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CMIGHTYM's Photo CMIGHTYM Posts: 348
1/28/07 12:22 P

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yeah, i kind of get this, too, but maybe not in the same way. see, i'm actually pretty comfortable in my physical skin (social skin is a COMPLETELY other story), so it usually doesn't bother me much if i gain weight or have a belly or whatever. this means, though, that i can blossom into a quite unhealthy person without having external cues like tight pants or not being able to fit into something bother me much. i mean, i'm fundamentally o.k. being round-n-squishy, so it lends itself to being really unhealthy.

BUT i feel that the extra weight i'm carrying and my general lack of fitness is aging me earlier than i'd like. i don't like how tired i am at the end of a day, and i don't like how i'm still in my 20's and couldn't run a mile unless i were being chased by bad guys. these are bodily changes i'd be fine with somewhere along retirement age, but not while i'm still this young. i kind of feel like my state of unhealth right now is stealing just too, too much of my energy. so i guess that my body distortion is that i always think i look o.k. even when i'm on the brink of being really, really unfit and unhealthy.

"That's why we call it a struggle/ You're supposed to sweat"

 Pounds lost: 0.0 
1/27/07 3:44 P

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I know one thing we were discussing on g* before this got moved over here was how some of us (me completely included) feel like we have one idea of ourselves but then we look in the mirror or at a photograph and we look completely different.

Its really strange but as I get back to working out and get deeper and deeper into the mindset of spark, I am looking closer and closer at myself and I am finding that I don't like what I see. I have always struggled to love myself, and I still do, but I feel like I am starting to see the real me: 15-20 lbs. overweight, no muscle tone, my poor used-to-be-tiny waist merging with my hips to be one big plank of wide. I am coming to grips with the sad reality that most of the clothes I've bought over the last two years don't fit and that's why I have nothing to wear. Its like my mental eye is opening up to what I have been denying for so long and the outward and inward me are merging.

I can't say that this is entirely negative because I am finding that I don't love myself any less, its just more like the rose colored glasses have been taken off. If anything it is giving me inspiration to stick with this and to drop the extra weight.

Does anyone else feel like this?

 current weight: 152.4 
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