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Healing Emotional Wounds
by Deborah King

Lesson 8: The Best Way To Heal Emotional Wounds


Every one of us, consciously or unconsciously, affects the objects and people around us—including ourselves—on a continual basis. Think about the expression “laughter is contagious.” It is! How do you feel when you are around happy, laughing people? Usually, you can’t help but feel good yourself. All emotions are energy and energy passes from one body to another; from one object to another; matter to matter. Emotions are contagious!
~Norma Lehmeier Hartie
Harmonious Environment: Beautify, Detoxify and Energize Your Life, Your Home and Your Planet



THE #1 factor for emotional health is to Make a Difference in the Lives of Others

Let’s start by changing the Golden Rule! Of course, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is excellent advice. Now think about this: Make others feel the way you want to feel.

To feel good about yourself at any age, it is important to make a difference in the lives of others. Do a good deed. Pick up trash in the park or help a neighbor with their groceries or shovel snow for someone who can’t, or stop by and see a shut-in at a hospital or prison. All of those things are very beneficial for keeping us emotionally healthy. It could be planting flowers in front of your house to increase the beauty that others will see as they pass by, or reading to a child, or bringing in the daily newspaper for an elderly neighbor.

My personal favorite is making friends with folks who answer the phone at 800 numbers, like the credit card company. I have a good time laughing and joking with them, and the whole day looks brighter. There are so many ways to make a difference in the world.

A friend of mine once took a car trip from New York to Florida. She and her boyfriend were driving a flashy convertible sports car and having a great time, when they decided the trip was a wonderful opportunity for “random acts of kindness.” At every toll booth (this was long before electronic passes), they paid both for their car and the car behind them. They were repaid in smiles from toll booth attendants and with friendly honks from the cars they had paid for. It became the highlight of their trip.

What do you do that affects others in a positive way?

Volunteer

Ever since President John F. Kennedy inaugurated the Peace Corps, the concept of going out to help others, both abroad and at home, has become firmly entrenched in the American psyche. President Jimmy Carter started the Carter Center to “wage peace” and build hope . . . and houses. President Bill Clinton established his own foundation for “transforming ideas into action” in a wide range of causes.

These days, celebrities have become attached to particular causes, and volunteer their names, time, and sometimes hands-on work in their areas of interest. Look at Kevin Bacon, who at first was dismayed by the “six degrees of separation” game that used him as their centerpiece. Then he realized he could use that notoriety in conjunction with Network for Good, and to date has helped them to raise over 100 million dollars for over a million charities. Carlos Santana started the Milagro Foundation to help underprivileged children. He spent the year 2003 working for free and donated $2 million in profits from his album tour to fight AIDS in Africa.

One of the most visible proponents of “doing good” has been singer and spokesman Bono of U2, who is involved in everything from Greenpeace and the Chernobyl Childrens Project to spearheading the (RED) initiative aimed at bringing private sector money into the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria. Named as one of the 2005 Time Persons of the Year, along with Bill and Melinda Gates (the Gates Foundation is the world’s biggest charity, with a multi-billion dollar endowment), Time Magazine had this to say: “Bono charmed and bullied and morally blackmailed the leaders of the world’s richest countries into forgiving $40 billion in debt owed by the poorest.”

Oprah’s school in Africa, Leonardo DiCapprio’s involvement with the environment, Paul Newman funding projects for children from salad dressing and popcorn, Sting almost single-handedly trying to save the rainforests, Angelina Jolie helping to found the National Center for Refugee and Immigrant Children—the list goes on and on. Doris Day’s name has become synonymous with helping animals, Richard Gere’s with Tibet.

It’s easy to say, oh, they have tons of money; of course they can “do good.” But so can we all.

There are endless opportunities to do volunteer work—from Big Brothers and Big Sisters, to building homes for victims of Hurricane Katrina, to Meals on Wheels volunteers who deliver food (and some company) to the home bound, to ladling at your nearby soup kitchen. There are local non-profit organizations, national and international organizations that all depend on the efforts of volunteers. Donating your time with organizations may increase your networking opportunities for more work or for more companionship, or just give you a better feeling in your heart about yourself—a win-win situation for everyone: you help others and boost your own emotional health.

If making a commitment to a non-profit project is too difficult in your situation, there’s always the occasional opportunity to shovel snow from your neighbor’s sidewalk or buy a burger for a homeless person. Extend yourself outward to reap the benefits in your emotional body.

More inspiration

For more inspiration, read One Can Make a Difference: How Simple Actions Can Change the World by Ingrid E. Newkirk (the founder of PETA)—a collection of stories by dozens of extraordinary individuals from His Holiness the Dalai Lama to Brigitte Bardot and Oliver Stone.

Another way to make a difference: The Pay It Forward Foundation was established by author Catherine Ryan Hyde (who wrote the novel that the movie of the same name was based upon) and others to educate and inspire students to realize that they can change the world. By bringing the author's vision into classrooms around the world, students and their teachers are encouraged to come up with their own ideas of how they can pay it forward.

The template of perfection

One of the ways we can make a difference is to share what we have learned here. You may not consider yourself a “healer,” but you have now learned certain techniques that you can share with others who are receptive to the idea of healing their emotional wounds.

Many years ago, I spent several years working with an esoteric faith-based organization that had an amazing success rate for healing through prayer. It was a fascinating experience, because I was a child of western medicine. I thought that to stay healthy you needed to get a physical every year, keep your fingers crossed, and hope you didn’t develop what your mother had.

My first day in their residence facility (they didn’t call it a clinic, and those of us who worked there came to work in street clothes), the place was full of sick people who had come for help. I had trained for some months at this point, but it was all theory.

I was shown into a patient’s room. I knew I would not be given a medical diagnosis for her, because that was contrary to the belief system of the organization. The last thing they wanted you to do was to buy into a diagnosis based on the medical paradigm. I was ushered into a room with this woman, who looked to be in her fifties. My mind immediately went to western medicine. I thought, this lady has had a stroke. She was conscious of me being in the room, but she was pretty sick, with every sign of having had a stroke. I spent two or three weeks sitting in her room, all day, every day. I was supposed to take not only my mind but also my entire being and create in my mind’s eye her perfection.

Beyond our body’s various ills lies our perfection. Our body develops from this template of perfection. There is some version of the template of perfection in every modality that I have studied, from many various traditions all over the world. The way to assist someone to perfect health is to learn how to hold that template of perfection and move the person towards it. It sounds very simple, but it is actually quite a challenge.

Maybe there are people you know who are currently experiencing something in their life that does not match up to what they want. Maybe a friend has developed some sort of chronic disease, like full blown arthritis. It started bothering her years ago, and now she is worried sick that she is going to end up crippled. Her fingers, feet, and knees are stiff, and every morning when she wakes up, she wrings her hands and thinks, “Oh my God, my arthritis is getting so much worse. What am I going to do?” You can hear the agony and the fear.

Remember what we have learned here. Help someone else to understand the lessons you have learned in healing your own emotional wounds:

1. Learn to recognize and acknowledge what you are feeling right now.

2. Begin to accept personal responsibility for your own life.

3. Replace belief systems that promote fear with feelings of unconditional love, replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Go in your mind to a loving environment. It could be your puppy or your grandchild. It could be your job (some people really love their jobs). It could be a book you love, the sunrise, or the apple tree that is blooming outside your window right now—anything that creates a feeling of love in you. Remember, fear and love cannot coexist. It is absolutely impossible.

4. Bring forth your inner knowing. You will receive from the universe exactly what you are asking for, based on the level of faith you have in your beliefs and the amount of awareness you bring to your emotions and thoughts. Fear literally guarantees that you are not going to receive what it is that you claim you want, with the result that you are going to get more of what you do not want. But if you are in a state of knowing, you will actually receive what you are asking for because you know it already exists.

Let’s go back to my experience of working with the lady who had suffered a pretty severe stroke. I had to know that her perfection already existed, so I created a field of intention around her to have her physical body match her template of perfection. It took a long time for me to understand how the whole thing worked, but you can come to that knowing. If you understand the way universal principles operate, there is no other outcome possible. If you feel that your prayers are not being answered, then you need to delve more deeply into your unconscious prayer and the emotion that is attached to it.

Have faith in your journey

You have to believe that you can create miracles in your life. It takes faith—faith in your own ability to do it. Sharon Salzberg, who teaches the Buddhist practice of lovingkindness, puts it this way in her wonderful book, Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience (Riverhead, 2002):

In Pali, the language of the original Buddhist texts, the word usually translated as faith, confidence, or trust is saddha. Saddha literally means “to place the heart upon.” To have faith is to offer one’s heart or give over one’s heart. … In Pali, faith is a verb, an action, as it is also in Latin and Hebrew. Faith is not a singular state that we either have or don’t have, but is something that we do. We “faithe.” Saddha is the willingness to take the next step, to see the unknown as an adventure, to launch a journey.

I have faith that these last eight weeks have started you on your journey of healing your emotional wounds. . . and that you can live in health and joy, bringing harmony and peace to all.



Thank you for your participation in this course. To explore further work in this area, visit my website at www.deborahkingcenter.com

Blessings & Love, Jetta :-)

Your every loving act, thought & feeling blesses everyone everywhere... every time you smile, you are a channel for more love and beauty to come thru you and into our world.

I LOVE YOU!!
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1/30/10 3:27 P

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Healing Emotional Wounds
by Deborah King

Lesson 7: Emotional Health


If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
~Og Mandino


It is never too soon, or too late, to learn how to get and stay healthy emotionally. Because you now understand the reality of the mind-body-spirit connection, you know that your emotional health will boost your physical health and your spiritual well-being, which, in turn, will help heal your emotional wounds and maintain your emotional health. This is the way we were designed to function—holistically, as a whole.

It is important not to think that you are too old to change. “Feeling old” is a state of mind—a non-productive way of thinking about yourself. Even 30-year-olds can feel old because they are no longer in their teens or twenties. The “mid-life crisis” is a classic reaction to the fear of aging. And as the baby boomers turn 60 and head into their “golden” years, the “too old” refrain will undoubtedly echo across the land. Did you realize that by 2050, over 20 percent of the U.S. population will be comprised of people over the age of 65? That’s a projected number of 86.7 million people!

By the way, for those of you already in that age bracket, here is the good news: Research has shown that people who are over 60 are happier for a variety of reasons. They are more secure about who they are, are less affected by peer pressure, have more life experiences that have given them more wisdom, and are better able to control their emotions.

I spent many years apprenticing with a renowned faith-based healer who believed that it affected us to own negative information, which included beliefs about our age. So, the first thing I would encourage you to do is not to focus on your age, but instead to focus on the age you wish to be. You can make that real, initially on an emotional level and soon thereafter on the physical level.

Admittedly, we live in a world that is obsessed with looking young and beautiful—an obsession that we could do well without. So many people, when faced with what they feel is a loss of their youth, get depressed and feel regretful. Often they feel fearful and lonely and think that their best years are behind them and that nothing promising is in front of them–which doesn’t have to be the case at all. Life can be full of opportunities and adventure, no matter how old you are. If we are preoccupied with the “loss” of youth, that prevents us from welcoming the journey still ahead of us.

JOURNAL


Do you feel old? What makes you feel that way?

Do you lie about your age? Why?

What are your top 5 fears about getting older?

What are your regrets from your younger years?

What do you want to accomplish in your life?

What can you enjoy and accomplish as you grow older?
How to be emotionally healthy

I’d like to sum up and expand upon the ways in which you can find and maintain your emotional health, no matter how young or old you are. Try them. They really do work.

1. CONNECT WITH OTHERS

Cultivate relationships. As those of us who are no longer twenty have discovered, the older we get, the more crucial it is that we have close relationships, that we matter to people and feel a sense of connection to at least one important person in our lives. It doesn’t matter if that person is a family member, a co-worker, or a friend from high school. It could be anyone.

If you stay in regular contact with people—call them, meet with them, talk to them, email or chat online—especially when times are tough and you are down, this will affect not only how you look, which will impact how you feel about yourself, but will also affect who you are deep inside. When we have harsh experiences, when we lose a loved one, or a job, or have a health crisis, having a connection to others is vital. In their company, we find warmth and compassionate support and the ability to move on.

If you feel an absence where relationships should be, if there is a hole in your life, then I would urge you to take steps to fill it. Join any kind of a group that appeals to you, absolutely anything where you can meet new people and make friends. For example, if you love gardening, is there a gardening club in your area? Are you interested in getting a particular candidate elected? Volunteer at local campaign headquarters. Online dating services or sites like Craigslist often give you the choice of checking off that you are simply looking for a friend or a companion for particular interests, not necessarily a date or soul mate, so consider that as an option as well.

2. CONNECT WITH YOURSELF

Make sure you are connecting spiritually with that place of peace and fullness inside, because we need to be more than just our day-to-day routine. There is so much depth available when you connect spiritually, whether you do it through meditation, prayer, yoga, singing, playing basketball or cooking —whatever it is that gives you a sense of meaning in life that goes beyond yourself. It might be from poetry, it might be pottery. But make sure you take some time every day to engage in something that connects you with the bigger picture, that steps you outside the bubble of “me” and loosens the hold of ego.

When you have contact with the deeper parts of yourself, you lose the fear of change. You may even learn to welcome change in your life! When you know that inside you are all right, you don’t fear your emotions, you don’t fear aging or even death. When you live in fear, you are not really “living.” If you need help connecting to your spiritual core, find a group of like-minded people or a good spiritual teacher. Follow your heart, your gut instincts, and you will learn to live in the vitality and emotional health of the present moment.

3. RESPECT YOUR BODY

We’ve talked about protecting your health by healing your emotional wounds, but try not to be obsessed with perfect health. None of us are going to be perfectly healthy all the time. We are all going to have some aches and pains eventually. Even after years of being a super athlete or avid gym-goer, you might have bad knees, for example. Anything can happen, but it doesn’t mean that you are not healthy. It just means that you are going through a period of time in which you need to focus on your physical health. So do whatever you need to do to protect your health and then say to yourself, you know, by doing this I’m respecting my body and I’m connecting to all the grace and energy in the universe.

Of course, it is wise to make your lifestyle as healthy as possible. Do you smoke? Do you get regular exercise? Are you overweight or obese? You can change your old habits. It is said that it takes only 21 days to implant a new habit. Just think, in three weeks you could be on the road to a better body and feeling better about yourself!

And as I frequently say, GET ENOUGH SLEEP and GET ENOUGH SUN! You can’t be emotionally healthy if you are either sleep- or sun-deprived.

4. THE IMPORTANCE OF TOUCH

Touch is very important to our sense of who we are. You don’t want to have a life where you have no touch. If you’re not in a relationship right now where that is available, then you want to be sure to be getting regular massages. Sex is very healthy. Whether or not you have a partner, sexual activity is a great way to keep the dynamic flow of your body humming along. Other ways to keep the energy flowing are through acupuncture and other modalities that open up the energetic pathways. Another way to get a lot of touch is with your animal companions—cuddling up with your dog or cat or petting a horse.

5. UNPLUG

When was the last time you unplugged all the technology in your life and took a real vacation? Let go of the anxiety about all you need to get done? Think about incorporating a “day of rest” into your life occasionally—when you turn off the computer and the cell phone and the TV, don’t drive, and indulge in an orgy of journal writing or reading or hiking or laying on the beach or napping or just “hang out” with your friends and/or family and really talk.

6. GET HELP FOR CHRONIC PAIN

Continuous pain can dampen your immune functioning and cause depression. Help is available. If there are no medical solutions to your physical pain, try a pain clinic or alternative modalities like bio-feedback. If your pain is mental/emotional, try different types of therapy (after trying the free suggestions here first!). If you’ve been in talk therapy for years and still feel miserable, try art therapy or a form of therapy that incorporates body movement. Maybe you need a meditation retreat to get in touch with the parts of yourself that lie beneath the psychological issues. There is always a way.

7. EXERCISE YOUR BRAIN

Stay in touch with the larger world around you through online or TV news, or read the newspaper. Our inner life is richer when we stretch our minds to understand the situations that others are in, hear their opinions about world and local events, and empathize with them. Try the daily crossword puzzle or Sudoku, or other games like online Scrabble or Boggle (Facebook is a great place to play Scrabulous or Scramble) to keep your thinking processes sharp and your memory intact.

8. FOLLOW YOUR PASSION

Turn your attention to your real passions. Choose a vocation or an avocation where you can tap into your power to act. Give some thought to the field that you think will make you feel vibrant. I worked with a woman at a New York event who came up to the stage and said, I hate my job. She’d been working for an insurance company for 20 years and was so sick of it. She wished she had become a social worker. I said, well, now is the time. You have this terrific work ethic, you have built fabulous work habits, you are disciplined, you are wise. Go back to school, even if you have to work during the day and go to school at night. I heard from her a year later that she had been accepted into an advanced degree program in social work. They had even given her a work/study option because she had demonstrated so much positive energy they thought for sure she would be successful.

Do not think you are supposed to dump your day job because your passion is to play in a rock band or paint the next Sistine Chapel. It may take quite a while to retrain, and often the thing that you are most passionate about is not the best income producer. I kept my job in the corporate world for many, many years before I made a switch. I had to. Traveling all over the world to study with shamans and dropping out for years at a time to meditate was a fairly expensive endeavor.

9. NURTURE YOUR CREATIVITY

Being creative keeps us feeling young and alive. It’s what we started with as little children. Remember how curious you were about everything? And how crayons were magical? Reflect back on when you were five, six, and seven years old—coloring the sky purple and the grass yellow. Coloring outside the lines! You still have that in you, that creative impulse. Do whatever keeps your creative juices flowing, whether it is knitting or writing or matchmaking. Grandma Moses started painting in her 70s!

10. BUILD YOUR LEGACY

Value what is going to be here when you no longer are. You may have children you are nurturing—a wonderful legacy for you to focus on. Perhaps it’s a project or hobby you are passionate about. It could be taking care of stray animals, or planting trees, or writing a blog. The good seeds that you plant will take root and live on with your spirit long after your body is gone.

11. REJOICE IN NATURE

Always rejoice in what nature has to offer. When it is negative 21 degrees outside, enjoy the dancing colors reflected in the icicles hanging from the roof. When it’s raining, be grateful for the moisture that keeps your skin soft. Always take a few moments to walk outside and look at the trees in their autumn glory, or the opalescence of the dawn sky, or the first crocus of spring peeking through the snow; breathe deeply and take in that beauty. Your appreciation and gratitude boosts your state of mind and your emotional health. Try to be grateful each day for something in your environment.

12. CARE FOR A PET

Sharing our lives with any animal gives us health benefits. Pets lower our blood pressure, create very healthy hormones, and make us more nurturing with other people. Science has established that caring for a pet helps give us a better survival rate after a heart attack or a diagnosis of cancer, brings down the number of doctor visits for our health, and keeps depression at bay. We aren’t meant to be living without animals, so whatever animals you can bring into your life, do.

13. SING

It doesn’t matter if you were the one stuck in the “non-singing” group for your high school musical. Boost your immune function by singing in the shower or while doing the dishes. A great remedy for anger or frustration is to get in your car (with the price of gas what it is, you don't have to drive anywhere), turn on the radio or plug in your iPod, and sing along at the top of your lungs. You will feel better, I promise.

14. SEE THE WORLD AS POSITIVE

There is a huge emotional health advantage for people who have a positive attitude—the glass half full (rather than half-empty) crowd. Put on your rose-colored glasses once in a while and embrace life in a positive way. It’s tempting sometimes to feel cranky. You might feel lonely or depressed, but think about the goals you have in life, the way you are living your purpose, your sense of humor, or how crying at commercials really means you have an open heart, and you will feel so much better. On those nights when I am not on the road, I watch an episode of Seinfeld during dinner because I think it is really important to laugh at least twenty or thirty minutes a day.

week we wrap up this course with the number one way to stay emotionally healthy; be sure to join us!


Blessings & Love, Jetta :-)

Your every loving act, thought & feeling blesses everyone everywhere... every time you smile, you are a channel for more love and beauty to come thru you and into our world.

I LOVE YOU!!
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1/30/10 3:12 P

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Healing Emotional Wounds
by Deborah King

Lesson 6: Heart Of My Heart

Heartfelt positive feelings create far more than a healthy psychological effect. They fortify our internal energy systems and nourish the body right down to the cellular level. For that reason, we like to think of these emotions as “quantum nutrients.”
~Doc Childre and Howard Martin, The HeartMath Solution


Last week we talked about cancer, which scares a lot of people. But in actuality, the number one cause of death in America is cardiovascular disease: high blood pressure, coronary heart disease (heart attacks, angina), stroke, and heart failure. Over 80 million people in the U.S. have one or more forms of heart disease. That’s a lot of heartbreak. And a lot of reasons to take good care of your heart and its emotional health.

Energetically, the heart functions as a bridge between our lower self—the one that’s connected to the earth—and our higher self, our spiritual being, and our center of compassion and forgiveness. In other words, the heart is the link between the physical and the nonphysical, as well as the bond between yourself and other people.

Because it is such an important center, there are many things that can go wrong in the heart. And when something goes seriously wrong emotionally, it will just be a matter of time before something physical manifests. Any problems with circulation, any tension or pain between the shoulder blades, any problems with your shoulders, arms, or hands—are all signs of a little something not quite right with the energy center of the heart itself. Now is the time to address it at the emotional level before it becomes more of a problem, when it could be a lot harder to undo.

The physical heart

Many people think that heart conditions mainly affect men. This is not the case. Most of the data and guidelines out there with regard to heart disease are based on male-only studies, so women are frequently misdiagnosed and their treatment is either too late or ineffective. Men usually experience symptoms after they’ve exercised or exerted themselves, while women’s symptoms can come and go with no obvious cause. For men the main symptom is usually pain in the area of the heart, which is easy to recognize. But for women, the most common initial symptom can be a dull aching discomfort, and we are more likely to think it is a gastrointestinal problem.

While the risk of heart disease rises steadily through the years for men, most women are protected by estrogen production until they start to go into menopause, when their hormones slow down. However, even if you are in your thirties or forties, it’s not too soon to give some thought to the known risk factors for heart disease:


Being under severe or prolonged stress

Being more than 20 percent over your ideal body weight, or accumulating body fat around your middle (a waist measurement over 35” for women and 40” for men) as opposed to carrying weight in your hips or thighs.

High cholesterol or high LDLs

High blood pressure

Diabetes

Smoking

A sedentary lifestyle

Menopause before the age of 45

Being over 55 years old
While most studies would also include heredity as a factor, it has been my experience that all that factor does is scare people right into believing they are a candidate for some disease. I would counsel you NOT to consider heredity as a factor in any disease process. It has also been my experience working with thousands of people that it isn’t really the propensity for a certain disease that is inherited as much as it is our families unhealthy emotional habits that are passed down – habits that are the breeding ground for certain diseases.

By far, the biggest risk factor for heart disease is stress. The HeartMath Institute in Boulder Creek, CA, is a non-profit research and education facility that is doing amazing cutting-edge studies. They firmly believe that the heart has its own intelligence (in fact, the heart starts beating in a fetus even before the brain is developed). They found something that ancient Eastern systems have always known: the heart responds to a stimulus from thoughts and emotions that the brain then processes. Traditional western medicine doesn’t always acknowledge that connection.

One of the best studies on heart disease is the one Dr. Dean Ornish has done for his heart program. He gets great results for reducing heart disease, but I think it comes less from the diet he uses than from his emphasis on managing stress through exercise, group therapy, and the meditation practices he has everyone engage in. People on his program feel that they are part of a community, which is healing in itself. No wonder their blood pressure lowers and their arteries become clearer.

The heart generates more electrical power than our brain does, so it is easy to see how negative mental processes can distress the natural rhythms of the heart. When we are under stress, the emotions of fear and worry upset the heart’s normal rhythms. When the heart then “talks” to the brain, it sends signals that are translated as chaos. Therefore, according to HeartMath, “when your heart signal is erratic, your mental functioning suffers.” You can calm down your heart rhythms by shifting your perception and response to events.

I was contacted by the wife of a client who said that her husband (an older gentleman) had fallen onto a pier while he was getting out of his fishing boat when a sudden wind, a squall, came up and pulled the boat away. He panicked. You can picture it, right? The boat is going one way, and he has one leg on the pier and one foot in the boat. He fell onto the dock, but his friend in the boat fell into the water. My client thought his friend was drowning, and the whole thing was so stressful for him that the next thing he knew, he had a serious defibrillation going on. He was so stressed that he had thrown his heart into this abnormal rhythm. Fortunately, his friend was fine and his heart rhythm returned to normal.

ACTION EXERCISES

Ways to reduce your stress level:

Focus on a small object—one you can hold in your hand, or a little object on your desk, or something you keep in your pocket or attach to your key ring—that makes you feel calm. Inhale and exhale slowly for ten breaths, and keep thinking about the object. This will bring you from a panic state back into a very calm state fairly quickly. Practice doing this so that someday when you are badly stressed you can turn to this practice and get an immediate reduction in your stress level.

Another thing to do is to think with your heart. If you are in a stressful situation, close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and think of someone or something that you love. It could be your pet, a family member, or your favorite beach, and continue to focus on that with your eyes closed until the corners of your mouth begin to curl upward into a smile. Smiling actually slows the pace of your heart rate and, by the way, helps with high blood pressure. You should also practice this ahead of time so it comes to you easily in a moment of stress.

Breathe deeply. What happens when you are on the freeway and somebody cuts you off and kind of throws you off center? What do you do? Before losing your temper and invoking the other driver’s road rage, it is a good idea to breathe deeply and try to regain a sense of your body. When we are upset, we often hold our breath without realizing it, which reduces the supply of oxygen to our body, tightens our muscles, constricts our blood flow, elevates our pulse and heart rate, and increases our stress chemicals. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Check to make sure your jaw is relaxed. You can make a sound as you exhale. Aaaah. That’s better.

Try yoga, meditation, journaling. The yogic postures relax tense muscles, improve suppleness and flexibility, and promote better circulation. I meditate every day, so stress tends to go over my head like a cloud. If I cut back on my meditation at all, I’ll have trouble sleeping at night. And don’t forget to journal, which is a great way to unravel your feelings so that you don’t get a backlog of stuck emotions.

Be good to yourself. Take a bath with great smelling bath oil or salts (lavender is a particularly calming scent) to unwind after a busy day or before you go to sleep at night. The warm water will promote better circulation and loosen tight muscles.

One more note: in your connection to others, fight fair. A study at the University of Utah indicated that nasty arguments between partners increase clogged arteries. When women hear or make hostile comments—and let’s face it, gals, we are all very capable of doing that—our heart suffers, our physical heart. Men’s hearts react very badly when they hear domineering or controlling words. Even using body language, like rolling your eyes, is very damaging to you and your partner. The author of that study said that if you are going to fight, it is better to simply agree to disagree.

Heartbreak

Heartbreak is very real. It usually comes about as a result of a relationship. Our hearts can be broken by the betrayal of a spouse or loved one; by a child in trouble or sick; by someone we love dying; by the death of a pet; by feeling the pain of what we as humanity are doing to each other on a larger scale through war or to Mother Earth.

Heartbreak is universal. Not one of us makes it through life without experiencing a broken heart. A baby can lose a caregiver while still in the crib. A child can be stung by rejection, as so many of us have been. We have felt rejected by parents, by a sibling or a teacher or a first love. People leave us. People die. Maybe we’ve been betrayed by a business associate or a trusted friend or a spiritual teacher. We can also lose trust in something in which we deeply believed—our political ideals, religious beliefs, and the like. These things have happened to all of us.

The key is what we do with our feelings after a heartbreak. So many of us model our reaction on what our parents did, or what our parents advised us to do as children. If you are a man, you might have been told as a boy to buck up and get over it. If you were a girl and heartbroken because your best friend moved away, your parents may have said to be a big girl and stop crying—not advice you want to follow.

When we shut our hearts down after a heartbreak, we can’t feel a thing. We can’t feel the pain, but we can’t feel joy either. A closed heart is a heart that can’t feel and a closed heart is a heart that develops angina, hardening of the arteries, or other heart problems.

Problems of the heart are messy. Rather than masking your feelings, go ahead and give in to your sorrow. You will not get stuck in it. If you feel like you’re drowning in your pain, by all means reach out and get help from someone who is qualified to help you move through it, because the key to these feelings is to move through them, to allow the feelings to move through your body and psyche and then move on out.

If that’s your pattern—to not feel—find a way to undo that now. Like any other habit or pattern, it can be changed.

JOURNAL


What types of heartbreak have you experienced? Think of the things that made your heart ache as a child, as a teenager, and as an adult.

How were you taught to handle heartbreak? Did your parents tell you to stop crying? Be a man? Act like a big girl?

How did your parents or other adults express their pain? Were they criticized for it?
Is your heart open or closed?

Giving and receiving love are the acts of an open heart. Total unconditional love means that someone who knows you inside out, knows all your secret dark places and desires, still loves you completely without judging you, and without expecting anything in return. While such unconditional love may be the province of saints, ordinary people demonstrate unlimited measures of love every day. There are a million and one ways in which to care about our fellow inhabitants of this planet. At one of the Hay House “I Can Do It” events, a speaker told a story about a man who, after every large rainstorm, went up and down the road picking up earthworms that had been displaced and putting them back in the grass. And I’m sure he wasn’t expecting the worms to thank him for his efforts on their behalf.

Being loved and being able to love are our birthright.

Your health and vigor are the natural results of a balanced heart. But healing your heart and keeping your heart healthy do take time and conscious effort. You have to set aside time to do the work of healing your emotional wounds. You have to check in with yourself to see how well you are doing and let go of old pain so that you can move on.

With problems of the heart, instead of running from them, I urge you to actually feel them. It won’t break you. Surprisingly, if you can just let yourself go through that pain that you’re turning away from, you will come out the other side when you’re done. You will feel strong again and can then feel joy.

JOURNAL

Any time you want to check to see if your heart is open or closed, sit quietly and take inventory of your emotions:


What am I feeling right now?

Where am I hurting?

What situation or what person caused it?

Am I holding love back?

Why am I withholding love?

How can I be more loving to others and more loving to myself?

Do I think I need to be perfect to be loved?

How can I love myself just as I am?

What would self-acceptance look like to me?

Have I isolated myself from others?

Am I afraid of intimacy?

Am I excessively drawn to others?

Do I need the approval of others?

Do I pay too much attention to the needs of others and not enough to my own?

Do I feel like I’m enough?
These are great questions to ponder. We want our hearts to be balanced—both our physical heart and our heart chakra. We want to feel unconditional love. We want to be able to forgive ourselves and others. We want to be able to surrender, in the sense of what 12-step programs call “let go and let God.” These are all hallmarks of a really balanced heart.

Forgiveness

At some point most of us learn that it is a really good idea to forgive. If you are over the age of 25, you have probably bumped into the experience of having forgiven someone and feeling better right afterwards. The main reason to forgive is that not forgiving, holding onto resentments and anger, can make you sick; it can keep your heart in pain. No matter how unfair it seems, the only person who suffers from your failure to forgive is you; it is not the other person.

There have been many reputable studies conducted that confirm that when we hold onto our bitterness, when we stay hostile or resentful, it tears down our immune system and can double our risk of heart attack, cancer, and diabetes. It is no coincidence that we use the word bitter, which you can just taste, because it really poisons our whole system. I urge you to let go and forgive.

Next week gives you a number of ways to achieve and maintain emotional health and deal with the fear of aging.


Blessings & Love, Jetta :-)

Your every loving act, thought & feeling blesses everyone everywhere... every time you smile, you are a channel for more love and beauty to come thru you and into our world.

I LOVE YOU!!
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Healing Emotional Wounds
by Deborah King

Lesson 5: Is It My Fault If I Get Sick?


The state of ill health is a moment to moment happening.
Healing is moment to moment balance, bringing awareness
to our thoughts, feelings and emotions and how we respond.
~Vasant Lad Healing the Heart of the World


Health is a state of balance, a state of equilibrium. We always seek balance. If we are too cold, we do something to warm up; if we are too hot, we try to cool down; if we are hungry, we eat. The same is true of our bodies. We want our body always in a state of dynamic flow—blood flowing, thoughts flowing, lymph flowing, everything moving.

When we stuff down the emotions we don’t want to experience, we literally stop a part of the flow of our body. Years later, or maybe only months later, we may well develop a physical problem as a result of that blocked emotion. It is no coincidence that thyroid problems are more prevalent in women than men by a ratio of five to one. This is likely due to the fact that women are more suppressed culturally in speaking their truth, and all that “holding back” results in a physical problem located in the throat.

When we are children, we take the emotions that we deem unattractive, unacceptable, undesirable, or just too upsetting and push them down deep in our bodies. It could be jealousy of our siblings or our perception that we were abandoned by one of our parents. It can be almost anything that we don’t feel comfortable about, anything that makes us feel unloved. Maybe we didn’t do well in school because we were ADD and thought we were stupid. Whatever it is, we push it out of our consciousness so that it becomes a dim memory; we say to ourselves, “That is not me. That experience isn’t me. Those feelings aren’t me.”

Any kind of an experience that makes you feel unlovable, inadequate, or frightened can get shoved away, and pretty soon that part literally becomes disassociated. You may forget about it entirely. It is still in your subconscious, but it is not something you are aware of. When I work with people, I can feel and know the parts that someone has pushed away and see the underlying reasons.

My own childhood was pretty traumatic, so I mastered the technique of pushing my emotions down where I couldn’t feel them anymore. Shortly after I got married, my husband and I had a really serious mountain climbing accident and he was nearly killed. He was not okay for many years afterwards, but within six months I could not have told you any facts about that accient: what happened or what day it was or where we were mountain climbing. I had repressed the whole thing. When it dawned on me that I had lost those details and was having trouble retrieving them, I thought, “Good grief, where did I put them? Where did I store them?”

Anything that we push away from ourselves develops a life of its own, literally a separate consciousness. So it is with our physical health: any time we shove down our emotional wounds and block the flow of energy to that area, the ensuing dis-ease can become disease.

Casting blame

If you are dealing with some sort of health crisis, please realize that I am not blaming you, the individual, for having that difficulty in your life. No one lives all the time in a stress-free state, expressing and releasing all their emotions perfectly. And certainly, whatever happened to you in your childhood was not your fault. You were trying to survive in the best way possible. The ways in which you learned to deal with your emotions were optimal for the situation in which you were living at that time.

However, now you are an adult, an adult seeking health and happiness and fulfillment. You can no longer blame your parents or your childhood environment for anything. It is time to take responsibility for yourself so you can achieve your goal to be happy, healthy and free.

We are inclined in our society today to look for an outside cause for all our ills. It’s pretty natural. Take cancer, for instance. We blame cancer on a high fat diet or maybe because we smoked or we will say, well, my mother had breast cancer so I have an inherited gene. Or it was caused by exposure to an environmental pollutant put out by a reckless profit-seeking corporation.

If you think about it for a moment, though, you realize there is no way to go back and change the past. You can’t undo your heredity. If you smoked for twenty years, or you have been on a high fat diet, you can stop, but whatever damage has been done is done. The same is true for environmental pollutants: when we have been exposed to them, we have been exposed to them.

The actual process of casting blame causes more emotional stress. When we cast blame, it makes us angry and we go into an over-thinking pattern that interferes with the healing process. So if you blame anyone or anything that you connect to your ill health, take a deep breath and decide that you are going to let go of that connection.

We all have something we haven’t quite let go of. Now is the time to actively work on letting go, to pray or ask for help from your higher power, your higher self. Forgive yourself for whatever unhealthy lifestyle or emotional baggage you feel may have contributed to the disease. Self-blame doesn’t help in healing.

In the same way, blaming ourselves for not always being able to conjure up a happy emotion or positive thought in every circumstance is unrealistic. The key is feeling the emotion, whatever it is, and allowing it to pass through your body, not get stuck in it.

Sometimes, individuals who have been diagnosed as terminal may feel: I have so little time left and I don’t want to be angry and depressed and bitter any more. Some manage to let go of those old feelings and they start to talk to people that maybe they’ve shut out of their life for many years. Sometimes, the next thing you know is they’ve had a remission!

The only advantage to knowing there was some external factor is if it helps you minimize your risk today. If you recognize that smoking brought you to this juncture, great, stop smoking. The main thing you want to focus on is living a healthy lifestyle today. It is only today that we can do anything to help ensure a healthier future.


The Scary C Word

Now we’re going to look at one of the scariest diseases—cancer—and try to bring to our awareness the emotional factors that may be attached to this situation. Even if you or someone you know doesn’t have cancer, the process of examining the connection between your suppressed emotions and your health issues will be enlightening for you. And even though you may have ignored your emotional wounds in the past, now you’re doing something about it!

Are you worried sick about getting cancer? One of the most frightening moments of my life was hearing the doctor say, “You have cancer.” And the statistics are scary. According to the American Cancer Society Surveillance Research (2008), 1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women will develop some form of invasive cancer over the course of their lives.

But what is cancer?

Cancer is really nothing more than a part of ourselves that has forgotten who it is.

We know that all of us have deviant cells in our body all the time. This is an established fact and nothing to be frightened of. Certain conditions make these aberrant cells proliferate. A tumor is nothing more than some of your cells that literally have forgotten they are part of you and start to develop at their own rate.

That may sound strange, but if you think about it for a second, it makes sense. What we do is split off some part of ourselves that we are not happy with—the part that never got picked for the team or the part that still felt guilty about the affair that led to the divorce—we split it off and we say, I am not that part, I am going to deny that part of myself, it is not lovable. Over the years, that part of us may develop a life of its own.

So that is all cancer is: a part of us that has split off and developed its own life. That being the case, the way to help prevent the possibility of cancer is through self-awareness of all the parts of ourselves, and ultimately, self-acceptance of every part of ourselves.


JOURNAL


What part of you do you think you’ve pushed down and buried deep in your body?

Where in your body do you have problems? What emotional situations could have been a factor?

What emotions can you remember from your childhood experiences? Jealously? Fear? Anxiety? Abandonment? Anger?
Cancer and Stress

An important contributing factor for many of those who have been diagnosed with cancer is that they react adversely to stress. One of the ways in which we stress ourselves—and this describes me to a T—is by being highly conscientious, responsible, and hard-working. The most common emotional state of mind that I see in a breast cancer patient, for example, is: I have too many responsibilities. Their shoulders are literally being pulled down by trying hard to be a good mother or caretaker and/or a good spouse or partner and/or a crackerjack at their job. It is typically nurturing to want to give, give, and give still more, but not to fill their own well, so those responsibilities weigh them down.

Remember, all my work is about self-awareness, so this isn’t the time to get worried or frightened if you recognize yourself here. All we are doing is becoming more aware of ourselves.

Typically, about two years before their diagnosis, cancer patients had a crisis in their life—a job crisis or a relationship crisis or someone died. My own experience in working with cancer patients is that something probably went wrong way earlier, usually in childhood. That is when we develop those habits of holding in our emotions and not expressing them. So the straw that breaks the camel’s back may very well be an event that happens when we are older, which is why the patient usually tracks it to a more recent event.

The traumatic event from several years back is usually something outside your control—maybe a bad car accident, or perhaps you were involved in a natural disaster (flood, hurricane, tornado, fire, etc.)—anything that makes you feel you don’t have control over your life. Major stress can suppress our immune system, which is why the way in which we react to stress is a major factor in the development of the disease process.

What seems to go on with many cancers is that a personal tragedy results in an excess level of stress; the stress combines with many, many years of suppressing emotions, which brings on immune deficiency and, bingo, cells start proliferating in an unhealthy way.

JOURNAL


Do you take on more responsibilities than necessary?

Do your responsibilities weigh heavily on you?

Do you take on other people’s pain and suffering?

Do you have an overly exaggerated need for approval?

Does your present relationship mirror in any way your relationship with either of your parents?
Write whatever comes up for you from these questions. Try to name the emotions that are involved.

ACTION EXERCISE

Since stress plays such a large part in the disease process, it’s important to find ways to reduce your level of stress. If you have a terrible day at work or school or at home, what should you do?

Take a walk, engage in exercise that makes you sweat, get out in the sun, take a bath, meditate and get plenty of sleep. De-stress in any way that works for you.

Why wait for a cancer diagnosis to make changes in your lifestyle? Sleep deprivation and not enough sunlight are two major causes of stress. Pick one lifestyle change and start with that. It could be more sleep, more sun, more exercise, or eating better.

Positive versus Negative Thinking

Habitual patterns of negative thinking—not simply occasional thoughts—really do make us more prone to illness. Lots of studies have been done of people with weakened immune systems and the studies indicate that these people have more negative thought patterns that positive ones. There have been some interesting studies on people who were given the flu vaccine after they had been given a test that rated them as being either a pessimist or optimist. People who tested high as being a pessimist showed a lot more activity in a certain area of the brain that could set them up for a weakened immune system and getting the flu. I always think it is interesting when studies can back up things we all instinctively know. And we know that constant negative thoughts make us feel pretty lousy.

When I was younger, I was more inclined towards anxious thoughts, so what I did was to stop frequently to make a little note in the margin of the law brief that I was working on. I would rate my state of mind—fearful, anxious, relaxed, depressed. At the end of the week my eye would run down the side of the margin and I would note the pattern of my thoughts. After about six months of doing this I had much more self awareness and was ready to question my foundational beliefs that were causing these negative emotions. (it also made me question my choice of jobs!)

ACTION EXERCISE

We can harbor resentment or anger or grief for years, like an old fight with a family member. Try examining the thoughts you have on a daily basis and ask yourself, where are they taking me? Why am I obsessed with that loss I had or the failure I had at work or the guy who jilted me five years ago or what my mother said to me ten years ago?

Just say, I am letting go of it. It doesn’t mean that you have to go to lunch every week with that person. You are simply letting go of the negative feelings. Let go of those kinds of thoughts!

One good way to indicate your commitment to becoming a more positive person is to write down the negative thoughts and feelings you no longer want to hold onto and release them into one of the natural elements. You can attach your written note to the string of a helium balloon. . . and watch it fly away into the air! Or strike a match and watch the note go up in flames. Bury it in the earth, or release the note into a natural body of water.

You’ll be amazed at how much lighter you’ll feel.

Surviving a Crisis



Blessings & Love, Jetta :-)

Your every loving act, thought & feeling blesses everyone everywhere... every time you smile, you are a channel for more love and beauty to come thru you and into our world.

I LOVE YOU!!
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Healing Emotional Wounds
by Deborah King

Lesson 4: What Do I Think?
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Whatever you believe with emotion becomes your reality.
You always act in a manner consistent with your innermost
beliefs and convictions.
~Brian Tracy


You’ve now had some time to become more familiar with the emotions that you experience on a daily basis. Was it surprising to you to discover so many different feelings every day? Or did you have one predominant emotion most of the time? Were you able to recognize your emotions, find the words that described them, and not shy away from experiencing them?

Did you give much thought to the emotions that you had each day? If you didn’t, it’s because you don’t yet understand the power of your emotions to determine the quality of your life—your ability to attract and create abundant health, wealth, relationships, and happiness.

While there may be a factor outside your control that negatively affects your health or happiness, such as genetics or family training, nothing is as powerful as our own emotions. I have worked with thousands of people and their own emotions were always the biggest problem they faced. Recently I worked with a man who was dying, literally dying from fear. Once I helped him understand that his fear was the cause of his ill health, he suddenly got better!

By becoming conscious of your emotions, you can change the course of your life.

When I was in my teens and twenties, I was unconscious; I had little contact with my own feelings. If asked, I would not have known if I was happy or sad, angry or scared. If a feeling tried to make itself known, I would suppress it with food or drugs or alcohol or extreme sports. I had been taught by my family to ignore my feelings. I was also physically sick a good deal of the time, but it never dawned on me that there might be a connection between the feelings I didn’t address and my ill health. I was equally blind to the connection between my suppressed feelings and my problems with depression.

Once you are aware of your emotions, trust that you can change them. Don’t start trying to change them today. It can take a while. I remember spending several years working really hard on figuring out how I felt on a daily basis, sometimes on a minute-by-minute basis. First I became aware of an emotion and then later I could track it to its source. But at first all I could do was write down the emotion I was feeling—fear, fear, fear, fear, fear.

Whatever your emotions are, please continue to note them in your little notebook and expand on them in your journal.

Where do our emotions come from?

Most of the time our emotions are based on beliefs and perceptions that we have brought along with us from childhood. Let’s take money as an example. Lots of people are raised in a family setting where they are taught that money is hard to come by, or that you have to work really hard to make it, or—the one I see most commonly—that there is just not enough to go around—the scarcity belief that the cup is always half empty.

These are false beliefs, but we believe them to our core because they were taught to us by people we trusted—our parents and our caregivers or our school teachers—before we were in a position to experience a different reality for ourselves. Then we take these false beliefs and continue to perpetuate them. Based upon our faith in those beliefs, we send out that same energy into the universe—an energy that says money is hard to come by, there’s not enough to go around. It’s like people who live with the fear that they are going to be cheated all the time— and guess what? They are always being cheated.


JOURNAL

Most of the time, our emotions are based on the false beliefs and perceptions that we brought with us from childhood. Were you taught that money is hard to come by, or that you have to work really hard to make it, or there is never enough to go around? Maybe you were taught that money is plentiful so you don’t have to worry about wasting it. It is truly amazing what powerful emotions are attached to “cold, hard cash.”

What beliefs have you brought from childhood about money?

Understanding our belief systems and the emotions attached to them.

In order to successfully track an emotion, we have to become aware of the emotion, and then go back and become aware of the core belief that is behind it.

At some point in time we may decide that that core belief doesn’t fit us any longer. Then we can change it. That is the way we can heal our emotional wounds—whether we’re talking about relationships, finances, health, wherever in our lives we are hurting. At the end, of course, what we want to do is put in place another emotion that will create an entirely different sort of dynamic.

For example, I had an interesting experience with my core beliefs when I was a strict vegetarian. I went to study with a famous shaman, but the group there subsisted mainly on meat and root vegetables. After I had been there for about a week, and had gotten over my initial revulsion at eating meat, I was thrilled with the new diet. It was actually far more suitable to my body type than being vegetarian. I had to radically readjust my core beliefs about what made up a healthy diet for me. When I left, I thought that I could probably live on pesticides and nails because I had learned how resilient my body really was.

When you are experiencing the more positive emotions, like love, for example, the energy that is created and the vibration that is emitted is at the higher end of the spectrum. When I am working “hands-on” with people, I am vibrating at such a fast rate that it takes me hours to tune it back down so that I can sleep. It’s wonderful to feel unconditional love, and it is that vibration that can effect positive change in another at the cellular level.

If you allow yourself to absorb what is taught in a fear-based belief system, it will interfere with your ability to be the person you can and want to be. Perhaps, for example, your family believes that they are prone to diabetes or becoming overweight. Usually, our core family is where we pick up the most deeply held and most negative blocks. None of us comes up from childhood without a couple of famous family sayings that could be inhibiting our development in life. If you are able to pinpoint the beliefs you’ve inherited that no longer serve you, you can discard them. You have the right to choose each step that determines and creates your present existence.


JOURNAL Are you aware of your core beliefs? What are the beliefs you hold that have created the emotions you experience?

Emotion Belief that created the emotion Where I learned it
Fear of rejection I’m not beautiful Older brother’s friends who always said I was “ugly”






Your life is your responsibility.

Nearly every single thing that you have experienced in your life up to this point has been brought to you by your underlying emotions. You need to know what emotions you are experiencing and the underlying beliefs that created them before we can go to the next step in your healing.

Ultimately, you will change the thought processes that are actually creating the negative emotions. In the beginning, you simply become aware of your own responsibility in creating the life your want. That is not a bad thing, not a heavy burden—just a fact.

To better grasp and understand at the deepest level how this works, it is important to understand that everything you see, and everything that exists that is not seeable with your eyes, is the result of consciousness—whether we’re dealing with it through the operation of our waking state of consciousness (what our thoughts are when we are awake) or our subconscious mind (our shadow side). Then there is the collective unconscious, as Carl Jung called it, which is all the thoughts that we share with other people who are alive today, and also people who have been gone for thousands of years. Then there is universal consciousness, or as some people call it, God consciousness.

JOURNAL


What are you getting that you don’t want? Bad health? Loneliness? Overweight?

Do you believe you can actually change your health or wealth or relationships? What emotions does that thought bring up?

In the deepest part of yourself, are you afraid of getting the things you say you want?
Don’t suppress your emotions.

At first it can be kind of startling when you find out that your own negative emotions are at the root of everything that you are experiencing in your life.

Do not try to deny or eliminate negative emotions. Your unconscious or subconscious fear can override the conscious thought process to such an extent that it maintains the negative circumstances you are trying to avoid.

This is the same experience that people have when they decide they are going to learn how to meditate. They will say, “Well, I found a quiet room, I turned off the phone, I made sure that I wouldn’t be disturbed, and I went in there and I sat. Then I was bombarded with thought after thought after thought.”

By the end of sitting there for ten minutes, they are actually in much worse shape than before they sat down. The mind, according to one Hindu saying, is like a drunken monkey bitten by a scorpion. In other words, our minds are bouncing all over the place. So sitting there engrossed in your thoughts is not the way to meditate. In the same way, staying wrapped up in your fears is not going to lead you to peace and calm.

If we suppress our emotions, they become even stronger and more ingrained in our subconscious.

ACTION EXERCISE

We can eliminate negative events in our life by:


Becoming aware of our emotion,

Becoming aware of the core belief behind the emotion,

Replacing old negative beliefs with more positive thoughts and emotions.
Think about something or someone you love. What image brings that warm glowing feeling to you? A brisk game of tennis? The smell of Grandma’s apple pie baking in the oven? The way your dog wags her tail when you come through the front door?

In order to learn how to replace negative emotions with more positive ones, you need to develop the habit of going to that particular place in your mind anytime you sense an unwanted emotion arising. For example, dealing with loneliness? Think of Grandma’s apple pie. Depressed about your work load at the office? Picture your dog at the front door. You are not suppressing your emotion, you are simply giving yourself a chance to replace it with a positive one. Your mind can’t think two thoughts at the same time. When you are making a conscious effort to focus on an event or person that brings you pleasure, your emotion will automatically correspond to that thought.

When you are experiencing the emotion of love, the high vibration that is emitted bathes all your cells in that same vibration. You may very well go back to a negative emotion a few minutes later. That’s okay. Allow yourself to welcome and experience any emotion that arises. Feel the emotion, knowing that you won’t be swept away by the loneliness or depression because you have just practiced thinking about something else that immediately brings you to the exact opposite feeling.

This exercise will help you to go back and forth between the negative feelings you have and the happy or joyous or love-filled thoughts and the warm feeling they engender. You are learning to change your vibratory frequency from emotion to emotion.

Eventually, without ever repressing your negative emotions, you will learn to bring in the positive emotions to replace the negative ones. You won’t sink into a rotten mood or stay immersed in bad feelings for too long a time. Emotions of love and joy will start to come to you more often and will change the “set point” at which you vibrate.

Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve. If you believe deeply to the core of your being that you are prosperous, it will affect your health, your wealth, and your relationships. You do possess the ability to create the life you want.

Next week we’ll talk about how our emotions contribute to the physical disease process and how we can learn to create a healthier life.

Next week we start exploring the connection of the emotions to our physical health.


Blessings & Love, Jetta :-)

Your every loving act, thought & feeling blesses everyone everywhere... every time you smile, you are a channel for more love and beauty to come thru you and into our world.

I LOVE YOU!!
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Healing Emotional Wounds
by Deborah King

Lesson 3: Relationships—The Mirror of our Emotions
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Learning to love and accept ourselves is basic to human education.
So is learning to language emotion in a positive way.
Ultimately when we learn to truly love and accept ourselves,
we'll be able to live well and love each other and every thing we encounter.
~Barbara Hoberman Levine,
Your Body Believes Every Word You Say


How do we know what we feel? It’s not a trick question. The answer is simple: When we become aware of how we react to someone or something outside of ourselves.

Think about it. You are sitting at your local coffee shop, perfectly relaxed, sipping an iced green tea and reading the latest issue of People magazine. You’ve got serious thoughts on your mind, like wondering just how many children Angelina Jolie is going to wind up with, when some idiot trips near your table and splashes his half-caff double whip mocha latté on your new white jeans. You immediately jump up and start screaming at him.

Wow! Where did all that anger come from? Anyone can trip, can’t they? He didn’t target you. It was an accident, right? So why the reaction?

How we treat total strangers is our biggest challenge, our biggest test. Listen to yourself on the phone when a telemarketer calls, or when someone with a thick accent answers your call for technical help with your computer. Or your automatic reaction at the Ferrari that just cut you off on the freeway. Such strong emotions can arise!

Of course, on a day-to-day basis, it is the people we are closest to that provide a steady mirror to our emotions. A bully on the school playground is targeting your sweet little boy, and you are ready to kill him. Or how about this one. You have a sneaking suspicion your husband is having an affair, so you keep stuffing your face to calm down your anxiety and your jealousy. The truth is that we project our emotional wounds onto those around us—both in our intimate relationships and with total strangers.

Our lives here on earth are all about relationships, although we may not figure that out until we are at least in our thirties. We think we are here exclusively to conquer the world, or save the planet, or grow pretty flowers in our garden, or rescue abused animals.

Basically, we incarnate in order to have relationships. First we relate to our parents or caretakers, our extended family, and the family pets. Then it’s our neighbors and school teachers and friends. Then it’s our romantic liaisons and our children. By the time we are adults, we realize that the biggest issues we have in life are really driven by our relationships. And the question becomes how best to maintain our associations with others in a way that is satisfying to both parties.

Relationships are as essential to us as the air we breathe. We are always seeking love—the force that guides us all. Even the most hardened criminal—and I have worked with a few—even a criminal on a killing spree, at his very deepest level is looking for love.

We are all composed of both dark and light. We have our shadow side; we have our higher side. When I look at the darkest parts of an individual, I see their greed and their jealousy and their duplicity, but I always see their light and their higher qualities, like their generosity, their willingness to serve, and the love they have for other people.

Our relationships even impact our longevity. Studies show that the single strongest predictor of whether you will be alive ten years from today is your answer to this question: Does someone or something love me?

Take a moment to think about that. Who loves you? Don’t forget your pets. Pets can give us amazing unconditional love, and are often far more faithful than our significant others. When we pet an animal, an actual chemical exchange takes place and it opens our heart and creates wonderful happy hormones in our body.


Mirror, mirror…

We choose to take on the problems inherent in relationships because, on a soul level, we realize that our interaction with others is the fastest way to become the very highest version of ourselves that we can be (our higher self or our god-self). There is no doubt that doing “good works” helps in our evolution, but there is nothing like struggling with an aging parent, a rebellious child, a straying spouse, or a demanding boss to bring up all your own issues. It is that interaction that will move you along on the road to enlightenment to a place where you can recognize your wounds and start to release them. Even a hermit is going to have to deal with his relationship to that black widow spider spinning a web in the corner of his cave.

One wise sage has called it the “sandpaper effect.” We keep rubbing our abrasive edges together until they smooth out. We tend to surround ourselves with those people who mirror the problems that we haven’t yet resolved inside ourselves. By seeing ourselves reflected in that mirror, we will eventually see what it is we have to work on.

When we choose an intimate partner, in particular, we unconsciously look for somebody who is going to mirror back to us our own unresolved issues—the ones we brought with us from childhood or from previous lifetime experiences (if you are of the belief that you had other lifetimes). For example, maybe your father left the family when you were four, or maybe you felt abandoned by your father even though he stayed because he paid zero attention to you; chances are you will pick a partner who brings out that very issue by abandoning you either emotionally or walking out physically. You have recreated a situation that mirrors your earlier situation so you can have the chance to heal that wound.

When we have an emotional wound, it festers and demands attention. It says, “I want attention so I can heal.” The way we give it attention is by recreating a similar situation. For those of you who thought that you could pick your partner based on good looks or a sparkling personality, you may find that doesn’t work out.

In my first relationship, I chose a man who was a dead ringer for my mother. The moment that we got together, he went from being intimate and friendly to being very cold and distant. It was such a shock. Yet here was an opportunity for me, living with this very cold person, to develop a strong loving relationship with myself—the real love that will support you and nurture you throughout your whole life.


The Lessons of Relationships

Relationships determine who we are, who we are going to become, what we can achieve, and, ultimately, how the world will evolve.

Relationships don’t move in straight line, like the old rhyme—first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Susie with the baby carriage—although they mostly all start with what is commonly called the honeymoon phase. The other person is perfect, they think you are perfect, you look at each other and fireworks light the sky. You’re in love. The sexual joining connects you very deeply to each other. You feel totally committed. You pick up on your partner’s safety and well-being even when you are not in each other’s presence. If the relationship is a non-sexual one with a new friend or colleague, you’ll probably still go through an infatuation stage of believing the very best about the other person.

Now what happens when a career goal or a new best friend comes along? The other partner is going to see this as a betrayal. Your “joined at the hip” lifestyle changes. Or maybe there’s an unplanned pregnancy, an illness, a foreclosure that sends you into a tailspin. You may not discuss it openly with each other; communication falters. Now the task is to accept the differences or the new circumstances that arise and see them as inevitable changes, not negative lightning strikes from the fickle finger of fate. We all know how difficult that can be.

You may tire of the other person’s drama. You may become very anxious about where your relationship is headed and try to control or change the other person. Or, on the other hand, you could be wondering: What’s wrong with me? Your connection to each other feels broken.

Here’s an opportunity to learn new skills. The old coping skills we learned from mom or dad—slamming doors, shutting down, pouting, refusing to talk, screaming, getting drunk—whatever our parents did, we picked up on. Whatever we learned, we now find out doesn’t work. So we have to learn new behaviors.


JOURNAL

Take a moment to write down the most common behaviors you use when you are upset with someone else. Does your voice go up? Do you cry? Do you slam the door and storm out of the room? Are you the silent martyr type? Do you jump in the car and drive away? (That used to be my personal favorite.)

Then say to yourself, “From which parent or caregiver did I learn that behavior?” We don’t invent it. Think about how it looked when you saw adults or older siblings engage in that behavior. Once we become aware of these learned behaviors, we can unlearn them and replace them with new behaviors that will make our lives so much happier.


ACTION EXERCISE We can’t change something we are not aware of. Think about your particular behavior pattern for a while, and then reflect on: What other pattern might serve me better? No one is criticizing you. You are not even criticizing yourself. You’re simply saying this is something I inherited, something I do, but some other way might be better for me.

I’d like to pass on to you the biggest tip that I have learned in over thirty years of marriage: when you are really upset with your significant other, begin every statement with how you feel. Start the sentence with “I feel horrible when you say such and such,” instead of saying, “You always say...” That gives the other person a moment to realize the impact they are having on you.

After recognizing your own entrenched behaviors, write out a chart like the following one and PRACTICE your alternate response. Practice with a friend or a non-threatening family member so you will be able to do it naturally when you are next confronted by something that upsets you. By the way, this can improve all your relationships!

Your Partner’s Behavior Your Standard Response: “You always…" Alternate Response: “I feel…”
Puts me down verbally in front of friends You always say the nastiest things to me in front of your friends! I feel humiliated and my self-esteem hits the floor when you speak to me like that.





Running Away

At some point, either you or the other person is likely to want to run away from the relationship. That’s when you say or hear things like, I need time alone. You’re smothering me. It is so hard not to take those types of statements personally, but what they really mean is I’m trying to figure out who I am and what I want.

This stage often hits as the couple approaches middle age. As women enter perimenopause and then go through menopause, they become much “hotter,” less willing to swallow their anger. The compliant little wife suddenly becomes a fierce tiger, and may scare her partner. As men and women hit their mid-forties to mid-fifties, they may develop more of the heavier qualities of the earth. They may sleep more or be inclined to depression. The best coping mechanism is to exercise and sweat it out. It keeps the energies moving so we don’t get too heavy and stultified.

The other way we can go as we age is to get too much air quality and become anxious, have trouble sleeping, get depressed, and feel disconnected from the earth, like our feet aren’t even touching the ground. This is the classic time for one of the partners to have an affair, or many affairs.

Most relationships flounder because of money or lack of trust. If one or the other partner is perceived as not contributing to the financial welfare of the relationship—can’t or won’t get or hold a job, maybe gets an inheritance and blows it on a Porsche instead of a college fund for your child, or develops a gambling addiction, for example—money is the main factor in the loss of trust in the partnership.

One of the most common betrayals of trust happens when one or the other partner has an affair. It is pretty hard not to take it personally. Ideally, it would be nice to be able to forgive and move on, but a lot depends on the circumstances. Was it a single one-night stand? A long-running affair? Many different partners? There are few monogamous relationship where one or the other partner doesn’t at least think about straying at some point.

Looking outside the marriage is most often a diversion from the real issue, which is finding ourselves. However, it is such a compelling diversion that it usually upsets the whole apple cart of the relationship. All that finding another relationship does is switch attention from the present partner’s needs to the new partner’s needs. . . and we wind up duplicating the problems we had with the last partner.

I sometimes encourage people to give their relationship another all-American try, but with a new level of awareness. You may find you can work through the issues with your original partner. But sometimes it just doesn’t work, and the relationship dissolves.

I work with so many people who blame themselves when their partner cheats or lands them in financial difficulty. The key point to remember is that your partner’s behavior doesn’t necessarily reflect on you personally. It probably says more about the problems your partner is trying to resolve from his or her past.

Unfortunately, what we usually do when we’re betrayed or our trust is broken, is we tend to shut down our heart. When a dog is hit, it cowers close to the ground. Well, we do the same thing if our heart is hurt. If we don’t open our heart and let the pain move through, how can we be open to new experiences of love?

This is why it’s so important to clear the energy from your past relationships out of your personal energy field and out of your body. That old relationship can slow you down and make you feel confused, unfocused, unhappy, lethargic or, worse, it can make you toxic and sick.


JOURNAL


Do you have the desire to run away? What does that mean to you? A place where no one knows you? A room of your own?

Does your partner feel the need to run away? Why do you think that is?

Did you or are you having an affair? What did it accomplish for you?

Did your partner have an affair? What was your experience of that betrayal?

What childhood issues do you see reflected in your present or past relationships?
If your relationship can survive the power struggles and betrayals, you can finally claim the prize of real intimacy. You have healed the wounds inflicted in the battle of relationship for nurturance, power, and self, and realize you can separate from each other and come back together without losing yourself.

Romantic Love

Studies have shown that an intimate, stable relationship is the crucible in which we learn how to stand strong in our own individuality. We need to trust each other, to feel emotionally “safe,” in order to bring forth the full expression of who we are. As you grow in your emotional health, your relationships will reflect a more mature intimacy, which in turn allows you to be fully who you are. I don’t want you to think that the only relationship I am talking about is marriage. It could be a business partner or a colleague at work that you ultimately end up trusting. Of course, many of us are most invested in our romantic relationships, or lack of them. When will I find my soul mate? Are you my soul mate? Am I yours? Will we live together happily ever after?

The romance industry tells us that true love, our one-and-only soul mate, awaits us out there in the soft glow of a moon-lit night. When we find our special someone, we will live in a world of hearts and flowers, Valentine’s day cards, and boxes of chocolate (non-fattening, of course). But it is only a recent cultural development that romantic love is seen as the basis for committed relationships. Marriage in many Eastern cultures, and in earlier times in the West, was based on economic, social, or political factors. Alliances between families, clans, or even countries were cemented through marriages in which the couple didn’t even meet until the wedding day. I have worked with East Indian clients whose marriages were arranged; if it turned out that there was some romance in the relationship, it was considered a totally unexpected bonus.

The truth is that our bodies are programmed so that the fervor of early infatuation will pass in roughly six months. Relationships often abruptly end when the infatuation fades. You may have a much deeper and more committed relationship with your child, parent, teacher, or friend.

JOURNAL

The concept of romantic love sets us up for an endless search for the one, and ultimately disappointment because that intense feeling is really fleeting. What has your search for THE ONE included?

Name of partner How long the infatuation lasted The disappointment






ACTION EXERCISE

Where does your present relationship stand? If your relationship poses a serious threat to your health or well-being, if you are being abused physically, sexually or emotionally, or if dangerous behaviors are being encouraged, get help. No matter how scary the future may seem by yourself, you should treat yourself with respect and believe in your right to be treated well. You can develop mutually fulfilling ties with someone in the future.

In a healthy relationship, both people feel good about themselves. Talk over the following questions with each other, or with someone you trust, like a friend, teacher, or counselor. Think about what, if anything, you can both do to make each of you feel more comfortable in the relationship.


How is your relationship different now than it was previously?

What stresses are impacting the way you two interact?

Is there a previous problem that was left unresolved? What was it?

What in particular is bothering you?

What would you like to see change?
There are partnerships that exist in the context of a deep, abiding love, involving focused attention, awareness, and reverence for the other. The “tantric” approach involves consciously recreating the state of infatuation that you were in originally. Here are three steps to developing a deeper, more intimate relationship:

1. Cultivate genuine interest in the other person and their pursuits and difficulties.


2. Express appreciation for everything they are and do, especially after making love.


3. Remember that the relationship is a shared adventure. Sharing some form of spiritual practice, such as meditating together, will bring your joint energy into a more harmonious place.

Next week we’ll talk about how our thoughts and emotions are intertwined.


Blessings & Love, Jetta :-)

Your every loving act, thought & feeling blesses everyone everywhere... every time you smile, you are a channel for more love and beauty to come thru you and into our world.

I LOVE YOU!!
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Healing Emotional Wounds
by Deborah King

Lesson 2: What Do I Feel?

For a thinking creature of high intellect there can be no pleasure separate from emotion. If you deny men emotion you deny them pleasure.
~Dean Koontz


Welcome to our next lesson in healing emotional wounds. It is really important in working with our emotions that we actually recognize and acknowledge what we are feeling in the present moment. You might be surprised at how many people can’t tell you what they are feeling.

Here is a typical example. I asked a participant at one of my seminars the basic question: What are you feeling right now? Her answer (one many people can relate to) was: "I don’t know." I asked three more people. One said, "I’m fine." The next just shrugged his shoulders. Finally, the last person I asked said, "I think I might be a little sad but I’m not sure."

It is very difficult to heal emotional wounds we can’t name. So your first task is to:

Become aware of your emotions.

If you are not conscious of your predominant emotions and can’t recognize what you are feeling, how can you heal? Here are words for some of the emotions I’ve put together to help you express what you’re feeling:


Fear can be based on anxiety and nervousness, which include worry, distress, and dread, dismay, agitation, or just getting the creeps or willies. Or fear can be fright, horror, or shock that can verge into panic, terror, or hysteria. You can be spooked, chicken, or shaking in your shoes. Maybe you just have butterflies in your stomach!

Anger can range from irritation and annoyance to rage. You can be mad, furious, fuming, ticked off or in a fury, disgusted, or spiteful. Do you see red or does your blood boil? Maybe your anger is mere displeasure or pique rather than being infuriated.

Jealousy includes being green with envy, desirous or covetous of what other people have, consumed by resentment or bitterness and spite.

Shame can come from disgrace or dishonor and involve humiliation, chagrin, embarrassment, indignity or discomfort. It is closely related to guilt—remorse, contrition or plain old regret.

Sadness can range from feelings of pity or sympathy to suffering agony, hurt, or anguish. We can be hurt, wounded, upset, devastated, or simply unhappy, miserable, or gloomy. Are you melancholy, mournful, or full of woe? Maybe you’ve got the blues.

On the other hand, you can be filled with love and affection, be cheerful, proud, full of optimism and joy. Are you basically content and happy? Hopeful, excited, or amused? Maybe blissful, in good spirits, without a care in the world, or even on cloud nine. Terrific!
ACTION EXERCISE Have a little notebook to jot down a one-word description of how you are feeling in that moment (your journal will be for more in-depth work). Develop a specific trigger to take note of what you’re feeling. Maybe you keep your notebook on a kitchen counter, for example, and every time you walk into the kitchen you take a moment and write down how you really feel at that moment. (By the way, that’s an excellent location if you are trying to figure out your emotional triggers for overeating.) If you are at your desk a lot, keep the notebook there and every time you hang up the phone jot down one word.

Remember, you are only answering one question: What do I feel right now? You could pick words like angry or lonely or jealous, resentful, stressed, aggravated. Just pick a word. It would be nice once in a while to have words like peaceful, happy, and cheerful. But whatever the word is, be super honest about it. Don’t try to change it. Just acknowledge it. Absolutely everything starts with awareness.

Do you find yourself frequently writing down anxious or stressed or depressed?

Depression is a difficult one, but be sure to note it, because what depression means is that you have other emotions that are not being addressed. You feel depressed but the real emotion might be grief. Same thing goes with anger. Anger is a result of blocked emotion. You feel terribly angry, but it might be because you resent someone being promoted ahead of you, but because you like that person, you don’t want to acknowledge the resentment.

Thankfully, there is no one looking over your shoulder at your list. You don’t have to feel embarrassed if you are feeling jealous of your next door neighbor in her size two jeans or if you are still boiling mad at that idiot who cut you off on the freeway that morning.

After you have spent some time becoming well acquainted with your present emotions, then you will be ready to start examining the underlying thoughts and beliefs that are creating those emotions—those are the things you are going to want to change in order to heal your emotional wounds.

But don’t think that a week will be completely enough; it takes different life circumstances to track your emotions. You might be having an extraordinarily good week, but next week might be a rough one. It is important to note how you react emotionally to different people and events in your life, so at least give yourself until the end of this course to continue this practice.

Naming the emotions You are feeling something, but you just don’t know what to call it. Fortunately, there are a number of good lists of emotions online. Google “list of emotions.”

As you can see, we have a lot of choices when it comes to naming our emotions. Let your choice be guided by your “gut feelings.” When you feel a sense of connection or recognition with a particular word, write it down in your journal and try to elaborate on it. See what it brings up for you.

Don’t be afraid of your emotions.

People are afraid of their emotions. Don’t be.

What I am urging you to do is to go ahead and spend some time getting comfortable with your emotions so you know what they feel like. I remember at one point I was in a courtroom as a young attorney. Every day I would write down what I was feeling in the margins of my brief. I would write jealous, jealous, jealous, jealous, and jealous. Because that’s how I felt about all those other lawyers who seemed so self-assured and competent. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable with my jealousy and to acknowledge it so that I was able to go deeper into the emotion and find the fear that had created it.

Don’t dwell on the feelings that come up for you or beat yourself up about them or try to change them. Just observe the emotions like they are passing clouds. You are simply learning to name and acknowledge your emotions.

Self-Awareness

Let’s talk for a moment about self-awareness. Bringing your attention to your emotions is all about self-awareness. If I asked you, “Who are you?”, how would you respond? Take a moment and mentally say to yourself: My name is _________ and I am __________(describe yourself).

You might say, “My name is Susan and I’m a mother,” or “I’m Roger and I’m an accountant.” However, there is so much more to you than simply your name and your occupation or your position in the family. If you see yourself merely as a physical body with a name, a family, and your responsibilities, but you have a real desire to become all that you have the potential to be, then self-awareness is really important for you to develop.

If you are like most people, you are still looking for answers that will enable and empower you to achieve harmony and joy in your life. That is true of 99% of the world’s population. But the problem is we look for satisfaction and quality of life in all the wrong places. Another hot date, another drink, or more money in the bank won’t bring real fulfillment. So, to break that cycle, you want to develop an understanding of the importance of self-awareness. It’s all about awareness. What I do when I work with groups is to help people develop a higher level of consciousness. One time, when I was a young woman, I worked with a spiritual master. I remember going home and suddenly noticing that there were all these flowers in my garden, right at my front door. Obviously I knew they were there, as I had planted them, but I wasn’t seeing them previously because I was unconscious of them. I remember standing at my front door and being swept away by the beauty of these flowers. And thinking, where was my consciousness before I had this meeting with this master? I simply hadn’t been aware.

Many of us experience so much stress, anxiety, fear, and limited outcome in our lives because we are literally in a narrow frame of reference, a narrow consciousness where there is so much darkness we are simply not able to feel the light. But the light is there. By learning to name and acknowledge your emotions, you are expanding your self-awareness. More light will soon follow.

Suppression of your feelings creates the emotional wounds you have. There is nothing wrong with feeling your emotions. You don’t have to hide them away. There is nothing inherently bad about feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, or hostility. The problem is not owning and expressing these emotions appropriately. People all the time say to me, I am not angry, but when I look at them all I see is this huge field of red around them; they are angry but they are separated from their anger, detached from it. Or they will say, I am not afraid, and I feel this huge quivering and I know they are terrified. It is so important to become aware of our real feelings.

What’s one of the very best ways to get in touch with our feelings? Journaling!

JOURNAL Every time you sit down to write in your journal, spend five, ten, or however many minutes it takes to write down how you feel right now. This is more in-depth than the little notebook with a one-word description of the moment. The more you write, the more you get in touch with how you feel, and you are literally processing those feelings at that minute. You don’t have to stop feeling bitter or hostile or jealous; that is not your job at the moment. Your only function is to become aware of your feelings. As you write your way through them, you may find that your feelings start to change.

Think about the following questions to spark your writing:


Do I have trouble recognizing what I’m feeling? Why do I think that is?
Was I always this way? When did I stop being aware of my emotions?
What is my primary emotion? Anger? Fear? Jealousy? Do I always go there first?

Next week we’ll talk about how our emotions are mirrored in our relationships.


Blessings & Love, Jetta :-)

Your every loving act, thought & feeling blesses everyone everywhere... every time you smile, you are a channel for more love and beauty to come thru you and into our world.

I LOVE YOU!!
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Ohhhh what an AWESOME share, IMJETTA !! Thank you, Icant wait to get started on this. I will be getting my journal of thoughts togetherband started. You are a doll!


Compassion and humanity are the heart of all that is good and right.


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emoticon for sharing, wonderful information.



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Healing Emotional Wounds
by Deborah King


Lesson 1: Exploring Our Emotional Wounds


Following your feelings will lead you to their source.
Only through emotions can you encounter
the force field of your own soul.
~Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul


Congratulations!


The mere act of joining this online course for Healing Emotional Wounds demonstrates your readiness for physical, emotional, and spiritual transformation. Perhaps a current health crisis has made you reach out for healing, or it may be hunger for a happier and more fulfilling existence that is pushing you forward. Maybe your relationships are messed up, or you have a lack of abundance in your life. Maybe you’ve been just plain miserable for too long and want to know why.

As your life evolves, you are sensing the need for healing the emotional wounds in your life and in the world around you. This is a turning point that will direct you on a path toward hope, healing, and wholeness.

It turns out that the negative emotions we bury deep inside don’t just go away. They eventually show up as too much weight, too little money, substance abuse, sickness, or a host of other problems. In this 8-week course, you will learn how to remove those old negative experiences from your body and how to create the template for good health, abundance, fulfillment, and happiness.

In each of the next seven weeks you will be able to access online written course material and exercises, and download an audio file that complements the specific lesson.


Week 1: Exlporing Our Emotional Wounds
Week 2: What Do I Feel?
Week 3: Relationships: The Mirror for Our Emotions
Week 4: What Do I Think?
Week 5: Is It My Fault If I’m Sick?
Week 6: Heart of My Heart
Week 7: Emotional Health
Week 8: The Best Way to Heal Emotional Wounds
How this course works Each week for the next seven weeks you will receive an email that gives you a link to your next lesson. When you are ready, simply click on the link.

Please treat this course as one component of your healing process, along with any medical protocols recommended to you by your physician. In no way do I encourage people to abandon a medical protocol that is necessary and helpful for their condition. Following your physician’s advice while doing this work will redouble your body’s healing efforts. If you are using this course to complement therapy sessions, these activities will surely stimulate and enhance your healing process. Each lesson will have 4 sections:

Written material will explain the concept for the week.

An audio clip will provide a short message or a meditation that corresponds to that particular week's lesson.

One or more action exercises will give you the chance to practice what you have learned in the week’s lesson.

Journal — Here you can express your thoughts and feelings related to the week’s lesson. One or two questions are provided to start your thoughts flowing, but feel free to write whatever comes up for you. Journaling is a powerful way to grow and transform.

Who am I to guide you on this journey?

What brought you here?

What has brought you here? Why are you now ready to do this work of healing your emotional wounds?

A recent betrayal or crisis in a relationship
A health crisis
Suggestion of a trusted friend
Workshop with Deborah King
Urged by a professional
A painful anniversary
A desire for spiritual growth
My intuition
Other


No matter what it was that brought you to this point in your life, the important thing is that you are now ready and willing to face your emotional wounds and put them behind you.

This doesn’t mean we do away with emotions. After all, it was the suppression of your feelings that got you into trouble in the first place. It simply means that we will bring forth the emotional experiences that need to be released so your energy can flow smoothly, bringing you the vitality and joy you seek in life.

Healthy people know how to experience and express their emotional reactions as they happen in the moment. Great personal power, wellness, and success emanate from the people who are fully present in this moment, comfortably existing in their own skin, and following the direction of their hearts’ calling.

ACTION EXERCISE

I bet there isn’t a single person taking this course who doesn’t feel a sense of time pressure. It is part of our lifestyle these days. We all are racing around and it is very hard for us to live in the present moment. If you ask your parents or your grandparents, they will tell that times were different before all the technology that we think is supposed to save us time. Think of your cell phone, PDA, computer, fax—all of this equipment is supposed to be a convenience but, in fact, it makes us work longer hours because there is no getting away from it.

Now that you have committed to doing this course, to really doing something for yourself (for a change!), give yourself the space in which to do this inner work. Turn off both phones (you can deal with voicemail later), let your email pile up, ignore the laundry waiting to be folded, and take a few deep breaths to wipe away fatigue and clear your mind. Deep breaths. Pull the breath in through your nose down into your navel area and release it out through your mouth with a big sigh.

There are a couple of techniques that only take 10 minutes each and help you to create an inner space of peace.

#1: Sit for 10 minutes when you first wake up in the morning. Sit in a chair and close your eyes. Pick something to focus on besides your thoughts—imagine a flower or a candle flame, for example. You could pick a sound or a word to repeat in your mind, like Peace or Love. Notice I’m not calling this meditation; all you are doing is dropping out of your conscious waking state and into a slightly deeper state, which is easiest to do when you first wake up. For 10 minutes, put aside thoughts of what you have to do later in the day, or what happened yesterday. Just hold onto your image or word, or simply feel your breath coming and going, in and out.

At the end of ten minutes, open your eyes and think, “Wow, what a great day!

#2: Spend 10 minutes outdoors. Most of us work under artificial light a lot of the time. We use electronic devices that create disturbances in our energy field—phones, computers, television, microwaves. When we do go outside, we protect ourselves so carefully from the sun that we rarely get any direct sunshine on our bodies; we are covered with clothes, sunblock, and most of the time we are in a car. This creates a lot of abnormality in our normal metabolic functions and our sleep.

It doesn’t matter if the weather is bad or if you live in a city. The key is to feel nature for a moment. In a city, I recommend looking at the skyline and admiring the birds. When in the country, I really encourage you to walk barefoot on grass or at the beach. Take your lunch and go sit with your back against a tree. By spending ten minutes a day reconnecting with nature, you can get back a feeling of calm.

Try those two simple 10-minute exercises during this coming week.

When you are in a state of relaxation for ten minutes or more, you will have a chance to get in touch with feelings that you have pushed down in your body. You will realize that you are actually upset about the conversation you had with your mother yesterday or the argument you had at work with somebody the week before or maybe a divorce that you experienced ten years ago. Those are the kinds of wounds we are here to heal.

Don’t be scared of this work

My personal difficulties began with childhood sexual and emotional abuse, which always creates a disturbance in the energy field and the body. Your story may also include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, but not necessarily. Maybe your mother was upset over a family problem when she was pregnant with you. Maybe you witnessed something as a child that really frightened you. Do not think you need a dramatic story of pain and neglect in order to benefit from seeking, claiming, and nurturing your truth by healing your emotional wounds. Often, the wounds that manifest as physical illness are subtle, like a creeping vine that slowly strangles the life force out of a mighty tree.

Many of us have scary memories that we are afraid will surface while we are in the process of getting in touch with our deeper wounds. Please don’t run away from this important work for fear of reliving your past traumas: you will find that any memories that arise will be much easier to handle now. Know that it isn’t necessary to remember an event in order to heal from it. In the course of this work, emotions connected to memories may arise, but they will seem distant, separate from the present-day you. You will also experience abundant relief. If you are fearful about any memory or any part of this process, be sure to team up with a therapist, physician, or other qualified practitioner. Or come to one of my workshops and together we can gently move through it.

Whatever negative experiences you are harboring, this journey of healing your emotional wounds will bring to light the areas in which you crave better health and a feeling of peace. You are in the right place.

JOURNAL: What are my expectations?

What exactly are you seeking by taking this course?

Write down your thoughts and expectations at this moment of beginning your inner work. Later down the line, you can reread these initial entries and see how far you have come.

Next week: What do I feel?


Edited by: IMJETTA8 at: 1/30/2010 (12:39)
Blessings & Love, Jetta :-)

Your every loving act, thought & feeling blesses everyone everywhere... every time you smile, you are a channel for more love and beauty to come thru you and into our world.

I LOVE YOU!!
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