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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,379
5/9/15 11:47 A

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Great article.

(Although I need new glasses and thought the title was about "emoticons". I thought we were going to share our faovurite emoticons, lol! This article was better than that!).

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cj

What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things that we thanked God for today?


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KAYAHSLOANE1's Photo KAYAHSLOANE1 Posts: 10,612
4/30/15 6:59 A

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I love this article since I am working on identifying my feelings more in my marriage and with others in my family and friends. My psychologist has me writing down what I feel when I feel it and not rationalizing it later into something else. Identifying my feelings is important so I can understand my responses when I don't feel right, learning boundaries more clearly!

Sharing how I feel with the SO can be a bit rough sometimes because he is a let's talk about it now and resolve it kind of guy and I need time to process and figure out how I am feeling! My SO knows feelings weren't acknowledged when I was growing up so he calls me 7 of 9 as a inside joke between us. (I'm not offended by this.) We validate one another's right to feel what we do but we rarely ask for one another's advice. We're entitled to feel as we do.

We both know we will make mistakes since we had rough first marriages. We just don't make as many with one another because we want what is best for one another and we try to put ourselves in each other's place so we know where we are both coming from. We make the best decisions we can but we don't always get it right. We don't keep score or chastise one another for mistakes, we use situations as a learning opportunity!

kayah
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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
3/13/15 11:54 A

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If you want a closer, deeper and more emotionally safe relationship, make a decision to identify your feelings and share them with your partner.

Here are a few practical tips for discovering and sharing your emotions with your partner:

1. Identify your feelings. How can you put your finger on what youíre feeling? Become aware of your bodyís movements and sensations. Are you feeling a tightness in your chest? Does your heart hurt? Are you smiling or frowning? Once you notice your bodyís sensation, you can pinpoint the feeling associated with it.

You can find many terms to describe your feelings through a quick Google search. Look up ďfeeling wordsĒ and pick a list of terms you identify with. Keep an emotional tracker and jot down words four or five times a day. Document what you are feeling at breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime for one week and look for any trends or patterns.

2. Talk about it. After identifying your feelings you can choose to share them with your primary love interest or partner. If this is new to you, you are going to feel uncomfortable, which is normal. The more you practice sharing your feelings the more natural it will feel.

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You always have the choice to not share your feelings. By withholding your feelings, you are choosing to limit the level of intimacy between you and your partner. Your partner canít know the real you unless you let them into your world by opening up.

3. Listen. Sharing your feelings is the starting point. You also can choose to listen to your partners feelings. This may be challenging if you have not done this before. You will want to give your undivided attention. Listening to your partner is not the time to multitask (playing a video game or watching TV while trying to listen to your partner at the same time will not work well.) Turn off the technology and maintain eye contact with your partner. Listen to understand your partnerís feelings.

4. Validate each otherís feelings. As children you may have gotten the message that itís not okay to feel. Were you told Ďstop your crying or Iíll give you something to cry about?í Phrases like this invalidate a childís ability to define her own experience and feelings.

Validating feelings helps a person to trust their own emotions. Rule of thumb: listen and repeat back your partnerís feelings in your own words, expressing that you understood what you heard. Ask your partner if he wants advice or ideas for problem-solving. Be ready for him to say no.

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5. Expect to make mistakes. Learn from your relationship mistakes. Each emotional or behavioral mistake is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your partner. Learning about each otherís feelings is the way to develop your emotional intelligence. The more you learn, the deeper your relational intimacy becomes.

Learning to do these steps will rock your world! The loneliness that you are feeling now will be replaced by safety, tenderness and a newfound closeness between you and your partner. Feeling emotionally connected will have an amazing effect on your sexual intimacy, too. The rewards of opening up to another person are profound. Vulnerability is the key to emotional intimacy. Sharing your inner most feelings and being accepted is a basic human need and can be incredibly healing. Will you choose to open up in your relationship?

Edited by: LIKINMENOW at: 3/13/2015 (11:55)
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