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ALLMEIN2010 Posts: 898
10/20/07 1:00 A

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TABSNPICKLES's Photo TABSNPICKLES Posts: 5,626
10/19/07 4:28 P

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hi all - as promised I have lit candles tonight at the start of My Sabboth (Shabot) along with the Menorah - there is an extra candle for another SP person who needs comfort and prayers - the picture is on my sparke page if you are interested.

My prayers go out to you and may G_d bless you and keep you all safe.

Jude

TL : Doing it with problems; Sparkpeople UK;

"Live alot, love a few, BUT ALWAYS paddle your own canoe"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"to be Calm is the highest achievement of all..


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ALLMEIN2010 Posts: 898
10/19/07 10:32 A

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emoticon Roma, I know I'm not alone in saying emoticon

I'm sure you're sharing will touch many others as it did for me...thanks!

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10/19/07 1:39 A

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Hope you're hanging in there, Kendra. I agree with others that worrying about weight loss when you're overly stressed probably isn't helping much. I'd just focus on making one wise choice at a time to help you focus on making it through to the other side ... don't worry about numbers right now. As far as the trials you are facing, you are NOT alone, no matter how lonely you feel. You have the prayers and caring of all of us, and the collective belief that you CAN make it through this challenging time. The awesome thing is that when you have the strength to endure the storm, beautiful things CAN and DO happen--the rainbow is coming but you have to believe in it and be watching for it or you'll miss it! I went through a nightmare marriage, too. We'll fast forward over the awful details and I'll just mention that the dastardly finale included my ex blatantly dating the woman he was leaving me for while we were sharing the house, waiting for the finances to work out so I could escape. We were ThisClose to bankrupcy because of his weasely ways, and when I moved halfway across the country, I had no money, no job, virtually no friends and only enough cash to last a month. I cried too much, worried too much, and (of course) ate too much. Within a couple months, through a miraculous story I'd love to share with you if you're interested, I met my best friend (we regularly save each other's sanity, despite the miles that lie between us nowadays!) and today, through yet another miraculous encounter, I'm married to my soulmate and I've never been happier in all my life. Yeah, there are still trials. Besides being horribly overweight and robbed of childbearing by an emergency hysterectomy, I'm currently dealing with the unexpected death of my mom (last month, at age 62). Basically, life isn't always easy and it's not always fair. Sometimes all you can do is count your blessings and HANG IN THERE with all your strength. You know what they say--if you can't change your situation, change your attitude? Well, sometimes that's all you CAN do. When you come out on the other side of your current trials, you will be proud of your fortitude and it will give you more strength to tackle the next challenge life has to offer. If someone had told me back in the dark days where I'd be now, I'd have told them they were crazy, that there was no way I could recover from the battering I was taking at the time. Fortunately, today I have a great man beside me, my best friend on the other end of the phone, God at my back, and His promises as my foundation. We're planning to adopt a child in 2008 and I have more peace and calm than I can ever remember surrounding me in the past. You are reading a ton of stories from all of us saying there is light at the end of the tunnel and we're promising you that it's NOT a train. Lean on all of us for all we're worth and keep watching for that rainbow. It IS coming after the storm--a storm which may seem endless but which WILL dissipate in its time. Your job? Take it one day at a time--hour by hour or minute by minute as necessary--and BELIEVE. Don't forget: You are not alone ... do you feel all the hands and hearts reaching out to you? Hang on as hard as you need to! ~ Roma

"God gives every bird his worm, but He does not throw it into the nest."
~ Swedish proverb


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ALLMEIN2010 Posts: 898
10/18/07 7:03 P

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Tabs, so sorry to hear your background, but so glad you are finally able to know what's true and what's not; tho I know it's not easy. You still have a long road ahead of you, but you're doing exactly what you need to. Keep strong! Since I don't have people to talk to and because I don't like to burden others, I have found counseling to be a great help to me, tho you're doing that on a small scale here! It's not for everyone, but for those that use it, it's a tremendous help!

You ARE loved, wanted, and respected! Feel free to message me if you ever want to vent about anything just to get it out (it helps)! emoticon

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TABSNPICKLES's Photo TABSNPICKLES Posts: 5,626
10/18/07 1:54 P

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I agree - sadly I was the unwanted product of a failed marriage - and it was well and truly thumped into me by my blood father after I was 6 ( up until then I had been in a wonderful loveing foster home!) what he never said, ever was that he was proud of me, that he loved me or was even pleased to see me. The other things I'm not going to bring up as they are too traumatic.... But it has taken me until 44 years old to start to belive in myself - and that is a very very small thread currently. I am hoping that as I lose weight, and exercise etc I will have more respect for myself- but it's a very hard thing for me!


TL : Doing it with problems; Sparkpeople UK;

"Live alot, love a few, BUT ALWAYS paddle your own canoe"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"to be Calm is the highest achievement of all..


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NIGHTSKYSTAR's Photo NIGHTSKYSTAR SparkPoints: (718,155)
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10/17/07 11:20 P

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There is. there is a time in there that all seems lost and hopeless,,,for me i was told daily how worthless and useless i was and frankly i think that kind of beating is worse than bruises you can see. The ones you can see fade and go away the words take a very long time. Its like the kids i get in school..many of them are told daily someone wishes they hadnt been born..they are a burden..they are brats..and after a while you get to believeing it. its not till you take control and start to realize you ARE a good person and you DO have value..then it all comes clear and you can enjoy life and yourself again!

Holly
Northern NY
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ALLMEIN2010 Posts: 898
10/17/07 10:31 P

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Holly, thanks for letting us know there is hope at the end! emoticon

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10/17/07 6:03 P

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Tabs,..i went about 5 years after my ex bailed to even date..now i'm with a wonderful man. Yup there are days i miss my big bed to stretch out in alone but more days i dont mind the company one bit!! i never ever ever thought i would want to be NEAR a man again after thinking for 22 years that all was if not perfect then at least livable. Man was i wrong!! It wasnt till after he left that i realized how miserable things were..how mean he was to the kids and me...I never thought i would be ok on my own but it was like a breath of fresh air.

Holly
Northern NY
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LOSNIT Posts: 65
10/17/07 2:11 P

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No, but I'm glad it has helped others in similar situations. Life is sometimes so much harder than anticipated.

However, when we have others to lean on, it really helps.



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ALLMEIN2010 Posts: 898
10/17/07 1:54 P

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Kendra, did you know that a question such as yours would bring out so many people in the same situation as yours???? Thanks so much for reminding us all that we are not alone.

By the way, yes, I do see my daughter. She only lives 5 minutes away and our relationship is better than it was before..I just can't talk about leaving my husband because she's heard that from me so much, and I back down each time, she understandably doesn't want to hear it. She does, in fact, also get along w/my husband too...they just can't talk on certain subjects or be together for too long. This is what has given me the strength to realize she is better where she is even tho it's hard that she is not physically living in my home. Thanks for asking!

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TABSNPICKLES's Photo TABSNPICKLES Posts: 5,626
10/17/07 11:45 A

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Wow you guys have so much on your plates - I am thinking of you and come Friday I will light a special candle for each of you in my Shabot Prayers (I am Jewish)

Divorce, lack of money, children running away - all of these are terrible things - and they cause terrible emotional loss and pain. Msimon - do you manage to see your daughter? I really hope so..

I have never re-married - and haven't had a relationship in 5 years - I think I have got to the point where I feel no one wants me with the illness I have, plus I have got used to being single, having the bed to myself and I suppose selfish as well.

I wish you both good luck in your endevours - if you need a friend just shout!

TL : Doing it with problems; Sparkpeople UK;

"Live alot, love a few, BUT ALWAYS paddle your own canoe"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"to be Calm is the highest achievement of all..


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ALLMEIN2010 Posts: 898
10/17/07 12:02 A

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Kendra, I had to look at your original posting a few times before I really knew what I was looking at....I thought perhaps it was something I had written!! Sorry I haven't been around recently to welcome you and see your posting, but I'm in an extremely similiar situation!

Only, I've been married 22+ years (and STILL to this day can't get away - have gone as far as leaving on three occasions, filed divorce papers and had a continuance, but I'm still living w/him). Three children 18-22 all out of the house (youngest because of him; she refuses to come home, dropped out of school - tho is now preparing for her GED and will go to college).

Recent medical bills (drs and scripts) for myself and my youngest have been mounting this past year. I found an investor to buy our home from us, which is still in negotiations, so either they will get it, or we will get foreclosed on. Bankruptcy is now the current topic due to the bills mounting w/more and more agencies every day.

I didn't mean to tell you all my troubles, but just wanted to let you know I definitely can relate.

As far as not being able to focus until your issues calm down, you are SO right. I've been struggling back and forth since July. Although I've had some losses, I am still where I began more than four months ago. It's getting late, but feel free to message me if you want, and I'll get back w/you also later in the week when I have a little more time.

Hang in there, take care of yourself, and take it day by day. emoticon

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SJELZY Posts: 3,743
10/15/07 4:31 A

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Jesus NEVER fails!!!!!! Keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep getting up, and keep listening to the still small voice inside, you WILL get through this! God Bless!

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VALERIEMAUGHAN's Photo VALERIEMAUGHAN Posts: 6,511
10/14/07 12:30 P

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Hi Kendra,
things will get better, see you already have lots of new friend here! things are looking up alittle, the rest will take time but, there will come a time when you will be happier and healthier. emoticon

live~laugh~enjoy!
He who laughs at himself will never cease to be amazed


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JILLY66's Photo JILLY66 Posts: 1,855
10/14/07 8:36 A

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hello Kendra - welcome to SparkPeople.

you will eventually sell your house, you will eventually be out of this situation-forced partnership, focusing on your health (physical, emotional and spiritual) may give you a purpose to get through this difficult time

perhaps there is a women's services branch in your area who can help you sort out your options and your feelings. there are groups on SP for grief and loss too.

there is an inida.arie song i like - "Strength, Courage, and Wisdom... inside of me"

may you find yours.

"I have just three things to teach... Simplicity, Patience, Compassion. These three are your greatest treasures!" ~ LAO TZU

"...history is not destiny." ~ Coach Dean


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TABSNPICKLES's Photo TABSNPICKLES Posts: 5,626
10/14/07 5:21 A

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Kendra - welcome to SP - you have made 2 amazing steps on the way to a better life! You have "seen" you are overweight and eating out of control, and you have joined SP which is the biggest free dieting site! With it comes tons of support pretty much 24/7 as we are all in different parts of the world! I do agree with Stephanie that you need a face to face friend - but also that you need friends in here who you can scream about things - so find your voice and scream a bit louder - the last one wasn't very big really!! LOL

Massive hug - I have been there only I did have children - under 1 and 3...

You will survive, you will get through it - it hurts terribly at the time, but time heals it and you realise that it has made you stronger.

Scream at me if you want to I have broad shoulders!!

TL : Doing it with problems; Sparkpeople UK;

"Live alot, love a few, BUT ALWAYS paddle your own canoe"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"to be Calm is the highest achievement of all..


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LOSNIT Posts: 65
10/13/07 10:36 P

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Thank you very much for the words of support. I really appreciate them.

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NIGHTSKYSTAR's Photo NIGHTSKYSTAR SparkPoints: (718,155)
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10/13/07 10:03 P

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Hi Kendra--
first off a big huge hug for you. I have been there..only i was married 22 years. I had worked my tail off..lost 92 pounds, and bam he left--leaving me with 3 kids and a big house..i had been a stay home mom so i had NO job..and what did i turn to? food.
Please, please do NOT let the food get the better of you. I did and am still 30 pounds over where i was...but i have lost 30 of the 60 i had gained back.
Please sparkmail me...i will be your buddy and your sounding board if you need it.
Know there are lots of people out here who care!!!
Holly

Holly
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10/13/07 10:01 P

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Oh Sweetie,
My heart goes out to you. Maybe this isn't the best of time to be on a weight loss program. What about just getting out walking just to relieve the stress. Try and seek some professional help, maybe a spiritual leader. You really need some face to face contact with actual people now.
Please hang in there.

Stephanie

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LOSNIT Posts: 65
10/13/07 9:54 P

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emoticon I've not been doing well for the past few weeks. I want to lose weight so much, but my emotions are getting in the way.

I'm trying to sell my house so I can divorce my husband. We both have to stay in the house until it sells because of financial reasons. I feel trapped in a situation that I no longer want, however, I'm in a lot of pain because it's ten years of my life and I haven't been happy for most of it. I've prayed, cried, screamed, worked-out, gone on long drives, eaten the wrong foods along with the right ones. My mom died in 2003 and she was my closest friend. Now that me and my husband are splitting, I feel so alone. I have a few friends, but am hurting over this. I have no children, which in this case, is a blessing. I'm lonely, depressed and feeling very ugly, even though I'm not ugly.

I just need some support right now. Here come the tears. Thanks. Kendra

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