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GGIRL1973 SparkPoints: (0)
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7/4/11 3:36 P

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Wow..this group is GREAT..nice to find people I can relate too..I'll admit I ofen feel the pressure of being "perfect" but what is perfect?..In truth the answer will be dif depending on who you ask..sometimes I wish I could see myself as the ones I love do..world might be a better place if we could. I wonder will the healthy girl still be funny..will they be jelious or happy of my progress..after all I am not in a contest..I just want to get healthy..I use to want the scale to say a certain thing but then I woke up and said..Hey self..beauty comes in all sizes..it's about health..not a number on a scale..but the double edge sword is the only way some people measure success is that number...so am I nervious..yep..I'm human..I made mistakes..but hopefully with change,courage, and support I can overcome fear..becase is it not the Fear inside that scares us the most?!

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EZZERMARIE's Photo EZZERMARIE SparkPoints: (0)
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7/2/11 12:06 P

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This topic is something so many people have to deal with. I admit, I was afraid to start because, as so many have said, I was afraid of how I would look, of the changes my body would have to undergo, and partly because it was something completely new for me. I've dropped over 80 pounds now, and i KNOW i could never go back. I still worry, but I'm not afraid of my body. I will have to have skin removed, but I'm also doing everything in my power to minimize what will have to be done. I have learned so much on this journey, and am so thankful, but it makes me think back on that fear, and how it kept me from doing so much. Now, my fears are for my health, because I realize my family history. Both sides are heavy, both have heart and cancer risks, along with high blood pressure. I combat those fears, with what I've learned, on my own and from the Spark, but I also take it one day at a time.

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7/2/11 4:31 A

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I am afraid to lose weight. I'm afraid of what I will look like, I'm afraid of what people might say and I've just learned to love myself for who I am and the way I look. I also want to prove wrong the stereotypes of plus-size people. But even thought I'm afraid to lose weight, I am more afraid of getting diabetes, hypertension and all of the other diseases that come with being obese.

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KEMEKI3's Photo KEMEKI3 Posts: 314
7/1/11 7:39 A

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I haven't gone to therapy just to help with weight loss, but I'm in therapy and it HAS helped with weight loss, if that makes sense. It also helps to address emotional eating problems, etc.

About the restricting yourself forever aspect..... I don't know. I want to say no! that's crazy! all things in moderation! but... I've recently gone to a lot of AA meetings with my mother, and maybe for some of us food is the same time of addiction. Alcoholics can't just have one drink - could I really limit myself to ONE cookie? ONE cookie a month? ONE cookie a year? FOREVER? AHHHHHH. I don't know.

~Kim~
"...tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet." ~Anne Shirley, _Anne of Green Gables_


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WNTMOREOFLIFE's Photo WNTMOREOFLIFE SparkPoints: (0)
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7/1/11 4:33 A

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OMG you guys . . . this thread should be sticky!

I was just asking for this sort of conversation to take place more, in the suggestions thread. I guess I haven't explored the group well enough, because here it is! So many poignant thoughts in here, with which I relate! I think every post touched on something I've thought about.

I've actually thought that once I get further down the road, I might avail myself of some therapy with a professional, just for some extra support and to have someone help me apply reason to irrational roadblocks. Has anyone ever done that? Gotten help with the mental part of changing our bodies and lives?

As I said, I related to a lot in this thread, but mostly I think I fear that I won't be able to maintain my weight once I lose it, that I won't ever be able to moderately enjoy treats, but will always go on red alert after one handful of jellybeans and be unable to stop myself from inhaling the whole bag. I fear that it may be necessary for me to always stay away from the treats because of that, and I fear that I won't be able to do so.

I fear becoming injured while working out also. I'm very resistant to the idea of running, because I'm always thinking about blowing out a knee. Isn't that crazy?

I'll have to think this over, and come back with other fears.



ďOur deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

~Marianne Williamson


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MISSB8604's Photo MISSB8604 Posts: 3,437
6/30/11 11:58 A

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To be honest, I was very afraid to start losing weight because I was afraid of the struggle and afraid of the excersize. I'm still pretty weary of having people notice me more because of my weight loss. Just something that I have to work on. I'm sure I'll get over it once I see that I can fit into a size I haven't worn since junior high or elementary school (I was a big little girl! HA!).

Many backs have broken from lesser weight I know
I was born to carry more than I can hold
Even though Iíll stumble
Even though Iíll fall
Youíll never see me crumble
Youíll never see me crawl. - Bright Star the Musical

www.etsy.com/depressiondiva


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SISYPHUS_CLIMBS's Photo SISYPHUS_CLIMBS Posts: 710
6/22/11 1:44 P

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Just read through all the comments and I really connect with most of them. One of my personal fears comes from my love of sewing. I've always hated how commercial clothes and patterns are designed for skinny girls, and then "scaled up" to fat girls, without recognizing the changes in body shape. Or the "plus size" clothing which is only designed to cover up as much of a woman as possible, and not enhance her shape like it should. For years I've dreamed of starting a line of plus-size clothes and patterns that are designed to flatter, not hide, plus-size figures. But then I worry that if I lose weight, I won't be able to follow through with that dream because who wants to buy plus-size clothing from a skinny girl? I don't know, maybe that doesn't make any sense, but that's what runs through my mind.

2 steps forward for each step backwards.
FEARLESS2011's Photo FEARLESS2011 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/22/11 10:29 A

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This topic resonates so much with me I had to click and reply.

The closest I was ever to skinny was in high school, at 5 ft 6 and in the high 150s. I guess some would consider that skinny. I was in about a size 10 clothing. I think when I can actually gain the confidence to be in a bikini i'll consider myself officially "skinny"...

that aside.....I have the constant struggle inside. A part of me WANTS to be noticed. I am in my mid twenties and really am looking forward to the dating scene (which i have had NO experience in so far). I think the weight was a shield of me distancing from others - i was worried I wasnt pretty enough to begin with and the weight ultimately was a what of putting up a stop sign.

My fears of losing we now are this constant fear of not being good enough even IF i was smaller. I mean its one thing to say "well he doesn't like me because I am fat...and i don't like me either so who blames him" to "why doesn't he like me......and it be something you can't change - whether it be a scar you have, your personality, your face, etc"...

I think hitting my halfway goal put a nice stride in my step in that I really feel happy with my progress and as i contiue to lose i am less afraid of failing and more excited to continue on this journey

cheers ;)

Take care of your body, its the only place you have to live.

Started my journey in September of 2009. Have had some ups and downs along the way. Have finally hit my stride and am half to my goal of losing 100 pounds!!!!


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PRINCESS_TWISTY's Photo PRINCESS_TWISTY Posts: 539
6/22/11 7:18 A

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STARDUST2K4 I feel the same. I am afraid to lose weight because it will mean more attention for me. I'm a very shy, reserved person and I don't like being the centre of attention. And it's not just male attention, I mean any attention at all, even from my family.

So whenever I start to lose weight, I hate getting comments and questions from people. I think it part it is because it makes me wonder what they saw before I lost any weight, did they think that I should be losing weight or did they just see past the weight and see me for who I really am?

It's hard to deal with, and I'm not sure quite how to get past it; only that it is essential to my mental wellbeing and development that I do so. I need to overcome my shyness and attention issues. The flip-side is that I know that once I'm skinny I'll be confident in myself and won't really be shy. I seem to not have a problem with the idea of BEING skinny, but it's the journey there that bothers me.

~~~~~Christie~~~~~

No Excuses
No Double Standards
No Fudging the Issue
No Illusions
No Limit to How Far You Can Go


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JERSEYFLOWER's Photo JERSEYFLOWER SparkPoints: (0)
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6/19/11 11:10 A

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I think a lot of us "never been skinny" folks feel that way. I tend to get away from the scale when that happens. It makes me focus on ME rather than the number on the scale.

Feeling happy and energetic.
First mini goal: pre-pregnancy weight by concert July 14. (Guns N Roses, baby!)


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SKYRUNHER's Photo SKYRUNHER Posts: 2,610
6/16/11 6:47 A

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I have to be honest and yes sometimes I'm afraid to lose. I've never been thin.. my least heavy in my adult life was 199.. it's a fear of the unknown.. will I be different when I'm thinner? But on those days, I reach out to friends who tell me to suck it up sunshine and keep going. (sometimes I need that butt kicking).. It's scary but so are roller coasters!

Joyce


** Change is like walking an uphill, rocky road: you will stumble, you will fall. You may even roll downhill a bit. You will be tempted to stay down. You'll ask yourself "why bother"? But, if you pick yourself up and just keep pushing forward, eventually you'll get to the top and have a beautiful view! **


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KEMEKI3's Photo KEMEKI3 Posts: 314
6/14/11 1:22 P

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I know that I'm scared to lose weight. Well, to get skinny. 225 is my standard AHHHHH point.

I've projected a lot of negative thoughts on to skinny beautiful people - and I don't want those applied to me (like that they must be dumb, haven't worked for anything, have had things handed to them, just in general aren't nice, aren't "deep" thinkers, not trustworthy). I don't even think these things most of the time anymore, but... I guess my subconscious does?

Plus, I've always been the fat girl. I've always had my fat to protect me in many ways. People seem to think I'm smarter (at least in my head). I haven't really had any problems with getting picked on/in fights/attacked because I'm a 6'0" fat girl - you don't mess with me. But what about if I'm just 6'0? Still intimidated, but not nearly as much.

I'm afraid of unwanted attention, and even wanted attention - I've had no "training" on how to deal with it. I've never felt threatened, and thus go about the world oblivious - and I don't know how to train myself to be aware, and I don't WANT to be one of those paranoid people.

Add to this sister issues (having some subconscious refusal to become skinnier than one sister and terror of becoming AS skinny as the other) and woo hoo! party!

So yeah... I've got a few issues to work out :P But I've got however long it will take me to lose 40 lbs before I really have to deal with them :D

~Kim~
"...tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet." ~Anne Shirley, _Anne of Green Gables_


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STARDUST2K4's Photo STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,377
6/13/11 11:45 P

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A couple months ago, I started panicking about the weight loss because I was at the laundry mat and a man walked behind me and touched my a$$. I was worried that I was going to start getting more unwanted attention. My fear is rooted in the attention and the fact that when I lose the weight, I'll have nothing else to blame if I fail. Let's just say it's a good thing I've been seeing a counselor to tackle the issues.


Don't ever let anyone else tell you who you can be



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FITGIRL_LACOLE's Photo FITGIRL_LACOLE Posts: 779
5/28/11 7:38 A

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I don't think I've ever had a "normal" BMI...lol. The one thing that I'm definetly afraid of is the loose skin or just the sagginess. My areas of concern are my arms and my lower belly. I have these binders around those areas when I work out so hopefully I won't have to worry about it, but I know I will....

I am an Action Figure





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COMINGBACKTOME's Photo COMINGBACKTOME Posts: 160
5/28/11 1:17 A

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Oh yeah - I've been there. Every time I start over and I start filling out my weight loss expectations, I panic about a 'normal' BMI being 'too thin' for me. I haven't been a normal BMI since I was 14 years old, so how would I even know what 'too thin' is for me?

What's really helping me this time is having my weight tracker set to my first 10 lb goal. I am a numbers person and can get way to caught up in them - I just had to find a way to make it work for me. Seeing how far the ticker has moved with a 2.8 lb loss out of 10 is more inspiring to me than seeing a tiny shift forward on the whole 190 lbs I need to lose.

Hi! I'm Linda! :)

You just gotta keep livin', man. L-I-V-I-N! - Wooderson, Dazed and Confused


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ANELAKANOA Posts: 4,221
5/27/11 7:54 P

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Great thread! I'm really afraid to lose weight in a way too (I think most of us are). I've always been big so I'm not used to attention or compliments. Even now I feel uncomfortable so I can't imagine when I'm smaller. I'm also afraid that even if I lose the weight I won't be happy with my body (saggy skin, stretch marks, etc.). I hope to conquer these fears as I approach them through:)

Angie





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GINALUVSJOHN's Photo GINALUVSJOHN SparkPoints: (0)
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5/16/11 9:58 P

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SOOOO HAPPY TO HAVE FOUND THIS THREAD!!! I really thought I was the only one! I have been thinking about this alot lately,why do I get within 50lbs of goal and proceed to gain all lost plus more!? It just doesn't make sense to me! So now I am back to square 1+ once again! I have relost more than that last 50lbs many times over so I question myself of why didn't I just lose the last 50? So far I have not answered! Lol! I do know part of it is because of losing so much you think you can have this or that but you end up having too much of this and that.With all the weight I also know comes saggy skin and don't have the $ for plastic surgery,was thinking about going to another country like Brazil but that scares me!I also know it is emotional eating,not being happy with myself,no job,and hubby always on the road for his job because you can't make a real living in fl for the average person.Plus Fl is not my choice of place to live,and if it wasn't for the weather in the ne,myself and thousands of other people would not be here.Have not found any real friends,people are too into themselves and their lives. Hopefully I wil figure it out this time around! emoticon

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FULLBLOOM's Photo FULLBLOOM Posts: 3,056
5/6/11 6:27 P

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Self -acceptance of ourselves and not the opinions of other's is all that matters.

SHAGADELIC's Photo SHAGADELIC Posts: 1,403
5/6/11 4:25 P

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I keep thinking that when I lose, I'm going to be angry with people who compliment me. The problem is that I don't think I'm unattractive. My body is not my ideal but I don't hate it. I do hate when people say stuff like, "Oh you look so good NOW." It's supposed to be a compliment but it's an insult. But that's not even the crux of it. I'll be most annoyed with people who wanted ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with me at my heaviest but after I lose I'm suddenly the person they've always wanted to spend time with.

I think that says more about people and their prejudices than it does about me, though. I know I'm a good person and to hell with who doesn't agree based on my waist size!

"You sound like a damn fool when you say it wrong!"



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SAESAND's Photo SAESAND Posts: 317
5/5/11 12:44 P

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I am also experiencing self-sabotage right now. I think the biggest thing is that I have had to change so much to get to this point. Most of what I have to do to move forward is to keep up with the changes. But my live-in boyfriend is not on this journey and his habits have not changed. Now it's hard for us to find activities to do together or places to eat on the rare occasions we go to dinner as part of a date. I am scared to get smaller clothes (what if my body shape still looks awkward even when I am smaller?), but I am more scared that my new life style takes me away from the people I love.

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FULLBLOOM's Photo FULLBLOOM Posts: 3,056
5/3/11 3:45 P

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You will be just fine.

Sometimes, we don't want to change our state of being because of such fears.

I'm sure, you will be the person; your meant to be no matter what.

What goes on inside of us is fundamentally; who we truly are.

It,s ok to exam our feelings and I think you are very caring because............

Your concern is your relationships.

Irene

Edited by: FULLBLOOM at: 5/3/2011 (15:49)
OHMYLOVES's Photo OHMYLOVES SparkPoints: (0)
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5/3/11 3:17 P

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I'm afraid that I will put in all this effort into making the physical portion of my life better and I will remain an emotional wreck. I'm afraid that even when I loose 200lbs; I won't be able to have children. I'm afraid that even at my greatest shape; my partner won't be as attracted to me as he is to his other partners (we're poly) simply because of NRE. I'm afraid that when I change so much about my physicality and mentality, that I might because a stuck up whooty-whoo and lose all of my meaningful relationships.

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BRIDEJEN's Photo BRIDEJEN Posts: 55
3/24/11 11:01 P

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I think we are afarid for all of the reasons and more. I do not have a clue how to conquer that fear but I guess I will have to do some soul-searching.

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RAINBOWCHOC's Photo RAINBOWCHOC SparkPoints: (0)
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3/24/11 9:29 A

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simple way to get round a number barrier is to change the numbers! If you weigh in pounds, change to "British" stones and pounds making 130 lbs into 9stone 4lbs or change to "European" kilos, making it 59 kg (showing you've crossed into the 50's already). Hope this helps
best wishes, Sandra emoticon emoticon

"If things don't change they'll stay as they are"

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PSSN4FITNESS's Photo PSSN4FITNESS SparkPoints: (14,241)
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3/23/11 4:30 P

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Wow this thread speaks to all of the fears that I have been grappling with. I have a mental block at 130lbs. I have been bouncing between 131 and 135 for 5 months now!! Everytime I get close to leaving the 130's, I sabotage myself back up. I think that I have gotten so used to maintaining that I forget what losing feels or looks like. I am all of a sudden scared about the sacrifice that I will have to make to reach my goal even though 1) I have never really felt deprived during this entire journey and 2) I REALLY want this. I guess I don't want it bad enough because I haven't accepted what it will mean. I weigh 20lbs lighter now than I have since elementary school. The 120's in my mind sounds "skinny" - whatever that means - despite the fact that it is entirely healthy for me at 5'0". I am not sure how to break through this mental wall. I guess I am scared of having nothing to struggle for anymore. The struggle has idenitified me for my whole life. What will it be like to not struggle over my weight? Though I completely recognize that maintaining is hard, it will just be different.

Not sure where to go from here. I definitely need to do more reflecting.

-- Jamie
Pain is Temporary; Pride is Forever - the Marines.

"If your goal doesn't come with a plan, then it's just a wish" - Another Sparker

"A year from now you will wish you had started today."

"Fear knocked at my door, and faith answered." - pravsworld

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HOTSTENO's Photo HOTSTENO SparkPoints: (0)
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3/21/11 1:12 P

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Yes, I have some fears I'm grappling with this. Number one is how certain family members are going to react. Being a little too overjoyed is hurtful too, just because it makes me feel like somehow I wasn't worthy of affection when I was fat, if that makes any sense.

From what I hear, not having tried this yet, if you sew just a little or know someone who does, it's pretty easy to take in shirts. There's some instructions here. www.ehow.com/how_2307395_alter-butto
n-
down-shirt-.html
I would imagine you could take in pants and skirts using the same principle. :)

Don't let the turkeys get you down!

Missy in San Jose, California
Walking It Out & eating right since 1-26-2011!

Milestones:
Lost 10 pounds: 3/17/2011

I'm now a team leader for Office Workers Unite! teams.sparkpeople.com/officeworkers
TECAVINESS's Photo TECAVINESS Posts: 1,948
3/21/11 8:21 A

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Have gotten this far and am now wondering if I lose more weight will I be able to afford to buy new clothes.? Will my friends still like me even though the inside is getting better along with the outside? Can I handle a new body or am I just so comfortable with the old one?

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LOIDAEG's Photo LOIDAEG SparkPoints: (9,668)
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3/21/11 5:20 A

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I agree with RAINBOWCHOC

It's a bit scary to go where you've never gone before. And I also agree that you have to take a minute and think about what is stopping you. What scares you? For me it was buying new clothes. That's the reason why I never wanted to lose weight in the past. I kept thinking "I just bought all these new jeans! I can't lose weight or else I'll lose that money". But you know what? It doesn't matter how much money you'll lose! You will be gaining something so priceless in return! Something that you can't buy with all the money in the world. :-) And good for you for posting this! Keep up the good work! emoticon

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3/11/11 10:07 P

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I have certainly had those feelings, especially last night. The thing that makes me want to think twice is that once I get to my goal weight, which will be great, I will have all this excess skin just hanging on me. Especially from my midsection. I was thinking last night, how easy it would be to just stop everything that I'm doing and go back to the way I was living before.
But I wasn't happy with life 6 months ago. I could barely get around, I was always tired, afraid to sleep at night because I wasn't sure if I would wake up in the morning. Basically I was missing out on my son's and my life. January and February were the hardest for me recently because I literally did not lose any weight at all! Walking wasn't working, most days I just skipped the walking because it wasn't doing anything. I just started using our Gazelle this week and finally shed 1.2 pounds. A mini success but it's finally gotten me excited about losing some more.
The most important thing is to make sure that our mental health is in sync with our physical health. No doubt these thoughts will remain with us if we allow them room in our head and to take root. Best of luck to everyone!!
emoticon

Personal growth comes little by little.
Celebrate your heroic small steps.

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KRAVBABE's Photo KRAVBABE Posts: 1,181
3/11/11 6:44 P

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I have the same mentally that Ambozarth has. 'Hey, my clothes are looser. I can have a candy bar.' I'm really trying to change that by at least reading the candy bar labels and picking the one lowest in calories and all. That is if my mind is refusing to eat fruit or something healthy. It's normal for everyone to be afraid of change. Good or bad.

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LYNCECELIA's Photo LYNCECELIA SparkPoints: (0)
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3/11/11 5:34 P

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I have the same issue. I decided to use www.mvm.com and create a virtual model of myself. I can see myself NOW and what I will look like at my goal weight. I'm going to print it out to keep in my pocket as a motivator :)

Keep going! I know it's rough but we all can do it!

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SPRINGRS's Photo SPRINGRS Posts: 73
3/11/11 1:54 P

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I think is more "normal" than we think. There is so much more to losing weight than people think. Everytime I hit a certain weight, I want to eat things I shouldn't. It took me 5 months to lose 50 pounds and another 5 months to lose 15 because I would sabotage myself whenever I got close to a certain weight. I realized that part of it was that it changes how we perceive ourselves and it changes the relationships with our spouses, children, and friends. Because no one else around me stuck to the change, they have been resentful and less supportive. I guess my point is, you start out losing for a reason but to continue and be successful, you have to make it because you want to lose it for you and only you. Good luck!

 current weight: 220.2 
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ALLISONBISHOP46's Photo ALLISONBISHOP46 Posts: 164
3/11/11 10:29 A

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I'm like that I tell myself you won't look good at 150 (I'm 5'10)!!! I have to tell myself "Don't you want to know what you look like at 150?" "I wonder what I'll look like and feel like when I'm skinny!" emoticon

 current weight: 317.0 
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3/11/11 9:12 A

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Oh yes, been there hundreds of times. Am starting to get there now, and I am working way hard to NOT go there, again. Any change is scary. But it can also be exciting, fun, new, different, etc. So I am trying to use more positive words to describe the changes happening, it can help! Also, I agree with the others, there are always going to be people who come and go in your life. You may have been identifying with the "fat girl" and not sure who you are going to be without that persona. I know I feel that way. You may not, each of us have our own identity and that is what you need to remember. Maybe you will change. Maybe instead of lets go see the movie girl, you will be the lets go to the park and play frisbee or fly a kite, or take a hike, etc. But who you are, personality wise, the weight difference should not change that much! You will still be you!

So, stop rationalizing and making excuses as to why you can make not so great decisions. Think of your motivation. Think of where you want to be health wise. Not just a smaller size or a number on the scale, but how healthy you want to be. Then do it.

The power to change, the courage to do, the will and drive to be exceptional lies within me, and by leaving my fears, my doubts, and my excuses behind, I embrace all that lies within me.
AMBOZARTH's Photo AMBOZARTH Posts: 301
3/11/11 5:32 A

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I am the queen of self sabotage. I've done it to myself for years. Part of it is that when I start losing and my clothes start becoming looser, I rationalize that I can afford to have the candy bar more than I can afford to go buy new clothes. But I have outlet stores galore near me which means I can shop there for clothes that fit while I'm losing and then when I reach my goal, hit the good stores.

Another thing for me is that I almost expect myself to fail because I have so many times in the past. So when I start doing well, I ease up on the exercise and watching what I eat and Voila!! Self-fulfilling prophecy! I'm determined not to do these things to myself this time. One of the best ways I'll make sure this doesn't happen is to share with all my friends and family what I'm doing and what my goals are. And to share in SP too- on my Spark page and in my Spark teams. This gives me accountability which I've never had in the past. Before if I failed, I was the only one who knew. Now I have people watching my progress and checking in with me to see how I'm doing and it has made a huge difference.

So you are in the right place. And just sharing that you tend to self-sabotage is a step towards not doing it this time. emoticon

Angel :)

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."


 current weight: 195.0 
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RAINBOWCHOC's Photo RAINBOWCHOC SparkPoints: (0)
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3/11/11 3:28 A

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quite a normal reaction, if you have reached a point where going further means uncharted ground it will be scary. Take a minute to think what scares you, is it buying clothes in new styles and colours? Could it be your identity as "the fat girl" is at risk? You will find that people still recognise you, still care about you and want to know you. There will be a few people who shunned you before who now want to be your new best friend but these people are unlikely to be friends for life. You might lose 1-2 friends who see you as a threat but that's their problem, and although the loss will hurt you will get over it.
Enjoy your new shape, enjoy your improved health....live long and prosper
emoticon

"If things don't change they'll stay as they are"

leader Class 23-29 Jan 2011

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_SAP_0's Photo _SAP_0 SparkPoints: (0)
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3/10/11 10:02 P

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Has anyone else felt like this?

I've lost over 10lbs and quite a few inches. I'm almost back down to my smalest ever size. And I've started making not so great choices (craving junk food, reading instead of exercising etc.). I'm scared to go below 165. I'm scared to go below a size 14.

Stupid, right? I know it doesn't make sense. Has anyone else been through that?

I'm not going to let it stop me, but I feel like I"m constantly fighting with myself and self sabotaging and I hate it.

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