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RARANM's Photo RARANM Posts: 664
11/23/10 12:40 P

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I'm in a very similiar situation. However, I wouldn't say I feel guilty. There are times my son gets away with things but it is usually because I am emotionally and physically exhausted. Sometimes the effort just to raise my voice when he is doing something wrong can be difficult. I have a supportive family who do also help me with discipline and step in when they can tell I am waivering. My dad asked if it was ok if he took a disciplinary male role with him which I am so thankful for because every child needs that. My siblings are all quite a bit younger than me and are still in high school so on one side they are his playmates, but on the other side they do help to enforce my rules...for the most part. My twin brothers have been known to teach him things that are not so nice so I get to deal with that too. My son is "all boy" to his very core. It's hard to get him to just sit still and when he does do something wrong and needs to feel the consequences it is that much more difficult. He is a tester, but I can't let him get away with it because he will walk all over me.

When kids don't listen it's not because they are bad, it is because they are kids and they want to see how you will react. They want to know what they can get away with. This is exactly what your daughter is doing. She is reading you every second of every day. My suggestion is to enact a plan of discipline and be consistant. I know it is hard. Trust me, I know! Like all my elders tell me, you have to nip it in the bud before it takes off and becomes a real problem. She needs to know that YOU are the adult and the parent and what you say goes. She is old enough to understand that you do the things you do because you love her and want the best for her, and not because you want to maker her life miserable :)

When all else fails, send her to her room and go to a quiet place and cry it out if you have too, but don't feel guilty for being a single parent. Feel proud that you took the responsibility head on and do your best. My grandfather, God rest his soul, always said, "The best thing you can say to your child is "No." When they do something wrong you have just have to. If you don't you are hurting them in the long run.

Good Luck! I wish you the best!

I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. -Matthew 17:20

"Until man duplicates a blade of grass, nature can laugh at his so-called scientific knowledge. Remedies from chemicals will never stand in favour compared with the products of nature, the living cell of the plant, the final result of the rays of the sun, the mother of all life."
- T. A. Edison


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11/23/10 11:07 A

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I am the single mother of a soon-to-be 5 year old daughter. I had her when I was 21, to a guy that she's never met. I live with my mom (who should be labeled a saint, in my opinion), the munchkin and my sister who seemingly can't make a good decision to save her life.

Anyway, I have always tried to look at the few perks of being a single mom and tried not to focus on the many things that make it hard.

I get these terrible pangs of guilt every time she does something wrong like it's my fault and I haven't raised her right and I didn't give her the family situation she deserves.

As a result of my own guilt, I feel I let her get away with stuff she shouldn't get away with because I'm overcompensating for a lot. It's been a mad struggle to give her the emotional support she needs, the structure and discipline she needs, squeeze in some fun stuff, and balance all of the other things going on around us that have a negative influence on both of us.

This is the first time this has happened in my adventure as a mom. Any advice and/or support would be greatly appreciated.

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