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ALLYINTEXAS's Photo ALLYINTEXAS Posts: 3,463
8/12/12 7:47 P

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GREAT! After reading the possible nicknames for the guy, now this song is in my head ...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=awOxw7JgxxY

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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
8/10/12 8:26 A

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Bwhahaha..


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CEELEE53's Photo CEELEE53 Posts: 4,785
8/9/12 9:49 P

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Oh, I don't know about Bob or Bit...I'd opt for "Bitty" my self...as in "itty bitty."

I'm just sayin'... emoticon

"Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country."
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COACHPENNY's Photo COACHPENNY Posts: 10,392
8/9/12 9:26 A

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You mean is it a Bit or get Bit? Oh, that's right...she used a knife......

Edited by: COACHPENNY at: 8/9/2012 (09:27)


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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
8/9/12 8:00 A

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Which Bit, Penny?

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COACHPENNY's Photo COACHPENNY Posts: 10,392
8/9/12 2:41 A

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Or just "Bit"



“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.”

Bill Cosby


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ALLYINTEXAS's Photo ALLYINTEXAS Posts: 3,463
8/8/12 2:03 P

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"
Imagine if his name had been Smith...it just doesn't have the same degree of comedic emphasis as Bobbit somehow.
"

Do you think his friends call him Bob for short?

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SHIRLEY721's Photo SHIRLEY721 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/8/12 1:21 P

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Right Val! emoticon

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4EVRYOUNG Posts: 5,174
8/8/12 8:44 A

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Infidelity is an act of insecurity and selfishness while showing a complete lack of respect for their family and for the person they are unfathful with.

Val

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!
CEELEE53's Photo CEELEE53 Posts: 4,785
8/7/12 8:14 P

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I had to go back quite a way to find my comment, and it did sound as if I put all the blame on the man while none to the women. I did not mean to imply that they were blameless. Sleeping with a married man is dishonest...for all parties, but mostly to oneself. And I've seen time and time again with friends and among family members the kind of collateral damage it does. But the ultimate lie is the breaking of a solemn oath made to another, and in some cases others when there are children involved. In a marriage, the one who breaks faith is the one responsible. Period. Just my opinion...

Thank you Ally...for not sharing the link to Bobbit's Wiki page. I have a vivid imagination without the need for pictures. Yuck!

Imagine if his name had been Smith...it just doesn't have the same degree of comedic emphasis as Bobbit somehow. emoticon

"Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country."
Franklin D. Roosevelt



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ALLYINTEXAS's Photo ALLYINTEXAS Posts: 3,463
8/7/12 3:20 P

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Hey Ceelee, I think we've agreed on a couple things before! ;-)
In your post from 03/10/11 7:12pm, you wrote about the women taking the blame when it's the married man, who made a commitment to a woman should shoulder the blame. I don't think the women are harmless, but it's still ultimately the man that chose to cheat. … and the part about revenge creating a hole in the heart.

OH MY! OH MY! OH MY! I googled to learn more about the church where he is now a pastor and I was reading through the wikiepedia site about him and L. OH MY! OH MY! OH MY! … they have a photo of the severed penis from the trial. I did NOT need to see that! (a skinned knee will make my stomach lurch; I have a very, very weak stomach). * aaack!!! *

It doesn't seem he was a pastor in the sense of having a church or a flock, if wiki is correct; it says he worked (past tense) at a LV wedding chapel as minister (anyone can be ordained to marry people - isn't that crazy given our 'preserving marriage' values?)

I feel sorry for the guy; he's has one heck of a messed up life. Maybe he's happy, but from the outside looking in, I can't see how anyone could be happy with that much legal and marital drama and worldwide speculation about an incredibly immasculating and embarrassing time in his life - and then there is his name ...



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MYREALANA's Photo MYREALANA SparkPoints: (0)
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8/6/12 10:06 P

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My favorite pastor had a BS in Electrical Engineering and an MBA, and spent several years as a NASA contractor.

I think his bachelors had a minor in philosophy, which is as close as he got to a divinity degree.

--Myrea

"If you can't do something smart, do something right." --
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8/6/12 7:32 P

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Well Wlliam and Bridie you are right! an ? named Jim Jones is the best example I know of in our modern day.If yours truly ever founded a church it would be based on the Agape type love and maybe be named the AGAPE church.Afraid my founding days are long gone though.. emoticon

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CD833620 Posts: 42,077
8/6/12 5:43 P

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Ok Shirley! I got the point!!! LOL Sometimes it happens that the post goes multiple times....
I wouldn't expect him being part of a major protestant church.... He probably has his own church or something of the kind. I know that my Brazilian (ex)accountant is doing very well since she opened her church....



BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
8/6/12 5:36 P

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Shirley, with reputable protestant churches tht may be the cse, but it is possible to get jailhouse "ordinations"..and some do..

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8/6/12 5:35 P

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What? Where did 3 posts come from? emoticon

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8/6/12 5:34 P

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Afraid you're mistaken William.At least about Protestant churches.All I know of require some Bible college and most have a degree in Theology. emoticon

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8/6/12 5:33 P

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Afraid you're mistaken William.At least about Protestant churches.All I know of require some Bible college and most have a degree in Theology. emoticon

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8/6/12 5:33 P

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Afraid you're mistaken William.At least about Protestant churches.All i know of require some Bible college and most have a degree in Theology. emoticon

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CD833620 Posts: 42,077
8/6/12 5:16 P

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Very interesting life indeed Val, but after all, to be a pastor all one has to do is to open a Bible and start talking. People will follow….
How about the Church of the cut off D!ck?


4EVRYOUNG Posts: 5,174
8/5/12 7:57 P

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Shirley, don't feel bad you're only human.

Val

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!
CEELEE53's Photo CEELEE53 Posts: 4,785
8/5/12 6:58 P

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OMG! I had forgotten all about this old thread.

Bridie...or Church of a Latter Day Adulterer!

Willam...Rev. Bobbitt...LMAO! In Las Vegas? I wonder how many parishioners he has...and what a Bobbitt sermon would sound like??? You know "an eye for an eye" and a.........What a hoot!

Ally...what two things do we agree on? I'm flabbergasted... ; -)

Julia...I hope you are doing well now and in a better place than when you opened this thread. All of us wished you the best. I hope it's worked out that way, one way or the other.

Edited by: CEELEE53 at: 8/5/2012 (19:01)
"Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country."
Franklin D. Roosevelt



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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
8/5/12 12:42 P

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What church? The Church of the Rolling Green?

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8/5/12 10:29 A

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Mr.Bobbit probably couldn't be a pastor anywhere but in Vegas.Naughty old me-judging! emoticon

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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
8/4/12 7:43 P

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Ewww..

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4EVRYOUNG Posts: 5,174
8/4/12 6:17 P

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So he's gone from a perpetrator of domestic and sexual abuse to the victim of a vicious assault on his manhood to earning a living as a porn star and now he's pastor in Las Vegas.

What an interesting life he's had.

Val

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!
COACHPENNY's Photo COACHPENNY Posts: 10,392
8/4/12 11:46 A

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He may have forgiven her but, I bet he wears "protective hardware" when in the same space.



“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.”

Bill Cosby


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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
8/4/12 9:21 A

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Has he forgiven his transgressor? ;-)

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CD833620 Posts: 42,077
8/4/12 8:31 A

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Funny that this thread "came back to life", because this week I had the pleasure (?) of meeting Mr Bobbit in person.... Did you know that now he is a pastor in las Vegas?

ALLYINTEXAS's Photo ALLYINTEXAS Posts: 3,463
8/3/12 11:41 P

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Julia, I'm sorry for what you experienced. One of my favorite Scriptures is Proverbs 13:12:
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." It reminds me that the pain I feel is normal and okay, and to give it to God and let Him 'take my yoke." Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's devastating. At this point in life, I have experienced my share of pain and devastation. I'm reminded of an old saying "if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger."

Watch this video www.iamsecond.com/seconds/jack-graham/ ; it's inspiring to me how he could let go of the pain and anger in the face of such a tragedy.

In the Christian world, we like to say "God won't give us more than we can handle" but I don't believe that any more. The book of Job is a good reason not to believe it. And experientially. Sometimes, God allows us to be completely broken, so that He can restore us to a place far beyond what we could ever imagine.

When our heart is broken and our dreams crushed, it can impact us on so many levels. You are so blessed to have a son that cares.

***
This is probably the single most unifying thread I have read on the Soapbox team. Pain is no respecter of persons.

***
Popeye, that is impressive that you've been able to reach and encourage so many people - what a ministry you have! If you had not had the depression you've experienced, you'd never have been able to reach and impact so many lives for good. That is one of the values I see in pain and suffering - it gives us a chance to understand, encourage, and support those that need understanding, encouragement, and support the most.

Ceelee ... you and I agree on at least two things! =)

Kitty, I'm sorry. Betrayal is devastating.

Although not invited, I'm game to meet in NOLA for a drink. Let's have some laughs!




Edited by: ALLYINTEXAS at: 8/4/2012 (00:53)
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MYREALANA's Photo MYREALANA SparkPoints: (0)
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3/11/11 8:23 A

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Funny.

I didn't blame the other woman AT ALL.

She wasn't cheating on anyone, and in her particular pagan culture, monogamy isn't the norm. She was charmed and deceived by someone who's #1 best skill is manipulating people. She thought she was "saving" him from an abusive relationship.

A few years later, when SHE was divorcing him, she called and apologized for her role in the breakup of our marriage. I told her she didn't even need to ask, since I had forgiven her in my heart long ago. Besides, she was just the final straw in a marriage that was never going to survive anyway. If it hadn't been her, the marriage would have fallen apart anyway. All she affected was the timing.

--Myrea

"If you can't do something smart, do something right." --
Shepherd Book


JSPEED4's Photo JSPEED4 Posts: 1,701
3/11/11 4:05 A

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I love Lorena Bobbitt, I wanted to order one of the T-shirts created by her fans, but could not find the address. I figured, fair warning is the only decent thing to do, so I do tell men who want to get too close that "If I see it, I will...."

My body has enough problems and sex does not figure in with it well. Wish it did, but I tell guys that it does not and they don't comprehend emoticon

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AZKITTYD's Photo AZKITTYD Posts: 661
3/10/11 9:51 P

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Lol william

I used to threaten "jim" that i would do alot worse than lorena if he ever cheated on me. Also Used to say i'd do worse than the girl in the next time he cheats (carrie underwood) but in the end I rose above it and just left - and took our daughter with me.

-kitty

May God keep you today. May you walk in the light. May your morning be bright and your nights peaceful. May life be a friend with sorrows few. And may His hand lead you into complete truth.


Kathleen


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CD833620 Posts: 42,077
3/10/11 8:30 P

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That's the idea dear! LOL

I am sorry, but my Latin blood demands revenge and punishment... And Lorena is an Icon on the subject.... LOL

CEELEE53's Photo CEELEE53 Posts: 4,785
3/10/11 8:12 P

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emoticon Hi Willam! You and I have had the Bobbit discussion before. ITA. The garbage disposal would make it kind of hard to re-attach, don't cha' think?

"Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country."
Franklin D. Roosevelt



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CD833620 Posts: 42,077
3/10/11 7:50 P

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Killing? No.... I would just do like Lorena Bobbitt, but I would not leave the things around to be re-attached. I would put then in the garbage disposer... and then I would leave.

CEELEE53's Photo CEELEE53 Posts: 4,785
3/10/11 7:12 P

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Hi everyone!

Julia...no man or woman is worth the temporary consolation of ending their lives, no matter how "bad" you might consider them to be.

I personally don't understand the thought process that drives the blame game toward looking at the woman as the "culprit." My sister-in-law and I got into a heated discussion about that recently when discussing Tiger Wood's implosion as a serial adulterer. She blames all the women...they knew he was married, thus it was their fault for taking him up on his "offers" for a little nookie (or a lot, as the case may be :-) I believe that his disastrous year was totally...100% his fault. He had a contract and a spiritual commitment to the mother of his children. Had he ended his marriage prior to coming on to all those women, then he would have been free to pursue any bimbo he wanted to and would have been nothing more than a male slut. And his wife and children would not have gone through a year from hell.

Revenge is just a fantasy. No relief would ever equal the hole in your psyche created by taking another's life.



"Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country."
Franklin D. Roosevelt



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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
3/10/11 1:03 P

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I'm not a Christian shirley..still worked for me!

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SHIRLEY721's Photo SHIRLEY721 SparkPoints: (0)
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3/10/11 10:18 A

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Well now since I'm a christian I would do as you did but I wasn't a true christian until after my HB died when I was 47.The reason being of course I suddenly realized i could die too and in a sinful condition.Bought me to my knees literally. emoticon

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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
3/9/11 1:09 P

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Not I.why kill them? Just throw their stuff out on the lawn, them after it, change the locks, and get on with life. Worked for me!

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3/9/11 9:52 A

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Good land,I'm a widow now as most here know but i can tell you right now that if my HB had a mistress it would be over soon as one of them would be out of this world.I guess I'd have been in prision but I always had a jealous nature and what was mine was mine.Been that way all of my life.Bad old me I guess. emoticon

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CD833620 Posts: 42,077
3/9/11 9:43 A

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Kitty, nothing worn on being married, bisexual and have other partners. What is really wrong, and I am sorry it happened to you, it to “forget” telling your partner that this is the game. It is plain wrong.
Condoms are not 100% guarantee, but it is the best available at the moment and opting for not using on a casual sex encounter is plain stupid. I have never understood the “bareback” people.
Myreal, obviously I do not expect (or thing it should be) that divorce should be illegal and the capital punishment to be given to those who cheat (OMG! The population would drop by half!). it is just rhetoric since the holiness of marriage is one of the starts of the “pro-marriage” people. If it is sacred, it should be forever.
Themasticator, in the Northeast of Brazil women are proud of the mistress their husbands have. It means he is really virile. It is a cultural thing. Although even there, things are changing.


THEMASTICATOR's Photo THEMASTICATOR SparkPoints: (0)
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3/8/11 8:25 P

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I use condoms even with my spouse. Everyone is fallable.

Adultery is a crime in the military. In cicilian life it is just douchy.

Edited by: THEMASTICATOR at: 3/8/2011 (20:27)
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AZKITTYD's Photo AZKITTYD Posts: 661
3/8/11 6:13 P

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my point exactly.

My ex and I didn't use condoms unless we specifically were not trying to get pregnant (after i went off birth control) when we were married and in what I thought was a monogamist relationship, so by him fooling around he increased my risk of contracting a disease through him.

I understand that privacy should be a key in medical health but sometimes i think the privacy can endanger others

edited for grammer and to add:

Also its not uncommon for a couple (specifically a young couple) to think they are safe if the girl is on birth control. Not really thinking about the other one potentially having a std.

Edited by: AZKITTYD at: 3/8/2011 (18:17)
May God keep you today. May you walk in the light. May your morning be bright and your nights peaceful. May life be a friend with sorrows few. And may His hand lead you into complete truth.


Kathleen


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3/8/11 5:48 P

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Well I know condoms aren't 100% effective as I got pregnant useing one and several other women from my generation did. emoticon

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AZKITTYD's Photo AZKITTYD Posts: 661
3/8/11 5:20 P

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William - I didn't think you were being controversial - i was just clarifying my thoughts.

Also - i dont know if it is standard in the strait community or not, but "jim" seemed to think that unprotected oral sex with a man he never met before and picked up in a bar was safe. as he told me "well its not like i got any fluids in my mouth" Also many people don't realize that condoms aren't 100% protection either (and please don't misunderstand; I am completely FOR the use of condoms), but there are some std's that can be transferred despite the use of a condom. ITs not a catch all.

Myrea, - I understand that simple cases of adultery itself isnt necessarily a sign of a bad parent, just more complicated aspects of it. although if we did go to court we would have used is multiple relationships... thank God we didnt have to.

-kitty

May God keep you today. May you walk in the light. May your morning be bright and your nights peaceful. May life be a friend with sorrows few. And may His hand lead you into complete truth.


Kathleen


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MYREALANA's Photo MYREALANA SparkPoints: (0)
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3/8/11 1:39 P

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First of all, no legislature will ever make adultery a crime.

If they did, most of them would be spending time behind bars.

Nor do I think they should. Marital infidelity is a complex issue and doesn't belong in the criminal justice system. Divorces are bad enough without adding in criminal charges against one or both spouses.

Secondly, I don't think that adultery, in itself, SHOULD be considered in child custody. Being a bad spouse doesn't necessarily make one a bad parent. If there were behaviors involved in the infidelity that show poor parenting - such as drug use, physical or emotional abuse or neglect - they should be considered separately.

As for affecting spousal support - I prefer no-fault divorces. Chances are, when either partner strays, there were multiple things that led up to it. Seldom can one party geniunely claim to be 100% innocent when a marriage falls apart - regarldess of who slept with whom.

--Myrea

"If you can't do something smart, do something right." --
Shepherd Book


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3/8/11 12:02 P

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As one other poster mentioned if we would just all live by the golden rule how great life would be. emoticon

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CD833620 Posts: 42,077
3/8/11 10:38 A

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Kitty, I did mean to dispute your post. I was just trying to add to it. Sorry, if i gave the wrong idea.

The few times i faced cheating (on me) I just walked away. It hurt, but I could not done any other way. Cheating doe snot work for me. Of course I did not have much invested in the relationship. No kids, no a long term thing (yet). It was "easy". Different people, different situations, different results.

Do you straight people still have casual sex without condoms? really? it is a no, no.

Kitty, believe me, I do know the things we do for our kids. Being there, done that.

I often tell my partner that I do not cheat is not because of him, it is because of me. I do not want (or I can) live with the secret, the idea.

AZKITTYD's Photo AZKITTYD Posts: 661
3/7/11 11:52 P

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William - I guess i was specifically referring to "cheating" not a truly open relationship.

Where adultery is grounds for divorce, did you know that it cannot be used for custody grounds or for spousal support or really anything in Arizona and many states? So yes you can leave the marriage but the person who was cheated on has no further recourse.

Also it is possible for the cheater to transfer a disease that he/ she picked up because of their actions and not know it for years. Is it endangering your wife/ husbands life and potentially you're children if you are sleeping around and not being careful?

I personally don't know if it should be a crime but it would be nice to be able to have some legal recourse.

Yes my daughter is what ultimately stopped the process but an urgent desire and need to protect her is what started it. Fortunately for me in a rare case things worked out for us and "Jim" decided to relinquish his rights to my daughter. This doesn't happen often....

Birdie, First do no harm is a good standard to live by. Or do unto others as you would have them do to you. If we all lived the golden rule there wouldnt be much need for laws. Too bad humanity is so selfish. lol

-Kitty



May God keep you today. May you walk in the light. May your morning be bright and your nights peaceful. May life be a friend with sorrows few. And may His hand lead you into complete truth.


Kathleen


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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
3/7/11 9:20 P

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The sole tenet of my spiritual path is to do no harm..and so of course I agree with Penny. Every human being is this world is somebody's daughter,neice, aunt, cousin, wife, mother friend..murderers as well as victims have loved ones who will suffer. we don't exist in a vacuum with our pain or have the right to harm others physically in payment for our emotional betrayal. The betrayal is never a solo endeavor either..it takes two willing participants. Violence is never the answer, IMHO. Have i ever haddeep pain and violent feelings? You bet..but I never considered acting on them..just looked at them clearly, acknowledged them, and consciously released them.

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COACHPENNY's Photo COACHPENNY Posts: 10,392
3/7/11 7:12 P

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No matter how painful the betrayal, no matter who is at fault.....I agree with Bridie's take, there is always divorce. If not married, then you cut ties and you may wish them not so well but, murder.....that's not the answer. Anyone who considers that or advocates that...no matter what the extenuating circumstance, did you ever stop to think what it might do to kids or other family members involved? This doesn't happen in isolation. In Kitty's case, isn't that what stopped that thought process? Thoughts of her daughter. If you are not stopping to think then seek help of clergy or counseling. We are all human.....even the betrayers and vengeance is not ours to take.





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It is actually a criminal offense to willingly and willfilly transmit any sexual disese but proving it has been done is difficult because of privacy issues a doctor or nurse can't testify that a patient had the disease.Or any other disease or medical fact. emoticon

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3/7/11 1:08 P

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People have gone to jail for knowingly exposing people to HIV. Well, except for Christine Maggiore. Then again, that was just a kid.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eliza_Jane_
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CD833620 Posts: 42,077
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Bridie, I just love adventurous…. So much better than slutty. I will use that! LOL
Kitty, infidelity is wrong? Not necessarily. It depends on the kind of relationship you have. It depends of the kind of commitment you make. I have known couples (straight and gay) where having a flair here and thee is acceptable (it does not work for me. What is mine is mina and I do not share). So infidelity has to be redefined.
Gay guys set those parameters way in the beginning of the relationship. Some of them are OK with sex with other partners. Some agree on doing it together. Some do not do it at all. Once again, the rules that the couple set for their relationship guides their lives.
Bridie, if the STD is AIDS, it is not civil suit, it is a criminal one.


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3/6/11 9:30 P

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We already have legal recourse for infidility if married..divorce. It's a breach of contract with one's spouse, and the partnership can be dissolved. Re transmitting an STD to a faithful partne?/ I've known two cases where this happened..I wonder if one could institute a civil suit? I'm clueless. I don't think adultry should be a criminal offense with fines and jail..jails are full enough without filling them further with dudes who can't keep their pants zipped, and women who can't keep their's on. .

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AZKITTYD's Photo AZKITTYD Posts: 661
3/6/11 8:19 P

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So heres a question;

We all believe that infidelity is wrong. Correct?

So should it be illegal and therefore a punishable crime?
(I dont know if some states still have adultery on their lists)

If so, what would constitute it - would the parties have to be married or just in a committed relationship. How would this apply to the homosexual community?

If so, what should the punishment be?

But if someone gives their faithful partner an STD by fooling around is it akin to attempted murder?

--

My thoughts.

Not sure if it should be a crime. If it is it should only be punishable monetarily unless an STD is involved. I also think there should be legal ramifications if a party would like to seek damages. NOt sure of the grounds the law would be based on.

- Kitty


May God keep you today. May you walk in the light. May your morning be bright and your nights peaceful. May life be a friend with sorrows few. And may His hand lead you into complete truth.


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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
3/6/11 8:07 P

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The latins haven't cornered the market on beibng "adventurous" when single, and faithful when one has a partner Willam..we Irish are a bit that way too. LOL..

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CD833620 Posts: 42,077
3/6/11 6:53 P

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Popeye, you and I in the same group? Scary!!!!!! LOL
I have never blamed “the other”. I just was with a jerk.
What it is funny is that I live a dichotomy. When I am single I am a slut (no regrets, no shame, I own it!), when I am with somebody, I am faithful to the core. It is my weird latin macho mind. LOL
Popeye, scary again, but I think I give the same vibe you do: Taken! Stay away. And that is how I want it.


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Kathleen, I'll second Bridie's comment.

Betrayed by two "friends" - both are traitors, would put them at the top of my Least Wanted list.

In situations similar to yours, my DW blames the woman more than the men. Men are usually easy creatures for a determined woman. Where sex is involved, men are easily led by their d*cks.

Regardless of their IQ, it's pretty much guaranteed to drop to 1 if that is the basic reason for the betrayal.

The very few times that temptation has come my way, I just imagine how I would react if it was my DW who was the one cheating. That's all it takes. Well, that, and I'd be afraid to go to sleep if she found out.

Female friends have told me that I'm comfortable to be around because I give off nearly a fluorescent vibe that says, "Married! Happily! Property of (...my DW...!)". They laugh and tease me about it - and my DW joins in!

To all of you ladies who've been cheated, I can only say one thing - you're a heck of a lot stronger then I would be. I'd probably wind up in jail.

"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
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3/6/11 2:56 P

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I blame myself for letting our marriage kind of go into taking for granted mode. We didn't communicate well. However I blame the other woman for how she enjoys secrecy and lies. She's getting off on that.

Bridie, I don't think "revenge" , I simply would make the pain stop and make sure that Biatch w9ill not get my husband and make him miserable. It would be worth it. But I don't think it will come to that :)

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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
3/6/11 7:50 A

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Kathleen, in your case i think you CAN blame the other woman, not instead of your spouse, but in addition to your spouse. She was supposedly your friend, and she betrayed your friendship. So in your case? Both betrayed you, both are scumbags. Hugs..

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3/5/11 11:01 P

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Birdie,

I don't quite understanding blaming the "other" either. Where I was hurt that she acted as if she was my friend and then had an affair with my husband I always knew it was "jim" who was ultimately at fault and the one who broke the commitment. My mother however calls the other woman a home wrecker and a w*!@e lol.

popeye - I like that - serial Monogamists :)

May God keep you today. May you walk in the light. May your morning be bright and your nights peaceful. May life be a friend with sorrows few. And may His hand lead you into complete truth.


Kathleen


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3/5/11 8:44 P

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Willem - Your stand on cheating and my stand put us in the same category.

We're both Serial Monogamists.

"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
-Ronald Reagan

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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
3/5/11 9:11 A

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I agree Willam. It would be a deal breaker here. If a person wants to cheat, let them first give their partner and the person they intend to cheat with their respect by ending one relationship before beginning another. Something that continues to puzzle me however is that the partner who has been cheated on tends to consistently blame "the other woman" or "the other man" for their partner's transgressions. Hello? It is their PARTNER who had the committment to them, who was sharing a life with them, and who betrayed their trust..not some stranger down the road who owes them nothing. Not defending the other man or woman here, trust me..I have no respect for those who are willing to have an affair with someone in a committed relationship.I just find the blame game a puzzlement, and the blame misplaced.

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Bridie, the nice thing about Brazil is that you do not go to jail. Not if you have enough oney to go through the thing and bribe evrybody that is "entitled". It was very tempting.. But I am glad my mother talked me out of it.

Kitty, alhtough I was upfront with my ex-wife, I have never EVER cheated on a partner (OK, do not consider the "trying" years before I was 18). I am quite conservative on that one. I like looking at myself in the mirror and not having anything to hide. I think cheating on his/her partner is one of the most disgusting things a person can do.

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3/4/11 11:41 P

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Birdie - I agree no man is worth the penalties of revenge

Themasticator - I also know a few women who have been in my place. Its an interesting position to be in - the issue in my marriage was when "Jim" decided he was "craving a man" his words, which also ended his attraction and desire towards me. The odd part was his main affair was with a bisexual WOMAN.

William - I do think if "jim" was more upfront in the beginning things may have worked out better but It wasn't his bisexuality that was the ultimate end in the marriage (although it may have been a strain i think we worked through that ok) it was the affairs, mental abuse, and his drug and alcohol abuse.

It is amazing that no matter what our backgrounds are, our religion or political motivations we all feel pain and depression, anxiety and anger. And all have a point in our lives where we have to choose to take the high road instead of act on our feelings, despite a earnest desperation to have the opposing party feel the pain we do. I guess when the day is over - we are all still human.

- Kitty

May God keep you today. May you walk in the light. May your morning be bright and your nights peaceful. May life be a friend with sorrows few. And may His hand lead you into complete truth.


Kathleen


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BRIDIE5 Posts: 8,121
3/4/11 7:01 P

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Think teice Jules..no man is worth dying or going to jail over.

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It was not a phantasy, it was a plan. Still would do it without hesitation.

Co Team Leader "The soapbox"

Dec 30, 2008: New in all book stores: The Book of Unholy mischief by Ellen Newmark



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It's almost ironic. As different and passionate about our political beliefs as we can be, underneath it all is a human being with foibles and pain, stubbornness and love and a drive to conquer our personal demons.

We deserve a salute, all of us, for continuing to persevere in the face of pain.

If a single one of us had not survived, we all would have missed out on our often contentious discussions - but discussions that showed us that we all aren't automatically right.

Willam, I'll accept your offer - but it may be awhile. My DW and I have our next long trip planned for Maine and those northern New England places - that is, if the price of gasoline doesn't make it impossible.

I wish y'all a very, very good weekend.

"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
-Ronald Reagan

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3/4/11 2:24 P

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Hi Julia,

I think EVERYONE has revenge fantasies or desperation, it is not a sign of being bad or a psycho. You only have to understand, that sometimes good people cheat-it's normal. You can either accept it and move on with yuour relationship -or not. Realize that you cannot control the actions of someone else and that you can only control how it affects YOU. My thoughts are with you and wishes for the best outcome.

Kitty-that was horrible. You are the third person who was married to a closeted gay person that I know. You were right to leave. The other two people I know were in denial because of religion. The people who suffered were their wives.

Myrea-hold out a bit. Aspies are hard to raise but we are awesome as adults!!

Edited by: THEMASTICATOR at: 3/4/2011 (14:48)
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3/4/11 11:47 A

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Yep. I have physical problems and situational problems and prayers have not stopped these, though they have decreased. Looking back, I see that the one type of problem would distract me from the other type so that when I was ready to just quit I would be still working on something and that would keep me going.

I think that distress is like the man who had the demon sent out, yet 7 more came back with the original one. If we can't handle our demons, at least we are familiar with their tactics and can deal with them most of the time--even learn through hind-sight to appreciate more about how much we are in the Image of God and how that empowers us to say NO, or to leave, or to stand our ground, and to stop some nonsense.

Let's impeach the Pres who wants to share other countries' secrets with their enemies, else the world will judge each USA voting-age citizen harshly. Oba--- told the Soviets some classified England military secrets to get that one-sided Soviet-arms treaty signed a few months ago.

Edited by: JSPEED4 at: 3/4/2011 (11:58)
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3/4/11 10:36 A

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When my ex was being particularly a$$hat-ish, a good friend was also divorcing his wife. They don't have kids, but she was stalking him at work and jeopardizing his job.

One evening, we planned out what I still think would have been the perfect criss-cross murder plan. Even now, I look back on it and think that it would have worked and neither of us would have been caught.

It was a good plan, but we never went beyond the talking stages. It was satisfying enough for us to know we could. We didn't actually need for them to be dead. We just needed to know we had that kind of power in order to be able to move past it.

--Myrea

"If you can't do something smart, do something right." --
Shepherd Book


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3/4/11 9:47 A

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Well, this is a lot Julia. Me, personally, cheating is a deal breaker. I know I cannot deal with it and go on. But it is a Latin thing. And I know it.
I am glad you could solve the issue and go on.
Bottom line? Yes, bad situations can make good people go bad. Luckily (for myself) something always prevent from acting till I cooled off. My life could be a totally different story today.
Kitty, I think it is despicable that a guy do not disclose to his bride he is a bisexual, travesty or whatever. I did. BEFORE I got married I did tell my (now) ex-wife I was a bisexual (at that time) and I had had girlfriends and boyfriends. But once we were in an stable relationship I have never cheat on her. I just do not believe on cheating.
Yes, we all have a dark side. And for me it was very hard to control mine. I have to thank it to my mother. Because in Brazil, with 50 USD you can have somebody killed. And there was a point in time that I was actually making the needed contacts to have her put down. My mother prevented it, and I am glad she did. But you are a better person than I am. You forgave. If I have the chance, today or a 1000 years from now, I will step on the neck of that b!tch and I will do it happily.
Oh! The suicide thoughts thing. I have had them, but I am way to selfish. How can I kill something o wonderful as I am? And although it sounds as a joke, it might not be that much.
Popeye, we need to meet. You , I and Julia, in Nola, for a Hurricane at pat O’Brian’s. How about setting date?
Ok. I am going to be cheesy now. It is amazing how we keep going. We all have troubles, struggles, problems, crises, but we do go on. Maybe Celine Dion was right! (Come on, didn’t you see it coming?)


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I am emberassed to say that my dead HB was at one time such a bad alcoholic that I used to pray he would die as I at that point had 3 children and no money for a divorce.That is pretty bad.Of course for over 8 years before he died he joined AA and quit drinking and all was well.I;m sure God forgave me but that's my true confession. emoticon

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"Forever" ain't what it used to be.

You get married under the assumption that it's always going to work out. You have faith, and love and commitment. This is the one that lasts.

And then when it doesn't, there's something inside that breaks.

Anger
Fear
Resentment
Guilt
Sorrow
Despair

They can all pile on until it's so deep you can't see a way out.

I've been there. I felt strong and self-assured when I kicked my husband out. I could handle anything - except my son's problems. As his Aspergers became more and more apparent, he got into trouble almost daily at daycare. I got to where the mere sound of my phone ringing would bring an ache to my stomach. I was always sure it was about him - again - because it so often was.

One afternoon, after he had been kicked out of yet *another* preschool/daycare, and his father had refused to do anything to help, and I was out of money for therapists and out of options, I decided I was done. I sat him in front of a Veggie Tales video in the living room and drew a hot bath. I dug out several dusty bottles of liquor his father had left behind, and got out several old prescription bottles that had never been thrown away - cough syrup with codeine, Percocet, etc. I drank a BIG glass of the alcohol, and I planned to take all of the pills and cough syrup and just sink into the water - I'd OD or drown or whatever, but I was done. I couldn't handle my life any more. I had completely screwed it up and there was no way to fix it.

It's strange. I remember so vividly making the decision to kill myself. What I can't remember is making the decision NOT to. Somehow, I flushed all the drugs and all the rest of the alcohol down the toilet, got dressed and made my son dinner. He never knew anything had happened.

--Myrea

"If you can't do something smart, do something right." --
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3/3/11 10:10 P

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Val, let's just say I gave 'em a piece of my mind.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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Dec 30, 2008: New in all book stores: The Book of Unholy mischief by Ellen Newmark



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3/3/11 9:51 P

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I believe everyone has a tolerance threshhold. Depending on their personal threshhold they can be pushed to do what at any other time would be inconsiderable.

A broken heart(that feeling that you are imploding) can make you do things and say things that when in your right mind, you would never say or do.

My personal experiences were mostly years ago when I was a teenager and young adult. It was almost like I'd stepped outside of myself and watched me become destructive and self-destructive. As the heartbreak faded into the distance I wondered "who the hell was that?"

It's only normal to want the offender to hurt as much or more than we do. Unfortunately our behavior does more damage to ourselves than it does to anyone else.

If you ask a professional, whether of the clergy or the medical community, they advise you to take the high road. It's too bad that when we are in the thick of things we wouldn't recognize the high road if it hit us between the eyes.

Whether it's the devil or God or a temporary chemical imbalance, I'm not sure.

Julia, considering the circumstances your reaction is totally understandable. Thank God that your son cared enough to listen to your words and do something about it, even if it was a false alarm.

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the cops asked you who the President of the United States was. As if anything would make you forget THAT!







Val

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!
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MM - I've battled, and that is as good a word to describe it as I can find, both Major and Chronic Depression for the past 10 years.

Six years ago it got totally beyond my ability to deal with it. I've had heart attacks and open heart surgeries, I've had other physical problems that hurt so badly tears were squeezing through my closed eyes, and there is nothing to compare to the pain of Depression.

I hurt down to the marrow of my bones, I couldn't control my emotions, I hid in my bedroom with the blinds and the door closed. I came that close || to canceling any tickets I had for future events.

Being emotionally crushed and with so many of the chemicals in your body running totally uncontrolled - or not running at all, acting in a rational manner ceases to exist.

Was the physical and mental condition I was in make me vulnerable to Satan? I think so.

A lot of people would laugh and tell me it was man's medicines that got me stabilized. I happen to think that everything man has learned has been a gift from God, so to me, the totality of what got me out of trouble was completely a gift from God.

As a tiny example, comparatively, I was one of six so-founders of the largest team on Spark (at over 700,000), Dealing with Depression.

Every single woman I talked with had a deeply hidden reason she was afraid to face and she soothed her feelings with eating. And it went for the few guys who joined the team also.

The Psych docs have a name for it - it's called Body Dismorphic Disorder. We don't particularly like whats around us in our life - or what used to be around us in our life, and we begin to hate whatever that is inside. To prove to ourselves we are right, we use food to distort who we are.

No one can lose weight and keep it off without first liking who they are - completely.

But, that's JMO.

"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
-Ronald Reagan

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3/3/11 8:55 P

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Warning... This post may incite anger, tears, and is EXTREMELY personal. Also contains adult material.

For those who decided to continue reading I apologise its a bit jumbled.

I do believe that bad situations can cause people to bad things and strong emotions can incite dangerous thoughts that can lead to dangerous situations.

My now ex husband also cheered on me. Openly. Continually, for over a month. The affairs I now know go much farther back although I cannot prove them. The affairs were bi-sexual.

Through the healing process I have combated hate, frustration, self blame, and much scars from the years of emotional abuse that he put me through. At one point in this fight I believed the affair was my fight - a lie I now know to be as I probably did WAY too much to save a dying marriage.

I left; ultimately a man who had emotionally left me a long time before. I left for my daughter. I needed to keep her safe. In addition to the sex with random strangers, (we'll call him Jim), was also practicing drug and alcohol use.

Jim told me 3 years into the marriage that he was a transsexual/ transvestite, and wanted to incorporate this into our sex life. (Not that this alone was cause to leave, I did tell him at one point if he got a sex change i would leave as I married a man not a woman). This aspect contributed to his affairs.

In the first few months I found myself desperately wishing he would die and so would his mistress - who moved in with him less than a month after the papers were filed. The next few months it was only God and my daughter and her safety that kept me from thinking suicide. After that I fell into a stage of revenge, wanting to reveal all his deep dark secrets to all his friends and family. I had 3 friends and most of my family offer to do away with him. Many days a new scheme would arise in conversation. Mind you my family are Christians and under most circumstances, like me, wouldn't hurt anybody.

Had a child not been involved - who is my responsibility to keep safe - there is a good chance one of those desires might have been acted upon. I thank God, He gave me the strength to press on without acting out in anger and hatred.

I can tell you today, after a year long divorce, a trying healing spread I honestly don't care what happens to Jim. I hope he has a bountiful life. He is forgiven. I could never make it work again, but I am ready to move on with my life and let him.

There are situations where a marriage can survive, as in Mansamoms' case. And those give hope to all. Mine was not one of them.

I will also say that desperation can cause people to do things they never thought they would, throughout my marriage in desperation to please "Jim" and to keep my marriage together I did many things I am ashamed of and regret.

I hope this doesn't make me a bad person.

-Kitty



May God keep you today. May you walk in the light. May your morning be bright and your nights peaceful. May life be a friend with sorrows few. And may His hand lead you into complete truth.


Kathleen


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3/3/11 5:35 P

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I wanted to bring up something, that truly happened to me. I feel I can share with you all without being judged too harshly.
You all know me as a Christian woman, pretty opinionated, but still not a "bad" person, right?
When I discovered my husband had cheated anhd we discussed starting over, at first I was happy. I still had trust issues and discovered he still was talking to that woman. In a jolt of pain I got drunk on 3 waterglasses of pure Vodca. Then I chatted on Facebook with my son and told him I wanted to die.
Hubby found me passed out in living room, throwing up all over. He cleaned me, put me in fresh clothes and put me to bed.
Next thing, an ambulance and cops arrived - my son called them, cause he thought I am doing something to myself ( which I was not ). Rod explained, and all they did was asking me my name and if I could name the current president. LOL
Well, after I sobered up we had a good talk and things are really good now. I am really happy.
However, what I wanted to share with you, is the fact, that AFTER I was totallly sober, I had a plan. I decided that if Rod would leave me, there was no way, I would let that woman have him. I knew where to get a gun, I had her address in Cali and I would have gone there.
Thankfully, my prayers were answered and all worked out. Still, I am still shocked about myself. I truly believe I would have followed through with it, and personally I think all these thoughts were coming frm the devil, offering a solution. I am sharing this,a) to see if anyone ever had the same thoughts or B) to maike people aware, that emotional pain really can make good people do bad things. Thoughts?

Co Team Leader "The soapbox"

Dec 30, 2008: New in all book stores: The Book of Unholy mischief by Ellen Newmark



email me:
mansmamomi@hotmail.com


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