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KAYAHSLOANE1's Photo KAYAHSLOANE1 Posts: 10,725
4/14/14 7:05 A

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I appreciated this article so much, gracias Delia! I'll admit to the group a lot of the articles here are more than helpful to me because I did not learn many positives from my parents marriage. I feel like a young being sometimes in how to craft a loving, respectful and wonderful marriage and these articles and comments help me a lot!

#1. Intimacy to me means the physical a lot of the time (for being a female I've been told I am such a guy about many things.) so I read what intimacy is. The thing is my SO and I talk a lot when we spend a few hours alone before he's off to bed and I am working. I find that time is when we are at our closest and its our we can be ourselves without having interruptions from the 2 young ones, the cat and we shut off our phones and technology. It takes a little time to distress but we find simple things gets us in the mood for conversation. My SO rubs my feet and I kneed his shoulders and we are relaxed; we talk after we have that ritual which puts him to sleep for a few minutes sometimes. I don't ever have the heart to wake him but he says I should wake him. :)~

We don't talk at this time about things that need to be done in the household because we text or email through the day for this "chore." I will admit since I am the organised one and the SO will forget if I left it up to him so I take care of most things in regards to putting things on the grocery list; taking the young one to her lessons 2 times a week or getting the cat's immunizations taken care with for the year etc. I don't think this affects intimacy because we both realise we have our strong points in the marriage and we don't keep score with one another. I have no idea in what to do with a car besides getting gas, cleaning it or adding windshield wiper fluid and he does the guy things and he does the heavy chores so overall our responsibilities even out. We do what we are good at so it adds to the intimacy we share.

The SO and I talk about our relationship and what is working and what needs an improvement. A lot of time he shares what he is reading in the bible and in other areas. We talk about our work & what we want to do with the 2 young ones as well but we try to keep the focus on our relationship. Funny thing is he speaks more than I do and he appreciates that I listen more. He'll ask me questions to get me to open up though since he says I have a tendency to pull the Superwoman act. Its the independent thing again. I think being single for so long I just have the attitude I will just do certain things to get it done and out of the way. The SO says that's not always a good thing. He gives me certain tasks when he is around like making sure I ask him to get things off the higher shelves in the pantry or the related so I remember he's here for me. Did that make any sense?

For most people who know us it appears as if we have an equal relationship in terms of our marriage but the truth is he's the more dominant one and I the more submissive one which is the way our personalities dictate it. We both have respect for one another and our unique roles so we have a very good marriage. In our marriage vows we were very specific and we have it posted in our bedroom lest we forget what we promised one another!

#2 Encouragement does comes pretty natural to me but nagging isn't my thing. I always have told my husband that I am not his mother and if I have to repeat myself more than 2 times then I'm not in the mood to harp on issues. The weird thing is he lets me know I should remind him of his tasks and other issues more. Say what? :)~ I said it feels like being a nag. He said yes but you'll have such a great way of being a nagging dutiful submissive wife. (Yes, he's trying to get me to lighten up since I am way serious most of the time.) Solution? I purchased a white board and on the left side I write him notes and the right side is his writing me notes. Its in our bedroom closet since we both are in there enough. He writes brief notes and words like "Skin Dr. 2pm Monday, come." Translation? It means he has a Doctor's appointment Monday at 2pm and I should meet him there. On my side I would say Go to your Dermatologist appt. Monday at 2pm. He needs that much reminding to keep it in his mind which is fine. He'll write me what he needs at the store by drawing pictures or if he wants to block out times for whatever needs doing in regards to chores or just to be alone together!

#3. I think I mentioned I write more in text and journal form to my husband more than speaking verbally. He encourages me to speak when it looks like I am about to get stressed over a topic or annoyed with a person. He likes to say "Use your little people words." I speak with big words a little too much with people who can't handle my educated talk he lets me know lol. Little people words means start with "I feel sad, angry, happy, annoyed." He had been helpful with learning to recognise my feelings because we were all so closed mouth when I was growing up so I had to stuff down my words and feelings. I didn't understand fun and joy until I became single and on my own and discovered how to be with a man such as my SO. He encourages me to continue with my music, dancing and writing because I am a better person for it even though it takes away personal time from us.

I am a lucky, blessed, fortunate person to have my husband, thanks for this article! I am going to show this to the SO and I think he'll appreciate the words :)~

kayah in Nevada
Powerful Prism Panthers #27-38


"If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay."



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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
4/13/14 5:19 A

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Love what yu wrote Delia!!! We hear too much of what is not right about our spouses and can easily get caught up in negative thinking.

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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 33,383
4/12/14 12:30 P

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I have been falling behind in this area. I will pray that I can begin to build up and craft a better marriage through my words.

Thanks for the post, Sharon!

cj

What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things that we thanked God for today?


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LAKENDAL's Photo LAKENDAL Posts: 8,120
4/12/14 9:38 A

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Delia this really is a great team. Sharon is always posting some interesting articles.

Laura. Mio, Michigan

Lord help me remember that nothing is going to happen today that you and I can't handle together.

If ignorance is bliss why aren't more people happy


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DELIA38961's Photo DELIA38961 SparkPoints: (37,314)
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4/11/14 11:13 P

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I'm so glad I joined this team ...I'm a firm believer that more marriages will survive if we build up and edify our spouses

delia* believe in yourself and you will be amazed at what you can accomplish

its only considered failure when you quit trying

central time zone Mississippi

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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
4/11/14 9:55 P

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Thank you for commenting.

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME-'s Photo -WRKNG2ABTTRME- Posts: 111,545
4/11/14 6:39 P

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emoticon for sharing this.

Edited by: -WRKNG2ABTTRME- at: 4/11/2014 (18:39)

~Nancy~




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RAPUNZEL53 Posts: 39,990
4/11/14 6:38 P

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LAKENDAL's Photo LAKENDAL Posts: 8,120
4/10/14 9:06 A

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Great one Sharon!

Laura. Mio, Michigan

Lord help me remember that nothing is going to happen today that you and I can't handle together.

If ignorance is bliss why aren't more people happy


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LIKINMENOW's Photo LIKINMENOW Posts: 51,476
4/10/14 8:59 A

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Using Words to Build Up Your Marriage
by Ruth Schwenk

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. –Proverbs 14:1

My dad is a builder.

Growing up, I remember my dad always building or rebuilding something. And he was (and still is) very good it. Whether it is a new roof, deck, remodeled room, or floor, he has a skill for taking raw materials and building something beautiful.

As wives, we are builders – shaping and crafting our marriages to be something beautiful. In love, and with joy, we labor to build a marriage that brings honor to God. Like a skilled builder, we are careful, patient, thoughtful, and intentional.

One of the ways we build or rebuild a God-honoring marriage is with our words. The Bible teaches us that our words can be a tool for either life or death.

We’ll either build our marriage or break it, with our words.

My husband would tell you that I love to talk! One of my very favorite things to do with my husband it to sit on the couch after the kids are in bed and talk. We talk about our dreams, ministry, our family, what needs to be done, the future, and a whole lot more!

Words aren’t just for communication; words are for construction.

We are builders when we use our words wisely. With our words, we are building a marriage that matters, and makes it, through the good and bad. So I want to ask you today….what will you build with your words?

Here are three things we need to build with our words:

1. Build intimacy with your words

Intimacy is not just something physical. Are you sharing your heart with your husband? Is he sharing his heart with you? Do you just talk about what needs to be done? Cultivating a marriage with meaningful communication will build deeper intimacy. Words move two hearts closer together and unite them as one. Be patient with your hubby – we all know men in general don’t talk as much! Set aside time for just the two of you to talk.

2. Build encouragement with your words

One of the best things I can do for our relationship is to be an encourager. Encouragement comes naturally to me..but so does controlling. And my sneaky suspicion is that controlling comes naturally to most women. (ahem). When we want to control we can tend to nag. The word nag actually means to annoy or irritate (a person) with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging. Not only does nagging irritate, it is a sin. It is a sign of a heart issue that we have. Proverbs 15:4 says the tongue is like a tree of life. As a woman, you can choose to be a tree of life that provides nourishment for your husband. The fruit that tree provides will either starve or satisfy your him.

3. Build joy with your words

God didn’t create marriage to be boring! Have fun for goodness sakes! Life is hard – it’s full of tough and sobering reminders that we live in a broken world. So use your words to bring fun and joy into your marriage and home.

So I ask you again…. what will you build with your words??

God has not called you to demolition work – he’s called you to building! With God’s help, build something beautiful, intimate, and powerful in your marriage with your words. Use your words to build greater intimacy, encouragement, and joy!


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