Group photo
Author:
P-NOT-P's Photo P-NOT-P Posts: 78
2/24/13 7:22 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
SMILEZNGIGGLES is right - it is easier to get along than to lash out. You are doing all the heavy lifting and fighting with him only saps you of the energy you need for yourself and your child. It's REALLY hard to take the high road, but it's a better ride. However, it takes time to get there. They say it takes 5 years to be truly married, and I'd say it takes 5 years to be truly divorced. I divorced in 2008 and I just today put the last bit of my ex's belongings (two computers) out of my house and it feels great. We had established a very civil existence and balance with the co-parenting of my son and then he behaved badly - for the absolute last time. Every time he does something like this, I remind myself that I let him get too comfortable and I let myself as well. It's so easy to get enmeshed again. And then I push him away again. I totally detach. You cycle through this so many times, that you will begin to notice your recovery time is faster each time and it really does get easier. Don't take any crap. Make it all about you and protecting you. Reject absolutely every slight by disengaging with him. Only communicate when necessary about your child, preferably by text message or e-mail. If he sends a nasty message, archive it and do not reply. Stick to your custody and visitation arrangements to the letter. Cut short any extraneous communication. You're not friends, you are co-parents and nothing else. You may not be emotionally divorced yet. It's the hardest part. This takes a long time. I hope this helps in some way.

Edited by: P-NOT-P at: 2/24/2013 (19:22)
 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
12.5
25
37.5
50
SMILEZNGIGGLES's Photo SMILEZNGIGGLES SparkPoints: (3,774)
Fitness Minutes: (3,544)
Posts: 23
2/8/13 5:20 P

Send Private Message
Reply
The best place to start is forgiveness. We all make mistakes. We say and do dumb things. My exhusband is no different, and I have mercy on him. I love my kids too much not to. That could lead to being negative toward him and that would hurt them deeply since he is part of them. He has a lot of growing up to do and makes poor choices. Sometimes he's outright rude. But I found that I've built a trust with him by making sure I don't lash out. I focus on making sure he knows I am only after what is best for the kids. I also praise his efforts and gently encourage him to make better decisions when he messes things up or is negative toward me... not for my sake but because I don't want my kids to view him as a jerk. It's just so much easier to be his friend than to simply be cordial. Heck, we even go on vacation together because it's more affordable. Our kids are happy and enjoy telling everybody how their parents are the weirdest divorced people on earth. LOL :)

 November Minutes: 0
0
90
180
270
360
TEXMEXPRICE's Photo TEXMEXPRICE SparkPoints: (327)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 42
1/15/13 2:09 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Laughing at the venting session I had this past weekend on my blog. Now that I'm a little more calm I can clearly see just how much hate I apparently am still holding on to. Any advice from fellow single parents on how to have a healthy relationship with your childís father/mother when you canít even stand to look at them. I know that we need to be able to get along for our child but it is so hard to be cordial when he treats me the way he does. This whole co-parenting is getting very difficult. Any advice???


http://myperfectlyimperfectlife2012.blog
spot.com/2013/01/good-ol-venting-sessi
on.html


"Life isn't the destination, it's the journey."

myperfectlyimperfectlife2012.blogspo
t.com


 Pounds lost: 21.5 
0
28.25
56.5
84.75
113
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Single Parents HELP! and Support needed Posts

Topics:
Last Post:



Thread URL: https://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=1200x95x51657274

Review our Community Guidelines