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1MYSTERY_LADY's Photo 1MYSTERY_LADY Posts: 2,461
1/13/13 10:00 P

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I had that also in the past and he left me for someone heavier than my heaviest weight. Guess some men want a larger size woman.

Do not give up what you want the most for what you want at the moment.

13 Week - 13 pound Challenge
12/31- Start
1/7 - Down 7.5 pounds
1/14 - down 4 pound total loss 11.5
1/21 - down 3.5 total loss 15
1/28 - down 3 pounds total loss: 18 pounds
2/4 - down 2.5 total loss: 20.5
2/11 - down 2.5 total loss: 23 pounds
2/18 - 0 total loss: 23

 Pounds lost: 23.0 
SUNSHINE084's Photo SUNSHINE084 Posts: 4,464
1/13/13 7:05 P

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If loosing weight makes you healthier then do it, if you feel better when you are loosing weight then do so!!! You dh will love you no matter what. Besides it is your health and you have to take care of yourself if you want to be around for the rest of your life. Numbers tell a story, But you are who you are and he will love you no matter what.

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1/13/13 4:45 P

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My husband says at time that I will leave him once i get all skinny and everything but the truth is like you said there are other issues that we need to address none of which have a thing to with my weight loss . I am not losing weight for him and honestly I dont think my body is much concern of his and i feel the same way about other's weight battle. I don't think you should have to consider their feelings in your weight loss it is your body and their insecurities . You should always strive to be the best you can be ... Who knows when you get where you are comfortable then things that are good might actually be wonderful. Good luck in your journey.

Darlene : Mississippi Central

I will be relentless about reaching my goals in a Focused and Meaningful way ~~~~ taken from sparkguy and edited to myself .

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LYNNA1968's Photo LYNNA1968 SparkPoints: (91,004)
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1/13/13 1:30 P

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I would continue to do what you are doing. 14lbs is a lot and most likely unless you are on the biggest loser with Jillian in your face you will most likely not continue that weekly loss. If this is about health then you will stop losing when your body is at a comfortable weight if this is about looks then its his issue and he will need to deal with it. If you stop because he told you to then there might be some resentment down the lines. This team is for you. Its DONE being the fat girl. Good Luck

Watch out world! Here I come

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CORTNEY-LEE's Photo CORTNEY-LEE SparkPoints: (67,852)
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1/13/13 9:16 A

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Here is the thing... every man on the planet thinks that if his wife/girlfriend lose weight, they are going to leave them.

So many times we hear about women who leave their significant other because they lost weight. Of course everyone automatically assumes that the weight loss was the reason she left. Sometimes I am sure it is, but the reality is that most overweight women will stay in a bad relationship because they lack the self confidence to leave their situation. You never hear about that though. The outside only sees that the woman lost weight and left her male partner. They don't see that the male partner may have been abusive (verbally or physically) or a hundred other things. The weight loss is automatically the culprit.

These are the things that are playing in the back of your husband's mind even if he won't admit it... "So and So lost weight and left her husband, my wife will do the same thing"

I discussed this at length with my male partner. I decided to undergo weight loss surgery for a number of reasons, and he was convinced that once I lost my weight I would leave him. He was convinced of this because his ex-wife did the same thing. I explained (at no offense to him) that the weight loss most likely wasn't the main reason she left him. I said that there were other things in the relationship that were broken and the weight loss was just the extra push. I am not saying my boyfriend was abusive, quite the contrary actually, but you see what I mean.

I think you need to sit down with him, and ask him what is REALLY bothering him about your weight loss. Communication is key

ps: If I would not have been overweight, I would have left my ex A LOT sooner than I did

Edited by: CORTNEY-LEE at: 1/13/2013 (09:18)

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GINNJEN1974's Photo GINNJEN1974 SparkPoints: (0)
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1/13/13 4:49 A

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This is something I am all to familiar with. Mine actually sets me up with food and knows my willpower isnt always what I would love it to be. He is usually a very secure guy but when I do good for myself in the health and weight loss arena he seems to freak out. I tell him all the time I dont want anyone else. I dont know what the fix here is. I think it is something that only they can work on. Good luck on your journey and if you find the magic cure for this feeling with our significant others please pass it on.

 current weight: 259.6 
-LORI-B's Photo -LORI-B SparkPoints: (58,051)
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1/13/13 12:47 A

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This is a tough one. When I was married, I was told that he wanted me around for a long time and I may want to look into losing some weight.. not that he found me unattractive, but for health reasons. So I joined curves- all women, no worries about male problems. As soon as I started to lose inches and people started to notice his insecurities started to show. Even tho I was there 4x/week I was never able to lose weight. Because of him, I would workout and then go sneak crap I didnt need to be eating. He died 4+ years ago and I still havnt lost all I gained. I wish I had listened to myself and not allowed his issues to get in my way. I lost who I was along the way in attempts to make him happy, but in this case there was no making that man happy. I will never do that again-- but that was my story

You say your hubby is a secure man-- if this is true, then sit and explain to him this is about your health. If there are things you cant do because of your weight, then explain that to him also. This isnt about vanity on your part, its about you feeling better physically and mentally. If he loves you as it appears he does, then he will understand. Im sure he would want you to be around longer for him. As you lose the weight/inches keep reassuring and showing him that he's still your man and that isnt changing. Men are strange creatures- they know we have power and they have issues with change sometimes.. but as long as you dont change around him as you shed the pounds, he SHOULD be ok. Ultimatly, you own your body and should be the one to decide if it needs improvments or not.

~Lori from Virginia~

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"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it.
If you don't ask, the answer is always no.
If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place."

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AZULVIOLETA6's Photo AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (0)
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1/12/13 11:34 P

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Is it really about how you look or is it the unknown of change that he is afraid of? Maybe he is telling you that a drastic change/looking like a toothpick is not for him...but healthier would be OK. 14 pounds in one week is not normal, or likely even sustainable. Most of the process is probably going to be more gradual/subtle than that. Two pounds a week is a good rate of loss to aim for over time.

I was with someone years ago who was really only attracted to fat women...but I think it was more complicated than just a question of looks and taste in our case. At the time I was about the size I am now--big, pudgy, but not huge--just large enough to be aware of my reduced market value. I'm pretty sure I was the smallest woman he ever dated. So there are guys like that out there who just like bigger women sexually, but maybe there can be emotional elements to it as well.

Things like this can really change the power dynamic in a relationship. My ex-boyfriend would never have been "good enough" for me if I had been 30 pounds thinner when I met him. I would have been totally out of his league for several reasons. Had I started losing weight during that relationship, it would have made him very nervous. It wasn't exactly a security thing, but my fat allowed him to be a bit of a jerk and get away with it because he knew I couldn't just pick up another guy walking down the street.

If your relationship is otherwise strong though...well, I bet your husband will get used to the idea. If he loves you for you, he will adapt, especially if the change happens gradually and you aren't putting your health at risk as you lose weight.

Dances: salsa (standard/LA), casino, rueda de casino, cumbia Colombiana, cumba Mexicana, bachata, mambo, cha-cha-chá, merengue, reggaetón.

Dances to Learn in the future: flamenco, tango Argentino, samba, belly dancing, bhangra, danzón, Cuban rumba, ballroom rumba

 current weight: 212.0 
1/12/13 11:29 P

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Aren't you the person you need to be most attractive for? Since your husband loves you, he should want you to weigh whatever makes you the happiest, and that should make him the happiest. Good luck on your weight loss journey! emoticon

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HWOODY's Photo HWOODY SparkPoints: (1,594)
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1/12/13 10:59 P

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It seems weird to me but my husband has asked me to not lose too much weight. I was a little smaller when we got together but not much.He says he likes me the way I am.He says he understands if I want to be healthier,but if I could just lose a little instead of trying to be all skinny.He was really shocked that I had already lost 14 lbs. in the first week.I know he isn't insecure at all because he is the most secure man I have ever met.We have been together over 4 yrs now and this is the first time I have ever attempted to lose any weight.My first loss goal is 175 and he seems to be ok with that but truthfully I had hoped to continue to lose if possible but he is the one who needs to find me attractive and I am a long way from my first goal so maybe I shouldn't even worry about this yet.Just thought I would see if anyone else has had this issue and how it has turned out for them.We have a great relationship and are very much happy and in love, our intimacy is great too and I guess I just don't want to destroy any part of what we have


 current weight: 209.0 
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