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THEEXERCISER's Photo THEEXERCISER Posts: 14,035
11/18/19 9:10 A

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Thank you Val

Carrie


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 682
11/18/19 9:02 A

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That’s difficult, Carrie - I hope your uncle can be stabilized. My last surviving aunt (my dad’s 93-yr old big sister) is now confined to a wheelchair; she has always hosted our big family Turkey Day reunion w/support of my local cousins (daughter-in-law lives with her, granddaughter & her big fam live next door) but this may be her last one.
It is getting increasingly hard for me to run my circuit between my farm, my 88-yr old mom’s, and my son’s house. I feel as if I’m doing a crappy inadequate job of keeping up with each one.
Such is the life of a sandwich Gen-X’er I suppose?
Honestly what’s weighing on me the worst is the pressing need to have a Serious Talk w/Hubby, but that’s another chore I just cannot face right now - I’ve got enough problems!

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THEEXERCISER's Photo THEEXERCISER Posts: 14,035
11/18/19 4:10 A

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Thank you both for your support it is greatly appreciated

Carrie


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11/17/19 8:39 P

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My thoughts are with you and your Uncle, Carrie
xxx

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 22,431
11/17/19 11:22 A

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Carrie, I'm so sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you and your Uncle. I hope he can get treatment that will help him heal.

emoticon emoticon

Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

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THEEXERCISER's Photo THEEXERCISER Posts: 14,035
11/17/19 10:53 A

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Yesterday was a terrible day for me. My uncle was rushed to the hospital with a diagnosis of possible congestive heart failure and lung cancer.

Carrie


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 22,431
11/8/19 7:31 P

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KRIS, thanks for the link to the article - it's a good one - and for the tips about practicing.

Katie has decided what to say when this becomes an issue again and will do so in a respectful manner. She came up with what to say herself and I think she's on the right track.

Thanks again for caring.

Miller emoticon emoticon

Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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11/8/19 4:54 A

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Miller - here is another link which you may find helpful. A lot of the information is the same/similar, but may be taken on board more easily.
www.careeraddict.com/lazy-coworkers

I firmly believe that 'practice makes perfect' and in this case, it is easier speak out once you have done it once.

As a tip, maybe Katie could practice having a talk with the co-workers (pretend) in front of her mirror, or to you. If she can hear herself verbalize it, it might be easier for her in reality. (a little trick I learned for Public Speaking :-)

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11/7/19 7:25 P

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Miller - we were raised to think for ourselves and to speak out at appropriate times, however in our early years (childhood) that would include me thumping the living daylights out of someone if I was riled. I am a very analytical person and as a young adult I realized that if I spoke up sooner and explained the issue and the result of that issue, AND also put it in a way that I was having a friendly conversation with the offender, then I would generally get the desired results without all the hassle and pent-up emotional issues. I can't say I LIKE talking to people about it, but I just tell myself that if it isn't done now the problem will get worse.



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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 682
11/7/19 9:47 A

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Emily, I’m sorry to hear of your struggles...
I, too, have suffered from anxiety & depression for decades now (I remember my first serious depressive episode at about age 15) - I have tried several different medications over the years but couldn’t tolerate various side effects.
I refer to my management these days as my “3-legged stool” of diet, exercise, & adequate sleep - it’s easy to tip out of balance. (These days I’m slacking off on both diet AND exercise which is not a good combination, but after long hard day at work, I just couldn’t pry myself off the couch last night.)
I fired my office slacker about 6 wks ago, and everyone’s mood has been greatly elevated. I was paying this woman way too much to play on her phone & investigate sex websites on MY computer! (Yeah, I had my computer guy scan the system to be sure she hadn’t infected us with spyware & viruses.)
As soon as I finish my allotted cup o’ coffee, I’ll get on with my day - gotta run an errand of mercy this AM to check a neighbor’s elderly mare who will probably need to be euthanized. A sad but necessary duty.

Val


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 22,431
11/7/19 7:04 A

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Kris, thanks for the link to the article. I have saved it and will print it out and give it to her. It sounds like you're very good at being assertive. Did you learn that skill as an adult or were you reared/raised to be that way?



Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

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"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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11/6/19 11:30 P

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Miller - it is a pity that you aren't up to coaching Katie on being assertive. Sometimes a person in Katie's situation will get good results from the advice in the following link. Please print it and give it to her to read:
www.projectmanager.com/blog/10-ways-
co
pe-lazy-coworker


I've been in the situation where I have talked with a co-worker with good results, about the exact same issue. By starting the conversation with

"I hope I don't upset you, but I feel something needs to be said before things escalate and maybe get a little unpleasant. By your not doing your work and relying on others to finish it for you puts too much pressure on others who will end up getting sick and then have to be off work because of it. If that happens you will not only have to do all of your work, but pick up some of the extra that arises because of staff absences, and none of us want that."

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11/6/19 11:16 P

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Hi Emily - I fully understand your not wanting to take medication - that is your choice and you have a right to choose. However, sometimes they will work when nothing else does.

Here are some natural things for you to try:

Diet can play a big part re depression. To ensure that your body gets the essential nutrients to help with mental health, ensure that you are eating a diet with plenty of dark leafy greens. Oily fish such as salmon, sardines, tuna, herrings etc. I have put a link below that helps to explain it:
www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/99
78
.php


Nuts, particularly Walnuts, Almonds and Hazelnuts, have a good concentration of nutrients to help with depression.

I would be inclined to ask your Dr to check your levels of Vitamin D. A lot of people have a low level and it is soo easily rectified. I have a little capsule once a month, but in NZ the dose is many times stronger than the USA where it is mostly prescribed daily.

It might be Seasonal Effective Disorder, as already mentioned. You can get light therapy boxes for that, however you need to get the right one. Some work well, and some not so well.

How do you sleep? Do you always feel tired when you are awake? Has anyone mentioned you snore? Obstructive Sleep Apnea is a very common disorder - I have it myself. I was stopping breathing 60 times per hour and for up to 20+ seconds at a time. This meant that my brain wasn't getting anywhere near the amount of oxygen that it should have been. Using a CPAP machine at night has made a world of difference. OSA can cause or contribute to a myriad of health issues including depression, so it really pays to get that checked.

How long since you have had a total physical including blood work for things like diabetes, hemoglobin, iron, thyroid? If it's been a while, please talk with your Dr.

Do you get out for a walk each day? If not, that is something that you could start doing. Even a 10 minute walk can help a lot.

Is there something that has happened in your life which could be contributing to this? Things like shifting home; change of job; death in the family or of a friend; financial stress? Sometimes a Therapist will be able to help if that is the case. Your Dr will be able to refer you to one who specializes in these issues.

I hope that your depression is resolved soon, but please, remember that sometimes medication IS the only thing that works properly.

Kris



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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 22,431
11/6/19 8:48 P

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Well, my day was okay - GI distress and a bad headache - but otherwise okay until DD got home from her 12 hour work day (over 13 hours with travel time). She's very conscientious but some of the others aren't pulling their weight and she said she feels like gouging her eyes out. She is very depressed tonight. The shift leader won't do anything about it because she's good friends with the main "slacker" and the hospital manager just says to communicate with people about problems, but it's not that simple. Several of the really good people who do pull their weight are leaving, probably because of the work environment. I guess all jobs are crap at times. It just breaks my heart - and makes me angry - when she's working so hard to do well and the other people don't give a d@mn. She really doesn't deserve this.
emoticon



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 11/6/2019 (21:05)
Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 22,431
11/6/19 7:33 P

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Hi Emily, if you are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder, you may want to consider buying a "light box." My daughter has one that she uses in the winter months and it has been helpful.

I take meds - they literally saved my life, but I understand some people don't want to. I hope you find alternative things that help when you feel you might be suffering from depression.

I don't know if you're open to taking supplements, but my psychiatrist has prescribed a couple of supplements for me that are very helpful. You'd definitely need a doctor to tell you which supplements might be good for you.

Miller emoticon



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 11/6/2019 (19:34)
Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 1,057
11/6/19 6:44 P

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Hi Emily,

I am sorry you are going through depression right now. Is it because of the time change and getting dark at night? Some people have the Seasonal Affective Disorder. Do you see a therapist? You may want to check into that., Meds help me but they don't help everyone. I am not recommending them either way. Do you sleep well at night? I had to get help when it was affecting my sleep and making me very crazy!

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_WARRIOR4LIFE's Photo _WARRIOR4LIFE Posts: 4,742
11/5/19 6:34 A

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Hi. I'm not sure if I am depressed, but I think I go through cycles of depression. I do not use meds. I don't want to. I try to exercise daily, but this doesn't always work out for me. Lately, I cannot stay consistent with anything. I need help.

"I will go anywhere, as long as it's forward." -David Livingston

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11/5/19 1:18 A

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Val - it isn't uncommon for the elderly to be talking about their deceased partner/parents, regardless of whether they have dementia; UTI or other infection. My own mother used to tell me that her Mum had visited her, and occasionally one of the nurses told me that they heard Mum talking to her Mum or her brother, or my Dad - all of whom passed many years ago. She wasn't grieving. I wouldn't worry about your Mum talking about him coming for her unless she seems really stressed by it, in which case often they can be distracted. There was an old lady in the Rest Home I used to work in and she would often say that 'the old man' hadn't come home yet and she was worried. Sometimes a thoughtless caregiver would blurt out that he was dead. That would send her into a huge amount of grief and stress for a while. I would just say "he will come back when he is ready (or not busy) and she would be very happy with that and forget about it.

Are you able to talk with a Social Worker and ask if there is something like a suitable half-way house for your son's stepbrother? It would take a lot of pressure off him, and at the same time, you.

Kris

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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 682
11/4/19 9:20 A

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I’m glad to hear your kitty is doing better - and thanks for the “nudge” about having my mom evaluated for a UTI, she’s had a bit of a sniffle after our mini-family get-together 2 wks ago.
She vehemently refused to go to urgent care clinic, but I can message the home health care nurse. I’m not overwhelmed by their quality of care, but as long as Mom is competent I won’t overrule her wishes...
But speaking of such, it alarmed me to hear Mom talk about Dad “coming back for her” yesterday - I know she’s depressed, I know she doesn’t feel as if she has much to live for... I need to take her back to grief counselor but I’ve let all this drama w/Z & his stepbrother take front & center.
I printed up a big poster of “House Rules” clarifying simple concepts like doing the dishes, picking up one’s clothes, taking out the trash on schedule which will hopefully smooth over some of “My 3 Sons’” conflicts but lemme tell ya, it’s been a rollercoaster! Alex needs constant guidance & supervision - ideally I’m thinking of something like a halfway house, but everything I’ve found is geared towards drug & alcohol rehab. Above all I don’t want Z’s schoolwork to be jeopardized by all this drama. They got in a big shouting match yesterday, fortunately Z was just putting the finishing touches on a paper for his Economics class, so afterwards I took him to the movies for a little escapism.
We saw “JoJo Rabbit” which was very good - 3 thumbs up from us! (I took Pal Joey too, Alex had to go to work. At least “so far so good” with him borrowing my little car - I know it’s only been 10 days, but I would hate it if he wrecked it!)

Val

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11/1/19 8:12 A

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Spotty is doing a lot better now. She is still holed up but on top of the bed rather than under it. She is also eating proper food, not pureed down with milk and water to a liquid, A couple days ago she ran up and down the passage and was purring her head off. She jumped up onto the dressing table and easily jumps onto the bed. She's 19, looks heaps younger and seems really determined to hang on :-)

I was very fortunate with my Mum and Stepfather. They were both very keen to make things a lot easier for me to take care of them, when they were in care, and when they were at home. I hope that your Mum will be happy to make the change. Given the age of your Mum, has she been checked for a UTI? Sometimes they only symptom with the elderly is with their mental/emotional health.



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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 682
10/30/19 9:17 A

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Appetite & mobility are the two main topics I discuss when I’m having that “approaching the end of life” talk with my clients...
19 is an excellent run of a long lifespan for your kitty cat! I can hardly believe my Clarice is almost 16 now, she still bounces across the yard like a puppy after she’s had a good poopy!
emoticon
The relief agency sent a new young female doctor yesterday; the young man who has been our “regular” these past couple of months hurt his back! She seemed nice enough but was a very private person, didn’t want to tell us much about where she lived or what she does in her free time - maybe she’s just shy?
I’m looking forward to getting back to my part-time schedule** (Thurs - Sun off) after we get through the month of November - in December we have found a doctor who is willing to wedge into this alternate-Saturday schedule. Let us pray for no more miscommunications!
** not just sheer laziness on my part - my mom seems to be slipping, so soon I may be working on finding her an assisted living facility, packing up & selling her big ol’ house. She’s been really down this past weekend, wouldn’t go out of the house with me at all - seemed more mental than physical although she did have a mild sniffle, of course she wouldn’t let me take her to urgent care. It’s damned hard trying to parent one’s parent!

Val


Edited by: ENDUROVET at: 10/30/2019 (09:18)
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10/27/19 4:53 A

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Val - it sounds like you and your son have a few stressors still going on. It sure was lucky that the weather wasn't inclement, enabling you to going in at a moment's notice. Hopefully it doesn't happen frequently.

My poor old cat (19 yrs) had what the Vet is pretty sure was a stroke, on Thursday. I found her trying to walk but kept falling over on her right back haunch, and then the rest of her would flop over too. Her front right paw kept flipping over when she took a step, so the top was on the ground. He gave her a jab of Dexmethsone and I started her on her tablet form of it today. She isn't in the slightest interest in eating, so I got some cat food pouch and pureed it up with water and milk so it is liquid rather than runny puree. She has had just over 3/4 cup of that today and seems to be enjoying it. She is still going to the kitty litter and hasn't once had an accident. She is able to walk without falling now (since Friday), and her coat feels in relatively good condition still, so I guess there is hope for her yet.



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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 682
10/26/19 9:15 A

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This sudden influx of cold nasty depressing weather (welcome to Texas! Don’t like the weather? Just wait a bit, it’ll change!) really has me down...
Also didn’t help that somehow we had a communication breakdown with my new “Friday Doctor” - she was out of town yesterday, my receptionist called me when she didn’t show up, so I had to do a quick dash in to cover things... It’s lucky that **I** wasn’t out of town somewhere, and luckier in a way that the weather WAS crappy, so I was not out riding my mare or my trike!
I already knew I have to work today, don’t know how the memo was lost about yesterday?
My son has been getting stressed out about his not-completely-thought-out role as His Stepbrother’s Keeper (A is considerably behind the curve emotionally & developmentally so he truly needs almost constant guidance & supervision, that’s what makes my ex’s rejection of him even more heinous) - so somewhat reluctantly I have made A a short-term loan of my car.
Z found him a warehouse job which he has to go into at 6 AM - the one thing I DON’T want to happen is for all of this family drama to derail Z’s college work.
Z tried to talk to his father about it again (I know it would absolutely be counterproductive for ME to try to speak out) but got nowhere until M just wouldn’t answer his calls. I don’t have enough profanity in my vocabulary to express how little I think of that “man” in name only, this has got to be one of the worst things he’s ever done.
But now I’ve got to get to work, updates to follow!

Val

Edited by: ENDUROVET at: 10/26/2019 (09:15)
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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 22,431
10/24/19 9:02 P

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That cage remark would be pretty funny, Kris! emoticon


Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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Miller - it might be that the employee who barked at your daughter is like it with everyone. I know that your daughter wouldn't consider sarcasm/comebacks) but I do and practice it at appropriate times. If someone barked like that to me, I would have laughed and said "You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning." (cage is appropriate given where they work.)

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Miller

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There's a young woman at my daughter's place of employment who is not being nice to her - in fact, she is often downright rude. One small example is that she and my daughter reached a doorway at the same time and Katie (my DD) paused a moment or two and the woman said, in a loud, stern voice, "MOVE!!!" I think that's uncalled for. My daughter is a very kind person and an easy target for unkind people. I just wish the world was fair. It's ridiculous at my age to expect it to be fair. I've felt sorrow and despair at all the injustices in the world (big and small) since I was a very, very small girl, I remember hearing my aunt tell my mother a story from a news story involving the abuse of a child and it was Really Bad - it devastated me to think the world was like that. It was a real shock to my small self. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. I'm not sure "normal" people let little things like this make them have a bad day.




Edited by: MILLER-S at: 10/24/2019 (14:20)
Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

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10/23/19 6:34 A

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I go to the dentist twice a year. I actually don't think it is teeth issue. I have actually chewed up my mouth while I was sleeping the other night. I have like 4 cold sores in my mouth from it. I took ibprofien last night and it made it stop hurting. I have enough for the day to take every couple of hours.

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Sarah - I would be inclined to make a Dentist appointment to get your teeth checked out. It is possible that you have plaque that normal tooth brushing and flossing won't remove, and if that is the case, you are a contender for gingivitis which could lead to your losing your teeth, as well as infections.

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Thank you very much for the help. I did my laundry tonight and have clothes to wear. New problem: my teeth are hurting me which basically means I have to take better care of them! I hope they will stop hurting me as soon as I do. I have not been taking good care of them. This has happened before and they usually stop hurting once I get it flossed, brushed, and rinsed for a couple of nights!



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10/22/19 3:07 A

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Hi Sarah. Trying to keep others happy is nearly impossible. Try to put yourself first—a healthy you will make it easier to deal with their needs. Glad you got the cyst taken care of! Teaching them the value of money is great advice.


Edited by: MOOMSHINE at: 10/22/2019 (03:11)
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Sarah - have you thought about showing the kids how much things cost and the essential costs such as rent, power etc. that has to come out of your pay packet? I did this with my kids a couple times and they soon got the message. I ended up giving them an allowance that HAD to be spent on buying their "I want" clothes as well as other 'wants'. It taught them to save and budget and that they didn't need the most expensive of everything. (Not that they were like that with the latter) That method sure helps in situations like Bath and Body Works. It is a win/win situation - they are happy because they bought something they wanted that they could afford, and you are happy that you didn't over-spend a fortune. They need to know that
a) money does NOT grow on trees
b) buying them things does NOT equate to love

I'm glad that you got that cyst looked at.

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10/21/19 7:46 P

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You're welcome. I was thinking more about your post and realized that there's no way my divorced sister would have ever chauffered around her children and the child of her ex's girlfriend (who became his wife). Her ex's wife only had a son and he had some special needs, but even if that hadn't been the case, she would have Never shuttled around a child of her ex's girlfriend.

Maybe you could tell your kids that the time you spend together is time for the three of you to be together alone (or with your family - their GrandDad, etc.). Or maybe you could just outright say you're not comfortable with it. I don't know how that would go over, either, but you shouldn't have to do something that it so hard.

I'm glad the cyst has been seen to. Hang in there!!! emoticon



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 10/21/2019 (19:50)
Miller

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Thank you Miller. Yes, I took an extra klonopin tonight to get me to calm down. My cyst was looked at yesterday and I am on an antibiotic for it. I guess I didn't explain that part well. I just don't feel like taking care of it the way the physician assistant described. I had trouble last night doing that too. It seems to be healing okay I guess.

Yes they insisted on going into Bath and Body Works and that's what did it. I spent $150 there. I have never spent that much money there ever. I don't even know why they needed ANY of it. I understand the Halloween costumes but I guess I should have definitely said no to Bath and Body Works. I am NEVER taking them into that store again.

I have a day off in November for Veteran's day and am looking forward to it.

I think I have 3 pairs of pants as options to wear. I just have to bring myself to put the wash away so I can do another load.

Thank you for caring.

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Sarah, I'm so sorry you're having a bad day and it's hard to breathe. Sometimes when I'm having an anxiety attack, I take one-half of a tranquilizer. I don't know if you have any medication you can take, but doing some deep breathing might help.

I think I would feel very much like you do. I know we can't choose friends for our kids, but having your daughter being friends with your ex's new girlfriend's daughter would be hard to take. Still, you may have to get used to that, if you can, as young people want to be with their friends. The money you spent, when you had planned to only take your girls shopping for Halloween costumes, is troubling. Did they ask for a lot of extra things? Was it stuff they really needed? I don't know anyone who could afford to spend $300 every other weekend. As you said, $100 every other weekend is a lot.

As far as your apartment goes, don't even try to clean it all up at once. I break down tasks into little small parts so I don't get overwhelmed. The main thing right now to to take care of yourself... your apartment can wait. If you want to go in to work tomorrow and don't have anything to wear, then maybe you could wash one outfit. Way back when I was working, we had sick leave we could take (it was a government job - I know some places don't have sick leave anymore), and sometimes we would take "mental health days." I guess we were the generation that came up with that term. I don't know if you can take off a day or not.

Just try to be kind to yourself. I would suggest that when you're with your kids next time, calmly talk to them and let them know that you wish you could spend more on them, but you really can't afford to. I doubt they'll be happy about it, but it sounds like they're preteens (am I right about that?) and preteens are hardly ever happy about anything and you can only spend what you can spend.

These are just suggestions off the top of my head. I'm certainly no expert on family relations and I don't know the dynamics between you and your ex and your kids.

I hope you feel better soon. Take care. Big Hugs! emoticon

Miller emoticon

PS - I hope you can get the cyst checked out by a doctor sometime in the near future.



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 10/21/2019 (19:02)
Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

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"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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I can't breathe and had a bad day. I'm trying to breathe. In and out in and out. My daughters were awful to me on Saturday. I was supposed to just take them Halloween shopping for costumes after Megan's field hockey tournament. Well it turned into a disaster! Michelle started texting me that I was taking her to Whitney Point to pick up this Caitlyn friend of hers. Which happens to be my ex's new girlfriend's daughter! Never again! I did it. But never again! I have limits. I also am limiting them to $100 per weekend. I spent way too much on them on Saturday. $300 and I cannot afford it. I'm not sure I can afford $100 every other weekend to be honest! Maybe 80 to 100. My kids are literally driving me crazy and I feel like my life is going down the drain. I am miserable and everything is a mess. My apartment is a disaster and I was only able to clean up some yesterday. I have no clothes to wear tomorrow or practically none. I don't want to do anything now but sleep. I have a cyst on my armpit that I don't want to take care of. I don't want to call into work because I am a good employee but I have had it.

Thanks for listening! Any ideas would be appreciated.

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10/12/19 10:00 A

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That's great advice thank you

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Maybe a quiet talk with your Mum and ask her what is bothering her .... POLITELY! LOL! It may be that your Mum doesn't like your boyfriend living with you. Apart from that, it is between your Mum and your boyfriend.

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10/11/19 1:01 P

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SLIMMERKIWI, thank you for your understanding!

The thing that's bothering me today is that my mom is knit picking at every little thing that my boyfriend does. She's driving me nuts with disrespect towards him

Carrie


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@THEEXERCISER - Do not apologize for something that there is no need to apologize over!! You haven't offended. Intimacy issues are part of life ... the real world, and it is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about!

Val - have you and hubby spoken about his weight gain? Is he open for you to both work on it together? Perhaps without him realizing why, you could always start the conversation off with "Remember when I was a lot bigger, and ...... ?" It might be enough for him to open up a bit about his extra weight.



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10/10/19 12:16 P

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I really hope that I didn't offend anyone with my post about my intimacy concerns. I do think that having a separate thread about personal issues is a very good idea. Have a great day everyone!

Carrie


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10/9/19 1:44 P

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I wonder if we need to start a separate thread with a big "Caution" - possible TMI concerning intimacy issues?
The hardest part of all can be TALKING about these things... I know for a while, Hubby & I had both gained so much weight that marital relations were challenging just from a biomechanical aspect!
Now that I've lost 30 lbs, I am less self-conscious - but recently Hubby has gained more weight himself which once again not only makes intimacy difficult but quite frankly turns me off. A terrible thing to admit to which I would never speak directly to him, but it's definitely a factor in our moribund sex life.

Val

Edited by: ENDUROVET at: 10/9/2019 (19:59)
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10/7/19 9:28 A

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Kris,

Thank you, you have been very helpful!

Carrie


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I wonder if when he said that his leg hurts, he is being diplomatic and instead feels that things are moving too quickly?

Just because a person shies off from intimacy doesn't mean that they don't care for the person. There are a number of possible reasons for it .... stress from any source; an undiagnosed health issue; medication, etc.

Below are a couple links you have find helpful:
www.huffpost.com/entry/5-signs-that-
yo
u-may-have-intimacy-issues_b_57ede1fR>8e4b07f20daa106b3


www.psychalive.org/fear-of-intimacy/

www.regain.us/advice/intimacy/common
-i
ntimacy-issues-and-how-to-deal-with-R>them/


My suggestion is to back off for a while and see if he relaxes more. It is possible that your sex drive could be quite strong compared to his, and now that you are living together, he might feel he is supposed to 'perform' more than previously.

If it continues for a while, then certainly suggest that he talk with his Dr to see if there is anything medical going on.

Just a thought!

Kris

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emoticon Personal Information Ahead Sorry for the to much information emoticon
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now. We have been living together for past week. He wasn't shown me very much intimacy at all. Also, there absolutely no sex at all. I've asked him why he hasn't even made an attempt to make love to me. He said that his leg hurts from an injury he had a week ago but he seems to be moving around just fine. I'm starting to feel very unattractive and sad about this situation. How should I handle this because it feels like we're just roommates.

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Sarah, I encourage you to research the “grey rock” method - I made the mistake in years past of allowing my ex to “feed” off my emotions, he was much like a vampire in the way he “got off” on causing me stress, grief & aggravation...
When I learned to not show how badly his manipulations were affecting me, voila! He wasn’t getting that emotional boost, so he quit jousting with me so much. (Unfortunately it took many years, almost my son’s entire childhood, for me to learn this.)
hubpages.com/health/no-conta
ct-purpose


Best wishes,
emoticon
Val

P.S. Well I see the video no longer works, sorry! But I’m sure if you search YouTube there should be many newer videos...

Edited by: ENDUROVET at: 10/6/2019 (11:21)
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Sarah - I'm glad that you got to spend time with your girls. Sometimes we just have to bite our tongues and keep our fingers away from the keyboard when we a angry or hurt. Removing yourself at those times and taking a breather is often a better way to approach things. It gives you a chance to calm down and not say something that can be misinterpreted or conveyed to your daughters as being nasty. I have seen in the past where this was going on with a friend. Her young daughter was chatting with her father online. He was trying to tell her that he had paid her mother what he was supposed to etc. etc. Only thing is, he didn't know she had another computer open at her mother's account with the government department and could see that not only had he not paid anything, but owed her mother thousands. As soon as she conveyed this to him, he disconnected their communication. I know it isn't really quite the same as your situation, but kids DO remember their childhood and discord.

Kris xxx

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Thank you so much Miller! I really do appreciate your advice. I saw a video about working with an ex and we are not supposed to be working out schedules with the children because it puts them in the middle. I don't know how to get out of it though since I've done it in the past. Anyway, I do see my daughters tonight for dinner. I took my Megan to her practice last night and we had dinner at a local restaurant and then I took her home. It was nice. My Michelle is a little upset that her practice ends at 5 pm and I have to pick her up at 5:30. I may be able to work something out at work to get her at 5 and leave at 4:30. I will attempt it.

Thank you again. No you are fine. I appreciate it. I know I get emotionally upset by the ex and have to stop. I also know I cause the problem sometimes with the emails I send. I don't know the correct way to deal with him.

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SARAH, I'm sorry things are so contentious with your Ex. It must be so frustrating, especially if he is narcissistic. The only advice I have is to try to be there for your daughters whenever they need or want you - that way, they will feel loved and supported by you. Believe me - they will remember all the arguments and dissension between you and your Ex and will grow weary of it - my nieces and nephews are in their forties now and still get tired of things not being amicable between my sister and their Dad (her Ex). I know you probably feel like you're between a "rock and a hard place" but trying to keep things amicable with your Ex and your girls is important. I wouldn't want to be bossed around by an Ex, but I would want my kids to know I'd always be there for them.

I hope what I've said makes sense and that I haven't overstepped with this advice. I've never been in your situation so I may not be the best to advise you anyway. I do wish you all the very best, though, and my heart goes out to you.

Take care and hang in there. emoticon emoticon

Miller



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 10/2/2019 (10:29)
Miller

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I had such a bad day yesterday! I tried to get my power back with my ex and I told him I didn't have to take Megan to practice for tonight and he actually told her this and my other daughter as well! Then he emails me that both kids don't want to see me. I told him it was his doing and his problem to fix but he refused told me to work it out with the kids. So I ended up texting both daughters. My youngest, Megan, got back to me and I am taking her to practice tonight. The other one did not text me back and I told ex. He said he will talk to my 14 year old, Michelle.

So I discussed the situation with my therapist and he doesn't think getting my ex in trouble for contempt will work and that the court won't do anything. I talked to my dad and emailed my lawyer anyway just to get his opinion. We have a court order and my ex is seriously in contempt of it.

Thanks for listening anyway.

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In my observations of a lot of families where they have split, the sort of thing your daughters are displaying is very common. They play one parent off against the other and then prefer the parent that they get the most from. Sometimes it is better to let that child 'live' with the other parent (during the times that they are supposed to be with the non-custodial parent) and just wait patiently but sending little letters regularly to keep in contact. My observations are that a few months or year down the track and the kids want to visit on the non-custodial parent's term The thing is by doing that you are removing yourself from your ex using the kids to get at you.

Hope it works out.

Kris

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9/30/19 10:39 P

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My depression group on facebook seems to think I am dealing with a narcissist and I now feel that I am giving up my power. They sent me a link to this youtube channel. It is awesome and I already watched 2 videos and need to watch more. I need to stop fighting with him.



www.youtube.com/channel/UCrN
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9/30/19 9:46 P

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Kris, my daughter is 14. I could not figure out where the Spencer high school is to take them to the field hockey tournament and I didn't feel I should have to drive them so far. My daughter greatly hurt my feelings when she said she would rather be home than with me and she also said I am "annoying". I know it is her age but I didn't feel like running everywhere for the time she wanted me and not getting good quality time if you know what I mean. The time she wanted me was running her and her sister everywhere!

He pushes this guilt on me. He is very narcissistic and may have a personality disorder according to my therapist. He uses the children as bait actually. I can only see them if I do this, this and this! Every time I try to set a boundary it causes a huge problem. Then he tells me to work with the children which he calls "young adults". I recently informed him that a young adult is 21 or so NOT 14 and 11!

My daughter started acting like him and I caught her on it. Turns out she did want to go to a football game with a friend in the afternoon and he took her there. At one point, I told ex to talk to my dad because I am so sick of his crazy and trying to deal with him. He twists everything I say and goes into this long convoluted story about something I did not say! He and the girls are all manipulating me.

I've been dealing with this for 11 years and I am starting to see where he is trying to turn the kids against me. My daughter said she would even speak up in court if I took her father to court for his side! He is the one not following the court order. I want to live with my mom and take care of her...she is older and had a problem with her hand...I am tired of the drama with my kids and him. I know not to take it out on the kids and I have been trying my best. But he thinks they are young adults!! WTF!!!

Edited by: SLBROOKS3 at: 9/30/2019 (21:50)
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Hi all - I'm completely behind on posts so I have to catch up. I was out of town for a long vacation and bottom line is my eating is now out of control again. I'm compulsively overeating everything in sight. I did well for about a year (although I had short bouts of overeating during that time) but this time it's back to my old ways of REALLY overeating and gaining weight back at a fast pace. So I'm starting back up Oct 1st and wanted to hold myself accountable on Spark. I need to get that healthy mindset back. I'm not going to undo all the hard work I put into my health this year so I really need to snap out of this. I'm praying to God for help.

I will catch up on the team now. Wishing you all the best. :)

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9/29/19 9:45 P

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Sarah - Do you think you might be cutting off your nose to spite your face? I feel that your statement is sending a negative impression. You should be happy to see your daughter, regardless how long/short. "Worth it" doesn't come into it. It makes your daughter sound like a commodity rather than a person. I don't know how old she is, but it is likely that she is wanting to spend more time with her friends, and that happens with most children, regardless of whether they are from a divided family or one where both parents are together.

JMHO

Kris

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 9/29/2019 (21:45)
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9/29/19 10:54 A

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SLIMMERKIWI- I am pretty sure you are right about him seeing something that I hadn't.

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9/29/19 8:32 A

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Well it is a difficult situation. My daughter said she only wanted to see me for a certain time and I wanted to see her for the whole weekend or else it would not be worth it. So I said no to the whole weekend.

My ex and I have exchanged some emails and he says he doesn't care about my opinion when I finally asked why he is always pushing his opinion down my throat. I didn't get a response as to why. But he is! I tried to get him to talk to my dad instead of me and that didn't work he told me to grow up. I am so tired of dealing with him after all these years! He doesn't have the girls schedule as yet but will hopefully get back to me.

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9/26/19 10:31 P

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Carrie - I'm sure your boyfriend didn't mean to upset you, or intend it to come over as mean or insulting. Is it possible he saw something really nice in your smile that you didn't see???

Sarah - I really feel for you, and your children. Has he indicated WHY he isn't letting you see them when you should be? Hopefully things will be resolved very quickly.



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9/26/19 6:53 A

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Carrie I am sorry your boyfriend made you feel bad.

I had a bad day and was crying. My ex is making my life difficult again but I am thinking of taking him back to court for contempt. He is not allowing me to see my daughters on a weekend I am supposed to have them.

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9/25/19 9:17 A

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I got a new hair color yesterday and when I sent my boyfriend a picture of it he called me up and was laughing at my picture. When I asked him why he was laughing at my picture he said that I had a funny grin on my face which was my usual smile. His laughing really hurt my feelings and made me feel bad for the rest of the day.

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9/24/19 9:21 P

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Sarah - there are always those who think they are entitled to abuse another. I had that on FB last night. The page is mainly for political comments in our district (in the process of local body elections) I was called an 'old bat' by someone who has been abusive about some of the candidates (any who are not on the ticket he supports) So my comeback was "If I wanted to listen to an asshole I would fart"

I think it stunned him. He came back with "Girls don't fart. Everybody knows that" but it seemed to quieten him down LOL!

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9/24/19 8:41 P

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Sarah, I hope you have a better day tomorrow and that people will be kinder.
emoticon

Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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9/24/19 7:41 P

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Kris I am sorry to read that you are having some health concerns. Like your attitude though. emoticon

I have had a bad day but I think I now may know why some of my customers were pissed off this afternoon. They might be Trump fans or something! Just heard about his possible impeachment perhaps.

Anyway I am feeling slightly better but having trouble exercising as long as I want to.I would like to do it for 30 minutes but the past two days have only been motivated to do 15 minutes.

All I know is the one customer should not call a company and curse at its employees. I mean who does that and expects to get anywhere? Ridiculous!

Hoping for a better day of it tomorrow.

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9/24/19 6:03 A

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Val - It's good that you are tightening the reigns on your own self-discipline, but don't go too overboard. That may add to your troubles. Have you been put on a different thyroid medication? Sometimes it DOES help.

I hope that you find something that helps your anxiety and depression. You have a lot going on in your life and that doesn't help at all.

Kris

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9/22/19 10:29 A

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I hope this “breast thing” is no big deal Kris - although I know how stressful it is!
They put me through a stereotactic biopsy on my L breast 10 or 12 years ago (diagnosing calcification), a miserable process that left my poor breast bruised & swollen as if it had been using as a punching bag.
Anyway, I could riff about “bad day? I’ve had a horrible WEEK!” but I’ve whined all about it in my recent blogs... Anything & everything can be used as an excuse, but I’m tightening the reins on my own self-discipline since after all, the only thing completely within my control are my own thoughts & behavior. (& responses to stressful situations)
I’m also anxious to see if this keto thing really IS helpful to anxiety & depression - once I get my thyroid replacement tweaked, I got nuthin’ else.

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9/21/19 12:12 P

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Yes it always best to go into rough situations with a clear head and a good plan of action.

Carrie


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9/19/19 6:18 A

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The surgeon has referred me for an MRI. He said it could be 3 months before I get it. It is more to "rule out" than "rule in" because at this time it is just guess that it is nothing to worry about. Not that I AM worried because I'm not. Just that if it is something you can't do anything about it if you don't properly check to find out. I'm one of those whose thought processes include "if it is something wrong, worrying isn't going to fix it so why waste my energy"

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 9/19/2019 (06:20)
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9/12/19 10:25 A

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SLIMMERKIWI
Thank you for the suggestion. As I think about it I think you might be right. I had my very first mammogram done a few weeks ago and they saw something suspicious. I went back to get my second one done to make sure it was nothing bad. Come to find out it was a normal spot of calcification that all women have in there breast. Good luck with your appointment I hope all goes well.

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9/12/19 5:54 A

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It is quite likely that he doesn't really understand the significance of it, as many men don't. I would be inclined to not worry about his reaction. Maybe he has some difficulty with expressing himself at times like that. Was the mammogram just a standard, regular one, or was there a problem which called for one?

IF the mammogram had come back something wrong and he seemed indifferent, then I could understand your hurt, but not enough to make it a bad day.

I'm actually going to a surgeon next week for a problem with my breast.

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9/11/19 2:05 P

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I'm having a bad day. I found out at the doctors today that my mammogram came back normal which is great! But when I told my boyfriend the good news he didn't sound happy at all which really hurt my feelings. How should I handle this?

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9/10/19 4:34 A

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Will do, thanks for the advice.

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9/9/19 3:51 A

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That's good. Let us know how you get on.

Kris

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9/9/19 1:42 A

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Thank you. I will speak with her next time I see her.

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9/9/19 12:28 A

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MICHAANGEL - it sounds to me like you need to talk with your Dr and ask for a referral to a Therapist who specializes in emotional eating. If you can get the mental health aspect under control then you will likely find you don't resort to that type of eating.

Good luck,
Kris



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I need someone to turn to. I am struggling terribly with my emotional eating. I try to ignore the urge to eat but it just keeps getting stronger and stronger until I cave in. And, its affecting my weight loss efforts. I am maintain my weight but I'm not losing anything due to the emotional eating. Im at a loss at what to do, I've tried reading articles about it. But, it doesnt help. Not sure to do. Thanks for your time everyone.

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It’s been a hectic week - one of my geldings must’ve poked himself in the eye & developed a nasty corneal ulcer... It was looking so bad on Wednesday that I sought out a consultation w/equine ophthalmologist - unfortunately our local guy (Dr Munger) only sees horses on Wednesdays, the worst possible day of the week for me! But I got some helpful hints, stepped up my game medication-wise, and by Friday his eye was looking better...
My other gelding (whom my friend Christina rode in last weekend’s event) had clopped himself in the ankle**; that scrape got infected so I’ve been soaking & medicating that as well. I’m shaking my finger at the rest of my barn, admonishing everyone else to stay healthy!
** fortunately he stayed sound & successfully completed the ride
My son came out to ride his mule Friday which was an unexpected, 2 weekends-in-a-row treat since I NEVER got the opportunity to ride consecutive weekends w/Z throughout his childhood, it’s almost as if we’re making up for lost time. I’ll take every single scrap of time Z will give me. He is doing well with his coursework - returning to a conventional classroom setup has been good for him.
I took my mom back to see therapist for grief counseling yesterday which I hope is helpful to her - I know it’s NOT good for her to isolate herself in her house, going through old papers & photos.
And my friend Janis is hospitalized w/another serious infection - she is scheduled for a surgical debridement tomorrow, ugh! But they have taken her off hospice care, she’s back “in the system” again - hopefully will get placement in rehab after surgical recovery.

Val


Edited by: ENDUROVET at: 9/8/2019 (10:37)
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9/7/19 6:12 A

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Sounds like the cat got the Chihuahua good and proper LOL! Not the best way to start the day, tho'.

I'm looking forward to your update.

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9/6/19 9:54 A

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Well I certainly had an unpleasant awakening at 6:30 AM, when my Chihuahua yowled - probably bcz the cat swatted him! By the time I got to him, all was well but it was startling...

More later folks - MY SON HAS OFFERED TO RIDE WITH ME AGAIN TODAY!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: ENDUROVET at: 9/6/2019 (09:55)
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9/5/19 4:26 A

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But if you have to get out of bed to turn the alarm off, wouldn't you stay out? I know that many years ago when I was a teenager and working, I had 3 alarms set. I put them in tins (makes a ruckus) but set them for different times. If I went back to bed the first time, I would be soon disturbed. By the second time I was generally sick of getting in/out of bed that I just stayed out but if I went back to bed after that second alarm, I NEVER wanted to go back after the third.

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HD1973's Photo HD1973 Posts: 51
9/4/19 1:15 P

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Yeah, it wasn't an issue of being able to wake up, it was the problem of being able to get out of bed and stay out of bed.

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Try setting an alarm and put it the other side of the room so you have to get out to turn it off.

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9/3/19 10:56 A

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Really need to plan more on the weekends... ended up sleeping a whole lot this past weekend...

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8/30/19 4:16 A

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There are different sorts of light boxes, some not very good.
www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditio
ns
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Kris

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HD1973's Photo HD1973 Posts: 51
8/29/19 11:23 A

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I've tried light boxes in the past (and still have one), but it doesn't seem to work for me.

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-DEIRDRE-'s Photo -DEIRDRE- Posts: 27,649
8/29/19 10:13 A

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I have a light box that I use every morning for about 10 minutes. It makes a difference.

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8/28/19 11:36 P

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I'm glad the new Psychologist seems a good fit. That is a BIG plus! Do you use Light Therapy in the Autumn/Winter? If not, it might be worth discussing this with your Psychiatrist or Psychologist. For a lot of people it helps considerably re the mood.

Kris

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8/28/19 11:34 P

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Heidi - It sounds like the setting is likely a good one for you. My pressure hasn't been altered since the day I was given my CPAP machine. The improvement was astounding.

Kris

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HD1973's Photo HD1973 Posts: 51
8/28/19 1:29 P

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I use a CPAP, and the pressure is set at 14. I think this is correct as the ResMed app reports less than 2 events per hour, and the goal is less than 5 per hour. I meet with the sleep DR in October, but don't anticipate anything to change.

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HD1973's Photo HD1973 Posts: 51
8/28/19 1:11 P

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Just an update....

Met with my new psychologist yesterday... It seems like it might be a good fit. Psychiatrist recommended not changing anything at this point...

Having good days and bad days this week, but managing. I know as the winter approaches, it will be more of a challenge.

Thanks all, for your kind words.

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8/25/19 9:30 P

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Val - I am really sorry to hear of your friend's serious health issue/s. I can understand how you are feeling - I have felt torn in many directions re parents'/husband's/sister's very serious health issues quite a few times in my life, Often there were 2 or more needing my attention at the same time, and in fact, on one occasion I had my Stepfather (was in his 90's) and my husband in the Emergency Department - each with very serious conditions. Added to that my mother was ill at home, and my sister recovering from a stroke. One thing I did was use my mobile phone and call them. I know that my mother was greatly relieved just to hear my voice and very happy to hear the sick family members voices, too. Perhaps you could set up video-messaging with your friend so you can see each other. I did it for my sister and mother so that they could talk to each other and actually SEE each other, because my sister was unable to drive up to see our Mum in the last year of Mum's life.

Just remember, too, that sometimes for our OWN health we need to step away a little and take a breather. It's good that you have been able to recognize that.

Hugs,
Kris

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 22,431
8/25/19 7:26 P

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ENDUROVET, I'm so sorry to read about your friend's stroke when recovering from double amputation. Life doesn't seem fair at all sometimes. I hope she is being cared for in the best possible way. *I hope life gets easier for you. I can relate - I had to help care for my mother after my father passed way and it was hard to juggle everything. *I'm glad you're able to relieve your depression and anxiety as least temporarily and I hope you'll be able to find more riding time.

Take care. emoticon

Miller

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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 682
8/25/19 10:46 A

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I’m sorry to hear of those of us facing recent setbacks & challenges (Deirdre, HD, Micha)...
Even though I temporarily relieved my depression & anxiety by getting out on trail yesterday, sometimes it almost seems like my happiness must cost someone else? (my mother specifically) I have been trying to go by & get her out of her house for at least brief errands almost on a daily basis, but she reacted very poorly to my decision to get out of town with my ponies for TWO WHOLE DAYS.
(it seems like the only way I could get time to RIDE was to book something & leave for that expressed purpose - I met a friend of mine at a park about 3 hrs away. I’ll be missing out on our ride Labor Day weekend since I’ve been asked to work that event - I wanted a little something for myself!)
At times like these, I bellow out what K’s husband trademarked: “Everybody wants a piece of ME!!!”
Then I got bad news about my friend Janis in Rockport (she had actually been making progress towards recovery from her double amputation) - apparently she has now suffered a stroke. Sounds really bad, & here I am tied up for next weekend. She may not last until I can return on the weekend of 9/07.
emoticon

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8/22/19 8:58 P

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DEIRDRE - I don't know what job you do, but I guess it is something in the line of health care. I worked in health care for a number of years - often with terminally ill. I know it is really sad when they die, regardless of how they die. A few people I know committed suicide - some, extended family, and some close friends family. It is even more sad that they feel that they have to take their own lives. I was fortunate in that I never used to get emotional/depressed/stressed when that happened. Instead I acknowledged to myself that I did what *I* could do for that person, when I was able. I KNEW that my being there for them had made a difference to them.

It is quite likely that altho' you weren't able to help Tina, Tina has helped you (which in turn means that you can help others, even tho' you may not see that at this time. Just remember, it is normal and healthy to grieve - even if you don't know that person, or don't know them very well. So long as you have people you can talk to. One group of people is right here where you shared!

Hugs,
Kris xxx

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8/22/19 8:42 P

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Hi, Heidi - You have a lot going on and it isn't uncommon to feel overwhelmed under those circumstances.

I also have Sleep Apnea. There is a strong relationship between that, Diabetes (regardless of weight), High Blood Pressure, Heart Disease and Depression. I am not saying that it has caused it in your case, but it can certainly impact significantly with them.

I am really pleased that you are seeing a Psychiatrist and Psychologist.

Regarding your Sleep Apnea. Do you use a CPAP or BiPAP? If so, have the readings been checked by a Respiratory Clinician to see that the pressure is the correct one for you? Sometimes they need altering - particularly if one loses weight.

Hugs,
Kris

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 8/22/2019 (20:43)
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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 22,431
8/22/19 2:40 P

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DEIDRE, I'm sorry this has happened again. I wish I knew how to help, but my experience with this is limited. I know that people with gender identity issues have higher rates of suicide and it's very sad.

I hope your boss is right that this is not the norm for your place of employment. I'm sorry you had nightmares about it. If you have a therapist or psychologist, you may want to talk with them about it. They might have some good insights. It would be nice if your job had a support system in place to help the employees when things like this happen with a client.

Take care. Hoping things get better. emoticon


Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

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"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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