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-POLEDANCEGIRL-'s Photo -POLEDANCEGIRL- Posts: 14,827
12/15/14 10:06 A

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These are wonderful. I do quite a few of them already

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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,375
12/11/14 6:11 P

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Thanks for sharing that, Elayne!

My dh and I don't go through each other's mail or belongings either. My dh will go and get my purse for me if he needs something from it, even if he's asked my permission already.

cj

What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things that we thanked God for today?


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SASSYSAX's Photo SASSYSAX Posts: 41,681
12/10/14 12:28 A

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These are all wonderful suggestions. For us we are always one another's best friends first. Without friendship there is no relationship / marriage that will last. We try to not treat one another any differently than we would another best friend. Respect and honesty is so important.

Respecting one another's privacy is important too. Neither one of us will open a piece of mail and read it if doesn't belong to us. I do open the mail with a letter opener without reading what's inside before I hand it to my hubby. It may seem silly to some, but it works for us. Not that we are "hiding" anything. It's just common courtesy. It's how we were raised. We also don't pick up the phone and listen to the other's conversation. I do not go into my husband's wallet. If I need something I let him get it out. Why? Because it's not mine. He in turn doesn't go into my purse. Again, common courtesy. We never all each other names in anger. I'm not saying we don't disagree because we do, but we still respect each other enough to be kind and not hurt one another.

No, we are NOT perfect..not by a long shot. We have been though a lot together in our 35 married years and 4 years before our marriage but have come through stronger. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me.Life is good!

Elayne from the west coast of Fl.

"Music is the original mood-altering, non-fattening wonder drug. Ask your doctor if Music is right for you."

Playing my sax is how I connect with God. That gift is from God and I use it to Glorify His name. It's not bout me..it's all about HIM.




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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,375
12/3/14 5:18 P

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I love everyone's suggestions!

For us, though, we sometimes change GREENEYES' #3 to the opposite. Sometimes we deliberately go to bed still angry. We have learnt through bitter experience over the past 24 years that some days, we cannot resolve an issue before we really should go to bed in order to function the next day. Whatever we were fighting about at 10 pm, we usually won't resolve at 2 in the morning. Often, sleeping on it and awaking fresh in the morning works for us. In the light of day, hurts from the night before are less, and things are more hopeful!

We can then quickly resolve what is bothering us.

cj

What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things that we thanked God for today?


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12/3/14 1:39 P

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All good things to do to ensure a wonderful marriage! Here are a few of my thoughts...

1. Always tell your spouse "I Love You" when you wake up and before you go to bed, at least twice a day.

2. Hold hands wherever you go. Hubby takes my hand no matter where we are at.

3. Don't go to bed angry. Settle differences outside the bedroom before bedtime.

4. Hug each other every day. Let the hug linger and hold on tight.

5. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. I don't think we've stopped talking for over 25 years. LOL


KAYAHSLOANE1's Photo KAYAHSLOANE1 Posts: 10,551
12/1/14 7:20 A

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I like your ten reasons Sharon! Here I go with some of my own after thinking about it a little! I think the best idea is to always be as positive as you can in life. It's tough and I know it but it makes life so much better when you are positive and happy. It is a choice~

1. Be encouraging:
My SO said I am pretty much the most encouraging person he has ever come across in the free world lol. Basically the world is hard enough sometimes without sniping and throwing attitude with one another. I basically encourage the SO in positive ways but don't go overboard because it wouldn't be sincere. Sometimes our guys are worried for their appearance, how good of a husband, father, provider or friend they are. Reassurance is a beautiful thing~

2. Be helpful to one another:
I've noticed the SO is insistent about me letting him help me get things down from high shelves! Now my logical self says I'm perfectly capable of such a task. I thought about it from his point of view and he is trying to keep me safe by not falling off a stepstool. Also, an item may be heavy. The real reason he said is because I do way too much housework and staying tidy and organised. The staying safe is a close second though. I help him by making his lunch 4 times a week to take to work. Why? He'll eat better and spend less money on unhealthy food sure. It's one of the ways he feels cared for and loved. I can do that for him as he can do for me. Its a trade off to show caring, affection, love, graciousness etc...The SO fills up my car with gas on the weekends or when it needs doing since he wants me to be safe and he knows I dislike the task. It's a trade-off~ (No keeping score though)

3. Have sex more often: (No I'm not getting graphic here)
Routine of the same place, time and in the same way will likely get boring right? So change things up from time to time. Break out of the rut is all I'm saying here!

4. Practising acceptance:
Think about it, sometimes we wish our SO would be more like another man or woman in a certain way. However, think about it, what makes your spouse unique. Maybe they do the dishes without prodding or share in the housework or watch the kids while you have time to yourself undisturbed. Maybe they grocery shop if they can't cook. You catching my drift? Think of the positives of your spouse. Maybe they bring you flowers every month, take you out to dinner every weekend, shovel the driveway or scrape your frosty car!

5.Don't give unsolicited advice:
I'll admit it I'm the brain in the family but advice I never deal with. My SO gives me advise a lot of the time when I just need someone to listen to me vent. (I suppose its what a girlfriend is for ha?) He wants to solve my problem, makes sense he's a guy and hates to see me stressed. Sometimes I take his advise and let him know if it worked. So there is an upside to advice unsolicited. The SO tells me about work or an issue and he just wants me to listen most of the time, GOOD! He just wants me to be empathetic to his needs lol.

6.Stop being so sarcastic or cheery:
I'm never cheery but sarcastic yes. I need at least an hour after I wake up to be functioning honestly. (Or at least let me hit the shower-ALONE) Coffee or tea is helpful as well. Actually I had a point, I need to be a little more cheery and a little less sarcastic! The SO is more cheery. Before we married we lived together and we learned how to deal with personality quirks so we didn't stress one another out! The SO gives me space when I first wake up and let's me have my coffee and I am kind about the cheerful the rest of the day. Win, Win!

7. Hang out with one another's friends:
This is a tough one because I despise chess which his best friend loves. (Thank you Marvin so I don't have to play it.) Actually I do this once or twice a year because I usually learn things I didn't know about my husband's past, his ideas, dreams, likes, dislikes etc...You know what I mean here ya?

8. Touch each other more (in a non-sexual way)
As much fun as being intimate is for the SO and I, we can get into a bit of a rut where we don't hug, or touch each other in non-sexual ways. Funny since the SO says I am such a guy about intimacy. He means I like sex more than touching and feeling. He's right, I'm just not always in tune with non-sexual things. I write myself notes saying today when the SO gets home and walks in the door I will either hug, kiss or do something affectionate to him without expecting anything n return...Guys need this as much as women do!

9. Fall in Love w/ yourself:
It increases passion for yourself which in turn increases passion for your spouse! My SO loves me dearly and tells me I am beautiful, sexy, passionate, giving, caring, witty, sarcastic, brilliant, a total mystery to him most of the time. At points I feel like I don't believe some of it and I know I am not loving myself through his eyes or my own. I take action at least once a week by dancing, writing, creating new meals, spending time w/ the 2 young ones, practising my languages etc. so I am loving my SO. It increases his love for me!

10. Make a Top 10 List for your Spouse:
Yes. Letterman inspired me on this idea! Make a list in why you love your spouse and leave it where he can see it & keep it at hand so he remembers why he loves you so much. It will remind you why you fell in love and married in the first place!


kayah
Powerful Prism Panthers #29-36 TNT Guru
Panthers #27-36

"If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay."



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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,375
11/8/14 11:26 P

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Great ideas!

cj

What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things that we thanked God for today?


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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
11/4/14 10:49 A

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1. Take initiative. You walk into your house and you notice a lot of things on the floor or where they are supposed to be, why not take a few minutes to pick things up and take them to their rightful place. Trust me your spouse will notice.

2. Let him/her win sometimes. I don't know about you but i like being right, but sometimes you have to step back and let your spouse win, whether it's in an argument or on who gets the remote.

3. Ode to dirty dishes. Nobody likes doing the dishes, NOBODY. What works for me and my husband is one of us cooks and the other one cleans, and we try to swap this out everyday. When we are both not feeling like it we try and tackle the mess together, that way we finish faster! :)

4. Be silly. G pointed out that we a lot of quirky sayings and weird jokes that are just funny between us. I believe you should be silly together, because besides being lovers you should be the best of friends.

5. Be spontaneous. Even if it's with a little treat from the grocery store or a sexy little number! Surprising each other means even when the other person is not there, they are always in your mind. G and i aren't really good at surprising each other with big things, but small things we can do.

6. Give each other space. Husband likes to come home from work and unwind with a long shower. At first it was sort of weird, but after a while it has become a norm. I, on the other hand, like to tune-out when i'm blogging. You'll find me in another room, playing some tunes to get me in the writing mood, and G knows well enough to leave me be. It's really important to have some sort of alone time.

7. Talk to each other. You don't have to tell each other every detail of your day, but it's important to communicate with one another. Start by asking your spouse about his day and if they have a hard time sharing just tell them about yours, in time they will want to tell their side. Not only does this build a bond, but also trust and reassurance.

8. Be kind to one another. Yes, sometimes you call your spouse names when your mad, but you have to try and refrain yourself from hurting them. Long-term relationships tend to fall into habits and tricks, but it's important to make an effort to be kind. Take the time to say nice things to your partner. This will make them feel loved, which will in turn bring the love back to you.

9. Share new experiences. You don't have to be expats to explore your home turf. Instead of spending your weekends at home how about waking up extra early and driving somewhere new. Step out of your comfort zone and try new things together. G took me sailing and although it wasn't really myself that day and i thought i was going to die, i can't deny that we had fun.

10. Never stop dating. Before our big church wedding we had pre-marriage counseling with the chaplain of G's Regiment. One thing he shared with us is that you should never stop dating your spouse. You should always make time for dates, for cuddling on the couch, for surprises (big or small), for holding hands, among other things.

Q: In your experience, what other things would you add to this list?
Do you think it's important to fall in love with your spouse everyday?


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