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What it Means to Be a “1 Peter 3 Wife” {Part 1}

For the next few days, our dear friend, Lorraine, will be sharing her story. Please follow along!

Sometimes the situations we find ourselves in our marriages just seem hopeless. We ask God, “what are you working out here in my life? What is your ultimate aim?” Well, I found myself in just this position and discovered not only an amazing God who truly loves me, but a call by him to be the wife he wanted me to be . . . a ‘1 Peter 3’ wife. The transformation that took place, not only in my own life, but in the life of my husband and family too, was nothing short of a miracle and an outpouring of Christ’s grace upon us.

I invite you to follow my story over the next few days, to witness the supernatural work of grace that worked within my life and marriage and the radical changes that took place.

When my worse came to worst

Firstly, I must remind you that as Christians we must always be alert for the enemy who is prowling for when we take our eyes off Christ. This enemy is satanic and very real with strategies and battle plans drawn up to hurt, to incapacitate God’s children. This is a reminder that we are daily in a war and need to wear the armor that God provides to his children (Galatians 6: 10-20). None of us should think that certain things will never happen to us—that’s just what I thought . . . and it happened!

The minutiae of my story is not important for what I would like to share with you, other than the fact that my marriage was not where it should have been and was therefore not glorifying God. We were a totally dysfunctional family, to quote a much-used phrase, which summed us up perfectly. My husband and I were not only traveling along different roads to each other, we were living in different universes! I didn’t know what to do. I felt as if I had lost my husband, whom I loved and cared for deeply. When we got married I was in it for the long haul, I had promised before God; “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part.” My ‘worse’ was happening!

I began to study God’s word to seek help for the situation. What was clear is that this situation we were in didn’t “just happen.” It wasn’t just a disconnection with each other; ultimately it was a disconnection with God! I could find a million faults with my spouse, but do you know what? God said, “let’s start with you”! We have since attended a Paul Tripp marriage course ‘So what did you expect?’ at which his opening lines are, “The biggest problem in your marriage, is YOU!” This made me smile, because that is just where God started, with me.

Standing by him when he didn’t “deserve” it

Those around me saw the deep pain and hurt I was going through. Even Scripture seemed to be saying that there was a way out if I wanted it. Friends were saying; “Let him go, he doesn’t deserve a wife to stand by him, move on.” But I knew in my heart of hearts that this was not what God was calling me to do. I did not have a hard heart (Matthew 19:8), and that seemed like the only reason Jesus gives for divorce. I still loved my husband and God gave me an enormous burden to pray for him and to continue to love him, not with my feeble earthly love, but his powerful, all sufficient love.

My study into God’s word took me on a personal journey to somewhere I had never been before. My Christian walk with God, up until this point in my life, had been a bit like viewing a mountain from a plane. You see it, you know it’s there and you are amazed at all it is. However, it is not until you are actually hiking in the area where the mountain is, experiencing the little valleys and outcrops and all that is entailed in climbing that mountain, that you really understand and appreciate it and truly know it. I know this is a simple analogy, but what I’m trying to say is that until you spend time with God alone, reading his word, discovering who he really is and praying and talking to God as ’Abba’ Father, you only see and know him from a distance.

The verses that changed my life and marriage

At this time I started journaling. I was finding it very difficult to control my memory and thought process, so writing out Scripture and what I was learning through God’s word was extremely helpful. When the nightmare I was living in overwhelmed me, and it often did, I would find myself climbing up onto my Father’s lap in prayer to just babble and cry. This was the start of a prayer life that became a vital part of my everyday life!

Then one day I stumbled, or rather God directed me to, a Bible verse that literally changed my life.

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” —1 Peter 3 1-6


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