
7/11/14 2:42 P

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I've just been reading through this thread and found I am not the only one who feels she doesn't really have any family or close friends to 'help me please' - but one comment caught my eye - a comment by KATI5668 on 6/8/11

......one thing that so so bothers me is when people say..oh you're not fat....

Oh YES! That is what I hear most of if I start talking about not eating something because I'm trying to lose weight etc!

I am going to try telling a friend who brings me cookies ' that's very kind of you, but I have a problem with cookies and will end up eating them all - which will make me feel terrible - would your husband like them?' and if she doesn't take them home - I will walk them straight down the garden and put them in the food-bin/digester thing!

CD13384562 Posts: 7,356
7/10/14 9:10 A

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Don't hover over me at the scale on weigh in day.
Do be willing to eat at home once in awhile.
Don't tell me I eat too fast! I already know that and am trying to change.

As for discussing this with my spouse, he has dementia and I am not sure he would "get" the intention of the discussion.

It was still a good exercise for me to identify what I would like others to do/not do. I am retired so don't really have much interaction with others that this would now apply to.

SUSANYVONNE68's Photo SUSANYVONNE68 Posts: 265
2/9/14 10:32 A

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Help me please....
Always welcome to say:
I am the type who hates attention, so it is hard for me to hear a compliment without seeing that I should have been farther along, or lost more weight and focus on what I still have to do. I wouldn't mind if someone said, hey you look good today, something simple, or I noticed you seem slimmer, keep up the good work.

For my don't ever list:
Don't acknowledge I ate more then I should
Don't tell me what I can or can't eat
Don't pull food away from me
Don't keep asking me about food or shove food at me


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CD10163029 Posts: 2,791
10/31/11 4:32 P

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emoticon Boo! Happy Halloween!

Enjoy the book Kati, among other things I'm working with white button mushrooms & white asparagus this week (aka white ghosties ;)

emoticon i have found it helpful... when it really mattered to me...

to ask people not to give me goodies

even that I did not to talk about how I should eat... that was after they wouldn't take subtle hints... although that did not work well and ended pretty much all conversation.... I am still learning how to do these things in positive ways and am amazed at people who have a natural chit chat ability... speaking up for myself, either asking for help or drawing boundaries is something I wasn't permitted to do as a child (aka no back talk) and I find exceedingly difficult to this day...




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10/31/11 2:44 P

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Got my spark cookbook & my 100 days book...yes...
Like many others this is the place I come for support..
Living quietly in the country as I do..don't see many folks & so am pretty much my own cheering section.
Glad ya'al are here !!!
Have a good day & enjoy your evening.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN YA 'AL
:-)

CD10163029 Posts: 2,791
6/30/11 8:52 P

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emoticon ditto that!

although we have family/friends, this is where I get real support for food issues. It has helped, and I'm glad we're doing this study together! I have enjoyed reading your/everyone's thoughtful answers :)

WARMSPRINGDAY's Photo WARMSPRINGDAY Posts: 5,073
6/30/11 8:08 P

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Judith, I'm so glad that you have SP if you don't have any other support.
emoticon emoticon

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
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CD10198280 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/30/11 6:01 P

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Hi there,

I was without internet connection last night but I reaad Day 8 in my book.

This day made me feel sad. Why? Right now, apart from all you on Sparks, I don't have any support people in my life. I get along with people at voluntary work but we don't really talk about things about us. I don't stike up that many conversations at the gym. And then its Pickle and me. And although she tries her best to motivate me to go out for lots of walks..... well she don't care what I eat.

So for Day 8 I'm at a loss.

Now if I could stop a co-worker from being undiplomatic and rude..... but thats the way she is and if she knew how offensive she was, to everyone about lots of stuff, she would probably be hurt.

So lets now go to Day 9

CD1278025 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/14/11 6:23 P

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I hear you, too Suzie. No problem in finding someone to go out to dinner with, but ask them to go for a walk. Ha! It doesn't happen.

CD10163029 Posts: 2,791
6/14/11 5:18 P

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Oh Suzie, I hear that. Not a single person has taken me up on "wanna go exercise" invitation from hike to water aerobics to walking in the park... (sighs)

I have found that I have developed friends and a support system with the regulars in my water aerobics class, and that's helped. I do a lot better there than on my own at home... b/c of boredom I think mostly

PEEKINGOUT's Photo PEEKINGOUT Posts: 5,381
6/14/11 2:09 A

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I guess what I would appreciate is someone to exercise with. Motivation is a big problem for me and someone to suffer along with me would help. : )

I would also appreciate my family keeping their foods out of sight in the kitchen so I don't crave them.

And last, please don't bring home goodies like ice cream and dark chocolate as a treat for me!

Simple list, but it would all help a great deal.



~Suzie~
Pacific time zone

Remember, you're creating your future right now.


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CD10163029 Posts: 2,791
6/12/11 5:53 P

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Rel, my family and friends are much the same way, and I have noticed that some don't want to change where we used to go to eat, and I don't want to go anymore... I am not sure but eventually we may evolve out of our friendship... Family we don't evolve out of but I have not been able to get anyone to consider bringing healthier food options...

otoh, nobody is eating my healthy options I bring, so I always have lots of leftovers to bring home!!!


Warm, I was the same way with dh, we didn't talk about my weight and food issues for the longest time, but it's been worth the conversations although he's not really interested much in these things. I try not to bother him much... because that's what I share more with SparkFriends who are actually interested in talking about all this stuff ;)

CD1278025 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/12/11 8:44 A

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All of my friends are heavy. So asking for help wasn't going to work, because food was the reason we all got together. It is that way with my family too. Every function revolves around food. That is why I am so grateful for SparkPeople! In here, I have friends I've never met, and team mates that have the same issues as I do. I've learned over the years, that I can go into the get togethers, and get home unscathed, if i play it smart. I lost a couple of pounds this last Christmas season, because my SparkFriends helped me. I liken it to a boxing match. I get the pats on the back and the "you can do its" before heading into the ring, and the "atta girl" and the pats on the back when I get home and check in. I dont get that with my friends, or family. I never did let them in to help me. I had a gut feeling, that they wouldn't be able to.

I have one story that was an eyeopener for me. I was at my MIL, and she keeps M&Ms in a jar. I helped myself to a few, and my niece, who is skinny as a rake handle, asked how I can lose wieght and eat M&Ms too. I told her that I am allowed so many calories each day, and if I stay within those calories, no matter what I eat, I will lose. She understood that. Now in contrast, the ladies at work who are more my age and heaviest weight, flip out when I do something like that. You can not convince them that you need to eat to lose wieght, and it isn't just by eating carrots and celery, or popping pills. lol.

Now, DH. What a sweetie! He goes with me when I go clothes shopping. I don't take my bestie anymore, because I have found that the clothes that she said looked nice, was something she wanted me to hand to her when she got to "this" size. No, I'm not kidding! And I have long ago not been able to wear the first item she did that to. She is gaining wieght, not losing, so I donated the top along with lots of other items. I figured after a few years, she would have forgotten about the clothes anyway.

I don't have a nitty gritty support system outside of DH and SP. I guess that is all that I need. : ) But I'll take the compliments from the others, and repeat again how I am doing it. : )



WARMSPRINGDAY's Photo WARMSPRINGDAY Posts: 5,073
6/10/11 9:03 A

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emoticon
In the space below, write a list of things that people are always welcome to say
or do in regard to your weight-loss efforts. Examples might include offer you
compliments, protect you from dessert, or clear the table after meals.

Best compliment I had gotten in a long time when walking last winter, a friend posted on FB: “Hey, skinny, minny, you'll need to start wearing reflective clothing. I thought you were a new sign post until I saw the earmuffs.” I liked that one.
Compliments are always in style. Things like, “you've been working hard” or “I'm proud of you” or “you are just melting away”

emoticon
Create another list of things you don’t ever want people to do such as snatch
your plate away, give you lectures, or admonish, “You’re not supposed to be
eating that.”
All of the above.

emoticon
Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, your children, and your best friend.
I have trouble talking about this with my husband. He comments on my successes and refrains when commenting on my failures except when I mention it, but he is not concerned about the same healthy lifestyle that I am, so I struggle to force this part of my life into his world. I'm not saying that's healthy, I'm just saying how it is. Need to work on this.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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KITT52's Photo KITT52 Posts: 111,418
6/9/11 7:12 A

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Barb how nice for people to notice...you add that you are eating healthy and exercising , and on a diet

2014 Ruby-lite of the YEAR
In GOD WE TRUST...
MOTIVATION REALLY IS--- TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR CONSCIOUS ACTION
FOOD NEVER SOLVES ANY ISSUE EXCEPT HUNGER.



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BARBARAROSE54's Photo BARBARAROSE54 Posts: 77,631
6/9/11 6:51 A

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Guess I'm not alone in my thinking, and yes Kitt I think it's good to be honest and get those feelings down on paper.

Problem is, I live in a very small community, so everyone notices me where ever I go, and would ask "are you losing weight" and of course want to know how.

I need to got write a blog. thanks everyone.


Barbara Nova Scotia, Canada
ADT Atlantic Daylight Time

"There are no failures-just experiences and your reactions to them"

"Life is short, Be yourself, Forgive quickly, Love totally, Laugh uncontrollably and never forget something that made you smile."


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CD10163029 Posts: 2,791
6/8/11 11:19 P

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emoticon This conversation remains open for comment.


emoticon Quick link to Day 9 :)

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_mes
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CD10163029 Posts: 2,791
6/8/11 11:14 P

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emoticon that's why I love SP!
We can talk about these things...

Barb, when I quit smoking for the gazillionth time, I mentioned to my stepdad I was trying again. He said, why bother? You never do.

About 3 weeks later I came back to him and quietly asked him if he wanted me to fail? He was surprised and said, 'did I really say that? of course I hope you make it...'

when it comes to "dieting" ~ I've been on so many over so many years I hate to even tell anyone or talk about it anymore. Sometimes I don't believe I can myself, and yet I'm not ready to give up either. I also am glad we're doing this book, it's 100 days of motivation to help us keep going.

KITT52's Photo KITT52 Posts: 111,418
6/8/11 10:10 P

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great thoughts and ideas everyone...Barb thnaks for being honest, we all have done things like that....now that you are aware you can work on it....everyone feel free to open up and talk about any issues , fear, joys what ever...getting those feelings out really does help and it brings them to life so we can deal with them, head on...no more guilt

2014 Ruby-lite of the YEAR
In GOD WE TRUST...
MOTIVATION REALLY IS--- TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR CONSCIOUS ACTION
FOOD NEVER SOLVES ANY ISSUE EXCEPT HUNGER.



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6/8/11 6:00 P

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Barbara: I do the same thing. The reason I don't tell most people about me even thinking about dieting/losing weight is because I think they're just waiting for me to fail again. I think I'm probably the one waiting for me to fail again. Just because I always do. But, it's like a self fulfilling prophecy. I think i'll fail therefore I do. Gotta change that!

BARBARAROSE54's Photo BARBARAROSE54 Posts: 77,631
6/8/11 3:00 P

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My husband does not want any junk food in the house, this is his way of helping me. if it comes in it's because I brought it in, he also tells me not to use him as my excuse.

My problem with others was thinking they were waiting to see me fail. Have been on every diet out there and always failing, I set myself up for failure worrying so much about everyone waiting for me to fail. I know this sounds silly but it is the head games that I did play with myself. All everyone was, was encouraging, always wanting to know how I was doing and cheering me on.

Maybe this doesn't belong here but it is what happened to me.

I am going to get back on track before I reach my highest weight once again. I think this review of the book came at just the right time.


Barbara Nova Scotia, Canada
ADT Atlantic Daylight Time

"There are no failures-just experiences and your reactions to them"

"Life is short, Be yourself, Forgive quickly, Love totally, Laugh uncontrollably and never forget something that made you smile."


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6/8/11 2:32 P

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one thing that so so bothers me is when people say..oh you're not fat....
OH please!!!! I look in the mirror, even the one at the amuzment park & yes I am FAT.
Obese is more like it....
so please be honest..not cruel...but honest.
Thank you for the summaries they make it easier to just get some puter time & follow along.
I appreciate the time you are taking to do this for & with us!!
now offf to town to an interview!!
emoticon

CD10163029 Posts: 2,791
6/8/11 1:37 P

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Thanks Jen, I'm happy to do the summaries... I think there are others too...


I agree with everyone here, when I first read this, I thought not my cup of tea but what is she trying to say here? What works for me with this, if anything? I have 2 thoughts to share (& illustrations :)


emoticon did you know? Linda worked a long time with medi-fast
Medi-fast is a protein liquid fasting program that was administered through doctors offices and hospitals, and she provided emotional and motivational support to clients using the program. The program is strict and weight loss is fast, and hard... so a lot of this comes out of that background.

It's good to tailor to our own needs and preferences. If it helps, gr8. Otherwise it's ok to say, no, not my cup of tea.

emoticon I was raised by and worked for very demanding, dominating, controlling type people and to get along, I learned early to please people and that "back talk" was not welcome... so now as an adult, it is difficult to say No to people or to express my own real and appropriate needs when necessary. It is something I am learning to do and do in an appropriate, kind and civil way (instead of stuffing it until I explode & hit them with a clue*by*4, LOL ;)



emoticon Stop.
This skill has helped me realize that when it is truly important, I can express my needs and draw the line when people are crossing appropriate social boundaries. Some of the times I've used it.

~ with my mother.... I had to ask her not to discuss how to diet with me. We had this conversation and why over several months before she got it.

~ with my dad, I had to tell him that he must not tell me to lose weight ever again. (he mistakenly thought I wasn't concerned about my weight.)

~ with my husband, I had to ask him to quit bringing me "food treats" that he thought was making me happy.

~ at the pool, I had to tell a gentleman that I was not going to argue about how I should eat. Every day he told me how I should eat a raw diet, check this or that website, how I should lose weight, it was good for diabetes etc. He did not take hints, change of subject or subtle responses. I finally had to be more forthright finally and lay it on the line. He respected that, although he quit talking to me... That's fine too.

anyway, choose your battles and if it matters to you, it matters, because you matter :)

Edited by: CD10163029 at: 6/8/2011 (13:44)
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6/8/11 10:34 A

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Jules: I don't have the book but I don't have the money to order it currently and the library doesn't have it. I've just been reading your summaries and keeping up that way.



How do you handle comments, help, support from other people? Are there things you need to address? How could you let them know what you need? It can be hard but here are some ideas.... Please share your thoughts here :)

Some people I feel are being genuine and others I feel are really insulting me when they 'compliment' me for different things. And, i'm probably right. I'm pretty intuitive. I enjoy genuine compliments and graciously thank whoever gave them. The insulting fake compliments I usually just mumble a thank you and leave the situation. But, it eats at me for days afterwards. Generally the same people are the ones who do this so I tend to just avoid them now and i'm much happier that way.


Do you ever wish you could get more support from people around you? Well, I used to get really hung up on my husband not wanting to eat the healthy meals I would prepare when I was trying to lose weight. But, honestly a lot of them were pretty nasty(lol). Now, I feel that I can really only control myself and my own actions and shouldn't base my success on other people's help or lack therof. Having treats around DOES make it a LOT harder so I limit those and don't buy them. But, if the family wants to order out pizza and I don't feel like eating it then I can make my own lighter pizza using an eng. muffin or flat out wrap. I have the ability and know how and it tastes really good so i'm not deprived. I think if you're basing your abilty to succeed on the actions of others then you're setting yourself up to have PLENTY of excuses NOT to succeed. Which is easier but won't get the job done. I am a perfect example of THAT!

I don't tell people i'm trying to lose weight now because the most annoying people WILL watch me like a hawk and make comments like "should you be eating that?". While they're plowing through a huge sundae or McDonalds value meal. It's really irritating and causes me to rebel by binging later. I do have other people(my Grandma, husband, son(occasionally)) that DO notice when i'm doing good and sticking to my goals and also losing weight. My Grandma complimented me just the other day saying she can really tell that I have lost a lot of weight and when I complained that I have a lot still to lose she assured me that I WOULD get to where I wanted to be and that it takes time. I love my Grandma soooo much! The occasional compliments from my oldest son mean the most to me although I'd never tell him that! About a month or two ago there were a bunch of friends over standing outside talking and Ben's evil mother showed up. Eventually I came out to talk to everybody(I was painting at the time) and later Austin told me "Mom there is no way Kathy could have said anything bad about how you look because when you came out you looked really thin and healthy.". That really meant the world to me because he's 16 and does NOT give many compliments at all. You know he really means it when he gives one.

I don't give people 'rules' on what they can say or do around me. Makes it more of an issue than it is/should be. The bad ones out of the bunch would challenge me and then spend hours talking about me and my 'rules' behind my back and it would eventually get back to me, triggering an emotional breakdown. It's happened multiple times already. The ones that DO support me and I've told that i'm trying to lose weight..they do nice things anyway and don't push food on me. I just think it would be easier to take the leftovers and throw them in the trash. If there aren't many leftovers I feed them to my family. Sometimes when I have my own leftovers from a get together I give them 1 day after the event to eat a serving of whatever they really want to eat. it goes in the garbage the next day. That's if it's dessert. I have a hard time staying out of dessert. My 16 year old gets mad at me but he has his one day shot to eat it.

So, i'm not going to do the list making/reading thing. I would feel like a freak actually doing that and it would put a huge spotlight on me and my weight loss challenge/goal.

KITT52's Photo KITT52 Posts: 111,418
6/8/11 9:50 A

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the first time around this was an issues for me...
I thought how in the world do you tell people what you want them to say or not say....
so I started small, with Gary, he sort of laughed but agreed, I am so lucky as he is on my side no matter what,
I was not working at the time so that was not an issue, friends sort of blew it off, as you will be done with this silliness soon, but they did do as I asked to my face but I found out later they were nasty behind my back, that is okay....I'm 209 pounds lighter and they still tip the scale's in the 300-400 range.....
some times the things in the book seems weird or silly and they come back later to make more sense or not.....but at least think about them...

A friend later did thank me for talking about it as she said I was not sure what to say to you, or to say anything at all, I did not want to hurt your feelings.....or embarrass you....
I said believe me if you have lost 100 + pounds you want to hear how good you look or for that matter any weight you loose, you want to hear that you look nice....

as you loose the weight and keep it off you might want to hear other things....

2014 Ruby-lite of the YEAR
In GOD WE TRUST...
MOTIVATION REALLY IS--- TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR CONSCIOUS ACTION
FOOD NEVER SOLVES ANY ISSUE EXCEPT HUNGER.



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MOMOFBOYS's Photo MOMOFBOYS Posts: 12,899
6/8/11 9:32 A

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I too, think you can't tell people how to act or what to say. But I can ask that my family especially doesn't eat their "treats" around me or ask if I would like any. I feel if there is a family gathering I can offer to bring something and that something can be healthy for me to eat. It's nice to get a good job or you are looking great but it really comes down to how you feel about yourself.

Wendi
North Dakota

"Fall seven times, get up eight"~Japanese proverb

"Listen for God's voice in everything you do and everywhere you go; He's the one that will keep you on track." Proverbs 3:6


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CD3363447 Posts: 8,670
6/8/11 6:50 A

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I understand boundaries and not letting people snatch things from one's hands, etc. but I do not agree with telling others what to do/say. I have good self-esteem and if another crosses my boundaries (scolds me or interferes with my actions) I can let them know that's a no-no and respond to it appropriately but I'm not going to tell people ahead of time how they're supposed to behave, as if I'm expecting them to act a certain, negative way. My eating/not eating is not their concern.

I understand and agree with asking for what one wants/needs when one wants/needs it but even a, "gee, I would like you to cook more often" isn't specific enough and I think one needs to remember to request/ask, not "demand". Expecting anything of others (that they will/will not do/say certain things) is like worrying, it's about the future and we can't know the future. We only have now and I can make my current/immediate wants known now with this, one person; I'm not doing a "group" everybody-must-toe-this-line! I think it would be insulting to tell people "don't snatch food away from me"; I know I would be insulted if a friend/relative/coworker said that to me without/before provocation.

It is nice to be complemented but my self-esteem is what is important to me; if I like, I can say, "I've lost X pounds, and really feel great and think I look much better, don't you?" If the other person says, "I hadn't noticed" (probably a guy :-) that's okay, that's "training" them, training them to notice their environment (so they won't get eaten by lions :-) and helpful to them; I don't need to train them to notice me, specifically.

Edited by: CD3363447 at: 6/8/2011 (07:01)
CD10163029 Posts: 2,791
6/7/11 9:57 P

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emoticon Question: anyone still waiting for their book? Here's today's summary :)


emoticon How do you handle comments, help, support from other people? Are there things you need to address? How could you let them know what you need? It can be hard but here are some ideas.... Please share your thoughts here :)


Do you ever wish you could get more support from people around you? If only the helpers in your life knew exactly what you wanted them to say! Unfortunately, they don't. In fact, sometimes they just make things worse.

With good intentions, people grab cookies out of your hand as they scold, "Should you be eating that?" Or they ignore and don't say anything, even when you wear much smaller clothes or eight 30 lbs less!

Decide what you want.
To get support instead of criticism from the people you love, you ay have to train them. Instead of begging, "Please help me lose weight" or "Be nicer to me," clarify exactly what you mean by those words, and then be more specific in your requests.

emoticon What kind of support do you need?
Tough love, gentle words of encouragement, someone to workout with you, Silence? Help with cooking?

Sometimes we just need to let the other person know what we need, like with leftovers after the holiday feast when they try to send some home with you. Sometimes we have to draw a new boundary like ask them to NOT bring you candy on a holiday or eat their treat in another room.

Set up agreements with your support people by saying, "it will help me if _______" followed by what you want them to do __________. For example, "It will help me a lot if we don't have potato chips in the house right now. Would you be willing to eat them at work instead of bringing them home?"

emoticon Please don't say this...
Be sure you also let people know the things you don't want them to do or say. For example, do you enjoy being praised or having people comment on your progress? Or would you prefer they not say anything about your weight or your looks right now.

Let people know which type of comments feel good to you compared to the ones that make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes we need to ask people to stop making certain statements. For example, maybe you don't ever want family members to ask, "Is that on your diet?" Decide what you would like to hear instead, if anything and let them know.


emoticon Today

~ Write a list of things that people are always welcome to say or do in regard to your weight-loss efforts and healthy lifestyle. Examples might include: offer you compliments, protect you from dessert, or clear the table after meals.

~ Create another list of things you don't ever want people to do, such as: snatch your plate away, give you lectures, or admonish, "You're not supposed to be eating that."

~ Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, your children, and your best friend.

emoticon Maybe you already do this well or maybe you have a hard time letting people know what you need. This chapter gives us some ideas so to consider what you would feel comfortable saying... It can be hard to set new boundaries, and it depends on how you handle your business. As we make progress with our goals, we will change, people will notice and make comments... It can help to consider and even write out or practice how we want to handle these kinds of things :)




emoticon quick link to author's blog

theweightlosscafe.com/blog/


emoticon quick link to day 7

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_mes
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emoticon quick link to day 9

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_mes
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Edited by: CD10163029 at: 6/8/2011 (23:20)
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