Group photo
Author:
HAMMER79's Photo HAMMER79 Posts: 147
2/18/11 11:32 A

Send Private Message
Reply
No one is really pressuring me. My mom and mother-in-law have been good. However, my mom is quick to tell me when people from home are expecting. I put all the pressure on myself. It's difficult when couples who have been married less time than you are having a baby. Or if the couple doesn't seem deserving(I know this sounds mean). There are several women in my husband's family expecting. And I have some friends expecting too. It's starting to annoy me so much that I avoid Facebook. I have to endure reading about the pregnancy or their kids and all the pictures. Oh, and all the celebries who are pregnant. I like to think that I am bigger than all that. It shouldn't bother me. That's why I enjoy coming here. I know that there are others who understand.

Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.

~~Benjamin Franklin



 Pounds lost: 9.5 
0
6
12
18
24
ZOLA_NATALIE's Photo ZOLA_NATALIE Posts: 1,512
2/17/11 11:37 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
CECILIEM - I laughed for a second when you said getting married at 23/24 was young. I got married at 20 and for my family, that was old. My mom got married at 18, my grandma at 16.

Just a little side note. Really off topic.

Discipline is remembering what you really want.
-Pam Young


 current weight: 171.0 
185
178.75
172.5
166.25
160
CECILIEM's Photo CECILIEM SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (5,591)
Posts: 116
2/15/11 6:33 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
We married young (at 23/24 almost 9 years ago) and at that point we got a lot of comments and questions. They have somewhat subsided but once in a while some one will ask. I usually say: we'd love to have children but I need to lose weight.

I don't understand why people feel they have the right to ask to be honest. It is such a personal and potentially delicate subject to broch with a woman past 30 - or a woman of any age really.

 Pounds lost: 79.0 
0
49
98
147
196
JMARTINVV's Photo JMARTINVV Posts: 14
2/15/11 3:46 A

My SparkPage
Reply
After we had our first child we let it be known that there would be no trying until after she was 1. Well she is coming up on her 3rd birthday & we still don't have another. I often get "so when are you giving her a sibling" or "hurry up, you don't want them to be too far apart" from extended family or distant friends. Even though those people are not an active part of my life it gets to me.

My husband & I tried for 3 years before we were blessed. The little comments people make hurt. "If I could simply choose to be pregnant, I would. So Shush" is what I want to say.


718GEMINI Posts: 472
2/1/11 12:15 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I suppose the only pressure we *really* got was from my Mom and Step-Dad. And it started pretty much as soon as my husband and I got engaged. They've finally stopped though- and it only took five years of marriage! ;) We're not even saying anything to them until after I'm already pregnant, because we know my Mom is going to do something strangely over the top when she finds out... plus, she's physically unable to keep a secret. lol

 current weight: 120.0 
120
118.75
117.5
116.25
115
ZOLA_NATALIE's Photo ZOLA_NATALIE Posts: 1,512
1/27/11 1:29 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
It has been hard getting these questions and all the pressure. I am 25 and DH just turned 27. I would like to have little ones before I am 30. My best response to the pressures have been that we are planning on it after the move so I am not prego while moving. Most take that and leave it there.

What has been hard recently is the other day DH was asking me "Who says we have to have kids?" My response: "I would like to have kids." So now he is off the bandwagon so I get to wait all on my own for him to be ready again. All I can do in the mean time is to get myself ready (loose weight, get blood pressure under control, get all my nutrients).

Sometimes I just want too scream! My MIL is the worst on the questions though. DH and I are both the first child. After us, they have to wait a long time before the next set of kids are ready to have a baby (need to graduate HS first and get married...). OK, enough rambling.

Discipline is remembering what you really want.
-Pam Young


 current weight: 171.0 
185
178.75
172.5
166.25
160
MOONMANSON's Photo MOONMANSON SparkPoints: (27,043)
Fitness Minutes: (17,674)
Posts: 778
1/27/11 6:42 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Holy crap, getting pressure from everywhere. It just so happens that one of my direct co-workers is pregnant, an ancillary person is pregnant, three of my co-workers daughters are pregnant, half the people I went to high school or college with that are on Facebook are pregnant...and they all want me to join them. And there's my mother in law...the curse to marrying the eldest child somehow seems to be that you must reproduce first. It's enough to drive a girl crazy, especially when she wants to have one, just needs to get over this stumbling block of weight first. I'm tired of people telling us (I'm 26, my husband's 32) that if we wait too much longer we won't have any energy-pfft. When did such a personal matter become fodder for water cooler conversation?

"You've got to trust your instinct, and let go of regret. You've got to bet on yourself, now star, cause that's your best bet." ~311~

"...cause every little thing gonna be alright." ~Bob Marley~

Malissa, AKA Lissa/LissaLou

‎(\ /)
( . .)♥
c(”)(”)


 September Minutes: 0
0
125
250
375
500
KNOBLE0309's Photo KNOBLE0309 Posts: 302
1/26/11 11:59 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I seem to get the "when are you going to have kids" or "are you guys trying for a little one of your own" way too often. It seems like everytime I talk to someone new, thats the first question I get. To me, it seems harder and harder to answer since I want a baby of my own so bad, and nothing yet. I just wish people would stop asking me, and just let my husband and I try and announce when it happens.

Kelly

PST Zone


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
19
38
57
76
KWALKER631's Photo KWALKER631 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (911)
Posts: 37
1/11/11 3:32 P

Send Private Message
Reply
We are waiting till we get some finances under control and I lose some weight. So my DH and I have been together for 4 years. His mom is the pressures us all the time. Before the wedding she said accidents happen (translation you can get pregnant before you get married). Personally I didnt want that to happen. After the wedding she complains all the time where is her grand child. Others have not pressured us that much. But one aunt rubbed my stomach and asked if I was pregos. I was like no I am just fat! I have had some medical issues so close friends stoped pressuring us because of the issues. But I have gotten them under control so now we are just waiting TTC.

 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
12.5
25
37.5
50
SUNNYD76's Photo SUNNYD76 Posts: 1,625
12/7/10 12:38 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thanks, Nacolesworld! I had my first IUI on Monday. It wasn't optimal timing, but the doctor said we still have a chance.

Everyday is a winding road/ I get a little bit closer/ Everyday is a faded sign/I get a little closer to feeling fine. -Sheryl Crow


Fall down seven times. Get up eight. -Japanese proverb.

"I can do all things through Christ Who Strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13







NACOLESWORLD's Photo NACOLESWORLD Posts: 7,254
12/7/10 9:09 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon SUNNYD76! Hopefully that goes well very quickly!
emoticon Sending Sticky Baby Dust Your Way! emoticon

~~*~~*~~Angie ~~*~~*~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Spark Tips:
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_pu
blic_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=28
35809

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Do or do not... there is no try.” ~Yoda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 221.0 
221
168.25
115.5
62.75
10
SUNNYD76's Photo SUNNYD76 Posts: 1,625
11/29/10 1:46 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Yup, we have had co-workers and family members tell us we should be having a family...especially when people realize that we have been married for 6 years. We took our time before TTC because we wanted to travel and buy a home. When my SIL had her first, suddenly she was DYING for me to be pregnant, too. But, we weren't ready yet! About 2 years ago we started ttc, but kept it quiet because we didn't want any additional pressure. When we ran into infertility issues, we told our family about our issues with DH's zero sperm count and my LPD and that we were unsure if we would be able to have children. That helped our family to back off, but we both know everyone is anxiously awaiting a pregnancy announcement. And every now and then someone has a dream that I am pregnant and they call to ask if it has "happened" yet.

Coworkers still make comments, but I just try to brush them off and tell them we'll do it when the time is right. Sometimes it is hard...especially when friends and coworkers are announcing their surprise pregnancy, but I just try to remain strong and keep the faith that one day we will have our little one as well.

Oh, and I should say that things are getting much better for us in the fertility department. My hubby is now up to 23 million sperm and we're now ready to start trying IUIs!

Edited by: SUNNYD76 at: 11/30/2010 (12:24)
Everyday is a winding road/ I get a little bit closer/ Everyday is a faded sign/I get a little closer to feeling fine. -Sheryl Crow


Fall down seven times. Get up eight. -Japanese proverb.

"I can do all things through Christ Who Strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13







SUSAN15TOGO SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (150)
Posts: 1
11/26/10 8:10 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Newbie! Don't even have a picture yet!!!
I was talking to my dad's cousin (of all people!) about this the other day. My Mum is great, and just says that whenever we are ready, she's ready to be a Grandma. She did make me promise at high-school that I wouldn't make her a Grandmother before she was 50, but she's 5 years past that now!
In-law's are funny - DH and I were engaged the day after his older brother's wedding and the questions started then!!! A year before our wedding I had some surgery and reacted badly to the anaesthetic - sleepy and nauseous for 10 days, MIL was convinced I was pregnant. When I told her, too bad, I've got a wedding to organise in the next year, I can't deal with being pregnant and having a new born at the same time she said "It's ok, I'll take care of everything, you just do the breast-feeding!" Glad to know that at least I have her whole-hearted support!!! They have just received grandchild number 1 from aforementioned older brother though, so the pressure is off, at least until the first birthday when she won't be so little and cute anymore. Appropriate since that's when we're planning to start TTC.
The worst we have had is from friends I think. I'm only 25 and already have friends with kids (plural, have managed to fit multiple ones in that time!) - most of them weren't ready and complain half the time that they're missing out on their life! Then, about a week after we got married, all of our friends switched to asking "so, when are the kids happening?" I've got one friend, who just had her first, who only wants to know what my baby making plans are, doesn't even want to hear about anything else going on in my life - and we've been friends for 12 years, what a change! Then there's the friends who aren't even close to thinking about having babies that want you to have one so they can 'borrow' it and ooh and ahh over your wee one until they're ready for their own. At least that kind are helpful I'm still about 8 months away from TTC and already have a gaggle of friends lining up to babysit! Then, there's the third kind of friend, who every time you mention you aren't feeling well or you've been tired this week, or something weird happened with your cycle (generally closer friends I guess!) who immediately want to run out and buy you a pregnancy test - helpful too, but why are they so desperate to see if you're pregnant?
Obviously they mostly have good intentions behind all their questions, but I'm at a loss why they're all so keen to have me knocked up ASAP and have to put all my other wee projects on the backburner.
Hopefully when it gets a bit closer to the time and they start realising something is up because there'll be no more wine at dinner and my caffeine intake will be drastically culled I don't end up with the "upsetting pressure" and everyone keeps their kind intentions mode engaged.

MBAIN09 Posts: 14
11/24/10 10:45 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Surprisingly, I'm not getting that much pressure. On my 28th B-day (1 month after getting engaged) my mom said "you know I got pregnant with you when I was 28" and I think she said it one other time after the wedding but that's really it.



 current weight: 136.4 
150.8
144.35
137.9
131.45
125
MITZY7's Photo MITZY7 Posts: 352
11/21/10 11:25 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
The pressure is insane!!! My DH and I got married in May and I mean we were married about a minute before everyone starting pressuring us!! I think someone must ask us at least daily. I never expected it to be this bad.

I even got the baby talk from my boss, which was totally awkward! I was telling him how excited I was that we finally landscaped our backyard in our new house, and he said thats great, so we can start on our nursey next!!! And went on about how we should not wait any longer to have kids!!!!! I wanted to crawl under the desk!

So DH and I have decided to finally start TTC, but I am not going to dare tell a soul. I think it will only fuel the fire and add more pressure!


~Jen~


 Pounds lost: 42.0 
0
24.25
48.5
72.75
97
GIRRRLYCHILD's Photo GIRRRLYCHILD Posts: 609
10/25/10 2:44 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
some people can just be straight up mean about it. must be they never had to wait for it to happen?

~*anna~rae*~


 current weight: 300.4 
325
287.25
249.5
211.75
174
NACOLESWORLD's Photo NACOLESWORLD Posts: 7,254
10/21/10 11:11 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
SWAMPKITTY23 - I am sorry that your mom is being insensitive! That is horrible!

~~*~~*~~Angie ~~*~~*~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Spark Tips:
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_pu
blic_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=28
35809

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Do or do not... there is no try.” ~Yoda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 221.0 
221
168.25
115.5
62.75
10
NACOLESWORLD's Photo NACOLESWORLD Posts: 7,254
10/21/10 11:07 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Wanna hear what is awesome? ....without the awesome part.... I went to check the mail the other day. In the mail was a card from my in-laws (both of them) addressed to me AND my husband (DH is a bit reluctant still and doesn't want to talk about it or think about it because he is nervous enough, even though we are definitely off BC and sort of trying)). This card said:

(outside)
While you are waiting for your wish to come true

(inside)
Know that everybody who loves you is wishing, and hoping and praying (she wrote in praying)with you!

(written at the bottom)
Let the fun begin!!



*sigh* Talk about awkward!! I don't know if I should say anything to them! They are his parents, so really I feel like he should say something to them, but he won't. I wouldn't feel this way if it was from my MIL to me, but it was from BOTH of them to BOTH of us!! I know that they are excited for the possibility, I am too, but that is taking it a little far in my opinion. Especially since they know how DH feels!

Edited by: NACOLESWORLD at: 10/21/2010 (11:08)
~~*~~*~~Angie ~~*~~*~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Spark Tips:
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_pu
blic_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=28
35809

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Do or do not... there is no try.” ~Yoda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 221.0 
221
168.25
115.5
62.75
10
ANNONYMOUSME Posts: 660
10/19/10 2:31 P

Send Private Message
Reply
DH and I have been getting family/friend pressure on and off for years. It finally happened in June/July, but I had a miscarriage September 9th.

Before my miscarriage, DH's stepmother (of all people) was the worst. She kept asking when we were going to get pregnant so she can have grandkids. Her biological children are younger (one is 18 and the other is 13), so the hope is she doesn't get grandkids from them anytime soon.

After my miscarriage, my mom actually became the worst one. The day after my d&c she asks me when we're going to try again. I told her my body is still healing and it's something I don't want to think about right now! I was so upset. She still asks almost every time I talk on the phone with her. It's gotten easier to talk about as my body is ready to start again. But really, I don't want to give my mom the down-low on when DH and I do it. Sheesh!

AMYBETH54's Photo AMYBETH54 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (15,175)
Posts: 1,036
10/17/10 5:24 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Seriously!!!

This happens to me all the time, but more lately since EVERYONE I know is having a baby.

I just got my husband on board, and now everywhere we turn we are hearing it.

My doctor even told me I better get to it. I know that there are risks as you get older, but I am only 33. Now I am paranoid about not having a baby before I am 35!

My husbands Grandfather passed away last week, and people were even asking us at the funeral!

 current weight: 260.8 
275
247.25
219.5
191.75
164
GIRRRLYCHILD's Photo GIRRRLYCHILD Posts: 609
10/17/10 12:26 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
i have a few standard responses....since my parents and my husband's parents all know i have PCOS and understand that it isn't as simple for us as it is for some people.... (meaning the stupid questions come from non-family sources)

if i'm in a good mood -
"i have a husband, why do i need kids?"
"maybe someday"

if i'm in a bad mood -
"i can't have kids"
(that'll shut 'em up! and people's reactions to that usually puts a smile back on my face.)

does that make me a bad person?

emoticon

~*anna~rae*~


 current weight: 300.4 
325
287.25
249.5
211.75
174
PIESZCHA's Photo PIESZCHA SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (3,101)
Posts: 577
10/11/10 9:05 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
yep. about once a week 'someone' would ask and/or pry. oddly though, it was me who was getting the constant questioning, never DH. (seriously, never). i found that if you turn on the water works and start bawling (real or fake) it usually makes the person uneasy enough to back off. emoticon
i am blessed with a great family that doesn't ask, so that's nice. it's only when i hear my local friends say, "she'll NEVER want kids now" in reference to their screaming child or rebellious teenager i think, "that's SO untrue. SO untrue".

"... and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." Heb 12:1


 current weight: 213.0 
236
210
184
158
132
ROSOCHKA SparkPoints: (938)
Fitness Minutes: (7,584)
Posts: 477
10/10/10 9:03 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I second that!!! My sis and I have 1 year and 23 days age difference, and my younger brother and I have 18.5 years difference (he is turning 12 today), and both of my siblings and my parents are very happy. And they don't look like they are in their 50s as my brother keeps them young.

 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
21
42
63
84
AJC_80's Photo AJC_80 Posts: 1,571
10/10/10 8:21 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
OMG, that's ridiculous! I'm 29 and just having our first one! People should really mind their own business, and it's definately your choice how far apart your kids are. I know a couple that has kids in their 20's and then decided to have another child years and years later... their youngest is 8. And they are perfectly happy!

Amanda

www.abryantfitness.com



 Pounds lost: 33.2 
0
10.75
21.5
32.25
43
REINVENT_ME's Photo REINVENT_ME SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (15,445)
Posts: 2,356
10/10/10 7:07 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
We have a 2 year old and want to have 1 or 2 more and I get told all the time that I'm getting too old (I'm 31) and the children should never be more than 3 years apart - - so we better get busy! I try not to let others fears dictate my life. It will happen when it is supposed to happen.

I AM AMAZING!


 Pounds lost: 43.0 
0
16
32
48
64
AJC_80's Photo AJC_80 Posts: 1,571
10/10/10 9:32 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
A lot of friends knew we were trying and having trouble, so when we were having problems I didn't have to hear about it much. I did hear it from my mom for YEARS, even prior to marriage, but in her defense I'm the only child and her only shot at a grandchild. On the other hand, I'm a month away from delivering this baby and she said the other day... "if your next child is a boy"... I was like, Holy cow, mom, could I get this one out before you worry about a possible second?!?! And from what I've heard it doesn't improve after you have your first, I have a friend that has an 8 month old and people have been bugging her about when she'll have a second shortly after she had the first!

So essentially, I guess it never ends, people are always in your business when it comes to having kids and fertility!

Amanda

www.abryantfitness.com



 Pounds lost: 33.2 
0
10.75
21.5
32.25
43
LAYNE143's Photo LAYNE143 Posts: 98
10/10/10 1:49 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I get it maybe a couple of times a month. The worst is from my mom, who knows I'm having fertility issues. But even she only makes a comment or two about having a "local" grandbaby. My sister has two children that live halfway across the country. Then of course come the questions of when from church members, who are so far satisfied with "when it's time," or "in God's time." Quite a few people know I have PCOS and that it can cause issues, and so I mostly get left alone!

But believe me when I say that I'm at the point where I'm happy to overshare with anyone who won't leave the issue alone past a general answer. "I'd love to have children, but I'm a fatty with PCOS that doesn't ovulate. Can your suggestions of relax and it'll happen, or don't stress and it'll happen fix that? No? Didn't think so. LOL.

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." Jean-Jacques Rousseau


 current weight: 256.2 
270
242.25
214.5
186.75
159
BELLACOLEEN17's Photo BELLACOLEEN17 Posts: 142
10/9/10 3:38 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm getting lots of pressure! My MIL is probably the worst. I think it stems from the fact she knows I want kids really badly, but her constantly asking me "wheres my grandbaby" is not helping. My DH has two sisters but they both are not in any relationships so we are my MIL's only hope currently. Plus my husband's cousins are popping out kids right and left, so at every family event on DH's side we get constant Q's "When are you guys gonna have kids".



Prior Goals
172 9/11/09 to 155 4/2/10
155-reached 11/26/10 to
146.5- reached 5/13/11
New Goals:
145 by 9/30
140 by 11/4
135 by 12/9


 current weight: 153.0 
153
149.75
146.5
143.25
140
MEGANROYAL1's Photo MEGANROYAL1 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (5,727)
Posts: 2,299
10/9/10 8:27 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I heard this topic on the radio a few days ago. My in-laws don't pressure per-say, but they do mention it from time to time. What no one (in my situation) understands, is that we're still pretty deep in debt and need to pay the bills down before attempting to have kids. It's almost as if that part goes over their heads and they just want grandchildren....ugh.


CHECK OUT MY BLOG:) Megantylock.blogspot.com


 current weight: 200.6 
217
197.75
178.5
159.25
140
JENVOSE's Photo JENVOSE Posts: 1,132
10/8/10 11:06 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
To tell the truth, I probably feel more pressured by my OB/GYN than anyone in friends and family. He makes it obvious (to all of his patients) that his favorite part of the job is handling pregnancy and deliveries, but I know that that will make him a great choice when he is needed in that regard!

Share your musical and weight loss goals with me at: teams.sparkpeople.com/pickgrinlose


 current weight: 195.0 
195
186.25
177.5
168.75
160
GEOGIRL Posts: 3,745
10/8/10 10:16 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I am the opposite, I don't get the questions but I know deep down they are dying to ask :) As soon as we got engaged my husbands family started asking us relentlessly and I seriously couldn't take it so the day after our wedding when it got worse I told them that for every time they ask (or pressure) us about children I would add another year to my timeline and not have children. It worked, we haven't been asked once since then :)

Our friends think I'm too focused on my career for kids right now and I'll just let them keep thinking that!


Smiling just makes everyones day better :)

JENVOSE's Photo JENVOSE Posts: 1,132
10/7/10 4:30 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I guess I'm lucky in that regard. My only surviving grandparents really don't seem to care much about becoming great-grandparents (although I got to know one set of my great-grandparents and would love to give this baby an opportunity, right now, baby would still have two sets of great-grandparents, although my grandfather isn't in the best of health). My mother would LOVE to become a grandmother ASAP (and has already been told she wants to be called "Granny Grump" just to see what kind of funny, "out of the mouth of babes" comment would come up when her grandchildren were asked why they called her that). And one of my closest friends can't wait to be "Aunt Linder Lou" (although she already is with her "real" family) but isn't pushy, either. DH's mom is a grandmother 4-times over already, and since those four came pretty early in marriage she's been pretty supportive of our choice to wait and think it through and really get to know each other. Since all the grandchildren on DH's side are girls, I do feel even more pressure for a boy (and that's what I would prefer, since my brothers are much younger than me, I already feel like I have more experience with baby boys). So I've been blessed to not really have much pressure (I think I put more on myself with the expectations of a child getting to know great-grandparents, etc., and also blessed with knowing that I'll have a wonderful support group from TTC onward. If it helps, those who have pushy family members should know that it means that they'll have a strong (if sometimes overwhelming) support group during their pregnancy!

Share your musical and weight loss goals with me at: teams.sparkpeople.com/pickgrinlose


 current weight: 195.0 
195
186.25
177.5
168.75
160
JENILAURA's Photo JENILAURA SparkPoints: (9,347)
Fitness Minutes: (2,387)
Posts: 497
10/6/10 8:57 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I get those questions so often. Even before Joe and I got married. I think it's because we had been together for quite a while (6 years), so people thought they could ask the gammit of questions. Everyone knows that I love kids, I work with kids and love to spend time doing kid things.
Now that we are married the questions have ramped up from others. What makes it worse is that Joe decided to tell his family that we were trying...and he told them a few months before we even really started. I had asked that he not told them, so I was quite grumpy when he did (and for just cause). They keep asking and even poking fun...like "why aren't you pregnant yet". It really hurts. and I am sick of it. I didn't even tell my family, becuase I don't want the constant questions.
Now people at work have been asking so I feel like its coming from all the angles.
A possibly positive thing is that Joe is starting to realize that telling others wasn't such a great thing. I think he though what most think...getting pregnant will be easy. Now he has to deal with me crying when I get AF and he has to figure out a diplomatic way of answering all of the "why aren't you pregnant" questions. It's made him realize that it should be an US thing and he's trying to be better about all the baby stuff.
And I feel like it's only going to get worse. After this month if I don't get a BFP, we have to take a break for 9 months before we start trying again (school teacher/financial obligation stuff). So there is an automatic 9 months where I will still get the questions, still want the BFP, but have to be happy with everyone else's baby bumps.

Oh well, one month at a time. Still hoping for that BFP this month.

Edited by: JENILAURA at: 10/6/2010 (20:57)
Jen

*“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there."*

SW 170 3/4/11
GW 160 4/21/11 Purchase Just Dance for Wii
GW 150 7/4/11 SUPRISE!!
GW 135-140 9/1/11 Private photo shoot with NEW clothes!
MAINTAIN

Please VOTE!!
www.babynames.com/namelist/9759267


 current weight: 196.0 
196
183.25
170.5
157.75
145
I_AM_ME_STILL's Photo I_AM_ME_STILL Posts: 1,120
10/6/10 5:09 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
We have gotten comments assuming that we don't want children so comments like "Not everyone wants children, look at them (us)" or hurtful comments like "You are so lucky you decided to not have kids" yep, lucky.

I'm almost 34 so apparently I'm past the child bearing age. I want to announce that we are trying every chance we get, but I don't want the assumption that we are doing it wrong or have something wrong with us or the 10 million things we are doing that are keeping us from getting pregnant: caffeine, walking, not walking, carrying any weight, playing with my dogs, or what ever millions of things everyone else does but still gets pregnant.

It is frustrating!

Edited by: I_AM_ME_STILL at: 10/6/2010 (17:10)
NACOLESWORLD's Photo NACOLESWORLD Posts: 7,254
10/6/10 2:25 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Yup! I get it from co-workers, I get it from family, I get it from friends... The thing that really sucks is that I DO want to try and up until a week ago DH wasn't even ok with trying!! Every time people would say something I would say "Don't look at me! It isn't me that we are waiting on!" lol DH didn't like that too much, but I don't want to be in the hot seat when it isn't my fault! Now that we are trying I just tell people "We are working on it, it will happen when it happens." People who are especially persistant get a little add on of "Talking about it won't make it happen faster. I will let you know when it happens!"

OOOH A couple weeks ago this older guy was being REALLY persistant and I finally go so annoyed I said "Man you sure are nosy! I got it under control! Don't worry yourself about it!"

Edited by: NACOLESWORLD at: 10/6/2010 (14:28)
~~*~~*~~Angie ~~*~~*~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Spark Tips:
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_pu
blic_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=28
35809

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Do or do not... there is no try.” ~Yoda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 221.0 
221
168.25
115.5
62.75
10
ROSOCHKA SparkPoints: (938)
Fitness Minutes: (7,584)
Posts: 477
10/6/10 9:37 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Yep, we get those "fun" questions all the time, from everyone around! We've been together for 10 years and married for the last 4 (have been TTC pretty much since getting back from the honeymoon). We moved into our house about 3 years ago, so of course, all relatives and friends of my parents are just itching to know what's going on. It doesn't help that my sis who is younger, already has two kids. But, i don't find those questions annoying, we just tell people that we are just trying to travel as much as possible and enjoy life, and most "buy" it. :) My problem is pushing from the family, mostly my sis who got pregnant just by doing it ONCE!!! So, she is constantly pushing us to do IVF (even though she has no clue what is involved, both physically, emotionally and monetary (it is not covered by provincial health plan, and we don't have any benefits)). My SIL who did have some problems too, and now also has 2 kids, is on the other hand, saying that we should try naturally or IUI before going to IVF (they finally had both kids conceived naturally ). I guess, i am less patient with my family, as the constant questions from my MIL (who knows we are TTC) in this regard are just really upsetting to me. My parents are more reserved in this matter and don't ask unless i talk to them myself. Well, I rambled on forever, but its a touchy topic for me too.

 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
21
42
63
84
YIYEHTOV's Photo YIYEHTOV Posts: 794
10/6/10 5:18 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm just curious about whether the people in your life (who may not know whether you're TTC) are bugging you to get cracking. Aren't those questions "fun"?

After we bought our own apartment and settled in this past April, the "when are you getting pregnant" questions definitely increased for us... and not just from family and friends. I think I remember our air conditioning repair guy telling us we need to get busy. We kept telling our family we were waiting until around Sept to try, which gave us some quiet months to start trying on our own. Of course, then I got pregnant, told close family and friends, who told more people (my mom told my grandfather, who e-mailed the news out to second cousins I've never met when I was like 7 weeks along!)... and then I MCed.

Now I'm getting occasional comments like forwards from my mom about how women have a better chance of having healthy babies if they get pregnant less than 6 months after a MC (um... thanks mom... doing my best!), but the people who are really pressuring us now are my husband's grandparents, who don't know we got pregnant or MCed before. They keep dropping hints like "grandchildren are work, but great-grandchildren are pure joy" and "I already had an X-year-old child at your age." I think it's kind of funny because I'm pretty sure they think we need to be pushed into this. Um, again... trying! I can't tell them that, though. If they knew I had a MC, they would analyze everything I do, and they would be horrified if I so much as carried my purse across a room, let alone went for a fast walk/jog... they're Polish holocaust survivors, so worrying is what they do best. I love them, though. For now, we just smile and pretend we don't quite get their meaning. (My husband's grandmother also recently told him that she loved him more before he lost 60 pounds using Spark... they're very concerned about any kind of weight loss.)

What kind of comments do y'all get, if any? (I remember Hilary posted on her blog about being worried that she wasn't getting those questions, but if you're not, I suspect that people either A) know you're trying and don't want to pressure you or B) see you as busy with other things in your life right now.)

Maya

I'm in this for the rest of my life. Why rush?


 current weight: 130.0 
139
136
133
130
127
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Getting Fit Before Baby General Team Discussion Forum Posts

Topics:
Last Post:
9/30/2018 10:21:30 PM
1/8/2019 11:09:19 PM



Thread URL: https://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=0x952x37139469

Review our Community Guidelines