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THEJOURNEYAHEAD's Photo THEJOURNEYAHEAD SparkPoints: (3,844)
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12/1/20 10:59 A

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@SLBROOKS3 Thank you so much for responding to my post! I will look at the daily chat thank you for the information. I agree the holidays tend to bring me down because it reminds me how far away from my family I am. I have my son and fiance but sometimes it's hard being away from my brothers and sisters. Usually I fly home for the holidays so that is my plan this year as well preventing any issues due to COVID. Still need to be safe. emoticon

I'm very shy too and usually have a hard time meeting new people by myself. I know the times I've come out of my shell I've met some great people though. emoticon Thank you so much for talking to me and I hope we can talk again!

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"It takes a dream to get started, desire to keep going, and determination to finish." - Eddie Harris JR.


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THEJOURNEYAHEAD's Photo THEJOURNEYAHEAD SparkPoints: (3,844)
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12/1/20 10:55 A

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@MILLER-S Thank you for writing to me. I know the app you are speaking of and my friend also recommended it to me and I tried it out. Right now there are not a lot of events going on and I tend to get social anxiety when it comes to meeting new people. My days have been a little better after the weekend and I'm not in the dark place I was. But I appreciate all the support you have provided and just listening to me as a friend. I'm planning on visiting my family and friends back home for Christmas so that should make me feel better to at least see them for a short time. emoticon

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"It takes a dream to get started, desire to keep going, and determination to finish." - Eddie Harris JR.


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,711
11/27/20 5:10 P

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Hi Jenn, welcome. You can talk to us in the daily chat too. That is one way I feel connected. I love it! It really helps me deal with depression better! We never know why or when we will feel down sometimes even though it seems like good days are happening. Glad you had a Happy Thanksgiving with your family! I spent it alone but I had an awesome day. Maybe because it is the day after the holiday you might be feeling down? I don't know. I did a little bit today.

Well I quickly googled it and Meet Up still exists. I didn't find it very helpful for me though because I am just too shy. I don't like to go out. Also, I did well with my depression group here that was local and met a lot of friends that way. It met every Monday night but I am sure that has also stopped.

Glad you found us here.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
11/27/20 4:25 P

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Hi Jenn (I saw your name on your Spark page). My heart goes out to you. Moving is one of the hardest things. I felt so lonely when I moved to a different city from my family and old church friends, even though I was still in the same state.

I met new people at our new church after we moved and I know there used to be an app or something called, "Meet Up" where you could meet with people who have the same interests you do. Of course, Covid-19 has pretty much put a stop to a lot of that, I guess. I think a lot of people are feeling lonely right now because they can't see their friends or extended family.

I wish I had better advice on how to keep in touch meaningfully with friends you no longer live close to. I'm not a very social person, anymore - except online here at Spark and a bit on Facebook, so I'm not the best to make suggestions.

I'm glad you had a good Thanksgiving with your family - and Well Done on getting in some exercise!! Sending you big virtual Hugs and wishing you better and brighter days ahead!!

Miller emoticon emoticon emoticon



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 11/27/2020 (16:30)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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THEJOURNEYAHEAD's Photo THEJOURNEYAHEAD SparkPoints: (3,844)
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11/27/20 1:16 P

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emoticon everyone. Today I'm feeling down and need some encouragement! emoticon I have been feeling like I have noone to talk to and I don't know if it's my anxiety and depression kicking in or if it's just what I'm going through since moving to a new State. I left my friends behind back home to be with my fiance. I know it was the right decision and I'm very happy but now I keep thinking about the fact that none of my friends talk to me anymore except when I reach out to them and then it's just a quick hi. emoticon Really need some support today. I had a lovely Thanksgiving with my family yesterday and even got some exercise in. Not sure why I'm feeling this way today. emoticon

"It takes a dream to get started, desire to keep going, and determination to finish." - Eddie Harris JR.


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
11/22/20 9:36 A

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MARIE, thanks very much for asking about my daughter. She's doing pretty well right now. *I'm sorry you haven't found the right job yet. It must be frustrating, but I admire that you keep trying. I hope you find something very soon.
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I don't have too much anxiety about the holidays, though I do think my husband gets too much exposure when he goes to his Mom's to bring her groceries and medicine and extended family are there - they'll be there for Thanksgiving, too. My, DH, and DD will have our little Thanksgiving together. We've been in the habit for years now of bringing our plates to the living room and eating in front of the TV. I've tried to reinstate family dinners at the dining room table more than once, but it never works so I've given up. So we'll eat in front of the TV on Thanksgiving with our plates in our laps. Not very festive, but maybe we'll at least watch a holiday program *Wishing you comfort and relief from anxiety for the hoiday.

VAL, I hope your Mom isn't serious. I've heard that carbon monoxide poisoning isn't an easy way to go. Maybe she doesn't realize that. She may just be saying things like that to let pressure off herself. I sometimes think about it, but I don't intend to do it. It just makes me feel better to think I have choices if I can't keep going. *I hope your holiday is a good one.

SARAH, sometimes having a peaceful, quiet holiday is nice. I hope you enjoy it. Hallmark movies are very uplifting, so that's something fun to look forward to.


Hugs to all. emoticon




Edited by: MILLER-S at: 11/22/2020 (09:39)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,711
11/22/20 9:18 A

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Val I am sorry your Thanksgiving plans were changed and may change again. I will pray for your mom. I hope she cheers up!

MARIENOW I am spending Thanksgiving alone this year which is fine. I have a Hallmark movie to watch at 8 am that day so that will help.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
11/18/20 8:59 A

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Our “usual” Thanksgiving event for the past 40+ yrs, gathering at my aunt’s house is canceled when one of my cousin’s daughters brought home Covid from college. While it’s made its way through her household, “so far” my aunt (94) has stayed healthy...

Another cousin will host a smaller gathering at her house, so we will show up with our festive holiday masks - my mom is already fretting about it, I’ve already told her if she’s that worried we don’t have to go! So it actually may end up “just us” (husband, mother, son, myself) here on the farm.

I don’t know whether this is a serious threat, but my mom mentioned suicide by car (carbon monoxide - go sit in garage with car running) - looks like we may bring her Buick back to my house after all when her housekeeper returns it (we’ve let her borrow it while her truck is in the shop). Now if my dad had been aware of how he was going to end up: a broken, incontinent shell of a man, decimated by dementia - I think HE would’ve committed suicide. I’d never peg my devout Catholic mother as “the type” - but of course that’s the problem isn’t it??

Val

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MARIENOW's Photo MARIENOW SparkPoints: (16,482)
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11/17/20 8:02 P

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Hi everyone. We should do a roll call and post updates.

How is everyone spending Thanksgiving? Miller, how is your daughter?

Things with me are okay. I'm trying to end 2020 in a positive way and focus on what I should feel grateful for. It's challenging because my financial situation has been bleak. Luckily I do have some part-time work I am doing at home but I need more to pay the bills. All I can do is keep sending resumes and hope for the best. I've been literally exhausted going on interviews all over the place and having to rent cars because my own car is broke. Today I am just laying in bed enjoying having the day off. So far, I haven't found the right match or even something that would be okay for a temporary situation. There are a lot of very unprofessional, crappy companies out there! One place asked if I would start working on Monday for a trial period, but they wouldn't tell me the salary. It's like, WTH??? So I declined because I think they seem shady.

With the holidays coming, I am a bit nervous about feeling down. I will mostly be alone (and it's by choice so I'm not complaining) but I still get nervous that I will feel sad missing loved ones who have passed. And the year 2020 has certainly been challenging to say the least!

Is anyone having anxiety about the holidays?

ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
10/24/20 4:29 P

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Sarah, I am with you on that David Burns book - I wanted to say c’mon man, don’t you know I am DEPRESSED??
it’s hard enough to get moving and get anything at all accomplished...
But I did get out this morning to ride with my friends - I think that does me as much good as anything!

M4R - maybe you should adopt a big dog? they sincerely do help with home security. It’d be good responsibility for the kids too...

Val

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MOMOF4RASCALS's Photo MOMOF4RASCALS SparkPoints: (1,047)
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10/24/20 6:33 A

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I agree about medication. I feel like if I skip a couple doses my bad days stack up. Depression runs rapid in my mom side so far back I have learned of ancestors being put into asylums because they just didn't know what it was. I have done so much research on medication and depression.

There is so many different types of medication because they all cause different things to our brains to get it to realize that hormone that we need. It's an interesting thing to read about why we have to do trail and error on medication to help us.

Also why its so important for us to take them regular no matter if we feel great or not.

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
10/23/20 9:45 P

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SARAH, I wonder if the reason you were doing so well for so long was because you were taking Abilify? My DD and I both take "new generation" antipsychotics and they help us a lot. Abilify falls into that class. I sometimes see posts from folks on the Dealing with Depression team who are doing well and want to stop taking their medications. It always concerns me a bit because I can't help thinking that the reason they're doing so well is because they're taking the medications. I know some people don't like taking meds, but I know what I was like without them and I never want to go back there. I hope the low dose of Abilify will help you feel better, but if not, maybe she will let you increase it a little more.

I'm glad you got your new car. It always takes me some time to "break in" a new car (or a used car). They all seem to drive differently from one another. I'm sure with some time, you'll get used to it.

If the new book seems overwhelming right now, maybe you could just keep it for when you're feeling more like tackling something like that.
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Take care. Big Hugs!!!


Edited by: MILLER-S at: 10/23/2020 (21:45)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,711
10/23/20 7:30 P

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Thank you Miller. I like your idea about the lights being on while her husband is away.

I talked to my psychiatrist last night and she put in a prescription for me to go back on a low dose of Abilify. The drug I had stopped taking. I am not sure if a low dose is enough. I am really worried because I am not thinking straight and everything is extremely negative and curse words. I don't say curse words out loud but for some reason it has been okay to curse in my head?

The car seems fine although it does seem a little rougher of an engine than the Honda Civic I had test drove. I am having problems driving though because I think I am scared to go faster than 55 or something. I had gotten used to the old car where I couldn't go that fast because it was not in good shape. I had a lot of cars pass me tonight when I picked up my daughters. Oh well. At least we got to our destination alive.

I ordered a book from Walmart that just came out called Feeling Great by David Burns MD and it is okay. Just wants you to do a lot of work. There is this new thinking of where you reframe your depression and anxiety and say where it is good and helping you. Like a positive way of looking at the way you are feeling and what it is about you that is good and beautiful. Then you have to come up with the cognitive distortions that are contributing to the way you feel and also come up with positives to put in place of the negative thoughts. It all seems like a lot of work and seems overwhelming to me.

It's funny because I was doing so well for such a long time! I was very happy for many months.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
10/23/20 3:21 P

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SARAH, I'm sorry you had a bad day and were in crisis. I hope things worked out with your car and your job and that you're feeling better now.

MOMOF4RASCALS , I'm sorry you won't get your time to chill out this weekend. I know with kids it's important to have some time for yourself to decompress. I wonder if taking the kids to a park (or just playing games in your yard) and letting them "play out" all their energy, then coming home to let them watch a movie with snacks would give you some time to rest during the movie. I can understand not sleeping well when your husband is gone. Locking the doors and windows and leaving a light on outside and one on inside always made me feel safer when my husband traveled.



I'm not having a good day. My daughter's depression has returned and while it's not as bad as in the past, it's enough that it has me worried. She's already had to take a week off from work back in the summer for her mental health and I don't think she can realistically do that every few months - I don't know of any employer who would be amenable to that, no matter how good the employee is. Anyway, maybe it won't come to that. I went back to bed this morning after being up a couple of hours because I felt so hopeless about everything. It's not just the situation with my daughter - it's a lot of things. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

Hugs to all. emoticon

Miller



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 10/23/2020 (15:24)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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10/23/20 9:32 A

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I am at a low the last couple of days. I think part of the issue is that knowing that my husband is leaving tomorrow at 4am. The weekends are usually major family time. It's also where I get to chill in my room for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday. He gets up with the kiddos and gets them breakfast. So knowing that won't happen and I can decompress from the pressures of the week is frustrating. But he has to go and fly out to get my mom and her car and drive them back.

I also don't sleep well when he is gone. As my anxiety is over drive. I always fear someone is going to break into my house and kill my kids.

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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,711
10/21/20 7:05 A

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Yesterday was a very bad day! I think I am in crisis. I see my therapist tonight. I am buying the car today and heading over to my mom's tonight so I hope that will perk me up. I think the problem is work. Jackie, my co-worker, had off for two days and there is nothing to do except Monday afternoon I had training. Yesterday afternoon was particularly bad. I have almost finished the book Resistance by Tori Amos but it is a little depressing talking about her mom's death and death. The problem is if I tell my boss I need something to do she will put me in moves and collections and Jackie too. Jackie doesn't want to do those. It really is a problem. Take care.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,711
10/15/20 8:15 P

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Thanks Val. I am not sure I can hold my breath for a minute or a minute and a half but I liked the in and out in the beginning.

I am a little relieved. My dad's check came in the mail tonight and I was able to put it into the bank tonight. So by Wednesday, I should be able to purchase the car without any problem. I was going to take my 10 year old cat to the vet. She has not been to the vet for 5 years and I feel guilty. I should have been taking her regularly to the vet. Poor girl. I will have to cancel her morning appointment on Wednesday and move it to another time. I just can't imagine getting stuck in my old car with a cat! A cat that hates car rides as it is! So I will reschedule her appointment to maybe the first week in November or something like that.

The appointment with my psychiatrist went okay and she didn't give me any more medications.

Edited by: SLBROOKS3 at: 10/15/2020 (20:16)
Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 170.0 
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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
10/15/20 9:49 A

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I’m sorry you are struggling Sarah... When I traded in my Focus (Memorial Day weekend), even though I had submitted all my financial qualifications in advance, it still took HOURS - & I was having fantasies of overturning tables & just walking out, what a PITA buying a car is!!! No excuse for wasting a customer’s valuable time like that...

Anyway, I hope you’ll have it wrapped up soon - for anxiety try Wim Hof’s breathing techniques. I’ve only been practicing at bedtime but it seems to be helping.

youtu.be/tybOi4hjZFQ

Val

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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,711
10/15/20 6:54 A

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Not doing that well. Feel anxious because of the car. I have to wait for the check to come in the mail, put it in the bank, have it post and then I can finally buy the car. I am hoping this all happens before next Wed., Oct 21. My work is very boring right now and I am reading a book in the morning and have training (which is going well) in the afternoon. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tonight at 5:30 and I am worried she will want me on more meds. I can't have more meds. I am very anxious and my stomach hurts.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 170.0 
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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
10/10/20 12:29 P

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Val, glad things are looking better.


Scarlet, hope you're doing well.



Miller emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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BEACHCOMBER16's Photo BEACHCOMBER16 SparkPoints: (47,939)
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10/10/20 10:58 A

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Val

I am glad things are looking up. It sounds like you might be trying to cut down on caffeine. Keep up the good work. I have heard that can be challenging.

Scarlet- Eastern Time Zone
ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
10/10/20 9:15 A

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I almost fell off the wagon this morning as I stumbled down to the barn, fantasizing about how GOOD a fresh hot cuppa coffee would taste & smell!
I’m tired of waking up with this musty low-grade headache, but I did sleep a little better last night - only one potty break at 5 AM...
So I came back to the house & made my “new” cuppa Earl Grey - perhaps the headache is fading slightly. I’ll go jump in a hot shower in a few which should help further my agenda.
Z is supposed to come down & join me for a ride this morning - I laid a small dollop of guilt upon him, told him he was overdue for his “annual mule ride”. He even joined his grandma & I for dinner last night when I managed to pry Mom out of her house for a cheeseburger!
Guess I have no business posting this in “Bad Days” since it’s looking better all the time.

Val

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
10/8/20 6:51 P

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Val, I'm sorry you're struggling with a lot of anxiety these days. I hope cutting out coffee will help you get better sleep and, in turn, help with the anxiety.

emoticon emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
10/8/20 11:46 A

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This is Day 5 of Val’s attempt to Cut Out the Coffee - I’ve had a cup of hot tea which hasn’t cleared my sluggish foggy head, ugh!
But I don’t like the idea of being addicted to caffeine either (I know tea has caffeine also, but the plan is to “step down” for a couple of wks before eliminating it entirely)
During my drive last weekend, I listened to Michael Pollan’s audiobook “Caffeine” & could relate to the never-ending cycle of drinking the coffee to offset the bad night’s sleep that caffeine helped ensure: caffeine binds up one’s adenosine receptors, a necessary component of the rejuvenating properties of good sleep...
Anyway, I’m dedicated to this little experiment for at least a few weeks; I’m that desperate to get some deep restorative sleep. Anxiety is really kicking my tail these days.

Val

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
9/28/20 7:16 P

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Val, I'm glad you had a nice weekend where almost everything went according to plan. You should be able to keep your horses and ride them without feeling guilty. I'm sorry your Mother tries to make you feel guilty. Hang in there.

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
9/28/20 1:30 P

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I have no earthly business posting in the "Bad Day" thread, since I actually had another nice weekend where almost everything went "according to plan"...
I made it up to OK to see my riding buddies & escort my friend's daughter through "part" of an introductory ride.
My friends likewise completed their rides without incident, and we all had safe travels home.
I lounged around most of yesterday morning, getting my laundry done & resting up before starting my appointed rounds - going to check on my mom & so forth.
She's back in another low spot, talking about wanting to die to go be with my dad... Part of this is a guilt trip since I've been gone these past couple of weekends. But damned if it makes any sense for me to keep the farm & all my horses if I'm not going to go out, try to ride a bit & enjoy them?!?
We even had a minor "lull in the action" today at work where it looks like I'll actually get a lunch hour, which is what gives me time to type this...
I just wish I could find a way to consistently elevate my own mood.

Val

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
9/24/20 11:54 A

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Val, I'm sorry about the nightmare, but am glad that Blue is doing all right for now. The photo of you getting kitten therapy is so sweet. Some people think cats are cold, unfeeling or aloof, but I find them to be very loving.

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Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
9/24/20 10:47 A

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All my recent stressors and anxieties came bubbling out in a horrible nightmare last night, so I’m sitting here nursing my cuppa coffee while I recover...
(I blogged about it - Baraq is fine of course)
Blue is happy to be home and seems to be doing all right for the time being - as long as he is still eating and able to urinate, we’ll keep on keeping on. I spoke to one of my colleagues at the surgery center and as I feared, there are no great new techniques - dogs don’t do well with prostatectomies. I could take him across town for some palliative radiation, but he would think I was punishing him by dragging him away from home.
Right now I’m soaking up some kitten therapy as I babysit for Zach... I told him this kitten is the only grandbaby I want for many years to come!


Edited by: ENDUROVET at: 9/24/2020 (10:48)
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9/23/20 9:39 A

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Val, I'm sorry about Blue. It's so hard to let a beloved pet go. emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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9/23/20 9:31 A

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Val I can relate to your problem. It is so hard, pets are just a part of the family. There are a lot of hard decisions to be made. I am thinking of you.

Lori


Edited by: SPLORI at: 9/23/2020 (09:31)
TOPS Hugs
Lori
Eastern Standard Time USA

Consult not your fears,
but your hopes and dreams.
Think of not about your frustrations,
but about your unfulfilled potential.
Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed in,
but what it is still possible for you to do.

Pope John XXIII


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
9/22/20 9:09 A

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After escaping for a brief glorious weekend in the Ozarks, it’s back to grey drizzly rain at home this week...
Even worse, I am faced with the tough decision of when to release my son’s old hound - we had Blue scanned yesterday & as I feared, there is a tumor at the neck of his bladder (by all appearances, inoperable but I will speak to my colleague at the surgery center to see if there are any PRACTICAL new techniques - I know it’s possible to remove most of the bladder & have your dog urinate through a Foley catheter, but that’s not sustainable for a farm dog)
Blue is 12, after all, & he’s had a great life with us here on the farm - digging up rocks & fetching large sticks/small logs - but I’m still sad. He’s the best boy - yesterday he lay patiently in that foam cradle as the tech scanned him, wagging his tail as I scratched his chest.
He’s still eating, but he’s lost a lot of weight & has trouble emptying his bladder. It’s never an easy decision even when “it’s your J*O*B”...

Val


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9/20/20 5:44 P

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.

Edited by: MILLER-S at: 9/20/2020 (17:48)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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9/17/20 11:03 A

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VAL, I'm sorry about Scarlotta's injury.

MARIE, I hope you stay safe from the fires.



We're expecting the remains of Hurricane Sally to come through today, tonight, and early tomorrow morning. Five inches of rain, strong wind gusts and under a Flood Watch. But we're so fortunate compared to the folks who got hit when Sally was at Hurricane strength.

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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MARIENOW's Photo MARIENOW SparkPoints: (16,482)
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9/13/20 7:04 P

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Hi all - I hope anyone affected by the fires is okay. There's been some ash on my car and I can smell the fires, but overall, it's not bad where I live.

Glad the weather is getting cooler. I fell SOOOOO MUCH HAPPIER when I can do some gardening in the backyard. Amazing how something relatively small can really change a person's outlook.

How are you all doing?

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9/2/20 9:09 A

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& here we are, September 2nd already!

I am really slacking on my caretaker duties, leaving more & more to Patricia (weekday caretaker) to handle: all of the housekeeping, laundry, minor shopping... She’s a real gem & we’re lucky to have her, no matter how much my mom gripes about her minor idiosyncrasies!

I know my depression has flared up worse than ever: being pulled apart between work, home, my mom who at this point refuses to consider the brand new, very nice assisted living facility which is only 3 mi from my office, and missing my young adult son (22) whom I haven’t seen in almost 2 wks. Lord knows when he finds his next girlfriend that’ll be the end of any socializing w/Mom! & the cherry on this sh!t sundae was Scarlotta’s injury, wiping out my rosy plans for fall rides (I know I have other horses but it Ain’t. The. Same!!! Scarlett is a pleasure/recreation to ride, the others are WORK!)

I know a lot of these are First World Problems (no time for ME!) & today being a grey rainy day (even though we’ve been in desperate need of that rain), still doesn’t help my mood...

Gotta get suited up for work now.

Val

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9/1/20 1:43 P

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It's been a rough time. I think it's all starting to hit me. I've been crying a lot for no reason. Between my germaphobia stuff and claustrophobia issues, along with not being able to find a job because there's nothing open around here, it's been a struggle to be hopeful. I can feel my anxiety and restlessness increase. I have handled it all okay (well, not really since I've been compulsively eating) but now it's all affecting me more.

Prayers and hugs to you all.

JAZZYGF's Photo JAZZYGF Posts: 5,395
9/1/20 10:25 A

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prayers to all going through a situation and having to deal with depression
this week my grandaughters wedding 2nd date since covid made the date change. then that day my 75th birthday I hate birthdays and 75 wow did I ever think that would happen. dealing with crowds, family, stress with the family, covid restrictions motel for 2 days missing my dog in kennel fear of what i look like in a dress finding panty hose I have not worn for 10 years. smiling being happy I am struggling

small goal 160


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8/8/20 9:04 A

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Whelp I’m nursing a slight hangover this AM before I try to “rinse it out” in a hot shower & get on into work (yep, it’s my Saturday to work, let’s hope it’s not too hectic but at least in any case we’re only open half a day!)

We were celebrating my son’s successful completion of another 12 credit hours this summer - to me that was a remarkable achievement considering he was also working almost full-time for the moving company. (he will be continuing on with them - he likes his coworkers & the company seems to treat its workers fairly, most of them are also college students like Z)

Correct me if I’m wrong, but we have always let the person at the center of the celebration (birthday, graduation, a stepping-stone towards graduation, whatever!) choose the restaurant - Z wanted this Italian joint which apparently has not survived the pandemic... His second choice was sushi (which also offers other options for non-sushi eaters like hubby). But instead my husband opted out entirely - an underlying reason I drank more sake than I should have last night - “drowning my sorrows” so to speak!

I know it doesn’t really change the fundamental misery of my situation, just another figurative nail in the coffin. Doesn’t detract from our “golden moment” last night, strolling down the sidewalk arm-in-arm, admiring our beautiful city after another sublime meal at this WONDERFUL sushi place! (Z had to get up even earlier than me for his full workday, but he’s a heck of a lot younger)

Val


Edited by: ENDUROVET at: 8/8/2020 (11:27)
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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
7/24/20 6:42 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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7/24/20 5:44 P

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Having a rough week. First, I found out that my great uncle died of a heart attack. Then, just within the last 24 hours I found out that my brother had a liver transplant and almost died (I didn't even know he needed a transplant). My husband came home from work early this morning and hurriedly told me to come out into the kitchen. I came out to find him holding a newborn (probably just born today) kitten in a piece of cloth. We did everything we could to help bring it's body temperature up, but the poor thing died in my arms. I had been having a fantastic week (except for my great uncle passing away), and then all of this.

"If you can dream it, you can do it." -Walt Disney


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7/24/20 2:13 P

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Struggling with depression these last few days especially. DD having trouble fitting in at her job. She gets great remarks and feedback about her work performance, but struggles socially. Others are, apparently, included in social occasions, but not her. When she hurts, I hurt. I get so tired of the struggle of living.

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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7/8/20 9:46 A

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Can relate to your knee flare up, Val.
And empathize with your care-taking role as hard onyo. My mother-in-law stayed half the year with us and half with her other child. It was increasingly difficult on all of us. But she died in Feb. 2019, & so glad that she had a loving transition.

I am opening up to the possibilities of each day. I see that spark within others.


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
7/6/20 9:16 A

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This weekend was rough since I wanted to do a couple of things for ME & not completely sacrifice everything on the devouring pyre of “Mom’s recovery”. (I put it in quotes bcz I fear she’s getting another UTI which would explain some of her behavior)

I did manage to get in a short ride Saturday AM which was great; I took my groomer’s older daughters out & met up with new trail-riding buddies.
Then in the afternoon I put in a brief appearance at friend/neighbor’s long-standing 4th of July cookout - I had Peran take his own vehicle so he could stay on, since Mom was calling me shortly after 6:00 (I’d told her & Patricia the caretaker that I’d be there around 7, but as I’ve mentioned Mom’s sense of time is distorted). Raced up to mom’s for my usual Sat-night thru Sun shift...
I know Mom is frustrated with having caretakers in her home; she keeps insisting that she can stay by herself although she’s still far too weak & unsteady on her feet. I appreciate what somebody in my vet group “Parenting a Parent” wrote: that it’s the PERSON who is unhappy, not the situation - as much as I’d like to fix things for her, in this case I cannot.
It’s unsafe for her to stay alone so it’s either in-home care or move to a facility.
She’s developed some swelling in her feet - hard to judge how much worse her confusion is, she had a litany of complaints about Patricia which instead of speaking up, she had let boil over. Annoying TV programs, lying on the couch, “eating all the time” (Patricia brings her own food), perceived delays in preparing Mom’s food, and worst of all, speaking harshly to little Abby the dog! (Abby never completely clued in to this house training routine - the carpets really need to be replaced w/laminate flooring but Mom doesn’t want to spend that much $$, she threw a fit about the fees for carpet cleaning!)
So I had a short conference w/Patricia when she showed up to take over last night - everything seems fine even though Mom fretted all day about it. (I had told her if Patricia was so unsatisfactory, I’d fire her & we’d find somebody else, but THEN of course Mom didn’t want me to talk to her at all “since she’d take it out on me”... The paranoia is strong!)
Ai yi yi, I’m really looking forward to this morning’s phone call!
I’m ashamed that I spoke harshly when Mom told me for about the 6th time that Patricia griped about salad greens spoiling in the fridge - I said “I KNOW!”
How did I know that?
Because you’ve TOLD me half a dozen times already Mom!!!
Hurt feelings ensued.

Anyway, I’m going to prescribe a short round of antibiotics “for Abby” & hopefully things will get better. Mom was really dejected as we watched fireworks on TV, missing Dad in some ways even worse than last weekend.

Val

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6/30/20 2:24 P

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VAL, I'm sorry about your knee. I had a torn meniscus and had surgery for it. They just "cleaned it up" and it didn't really do any good at all. The ortho surgeon told me ahead of time that it might not help much since I had severe arthritis in that knee. About a year later, I had total knee replacement. My sister had meniscus trouble and somehow worked her way through it. She did seated yoga for about a year and is now doing some standing yoga. I don't know if it's the yoga that made a difference or what, but she did avoid surgery.

It sounds like your mother is quite depressed, as my mother was after my father passed. Of course, at that time, my mother was in her mid-60's and didn't have the physical or mental challenges that she had later on. As you know, depression can sap a person's energy and motivation to do things like PT because it often makes us feel there's no point to anything and it's all hopeless. The fact that she's scared of pain and scared of falling makes everything harder, I know. I hope after the pain of the 1st anniversary lessens a bit, she'll gain the mental strength to try and get stronger.

Wishing you and your Mom all the best. I know it's really, really hard. Big Hugs.
emoticon emoticon

Miller

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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6/30/20 2:08 P

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Obione, welcome. I am also back after a hiatus. I can totally relate to the difficulty doing schoolwork.EVERYONE procrastinates and has trouble with it, but it is even worse when depressed. When schoolwork seems trivial compared to world issues and your personal problems, keep in mind that schoolwork is often the ONE place in your life where a couple hours or days of work really WILL pay off and make a difference in something you care about. Often those world or personal issues are weighing you down particularly because you can't do much about them, or feel helpless. Don't get stuck in them. Set aside a specific amount of time and dedicate those hours to fully focusing on the thing that needs to be done now; i.e. the schoolwork.

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6/30/20 9:10 A

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Last night I had very little time since my iPad was being recalcitrant. Finally gave up at hubby’s suggestion to install its software update (things seem better this AM, BTW)
It was just as well anyway, since after a busy workday I had to go by my mom’s (my normal “fill-in” mini-shift between the daytime & the overnight caretakers) - I didn’t get home till 9 PM.
Somehow I have aggravated an old injury of my L knee - it’s been very stiff & painful. It’s probably the meniscus - the orthopedic doctor told me to come back for an MRI when it got too bad.
But for now I’m going to concentrate on natural healing - I’m going to order a supplement recommended by one of my riding buddies (he actually gives it to his ponies but they make a human product too) & force myself back upstairs to my yoga room... I keep remembering my guru Jake explaining how he fixed HIS knees as he sat in hero posture (I still can’t sit all the way down on my heels, but I have gotten better)
I want to avoid surgery if possible, who has time for that??!!??
Meanwhile, my mom has become a housebound recluse, even if she’s not bedridden. She doesn’t want to do any PT bcz it makes her atrophied arm (humeral fx, postsurgical 5/04) ache & “she’d rather not have the use of her arm than put up with any more pain”. She’s terrified of falling again so she doesn’t want to rebuild any strength by using her walker. On at least a weekly basis (so a little less often than her previous almost-daily pleas), she expresses a wish for death. The 1st anniversary of my dad’s death was Sunday so that was also a rough day for both of us.
I wish I could see a light at the end of this tunnel but unfortunately I cannot.

Val

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6/29/20 9:01 A

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OBIONE686 I recently came back also to SP. I did try to get a masters degree in rehabilitation counseling. the last few months are hard and difficult to finish. I never finished my internship, because of my depression and anxiety. I received a teaching diploma which I don't know what I could do with.
I am now retired, didn't ever use my degree. People tell me I should be proud to have one, not many people do.

It is difficult, do you paper, you will be very proud of the progress you made.

TOPS Hugs
Lori
Eastern Standard Time USA

Consult not your fears,
but your hopes and dreams.
Think of not about your frustrations,
but about your unfulfilled potential.
Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed in,
but what it is still possible for you to do.

Pope John XXIII


Co Leader of team TOPS in Sparkpeople
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OBIONE686's Photo OBIONE686 Posts: 97
6/23/20 4:17 P

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Hey, everybody. I'm back at Sparkpeople after a 3 year hiatus.

I'm in my 3rd semester of grad school, I'm working on my masters of I/O psychology. I'm in the last week of an 8 week summer semester, with a full load of courses. I really enjoyed my teachers, and the course work. And I've also been dealing with my spring triggered SAD.

I've put in a lot of work for the courses, more than was expected or necessary. Except, I haven't been doing the coursework for Diversity class, because it was due at the end of the semester, and my professor was working with the class due to *gestures wildly* what's going on in the world right now. So I can communicate with him and get everything turned in---

Except I really don't care right now. I was the almost the most participative, I was really absorbing the information, I was able to give it back to the teacher in class--- but I'm shutting down when it comes to the idea of doing the course work. I just want to give. up. I'm not even stressed about passing. Everything else in my personal life and in the world in general seems so much more important than writing 10,000 words in the next few days. It's not that big of a deal, writing-wise. It's that I'm having trouble thinking this is the best use of my time.

Thank you for listening.

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6/21/20 1:41 P

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Val sorry about your dream. I had a dream that was really odd the other night. My mom was here at my apartment waking me up from a bad dream. Although I am not sure it was a bad dream but she was very concerned and was saying my name and touching my face. It startled me so much that I fell off the bed but of course when I actually woke up no one was here.

Sarah
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Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

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Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
6/17/20 6:34 P

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VAL, I'm sorry you had that bad dream, but you are not a terrible daughter for taking a few days off. I think that makes you a smart daughter, as you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. Part of caring for yourself is taking time for you.

I don't think you're a terrible wife, either. It's normal for a person to want to be with people who offer emotional support when needed. I know what it's like to have a husband who doesn't listen or empathize very well (or at all, as in your case). Frankly, it sucks, and it leaves one feeling very alone.

Once in a while, my husband will empathize with me and try to see my point of view and offer encouragement, but a lot of the time, he doesn't really listen. He's good at tuning me out.

Take care and hang in there. emoticon

Miller emoticon

Edited by: MILLER-S at: 6/17/2020 (18:34)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
6/17/20 9:16 A

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Maybe I shouldn’t be posting this in “Bad Day” since it was actually a bad NIGHT...
But my subconscious gifted me a lucid nightmare - I dreamt that my phone went off (I sleep with it since I use it as my alarm clock, also keep it with me these past several years in case anything goes wrong with my parents) - anyway, it was the caretaker telling me that Mom had fallen, the paramedics were taking her to hospital so it turned into that slow-motion nightmare of me trying to get out the door, knowing that “There goes my trip to CO!”
When I finally shook myself out of sleep, I checked my phone to see nothing, but that was the end of decent rest for me.
Then I could ponder the Deep Thoughts like am I a terrible daughter for taking a few days off?
I am a terrible wife - last night I went over to my son’s & let him buy me dinner (I didn’t ask how that first paycheck was holding out, but Z refused his weekly allowance - “Don’t need it Mom!”)
I’ve been leaning on my son for emotional support ever since I got his full attention back after he broke up with Toxic GF almost 2 yrs ago, but in my defense when I reach out to Hubby he Just. Ain’t. There!!! It’s like a great yawning void of Nothingness - he listens but literally has no response. C’mon - give me an eye roll, a shoulder shrug, or SOMETHING!

Time for work now as I slug down the dregs of my coffee.

Val

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6/7/20 11:44 A

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VAL, I'm sorry you couldn't complete your ride, but it was probably much safer for you and Scarlotta to stop early. *It must be really hard having your husband be at the opposite end of the political spectrum from you. I guess the only thing you can do is not to discuss politics at all?

DAVID E. I just saw your post. I'm so sorry you feel in the way and feel you are treated like a like-in maid. That must be very difficult. I know my husband has never wanted to go to counseling or therapy (well, we did for a while early in our marriage), but it might help if you and your wife could see a therapist? She may have no idea you feel this way. I see a psychiatrist and he prescribes depression meds and a tranquilizer for anxiety that I could not live without, but as I know some people don't want to see a psy doc, you could just see your regular family doctor. Sometimes they will prescribe medications that can help. Otherwise, if you don't want to take medications, some people say they get depression relief from exercise. It sounds like you have a lot of responsibilities and probably get a lot of exercise just in your daily activities, but maybe taking walks alone (if that's possible) would help you have some time to yourself to decompress, walk off some stress, and connect with nature a bit. These are just thoughts off the top of my head. I know I have no idea of the specific difficulties you're facing. I hope things get better for you. Take care.




I'm feeling down this morning. We waited all afternoon and early evening yesterday for our new stove delivery, but they never came or called. After calling many numbers and getting automated messages that were no help, we finally got a human on the phone (it literally took two hours) and were told that the delivery has been resceduled for a third time because when the drivers call our number to make sure we're home, they get a message saying they need to enter a security code. That cannot be true. We have just a regular landline and an answering machine. We tested it ourselves by calling from our cell phones and we called Spectrum who is our phone carrier and they said they have no message like that. The result of the two hours work was that I spoke to a store employee who "says" he will do something on Monday, a foreign Home Depot customer service agent who said she will add our two cell phone numbers and I emailed an executive at Home Depot's corporate offices. I'm just fed up.

Yesterday and this morning, our daughter has been in her room because she says the chemical smell from the new A/C unit is still strong in the living room area where DH and I sit. I thought it was getting better, but I guess my nose has just gotten used to it. K thinks it could be contributing to the headaches I have every day. The A/C & head unit and new duct work was supposed to take them two days, but they hurried and did it in one so they could have Friday off. They even said they wanted Friday off and one of them started cursing at the end of the day when they were trying to finish up and things weren't going smoothly. I guess we'll call the company tomorrow and have them come out and check the system again. This will be the third service call since we paid them $13,000 for the system. Again, I am fed up. It's seems like people can't or won't do their jobs correctly anymore. I don't know when taking pride in doing a good day's work stopped, but it's causing me a lot of unneeded stress.

Thanks for "listening." I hope today is a more serene day for everyone.

Miller emoticon

Edited by: MILLER-S at: 6/7/2020 (11:52)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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WEIGHTNITOUT60's Photo WEIGHTNITOUT60 Posts: 971
6/7/20 11:42 A

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I feel like I'm one step from the edge. I'm going to try to stay busy, get tired, and hopefully forget about everything.
Even my family treats me like I'm a live in maid and nothing more. I feel in the way living here. I know before my heart issues and surgery. When I was still working, i was looked at differently. I'm not the man she married and she shows it in little ways. All the time.
David E.

We are what we think about.


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6/7/20 11:07 A

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I couldn’t decide whether to post my “Ride News” here or on the Daily Chat - everything’s OK but Scarlotta & I failed to complete the ride, it was just too damned hot!
Miller, I’m sorry to hear about your brother. (I have an even greater dilemma since it’s my very own husband who is at opposite end of political spectrum)
And David, I can relate - only in my world can I go camping & sweat my tail off, the heat killing most of my appetite, yet come home 2 lbs heavier??!!?? Bloat & inflammation I guess... But the good news is, I quit before I made myself completely miserable - drank a pint of Infinit electrolyte solution & recovered fairly quickly from my heat stress. (And while it took Scarlett a little longer to recover than what is normal for her, she is absolutely fine - I would never forgive myself if I caused her harm)

Val

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6/6/20 5:08 P

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Hi David E. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I can relate to the struggle of gaining weight and trying to lose it again. One thing I learned when I participated in the 5% Spring Challenge was that some other people would gain weight some weeks, too. I was worried about "reporting in" because I thought everyone would lose every week. It sounds like you have a lot of responsibilities so I know it must be hard to juggle everything and try to lose weight at the same time.

My husband, daughter and myself are eating more vegetables this week. My daughter never has had a weight problem, but since Covid, she has put on some pounds. My husband has heart disease and Type 2 diabetes and needs to lose weight and I found out from my blood work on Thursday that I'm back in the Pre-Diabetes range again with my A1C. I'm not surprised since I've gained over 20 lbs on daily Prednisone.

I've had a bit of a bad day, too, as I woke up with a raging migraine and upset stomach. Am feeling a bit better now. Anyway, just know you're not alone. There are so many struggling with weight and depression.







Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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WEIGHTNITOUT60's Photo WEIGHTNITOUT60 Posts: 971
6/6/20 1:00 P

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Hi, just got caught up with my regular morning chores( about 2.5 hrs behind). I put grandson down for nap about an hr ago. He would be normally going at 1230pm-230pm if he was at daycare but he was getting cranky.
Omg. I normally weigh in one a week on Wednesday. Decided to jump.on scale. I added 6.5 lbs in 3 days. I'm on a biggest looser team on sp. Its going to be really hard to drop the 6.5 lbs between today and next Wednesday....I've not been logging in everything past few days . I'm do mad at myself.
David E.

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6/5/20 12:56 P

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DAVID E, I'm so sorry about the little boy. I have a very hard time when I hear news like that, too. For me, it's impossible to understand or make sense of.

DAVID, I'm sorry the news has been triggering for you. I've been watching too much of the coverage and have gotten upset several times.

VAL, I'm glad you were able to talk Z out of joining the protests. I agree with the principles of the peaceful protesters, too, but I know how easy it is for things to get out of hand. One of my daughter's co-workers joined the protests in our capital city and he was part of a group that got tear-gassed.



I had a bad day yesterday and the day before. Yesterday was a stressful doctor appointment and I had an anxiety attack on the drive home. The day before, either my niece or nephew (or both) told my brother (who does not do any kind of social media) about some things I had posted (they actually copied my posts and sent them to him) and he texted me many times and was not nice at all. I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion about politics, etc., but I don't think anyone has the right to tell others what to believe. I think he has decided to end our 66 year relationship of being siblings. My daughter says it's no great loss, as we didn't often see each other, anyway, but it still hurts. I thought I meant more to him than a politician. Oh well, life goes on.

Hoping for better days for all. emoticon

Miller emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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6/3/20 9:10 A

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I know whatcha mean about “avoiding the news” - last night after a great yoga class with Master Bruce (whew! My hip joints are talkin’ to me this morning!), instead of coming home to relax by puttering around getting my horse-camping stuff ready, I raced up to my son’s house to talk him OUT of joining the protests in downtown Dallas.
While I agree with their principles, what would be gained by possibly getting mixed up in trouble & being arrested? Z is dialing in his summer schedule with brand-new job** & full load of summer school coursework.
Thankfully he listened to me & I was not too terribly late getting back home (not early enough to feel like working in the horse trailer, but at least to spend a few mins w/Hubby, I’m sure he feels sadly neglected)
** Z just called me, he thought he’d be off this AM but has been called in... I worry about him juggling work vs school but this is his challenge to sort out

Val

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6/2/20 2:34 P

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WEIGHTNITOUT60's Photo WEIGHTNITOUT60 Posts: 971
6/2/20 1:25 P

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Sorry, I had a melt down and everything just poured out.
I started deep cleaning our house and am already tired, but feel a little better.
It's TRUE, hard work relieves the mind.
David E.

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6/2/20 12:15 P

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I just posted about starting out my day on a positive note.
I have got to stop looking at the news.
Yesterday a 2 yr old little boy went missing at a neighborhood park. He was with his mother. She said he went over to the bathroom and didnt come back. After a search yesterday he was found deceased in a dumpster at the park.
I cant understand how things like this are allowed to happen. In not dumb. I know there is lots of evil in this world. But he was only 2. The same age of my grandson. I didnt know the family. It wasn't even in our city. But, I cant cant stop crying.
I'm sorry I posted this. But I had to let it out. I just don't understand.

Edited by: WEIGHTNITOUT60 at: 6/2/2020 (12:17)
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6/2/20 10:56 A

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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,711
6/2/20 5:40 A

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Val I am so happy you have your cousin to talk to as a "big sister"! That is terrific. My mom has a similar thing with my cousin, Sue, she is like another daughter to her and I have had just to deal. Sometimes I feel like as her real daughter she loves my cousin more as one. It's something that I just deal with and it doesn't bother me. Basically it doesn't bother me because I have 2 sisters that we no longer have a relationship with (me and my mom both) because of personality issues and other issues. For me, both my sisters are too difficult but my mom did not except my one sister because she is gay which is wrong in my mind. The other sister rejected her because of her feelings against the other one for being gay. I don't agree with my mom's reasoning but I love my mom and just support that she is old fashioned. My mom and I both get along with my brother.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
6/1/20 10:23 A

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VAL, I'm sorry things are still so stressful. As David mentioned, it's good you have your cousin to correspond with as you need all the support you can get during this difficult time.

Hoping things get better. Take care and hang in there.
emoticon



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 6/1/2020 (10:23)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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6/1/20 9:28 A

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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
6/1/20 9:10 A

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Oh well - when I’m stressed & resentful & spent my weekend shift grazing at my mom’s, why should I be surprised that the scales are up 2 lbs this morning??
I forced myself out of this recliner Saturday morning to take Scarlotta out for a short ride - you might think this would improve my mood, but only seemed to increase my sullen resentment.
It was SUCH a beautiful day Saturday - while my short ride had both of us sweating, puffing & panting (whomever thinks riding is passive has never ridden themselves!), I’d have liked nothing better than to ride one loop with Scarlett, a second with Moonie (whom I haven’t ridden in months), then go back to putter around my barn, bathing horses, cleaning out my trailer, & yes, even shoveling out a few stalls...
Instead I had to race home, drop the trailer, give Miss Scarlotta a quick hose-off & turn her out, then grab my overnight bag & get over to my mom’s house by 2 PM.
The good news is I’ve re-opened correspondence w/a cousin of mine who is an impromptu “big sister”, she gives me a lot of insight. Resentment is a sign of crossed boundaries; she keeps on reminding me to take care of myself - by necessity I must hire out most of Mom’s care as my own son chimes in that my current schedule (driving my rounds to oversee, fill in, and do “my share”) is unsustainable.
No wonder I’m constantly fatigued & feel as though I’m never “quite” caught up. I sent off another thyroid test on myself last week - I think this “on edge” feeling is pure stress as I wait for mom to display a little more evidence of meaningful recovery, holding my breath for what may be the next irreversible setback...

Val

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5/30/20 8:11 A

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VAL, I'm sorry about the loss of your cycling friend. emoticon *Your grand dogs are lovely. emoticon

DAVID, yes, I do think a lot of those things come with heart problems, but Sarah makes a good point about seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for depression, as well as seeing someone for your heart. I know how hard it is to try and make it through each day with sadness and no energy. If plan to take antidepressants for the rest of my life because with my issues, I need them. Some people can take them just long enough to get out of a depression, but others need them long-term. I hope things get better and brighter for you soon.
emoticon

SARAH, thanks so much for your sweet and thoughtful comments. You are so kind.
emoticon emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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5/30/20 6:25 A

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Val I love the dog pictures! So great!

Miller I am sorry you are feeling the way you do. I am very glad you are here just so you know. You are an awesome and wonderful person! You bring so much and care so much and we all love you!

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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5/30/20 6:22 A

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David E I am sorry you are having a hard time and bad day! Are you seeing a psychiatrist/therapist? Just the general question. Are you on medications...another general question. If not, you may want to look into that. I only say that because it helps me a lot. Other things that have been helping me are listening to music (I am right now), reading, watching TV and getting things done.

Can you exercise? Can you watch your diet and have you been using the nutrition tracker? I hope you can do both with your heart problems because both exercise and diet may help. I hope you are getting proper care for your heart problems.

Hope you feel better. Take care.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 170.0 
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WEIGHTNITOUT60's Photo WEIGHTNITOUT60 Posts: 971
5/27/20 10:38 A

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Nothing happened to set me off but I've felt down for a long time now.
If I told you how I feel we would be sitting here together all day. I have my basic thoughts on my spark page.
Anyways I've read and been told alot of this ring down, tired, and depressed feelings are normal with having my heart problems.
AFIB, congestive heart failure, being fat.
I see others my age 62, going about their say smiling, happy, active, etc. I struggle most days getting my mr mom house chores done. I just feel used up/ worn out.
I read the picture I picked for my icon and say really David??? Really?

Edited by: WEIGHTNITOUT60 at: 5/27/2020 (10:39)
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5/27/20 9:12 A

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Miller, I’m sorry to hear about your “bad day”...
Hubby came across an obituary notice for another one of our cycling buddies - Scott had been battling cancer for 2 yrs +
Unfortunately his memorial service is TODAY, there’s no way I can rearrange my schedule to be there. Sending condolences via Facebook feels so superficial, but I wanted his wife to know I’d be there if I could.
In other news, I’m updating my SparkPage with a few new photos - my granddogs Dwayne & Patsy! They are mutts - offspring of my client’s rescued pregnant pit bull, but **I** think they turned out very handsome & beautiful. We love ‘em anyway.

Val

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5/26/20 11:29 P

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A bad night and I just need to vent. A pointless argument with DH, feeling hopeless about everything. Nothing changes. Nothing to look forward to. People I think are friends aren't really friends. Another night when those, "I wish I'd never been born" feelings pop up. I wish my parents had practiced safe sex. Just saying.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. It usually is.

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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5/21/20 6:20 P

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I certainly understand. One email a week isn't much access to Coaches. SparkPeople, for all it's millions of members, has few full-time staff. I've been on SparkPeople for at least a decade and it used to be completely free and still is, if you're okay with ads. Because I was already a member, I got to get Premium for a one-time payment which was very reasonable. My understanding is now they charge Premium members by the month, I think, which I find disappointing.

I love SparkPeople, the tools, articles, resources, blogs, and especially the supportive members, but I do wish it was more like it used to be. That said, I'll probably stay here forever because I've made good friends who are kind and supportive.

Wishing you all the best in your healthy pursuits.

Miller emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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5/21/20 5:02 P

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
5/21/20 3:18 P

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Hi all. I'm short on time, so just a quick post.

VAL, thank you. I'm glad you got some time to read and hope you get more time for yourself this weekend.

DAVID, I'm sorry you've had a bad week.
I'm going to post a link here that you may have already read about Premium membership. I think the only thing you get from the Spark coaches is the option of sending them one email a week with questions. There are other benefits, but I didn't want you to think you'd have more individual access to them than you actually would. I'm a Premium member, but haven't used it much. I do like that I don't have to see advertisements.

www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blo
g.asp?post
=say_hello_to_sparkpeople_pr
emium_
remove_ads_email_coaches_get_adv
an
ced_reporting_and_help_us_in_our_misR>sion_to_help_you


emoticon



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 5/21/2020 (15:20)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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5/21/20 2:12 P

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5/20/20 9:04 A

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Miller, your valuable input helps me more than I can say!

Sometimes I feel as though I’m “shouting into the void”, so it is wonderful to hear from others who have been through similarly difficult circumstances...

Last night (with a little extra time), I was able to indulge myself in a favorite pastime: just camping out on the couch, reading a book for 2 hrs. It’s been YEARS since I’ve been able to just “power through”, finishing off a good novel, & I didn’t even have to stay up past my bedtime! (In my younger days I’d just stay up late, but I must prioritize my sleep now)

(It was Margaret Atwood’s “MaddAddam” BTW - the last book of her Oryx & Crake trilogy, highly recommended!)

Val

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5/19/20 7:22 P

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VAL, I started writing a reply to you yesterday, but got distracted and lost it. First of all, even though I have those unworthy feelings, too, please know that there is nothing unworthy about you. You are a very worthy person. Please always remember that.

I understand what you're saying about the cost difference. We found that with my mother, too. That having someone 24/7 would cost more than going to an assisted living facility. My eldest sister thought we should all take turns staying with Mother and Mother thought one of us should leave our families and move in with her. She had some dementia near the end and wasn't thinking clearly. There's no way on earth she would have left her family and lived with her mother. She really didn't have all that much to do with her mother.

I spent my life trying to please my parents in every way, too, but when it came down to giving up my life to care for my mother, I wasn't willing to do that. Mother even said to me, "I took care of you all when you were growing up." And I said, "Yes, Mother, you took care of me until I was 19 and moved out on my own and I've already helped take care of you more years than that." (my father died at 66 and she lived until almost 91 and didn't drive - so there were LOTS of years I helped care for her).

I wasn't willing to give up my life for her and I didn't even have a full-time job like you. I do have a daughter who has some physical and mental problems, though, and still lives at home at 28 yrs. She's working now, but couldn't for a long time because of a nervous breakdown. I also had my own issues, as I'm sure you do, as well. You mentioned trauma - truthfully, a lot of my issues were because of abuse when I was young and growing up, so it wasn't a clear cut thing in my mind as to how much I owed Mother even though I loved her deeply.

I guess I sound heartless and I didn't say all this just to talk about myself. I'm trying to let you know that these feelings you're having are normal. My sisters and I ALL had those feelings (my brother didn't, but he didn't feel as close to her as we did and did almost nothing for her). Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. You're doing an awesome job of juggling your life. I just wish you could have more of your life for yourself. Someday, you will. I miss my mother every day and sometimes wish I had done more, but then I remember all I DID do how much I was struggling and realize I was just doing what I could to survive.

Big, Big, Hugs. I wish I could really help. emoticon

Miller

Edited by: MILLER-S at: 5/19/2020 (19:24)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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5/18/20 9:21 A

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Wow, 10 days since I last posted in this thread - I’ve put out a couple of blogs but continuing to struggle with low energy & “unworthy” feelings...
Treated myself to belated Mother’s Day dinner w/my son last night after getting “off duty” caring for my mom. She is making painfully slow incremental progress - postsurgical checkup mañana (2 wks) but is still far too weak, painful & frail to be left alone.
At this rate it’s going to cost approx twice what the assisted living facility would have cost us, hiring in 24/7 care which isn’t “quite” 24/7 since I’m filling in early evenings (6-8:30) & these Sat/Sun weekend shifts.
My God am I resentful - the weather has been SO beautiful, yet I am stuck - pinned down in my parents’ house, there are old memories, maybe some suppressed trauma that I need to explore or otherwise purge myself from... Part of me feels as though I’ve dedicated large chunks of my life to “pleasing my parents”, cooperating with their wishes & plans - yet they gave me so much, why can’t I be appreciative & reciprocate?!?!?
But it’s Monday morning - gotta go to work, time for amateur psychoanalysis later!

Val

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5/8/20 10:55 A

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Lazed around in bed this AM & didn’t force myself up until 8:20...
RHR 76, still seem to be running a bit hyper (I’ve cut back my Synthroid dosage, need to give it another week before I recheck thyroid levels)
Just removed myself from the FlyLady group -
A.) I haven’t done one damn bit of housework so what’s the point?
B.) something weird happened with all messages on msg board “Removed”, the group seems to be a bust anyway!

I seem to be squandering this tremendous opportunity to do a few things while my mother is being cared for by the awesome Ms Patricia, so why can’t I get moving? At the very least I have to go to the feed store so I can keep everyone fed...
(Depression sucks BTW)

Val

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5/4/20 3:45 P

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Val, I just read and commented on your blog. I can certainly understand your silent scream.

I hope all goes well for your Mom and you soon get some time to take care of yourself and your own needs. Hugs.
emoticon emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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5/4/20 9:37 A

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Just dropped my mom off at orthopedic surgery center this AM...
Blogged about my anxiety - a “silent scream” indeed!
Yesterday afternoon I took a quick lap around the block (3/4 mi) when Hubby stopped by to check on us - I have fallen pitifully out of shape, but it helped to calm the flutter of my heart.

Val

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4/29/20 9:08 A

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Thanks Miller - I really appreciate you & everyone else’s kind concern!

I was able to come home last night & got some badly-needed sleep. Didn’t bring up the odd fact to Hubby that our next-door neighbor brought his dog in yesterday - I haven’t talked to him in a while, mostly it’s “wave & smile” as I’m driving out on the road. However, P helps C out fairly frequently when he has computer/IN issues or problems with his lawn equipment, yet P had not mentioned any of my terrible troubles with my mom over these past 2 months?!? While I know P is an intensely private person, I don’t think relating news like that falls under the category of “gossiping”...
There’s SO much we need to talk about, I don’t even know where to start. But I don’t think I have the energy to open that can o’worms right now.

Val


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
4/28/20 9:20 P

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VAL, I just can't believe it. It's really not fair for you to have so much stress. I'm extremely sorry for your Mother, but am also very sorry for you. I can't imagine having to care for several generations plus run a veterinary practice. When my mother was at her worst, health-wise and dementia-wise, I wasn't even working, but still almost "lost it." I honestly don't know how you do it. My heart goes out to you and I'll pray for you both.
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Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
4/28/20 9:14 P

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I befriended a teenager who worked for me in the early years of my veterinary career (in other words, almost 30 yrs ago)... At one point when I was struggling thru one of my many marital crises with first husband, she commented that bad karma seemed to be piling up on me:
“Dr J, you must have done some horrible things in a previous life!”

I kinda feel that way now, bcz the sh!t keeps piling up ‘round here... My mom seemed to be making slow progress, I thought she was able to stay alone for brief periods. Then she went out in her backyard Sunday afternoon WITHOUT her phone & WITHOUT her fall alert bracelet (It “itched”), and took a fall while trying to clean out the birdbath.
I did not rush her to the ER that evening, what with Covid-19 worries and all - we had a follow-up appt scheduled w/new orthopedic doctor this afternoon. Turns out she has fractured the upper part of her humerus & surgery is advisable. As you might imagine, her pain level has rocketed thru the roof - I’ve spent the past 2 nights with her.
Mom had commented last week (when I made new appt) that if she needed surgery to stabilize her shoulder & relieve her intractable pain, she wanted to do it.
The scheduler is supposed to call me tomorrow. If I’m lucky, we can schedule it on a Thursday or Friday. But if I’m not, we’ll just have to deal with it.
I’ve lined up a caretaker to stay with her for these next 3 nights - there’s no way I can continue to function on such broken sleep. I know, woe is me!
My poor mom, she’s back to weeping & begging for God to take her.

Val


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
4/25/20 1:27 P

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VAL, I'm sorry for your loss. I didn't know you had lost your Baby Jessica. That must have been so very painful. I agree that it was a good decision to stop the sertraline - much better to deal with the emotions, even though it was extremely difficult, I'm sure. *I hope the changes with your thyroid medication help. *Congrats to your hubby on losing 40 lbs - sure wish my hubby (and I) could do that. We would both feel so much better. I've lost 60 lbs two different times over the years, but gained it back both times.

Hugs to you. emoticon emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
4/25/20 10:50 A

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Whelp I finished off the last piece of the Reese’s PB bunny which my thoughtful son got me at the post-Easter sales, so hopefully that little bit of madness is behind me! (At least I rationed it out over a week’s time, which is better than the Bad Old Days when I might have eaten half a pound in one go.)
I could make a list here of AD’s which I have tried, and the reasons I had to discontinue them (actually I think I have, if not in this thread then in my blogs) - but sertraline for me had the opposite effect: I slept like a rock, but didn’t dream & it shut down my emotions like a zombie. My ob/gyn prescribed it after the loss of Baby Jessica (my pregnancy before Z) - & when I went back for a recheck, she asked if I wanted a refill. No, thanks! I quickly replied - I needed to sort out my emotions without trying to medicate them away...
My DIY thyroid test came back normal “for me” - that is, pretty much the way I’ve needed to run for the past 30 yrs: a little high on the T4, almost completely suppressed TSH. But I remember my discussion with one of Dr Sherman’s residents 4 yrs ago, when she convinced me to cut back my Synthroid dose slightly - I did feel a little better. As I recall, my T4 was even a little higher than this, so I’m going to half tablets & skip Sundays for a few weeks & then retest.
It’s depressing bcz the only other tool I have left is cleaning up my diet - Lord knows that should be helpful, if for nothing else than to relieve a few lbs of this miserable bloat.
Hubby has been doing so well with his own self-improvement program - I haven’t asked him his exact numbers but just “eyeballing” (& how much farther I can reach around him when I give him a hug) I’d estimate that he’s lost at least 40 lbs.
How wonderful I’d feel if I could do the same!

Val

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
4/24/20 8:21 A

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VESPAGIRL, I'm sorry you had a bad eating day. I struggle with stress eating quite a bit. I've also had an increased appetite on certain medications in the past. It's challenging. Maybe one thing that would help is to use the Nutrition Tracker to track everything you eat and drink. If you find you're snacking on chocolate (like me!) or chips, try and switch to something healthier like baby carrots, grapes, or nuts. Sometimes writing down my feelings can help when I just start typing and "let it all out." If I'm stress eating in the evening, sometimes just brushing my teeth helps me feel I'm done with eating for the day.

I tried sertraline when I was younger, but had a weird side effect and had to stop it. My daughter was on it for many years and the biggest side effect for her was insomnia. I wish you all the best.

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Edited by: MILLER-S at: 4/24/2020 (08:23)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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VESPAGIRL1027's Photo VESPAGIRL1027 Posts: 286
4/23/20 10:08 P

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Kind of having a bad eating day :-(

Have you noticed a big appetite increase with SSRIs? How do you manage this? I am definitely a stress eater :-( I take sertraline.

All the best,
VespaGirl1027
Team Leader for: 40-Somethings With 10-24 Pounds To Lose
MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,946
4/22/20 11:18 A

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VAL, I like your photo! Nice mask, too. *I hope your test comes back with the best results for you. *Shame on your ex for using your diary in that way. I have a journal on my laptop entitled, "MILLER's JOURNAL - DO NOT READ." But I suppose my husband or daughter might ignore that if something happened to me - I should probably delete it. *I used to read Jame's Herriot's books (real name James Wight, a British veterinary surgeon). I loved reading about his cases and his life. Maybe you could combine your life experiences along with your veterinary experiences.

JULAPDX, welcome to this Topic! Way to GO on getting in 1000 steps during a TV show - that is inspiring! You may want to check out the Daily Chat Topic, as well, as quite a few of us on this team post there.

SARAH, I hope you're doing well.



I had stopped receiving notifications for this thread - I guess because I hadn't posted here in a while.

Hugs to all who need one today!!! emoticon

Miller emoticon

Edited by: MILLER-S at: 4/22/2020 (11:21)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 877
4/22/20 9:06 A

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Welcome also to JULAPDX - I tried to add you as a friend, hope it worked?

I, too, have decades of my ramblings stashed away in dresser drawer - I dunno what I’m going to do with ‘em?
I will probably have another big bonfire - years ago when 1st husband destroyed my trust by reading my old journals, I was so humiliated that I incinerated several volumes. It’s always been helpful to me to “write things out”, so I started a new journal which I vowed to hide away better...
Sure enough, when we were divorcing he dug out the new journal & gave a pile of Xeroxed pages to his lawyer - trying to prove that I was ambivalent about motherhood & therefore “unfit”!
Another humiliating experience at his hands, but thankfully the judge waved all that sh!t away.
Maybe I just need to fictionalize a lot of it, and write my novel! Whaddaya think, AuthorEve?!?

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Val

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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,711
4/22/20 6:31 A

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Welcome JULAPDX! Thank you for posting that. It's great you are stepping and writing in a diary! So good habits!

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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JULAPDX's Photo JULAPDX Posts: 1,776
4/20/20 11:52 P

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Hi all!

I enjoy reading all of your posts. It's nice to be in this group!

Today I wrote in my diary and it really helped to release things I didn't realize I needed to let out.
I've kept diaries since I was 9 and I've kept them all. !!!!

I also did 1000 steps while watching a TV show with my husband. I was hoping he'd join me but no, he sat on the couch. hahaha - that's ok! This is for me.

It's the little things, right?

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Faith Over Fear!

short-term goal: 215 by 12/31/2020
ultimate goal: 165 by 12/31/2021


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