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COOKERLOOKER's Photo COOKERLOOKER SparkPoints: (0)
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3/10/08 2:00 A

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I am so proud of you MJ and know that you can beat this thing!!
We all fall in different ways and can overcome our struggles with God and sopport groups like this one!

Everytime you feel like you are going to mess up, think about us, your fellow Sparks that love you and will encourage you on!!
YOU ARE SPECIAL TO GOD AND TO US!!
Melissa emoticon

Meli


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TMOMMA's Photo TMOMMA Posts: 8,243
3/9/08 12:58 A

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Hey Mj I hope you are doing great tonight!!

-:¦:- Hugs
´¨¨)) -:¦:- &
¸.•´ .•´¨¨)) Prayers~
((¸¸.•´ ..•´ -Twana-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´*

"I can do all things through Christ who stregnthens me." Phil.


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SCHOOLMARM32's Photo SCHOOLMARM32 Posts: 327
3/7/08 5:55 P

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Thank you for sharing. One thing about letting things out is that the Enemy loses power over our "secrets". The best thing to do is bring whatever it is into the light of Christ and a loving community.

While I'm not bulimic, I have my moments of snacking at night and eating too much of what I shouldn't. There've been times when I eat it someplace where my hubby doesn't know. (Of course my hips know)

I've had friends who were bulimic and anorexic and I know they had a real struggle to change their thinking about food. I know for them that Christian counselling also helped them to deal with food issues.

I also know there are groups like Overeaters Anonymous that have good resources.

Don't know if this will help, but by telling people you have set yourself on a path toward healing!

I will send out some prayers for you!


Philippians 4: 6-8

"Get thee off thy butt and go do something that makes you sweat." Coach Dean Anderson, SP

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." Aristotle


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TMOMMA's Photo TMOMMA Posts: 8,243
3/7/08 5:15 P

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Mj thank you so much for posting. That is the first step is to admit. I always feel so much better when I get it out in the open. I admire you for writing that with all my heart. You see, I suffer from bulimia too. Alot of my Spark friends dont even know. It is very hard for me to talk about. I thank you for giving me the courage to admit my disease. We all have our slips but you are doing right by starting over. Yesterday is gone. You are not a bad person you must forgive yourself. It is so hard to overcome this illness but with God I know that we will. God will help us through. I know so well about the guilt. I had it on Tuesday. I did the same thing. I felt so horrible and like I had sinned so bad against God. But none of us are perfect and God knows that. He forgives us. On Wednesday morning when I woke up I decided to start over but this time I asked God to help me through the day. I ask hime to help me deal with the temptations in front of me. You know what he did. Everyday I have done the same. I am proud to say I have been purge and binge-free for 3 days and counting!! I know for a fact God will help us. We will have slips because we are human. It is in our nature. But we have a wonderful and awesome God to pull us through! Thank you again so much for giving me stregnth and others! It is nothing to be ashamed of, it is a disease. May God bless you!!

Hugs n Prayers!Twana

-:¦:- Hugs
´¨¨)) -:¦:- &
¸.•´ .•´¨¨)) Prayers~
((¸¸.•´ ..•´ -Twana-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´*

"I can do all things through Christ who stregnthens me." Phil.


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MJTEMPLETON's Photo MJTEMPLETON SparkPoints: (0)
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3/7/08 1:55 P

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emoticon First let me thank all of you who posted with words of encouragement and reminders that it is not "an end". It was very difficult for me to look at this behavior objectively, yet I totally recognize the need to do so. Writing it out helped a LOT! For the first time I've not been "alone" with my craziness and the sheer number of you who are experiencing the same issues is kind of shocking in and of itself. We really do need to examine "why" we allow ourselves to self sabotage with full knowledge we are choosing the wrong answer. I'm going to investigate my own integrity here...as I am reminded of our Daily Bible Study Team, that honesty without integrity is a bit of a cop out if we continue with the behavior after a full disclosure and facing of the issue head on.
emoticon all again especially because I believe this exercise will have a lasting effect. I'm going to be sure and put a check in my daily goals box that I have learned more than one thing about the consequences of my actions.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Best wishes in reaching your goals,



MJTempleton


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EXTREMEMOM2's Photo EXTREMEMOM2 SparkPoints: (0)
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3/7/08 1:02 P

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I give you a lot of credit for writing all of that for us to see. I think now that you did that it will be the turning point for you. Like you said you should come here and talk but we don't always do what's right do we. We all struggle but I know you are doing great today!!!! emoticon Write me anytime you need to talk.


Cheryl

" May the Lord bless you and keep you; May the Lord make his face shine upon you; and be gracious unto you; May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace"
Numbers 6: 24-26



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GRANDMAAMIE's Photo GRANDMAAMIE Posts: 44,049
3/7/08 11:31 A

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GLAD YOUR BACK ON THE WAGON HAVE NO MORE UNHEALTHY SNACKS IN YOUR HOME

.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(•*¨. ♥.•*¨)
{¸.•´+*+AMIE+*+*+{¸ ;.• .•*¨}.•* .**+* SORRY ABOUT CAPS NOT YELLING VERY POOR EYE SIGHT DIABETIC +++++ HUGGS

Stop living life for what's around the corner and start enjoying the walk down the street.
***************************

NEVER LOOK DOWN AT ANYONE UNLESS YOUR HELPING THEM UP!
****************************

This life is yours. Take the power
to choose what you want to do .


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KMCLAUCH's Photo KMCLAUCH Posts: 1,419
3/7/08 11:27 A

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A couple things to remember: The first is, we all slip, and ultimately it is up to US to decide what we are going to do about it. Secondly, you can't change what has happened... and based on the last part of your post you are going to put it behind you and start fresh. YOU CAN DO THIS! Look towards the future, not back on the past. Do what you can in the present. (sorry if this sounds somewhat clicheish)



Karen

I don't know the meaning of defeat. Adversity may slow me down but it will not stop me!


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ALEXSMOMI Posts: 6
3/7/08 11:26 A

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You have taken such a HUGE step to have written all of that out. You really need to recognize that. A long time ago someone told me "if you really want to learn something, make a mistake and accept it". It sounds like you have accepted you made the mistake and now are ready to move on, don't you think? I understand the running out of things concept that is right before shopping day. Maybe buy 1 more of those things you run out of? The cottage cheese I buy is usually good for another month or so. I also stock the freezer with frozen blueberries, raspberries etc so if I run out of fresh veggies there is another back-up. Personally, I don't buy any of the frozen single serve desserts. I find them just TOO tempting! If it is there, I'll eat it! Maybe pick one day a week where you bake a "healthy" treat - like the low fat chocolate muffins. Freeze a couple, have one for the day (when they are hot and gooey!) give one to each family member and off the rest go with somebody to share at school or work. You have a treat to look forward to but one that won't kill your diet. And you don't have to fight the urge to snag another one as they sit on the counter calling your name.

Edited by: ALEXSMOMI at: 3/7/2008 (11:27)
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MJTEMPLETON's Photo MJTEMPLETON SparkPoints: (0)
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3/7/08 9:16 A

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I need you guys right now. I don't know what's wrong with me here in the last couple of days. Last night after logging a "very healthy" score on the lifestyle scale, I screwed it up bad! I'm going to step out on an emotional limb here and spill what my cycle "really" looks like. First I was so happy that I had actually got all my fitness in and was way ahead on water...but I wanted something salty...so...a bag of ACTII Movie butter
popcorn later...I thought, now I want something sweet, maybe just a little snack from the freezer, after all I have all those SmartOnes desserts from WW. I started with the Strawberry shortcake, "Oh good" I thought...only 150 calories...but, that whetted my taste buds...so, "I'll just have one of those Chocolate Éclair's too". Having put on winter boots to go out to the deep freeze, I thought to myself, I'll just take the rest of these packages inside and try to find space in the side-by-side.
You'd have to live with my BH to understand the normal state of our freezer, but needless to say...there wasn't any room, so in my already calorie lusting mind there was only one thing to do.
Into the microwave went the other 2 desserts and up to my bedroom I went to hide with my food loot! They went down so fast. The guilt began almost immediately...my mind reeled with my food sins. "Why
didn't I go to Spark! in my moments of weakness?" I spoke the words out loud as I headed downstairs to the bathroom where no one would hear me expelling my sins into the bowl. I had trouble getting it up. The popcorn made it abrasive, but a few heaves later and I gleefully looked at the calories swooshing down into the pipes. I have struggled with Bulimia for several years now...untreated, but very much a self project for overcoming. Since SparkPeople this was my first time to succumb to its "perceived" benefits but I didn't know what else to do! I cringed at having to add all those calories to my "Add Food" list. I just couldn't... emoticon
Maybe that would have been the end of it, but it wasn't...I was so disappointed in myself, I didn't even turn off the computer last night. I decided to take some AdvilPM so maybe I would fall asleep and forget about my crimes. About an hour and a half later, I was actually feeling relief at the close call. I still felt guilty about the purge though, but was willing to trade the guilt of that for the guilt of having binged. Somewhere in my twisted perception of things I thought, hey! Now you can actually have a little snack without worrying about the added calories!!! I headed back downstairs, looking around the kitchen for some "appropriate" calories. Unfortunately, I do my shopping on Friday so I was out of fruit, cottage cheese, all the stuff that I would normally get a measured portion of when I got the urge. Instead, I grabbed a roll of Ritz vegetable crackers and "hurried" back up the stairs with it. I actually hurried!! What in the world?? Upstairs I pulled open the pack and just started eating...one after the other after the other...and so on, until 3/4 of the pack was gone. Psychically, I was spent...somewhere I drifted off to sleep. I wasn't done beating myself over the head yet though. I woke up every couple of hours. The only thing I can tell you is I felt as if I were in mourning. I'd ask myself, "WHY, why did you do that??" Why did I totally sabotage my most excellent day? Over and over again, the sleep, wake, and question cycle until I knew that the first thing I needed to do this AM was tell you guys and hope for a few encouraging words.
Today is a new day though...I'm going to try and put this behind me and start new. I guess I am just afraid that even if I make it through the whole day on the "perfect" plan, I can still be ambushed late at night. This worries me, that my thinking patterns are even "going there"! Normally I approach things with a logical base, but there seems to be no logic to be found with this battle. Thanks for hearing me out. emoticon

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Best wishes in reaching your goals,



MJTempleton


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