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KAYAHSLOANE1's Photo KAYAHSLOANE1 Posts: 10,551
7/21/15 6:43 A

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It is an interesting idea to develop certainly. The SO and I would never do a marriage improvement month this way because if we needed to we wouldn't be taking care of our marriage properly to begin with. At the SO's church, he counsels couples who are having difficulties and he always tells them how you say something is the most important thing in a marriage. He continues on to say, if you say things in a judgmental or accusing manner then you need to speak up sooner than when you did so because you harbor a lot of resentment!

I think the way the SO and I developed our marriage plan works for us pretty much most of the time. Of course there is room for improvement and we have check-ups every season to make certain neither one of us is overwhelmed by our duties. We both have defined areas of responsibility. I cook most of the time because it is safer that way for all concerned in terms of food safety. I never have to deep clean the shower or bath tub, fill up my car with gas, I don't wash the car, do outside chores, give the young one her allowance etc...I take care of most of the indoor chores because I work at home and I am more organised in this way and a little more neat and sanitary. I make and carry out appointments and pay the bills from our joint account. The SO does the physical heavy lifting projects, schedules and works out vacation plans etc...Give & Take!

We both discussed how we wanted our marriage to go before we said our vows and we made out a detailed listing of each of our strengths and weaknesses. We pretty much compliment one another and we knew the marriage would never be 50/50% likely. If you try and have a marriage be equal to the "T" is can get dicey in my view because you are keeping score.

Communication before marriage and always during the marriage was and is crucial. I knew this because I saw in my own parent's marriage how unequal it was and I wasn't doing that. I think it's harder for a person to change once they are used to it a certain way. The only person you can change is yourself. When you get into negative behaviours you are not respecting yourself or others. Negativity can bring on a snowball effect which makes life unpleasant for the entire family so it is why the SO and I make certain we keep our marriage strong and full of communication so there is minimal misunderstanding. Of course we have our moments like any couple does. Last week, I was tired and flew off the handle at the SO because he disliked what I made for dinner. I was a bit snotty about it but I apologised later in the evening. (Nobody's perfect.)

If this method works for you then I say go for it! More flies with honey than vinegar~



kayah
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"If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay."



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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,368
7/2/15 5:53 P

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Interesting ideas.

cj

What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things that we thanked God for today?


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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
5/13/15 1:13 P

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We are both working full time and when I get home, I start dinner but my husband comes in and sits on the couch. How do I encourage him to participate in household chores?

Set fire to the couch! Then hand him the fire extinguisher. Do this every two days for one week. He will no longer sit on the couch. Well, that’s one approach, but not one that I recommend. Nor do I recommend yelling at him and calling him a lazy slob.

All of us have patterns of behavior, which we have developed through the years. Some of these are helpful to the marriage (for example your starting dinner), and some are detrimental to the marriage. The problem is, we are not always aware of what these are until they are brought to our attention. But how you bring them to your spouse’s attention is the important thing.

I suggest you initiate a “marriage improvement month.” Say to your spouse, “I’ve been thinking about us, and I don’t want us to drift into a dead marriage. I don’t want to just be an ordinary wife. I want to be an exceptional wife. Would you be open to giving me one suggestion each week for the next month on how I could be a better wife? I would give you one suggestion on how you could be a better husband, and both of us could grow. Would you be open to this?” If he is, then you are on the road to positive change. One of those weeks, you can share with him what you would like him to do when he arrives home. He will not take it as nagging, because you have made it a part of your month of improvement.

If your husband agrees to give you a suggestion each week, but is not willing to take a suggestion from you, I would encourage you to go for it. Before the month is over, I think you will see a change in his attitude.

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