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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
8/23/14 12:05 P

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Yes, I too agree that you are to be together and yet be our own person. Hobbies and interest help us to grow as individuals. However, we need to remember that we are now a couple and what we do affects our spouse. It is no long "just about me".

Edited by: LIKINMENOW at: 8/23/2014 (12:07)
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KAYAHSLOANE1's Photo KAYAHSLOANE1 Posts: 10,725
8/23/14 6:41 A

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I read this through and I agree for the most part with the gist of it. I would submit sometimes two people need to be independent of one another but with the agreement of both the partners in the marriage.

My husband and I sat down before we ever thought of being married and discussed what we wanted out of marriage concretely. We broke it down to the nitty gritty parts like who does what chores, who gases up the cars, how often do we make love, where do we spend our money etc., so there were no gray areas and we change things as needed.

We agreed that we could be independent of one another when it came to hobbies one enjoyed but the other didn't. My husband isn't a huge fan of NFL Football but I am. So he knows on Sundays during football season he is essentially on his own that day. Its fine because he spends the day with his children, he goes to church, out to breakfast, maybe to the movies or the park or whatever his kids want to do with him. He on the other hand enjoys a few things I'd rather not partake in and so he is off doing those things when I am doing my thing. It works out because we discuss what we did while apart and we encourage and cheer one another on in that manner.

We decided as long as we weren't disrespecting ourselves or one another then it was fine to continue our hobbies or interests. We enjoy modeling a good marriage to the children and we consider each other in every other decision we make. Even within our hobbies if the other feels absolutely neglected for a time we either cut back on our activity or find ways to spend the extra time with one another in the next few days.



Edited by: KAYAHSLOANE1 at: 8/23/2014 (06:42)
kayah in Nevada
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"If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay."



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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,383
7/5/14 10:16 A

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Good thoughts!

cj

What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things that we thanked God for today?


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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
6/17/14 8:48 A

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Laura, thank you for your comments.

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LAKENDAL's Photo LAKENDAL Posts: 8,122
6/17/14 8:41 A

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Laura. Mio, Michigan

Lord help me remember that nothing is going to happen today that you and I can't handle together.

If ignorance is bliss why aren't more people happy


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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
6/15/14 6:47 P

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Independent Behavior is one of the love buster

Once you are married, almost everything you decide to do has either a positive or a negative impact on each other -- you are either depositing or withdrawing love units with every decision you make. So if your decisions are not made with each other's interests in mind, you will risk destroying the love you have for each other.

I define Independent Behavior as the conduct of one spouse that ignores the feelings and interest of the other spouse. It's usually scheduled and requires some thought to execute, so the simplest way to overcome this Love Buster is to take it off your schedule. If your Thursday night bowling, or visit to a friend of the opposite sex, or spending five hours chatting on the internet while your spouse sits alone watching TV, schedule something else Thursday night, visit someone else, and spend time doing something with your spouse. And whatever it is you decide to do that replaces independent behavior, be sure that both you and your spouse enthusiastically agree to it.

Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse, helps eliminate independent behavior -- any event or activity that is not mutually agreed to cannot take place. It forces you to take your spouse's interests and feelings into account when you forget that your spouse is an extremely important part of yourself, and should be considered in every decision you make.

Independent behavior is a problem in most marriages because we are all tempted to do whatever makes us happy, even when it makes our spouse unhappy (the Taker's rule). We don't feel the pain our spouse feels when we are inconsiderate -- all we feel is the pleasure gained from activities that are only in our best interest. That's why the Policy of Joint Agreement is so important in marriage. It forces us to behave as if we feel each other's pain -- it makes us behave as if we were empathetic.

A wise alternative to Independent Behavior is Interdependent Behavior, which limits your your events or activities to those that benefit both of you simultaneously. You are both happy and neither of your suffers when you behavior interdependently, making decisions with each other's interests and feelings in mind.

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