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DJ4HEALTH's Photo DJ4HEALTH Posts: 68,151
1/15/08 5:05 P

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That is a good one and yes I would to hid from someone like that too. LOL


If you tell God no because He won't explain the reason He wants you to do something, you are actually hindering His blessing. But when you say yes to Him, all of heaven opens to pour out His goodness and reward your obedience. What matters more than material blessings are the things He is teaching us in our spirit.
Charles Stanley

For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in

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TABBYSMOM's Photo TABBYSMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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1/14/08 9:13 A

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Oh my goodness!! This was definitely laugh-out-loud funny!! emoticon What a great way to start the day...thanks for sharing & God bless ya!!

In His service, Teresa
Tastefully Simple Senior Consultant

Visit me at my website:
Phillipians 4:6-7
Ruth 1: 16-17

You will never possess what you are unwilling to pursue.

A womans heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should seek Him first, to find her.

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1/13/08 10:15 P

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Dear Lisa,

What a sense of humor. I love it. Might have lost a few ounces just laughing. I've learned a long time ago it is important to maintain a sense of humor.

For years I use to tell people I was allergic to exercise...guess you can see where I am coming from:)


+++Stella Marie+++
DONANNE's Photo DONANNE Posts: 1,517
1/13/08 6:32 P

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Oh my gosh...that is so funny...I read it about a man but not a woman..loved the last line about the diamonds..that was wonderful...thanks for sharing! Hugs

Learn to listen like a Teddy Bear..with eyes wide open and mouth closed tight,
Learn to forgive like a Teddy Bear..with heart wide open, not caring who is right,
Learn to love like a Teddy Bear, with eyes wide open and imperfect eye sight!!

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DEANNE11's Photo DEANNE11 SparkPoints: (0)
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1/13/08 11:05 A

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I wonder if this women had gone to the gym I used be a member . I hid from my trainer too.

Edited by: DEANNE11 at: 1/13/2008 (11:06)
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GLORYSEEKER65's Photo GLORYSEEKER65 Posts: 1,630
1/13/08 8:51 A

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(If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is
dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.)
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training
at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years
ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who
identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim
wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me
to keep a diary to chart my progress...
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I
arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess
-- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a
tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted
her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from
holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights
on it!
My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding
smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving
my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK
as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.
Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally
whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on
the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered
obsolete by elevators and escalators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy
life. She said some other crap too.
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were
pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie
my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the
restroom. She sent another skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the
rowing machine -- which I sank.
I hate that witch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being
in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part
of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents
in the floor, don't hand me the darned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have
been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I
did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner.
However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight
hours of the Weather Channel.
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this
week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little wretch) will choose a gift for me
that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he
would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Love Prayers and Blessings

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