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CALGALFOX's Photo CALGALFOX Posts: 7,231
10/19/18 4:09 P

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You know, I can't believe any God would be down to the individual level, it just doesn't make cognitive sense to me. But I do believe that your life experiences change and shape you. Mine made me overly self-reliant for many years and I had to learn that it was okay to lean on other people. That was probably the harder lesson - lol. I also agree that parenting and managing are identical skills!

I did graduate a year early, but I was in high school when I was 16. I got the job when I was 15 and used my sister's drivers license to lie and say I was 21. ...so, when I was 22 I got the promotion - lol - it was a 3 shift 7 day a week plant. I told them I'd only take the job if I could cover different shifts and one weekend day a week. They were, of course, thrilled. I had to cut every Thursday to make the 10 am management meeting and one other day. I had a deal with my parents that if I stayed in the top 10% of my class I could miss as much school as I wanted. That was good since I was also a total beach bum! Times were different back then (and probably because it was California).

I saw the post on fb about the well pump and electrical! Bummer! My immediate reaction was to respond on there that you were lucky the pump guy came out! Here in California that can difficult to just get them to come out! We've tried to get one of the companies to come out to look at our pump station since it services the three houses and they just wouldn't come out. Our one tenant is in the roofing trade and he had connections, so they came out for him!

I feel for you on the cost! Here you're looking at $5k at least for that much work...ahhh California, home of the expensive - everything! Except veggies since I'm in ag haha





“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”
~Author Unknown

HEATHHILL's Photo HEATHHILL Posts: 7,973
10/17/18 3:17 P

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OMG our well pump died. The well guy is here and he pulled it out of the well and it's from 1986. That's crazy. So we need a new one. It is going to cost over $3,000 for his time and the pump and materials. I can hardly breathe. I am having a hard enough time with making ends meet, and now this? I asked, and he'll let us make two payments. I can make this work, but this is really a blow. Everyone pray that hubby sells $2.500 of stuff this weekend, and I sell like I did on my best weekend so far and I make $600. Then maybe I can breathe again. Maybe I should start a go fund me? LOL

- Heather -

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"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

HEATHHILL's Photo HEATHHILL Posts: 7,973
10/16/18 2:28 P

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That's a hell of an upbringing and it explains an awful lot about your strength. Plant controller at 16? Didn't you have to go to school? Or did you graduate early or drop out? I'm betting on early graduation.......

Some people have a lot to deal with growing up, some have less. I read once, in my religious days, that God gives us all what we can handle, not more or less. This was in a book about a woman who became paralyzed from the neck down as an older teenager. I've struggled to understand this whole "God gives us what we can handle" when faced with stories of people dealing with more than any human should have to deal with......and it still makes no sense to me. Sometimes too much really breaks people and they never recover. Sometimes it makes them super strong. I have no clue what makes the difference in the reaction.

I'm super proud to call you my friend Carol. And you're right about the strength coming in handy at work. In fact I came to the conclusion that management is essentially the same skill set as parenting and once I had a kid I know I became a better manager.

- Heather -

Co-Leader Swimming for Cardio Team

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"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

CALGALFOX's Photo CALGALFOX Posts: 7,231
10/15/18 8:06 P

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Haha Jen, Yeah I could never figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up...I've decided it's overrated. But staying home as a full-time mom let me to lots of different work and owning companies...I'm not "stay at home" material and yet we wanted to raise our kids by ourselves. I did stuff where the kids were always with me and it led to lots of different business and side ventures. I would never trade that!

I (finally) got rid of all my books...but I really wish I had kept the one on premies and what occupational therapy can do for them since one of our employees just had a two pound baby!

My father was not specific as to what he found wrong with me. My next sister up was perfect in his eyes and I was a sad follow-on to him. He verbally beat me up when I got a promotion (at 16) as a production controller for a large graphics firm. I had lied about my age and they made a big deal to say at 22 I was the youngest person to ever hold that high of a management job (gee). My father raked me over the coals because I'd get hemmed in and never own my own business. My sister meanwhile was playing guitar and singing in bars and he supported that 100%. I disowned him and moved out when I was 17.

But, I should also say that I was a parents nightmare child. My mother would count to three and I'd just stand there. She'd tell me to wait until my father got home (I had many bruises over my childhood that were his hand shape haha). When he'd come home, I'd run out the back and hide in a tree. As a 15 year old I had a house picked out and the down payment for it, but they wouldn't cosign. I worked a becoming an emancipated minor until I learned that as a female it wouldn't help. They'd yell that they were going to spank me if I did something and I often figured it was worth it...after all, spanking didn't hurt for long...

Yeah, I wouldn't have wanted to raise me...but in a different household, it would have been easier for me I'm sure.

A fair (other side of the story). My father was a world-class genius, but one of those that missed other parts of his personality - a perpetual two-year-old since the world revolved around him. My mother was abused in all ways possible. When I grew up I realized that together, they almost made one whole person. Also when I grew up, my mother and I became friends and we were very close, but that wasn't maternal. So when I hear people tell me I'm lucky I'm such good friends with my kids I laugh and tell them that I am something so much better...I'm their mom.

I can't complain or regret because all of that is woven into the person I am today. I wouldn't be that strong without that background and I totally enjoy being this sure and strong.

Oops...that was a really long story, but it's why I led parenting classes for so many years. It also made me a better CFO because I used those same techniques at work!

“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”
~Author Unknown

JAHINTZY's Photo JAHINTZY SparkPoints: (21,769)
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10/15/18 7:47 P

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Thanks Heather!

Such an awful memory, what a lot of damage that sort of behavior does. My Dad is so afraid of health problems related to being overweight. I understand it, his mom died when she was 52 of a heart attack. I've never been a small person, but I probably was not as big as a teenager as I thought I was. And the stress of it probably never helped a bit.

Jen

"For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself - you will never find it without."


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HEATHHILL's Photo HEATHHILL Posts: 7,973
10/15/18 2:20 P

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Jen, I have some old books that might be useful to you. Maybe three or four baby/parenting type of things. You may already have them like "what to expect the first year", but if you are interested in them, send me a spark mail with your address and I'll mail them to you. I promise I won't come directly to you.....you can tell I have enough to do without being weird.

So, I read what you said Jen, and it triggered a memory for me. Don't worry, I'm fine, but it made me remember when I was 12 and weighed about 110 and wore maybe a size 5 (I was the same height I am now, 5'2"). My dad suggested I needed to lose weight and said if I lost I think 7 pounds I could get new clothes. So, I did what any self-respecting control freak with an eating disorder would do, and I starved myself down and lost the 7 pounds in about two weeks. I got something like 5 new pairs of pants for my work.

By the time I was 13 I weighed 100 pounds and wore a size 1. I decided that wasn't thin enough so I stared to diet again (which means starve myself because honestly how much smaller could I get while actually eating food) and I got to 97 pounds. My mom finally said if I lost any more weight they'd take me to the doctor. So I didn't lose any......I also didn't gain any for a while. No wonder I still have a convoluted relationship with food and my body image. I never got any treatment for my disordered eating. I was never diagnosed or hospitalized or anything that dramatic. But that can't be normal, can it? No, it can't be.

I wish fervently my parents hadn't tied up their love with my weight. I have had to work to learn what unconditional love is. Not with Sydney, because I love her unconditionally. And it makes me somewhat insane that my husband, who doesn't seem to have body image issues himself, is starting to do this to her. I don't want to keep saying to her, Just ignore what he says. Because that doesn't seem right.......ugh.........being involved with other human beings is hard....... :)

- Heather -

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"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

JAHINTZY's Photo JAHINTZY SparkPoints: (21,769)
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10/15/18 12:39 P

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Hi folks :)

Last week was so crazy, I kind of overstressed myself at work, so I'm aiming to do better this week. Not all of my work is probably going to get done. But I'm asking for help and vocalizing that I'm falling behind. If they can't help me, then I can't hurt myself or the baby trying to do it all anyway *harrumph*

Lots of appointments this week and baby shower this weekend! Hubby is on a big push to clear the last of the junk from nugget's room.

Heather, I don't think I have much advice to give on the family front, but I totally feel for you and Sydney. In a lot of ways it reminds me of how I interacted with my dad when I was her age - he still criticizes my food/health as an adult! I know it's because he cares and worries about me so much, but it is so very not helpful :(

But the reassuring side of that is once I was able to better establish my own boundaries with him, we really have a good relationship now.

Carol, I didn't know you did parenting classes. Certainly all sorts of jobs in your past lol. I picked up a bunch of Dr.s Sears books on thriftbooks the other week, very useful site.

Jen

"For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself - you will never find it without."


 current weight: 173.0 
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HEATHHILL's Photo HEATHHILL Posts: 7,973
10/15/18 9:30 A

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Good Morning!!! It's another rainy Monday. It has just seemingly rained for weeks on end....I'm sure there were one or two sunny days, but they are few and far between this time of year. But I'll take rain any day over snow!!!

So, Sydney and I saw Hamilton yesterday. It was nothing short of spectacular. The staging, the choreography, the performances, the music, the story......just amazing. It was so much fun to take my daughter to this and to have time to spend with her. She's not a city girl.......she may have been born in Manhattan, but it's not her favorite place.......yet. :) But we had fun!!!

And our exchange student arrives tonight! She has two NYC trips on her itinerary with the groups she's coming with, but she wants to also go in with us, so I may be back with a few kids this weekend......it's a good think I like it here!! I love bringing people who aren't familiar with the city and showing them around.....

On the weight front, I seem to have lost 7 pounds in the last month without too much effort. I think because the food is so expensive here that I haven't eaten out at all. I bring lunch and snacks and because of that I'm controlling my intake very nicely. Now, if I can figure out when to exercise, that will be the last part of the new commuting work life!

Sydney seems to have settled a bit from last week, but our communication issues still exist. Also it's becoming clear that a lot of the problem is hubby is having trouble with her growing up and away from us. I keep telling him to be happy she's a well adjusted, mentally stable, strong person with outside interests.....and that's a testament to our parenting. He wants her to want to hang out with us on Saturday night and watch TV together......and my outgoing, sociable kid, who also has lots of homework that sometimes is done Sat night bc there's no other time to do it, has a schedule of her own and just because she doesn't hang out with us doesn't mean she doesn't love us.......ugh.

It's a new week!!! Do something great for yourself!!! Be organized, plan meals, have some fun and work hard!!!

Have a FUN and ACTIVE week!

- Heather -

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"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

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