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5/13/15 1:26 P

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How can I get him to really talk to me?

Take “baby steps”. Don’t overwhelm him by saying, “I wish you’d talk more.” He can’t respond positively to that. It comes across as condemnation. Begin by asking questions, little questions, and be content to get little answers. He has to crawl before he can walk. When he gets used to hearing his own voice, then he can talk more.

Become a good listener. When he talks, give him your undivided attention. Don’t respond to his ideas with condemnation. Rather, say, “That’s an interesting idea, how do you think that would work if we applied it to our lives?” Give him your opinion, only if he asks for it. If he finds that he gets a sermon every time he shares an idea, he will stop sharing his ideas.

After a few weeks, try the following: 1. Ask if he would be willing to have a daily “sharing time” in which each of you shared two things that happened in your lives today and how you feel about them. If he complains that these times are taking too long, then set time limits, such as no more than ten minutes each. 2. Try sharing a book. Find a book that you think would be of interest to him and ask if he would be willing to read a chapter each week and you will read the same chapter. At the end of the week, each of you will share with the other one thing you liked or learned from the chapter.

Above all, don’t condemn him for not talking. Create a climate where it is safe for him to talk.

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