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JMB41609's Photo JMB41609 Posts: 23
11/22/14 2:11 A

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Sounds like a plan! Good thing too since Thanksgiving is looming. Hopefully you'll round out the holidays with a BFP!

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IREADYERMIND's Photo IREADYERMIND Posts: 479
11/21/14 2:23 P

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JMB41609 -- Good ideas you have there! My mom told me today that she's trying to cut back on carbs to help her kick the last 15 or so pounds she wants to lose, and asked if we could have a couple of low sugar dessert options included on the menu this year.

That means she won't think twice if I use a line like, "Well, I can either have another [insert drink here], or another slice of pie... and that pie is really sounding amazing!" since she herself will most likely be doing the same thing.

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JMB41609's Photo JMB41609 Posts: 23
11/18/14 4:13 P

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DH & I aren't quite ready to TTC yet (looking at a Sept. 2015 or 2016 start window depending on weight loss, finances, etc.) but this is DEFINITELY a concern for me too! My mom is super nosy as is my MIL though I don't think my MIL would have the nerve to ask--she'd just snoop if we let her visit once we have a house. I'm also the oldest of my mom's 3 daughters (out of 4, 1 brother in there) and one of my younger sisters is already pregnant with baby #2. Getting the stink eye from family about "when's your turn?!" is annoying as heck. I would definitely keep it secret myself, DH & I are very private people. I would agree with your thought of side stepping the drinking question by saying you're just watching your calorie intake and don't want to waste calories on booze when you could have yummy holiday foods instead. Worst case scenario (with a drink pusher in the family, for example) you could always take the drink, fake a sip, and discreetly dump it or give it to DH later if you don't have issues with him drinking.

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IREADYERMIND's Photo IREADYERMIND Posts: 479
11/17/14 2:11 P

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lol -- right! So embarrassing! It's worse because my father and I weren't on speaking terms for a long, long time. He made some bad choices and I had made it clear to him that he wasn't welcome until he cleaned up... Well, it took a while but he finally started making the effort!

So aside from it just being generally awkward when he visits, the BD talk is really not helping! Haha. I'm just like - you know, "Can we just stick to a little less personal conversations, please?"

Plus he's coming up for Thanksgiving this year too. I really hope he's not gonna make another attempt at telling me about their experiences! Rofl.

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QTLADY's Photo QTLADY SparkPoints: (100,894)
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11/13/14 7:14 P

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I certainly do not envy you! My Ex-MIL was like that and was FOREVER making comments and asking. I didn't handle it very well then, but I really could not stand her. I can't believe your dad was going to give you tips- yikes! LOL



Gwenn


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IREADYERMIND's Photo IREADYERMIND Posts: 479
11/13/14 3:50 P

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KTLUND99 -- The nagging and invasive comments are what get to me, too! I love and admire my mother, and I do really want to have a baby, but I've always been a private person and her not-so-subtle comments bother me sometimes.

It got to the point where, the last time I saw my dad (my parents have been divorced for decades now), even HE started in on me, and he's not one to pry. Even went so far as to start telling me some of he and my mother's techniques. NOT something I want to hear about my parents! LOL I had to shut that down in a hurry.

I think that if I did tell Mom that DH and I were TTC, she'd start getting all up in my business. I know she's my mom and she's no stranger to the birds and the bees, it's just not something I think she needs to have details on. Haha

On the other hand, I'm so excited about TTC that I have to stop myself from telling her anyway. I remember the reasons why I didn't want to tell her in the first place, and that usually holds me over for a little while.

Good luck to you!



Edited by: IREADYERMIND at: 11/13/2014 (15:52)
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KTLUND99's Photo KTLUND99 Posts: 2,244
11/12/14 10:56 A

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I wish we had been better about keeping it secret. I've given up trying to hide the prenatal vitamins and just tell everyone that they are a great multivitamin for now. I don't drink much anyway but especially during the two-week-wait, but again, there's been no announcement so people leave me alone. My family's been pretty invasive and asking when we're having kids WAY too often, and the subtle happy responses of "oh, we'll see" or "it'll happen when it happens" didn't work. One day I snapped and told them it wasn't so easy for some of us and we've been trying, etc. I'd have rather no one knew anything, but it's so hard in this day and age. Do what you can and try to cope! Good luck!



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IREADYERMIND's Photo IREADYERMIND Posts: 479
11/10/14 1:37 P

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Thank you for the feedback! :)

I forgot to mention that the reason I was dubious about drinking on Thanksgiving is because it's right at the start of my fertility window. (Cue sneaky nighttime BD with a houseful of family members? lol!)

Anyway I think I *will* use the "I'm cutting back so I can stick to my diet" excuse. Mom knows I've been trying to get in shape and have been really struggling with a plateau lately.

I'll just make sure she doesn't accidentally find my TTC stuff in the bathroom cabinet while she's here. Haha

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11/10/14 11:21 A

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Agree with all the other ladies! I've always heard, "Drink till it's pink". Meaning, until you get a positive, it's ok to drink. If you don't want to drink at all, that's totally cool, you can use some of the great excuses I saw posted below. You could even say I'm dieting or I'm trying to be healthier. I mean, in reality, it's your choice to do what you do, right? I keep my issues quiet and I live far away from any of my relatives, so in that way, I'm kinda lucky.

Gwenn


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CANDACEMM's Photo CANDACEMM Posts: 1,218
11/10/14 10:36 A

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Yes. If you don't want people asking you questions, keep it secret. My husband and I tried for a year on our own before we had to reach out and seek medical help to get pregnant. I told very few people that we had reached out for help, but those people felt 100% comfortable asking me where I was at with testing, if we were getting help, what treatments we had done, were we pregnant yet ....

It's a bad door to open - especially if you feel like your mom will be all in your business about making babies. I'd highly suggest shutting it down ASAP - tell your mom you will try for babies when you're ready to try for babies and you won't tell anyone when you are ready because it's none of their business.

ARTISTCAT's Photo ARTISTCAT Posts: 371
11/10/14 3:12 A

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I know what you mean, I don't drink during the two week wait (but I do the other two weeks) and sometimes parties are during that time. We bought a house last year and now my family-in-law is just waiting for me to get pregnant. But I'm a year in now TTC. At some parties I have some wine, at some I don't.
I think the first few parties without (last year Christmas was the first big one without) they had their thoughts, but since there was no big announcement following, they all got used to it, I guess. And when someone asks I say I 'just started this new diet'. I noticed the 'I don't feel well / got a headache / think I'm having the flu'-excuse only makes suspicions worse :-D

My own family knows we're trying. But I don't tell them every little detail, so I hope I'll still be able to surprise them with the news when it happens.

**********
Chris


AYRIKA12's Photo AYRIKA12 SparkPoints: (6,463)
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11/9/14 10:49 P

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You mean that you're not drinking while TTC? I would just drink one drink (and really nurse it), if you're trying to hide it..

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IREADYERMIND's Photo IREADYERMIND Posts: 479
11/9/14 10:11 P

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Hello, ladies!

I'm going to try and avoid a long-winded post here. Haha

As the last of my mother's 3 daughters to produce grandchildren for her (despite being the oldest daughter), she's really been pressuring me to start making babies. Rather than encourage me to start, what it's really doing is making me want to keep all of this a secret from her.

Part of the reason is because I'm not sure I want my mother all up in my baby-making-business (lol), part is because I don't know how long it will take to conceive, or if I will even be able to at all, and I don't want her to be disappointed, and another part is that I would LOVE to be able to surprise her with an announcement one day outta the blue!

Were any of you in the same boat?

How did you keep things a secret when it came to things like turning down alcoholic beverages, keeping baby books, charts, prenatal pills, etc. under wraps, and so on?

I know for a fact that this Thanksgiving, me turning down an offer of a drink with dinner is going to cause some suspicion. I'm not an alcoholic by any means, but she knows I enjoy drinks for special occasions and me turning one down this year would immediately raise her suspicions!

Maybe if I offer to prepare all the drinks this year, I can make mine virgin drinks! Haha


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