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TEXASLYNN's Photo TEXASLYNN Posts: 3,841
8/26/13 2:08 P

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I'm coming to this dialogue late but found the question very interesting for personal reasons. Like you, Miller, I just like to eat. I like to read recipe books, shop for groceries, plan meals, cook them, eat them, feed people. My entire female family is like that and many of the males. We call it our "Southern Roots Need to Feed." I've been on a million diets, had lap band, lost, gained. etc. Recently I was advised it may not be long before I have to go on the renal diet so I ran off a copy of one to read and was appalled to discover that it does not allow chocolate, potatoes, tomatoes, or avocados - what I call my four favorite food groups.

To be blunt, I have no intention of giving up those foods-period-ever-never! What I will do is work my way toward limiting them severely as long as my mother is alive and I have two little dogs to care for but after that, no!

Like Miller, I have to wonder what it is about me that makes me have the self-destructive attitude and I really can't think of anything.

Weird

Jesus Christ is Lord!

Make your words sweet; you may have to eat them!

No More Homeless Pets

On the Eighth Day God Created Texas

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8/10/13 2:09 A

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Miller, I think it's hard when you are addicted to foods. I am more of an emotional eater. And yesterday was a bad day for me. I recently was forced to move and was missing people I was close to and didn't want to get out of bed, and at times like that, all I can think of is what usually I eat to make me feel better. Chocolate, chips, anything that tastes good to take the ache away. Fortunately, I have found substitutes... Fiber one 90 calorie bars in lemon or cinnamon fill the need for sweets for me. I found coconut almonds that help with the chip cravings... they may not be the best, but they are better than I used to do, and they keep me within my calories. I had to want to lose the weight more than eat the foods I used to, and that only came through constantly being shamed, laughed at, made fun of. I want more out of life than that. I want to believe I deserve more, and though for me it seems slower than for other people, I can only take it one day at a time. I hope you will too, and not give up. You are worth so much more, and I am glad you are here and talking about what is going on and what you are struggling with. Believe me, it is not easy for many of us, and we are struggling too, so you are not alone.

One year challenge:
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AZURE-SKY Posts: 1,954
8/10/13 1:20 A

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Miller, I can't believe that anyone would be so mean to say that you don't love your daughter. No one has the right to pass judgment on anyone else, especially someone they know nothing about. Unfortunately, there's a lot of meanness that can come out because of the anonymity of the internet. Some people feel that they can say nasty things online or in an email that they would be ashamed to say to someone's face.

I would ignore anything that person said to you, and I would block any emails from that person - you can do that right in your mailbox. Just open the message and click on the "Block this User" button.

She/he has their own problems to deal with and has no business passing judgment on you. That's the type of toxic personality you need to avoid. Don't let one person's negativity make you feel bad about yourself. You will find the right path, when the time is right, and don't let anyone stop you.

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."
** George Eliot

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity."
** Amelia Earhart

"Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight."
** Helen Keller


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 19,089
8/10/13 12:05 A

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Beth, I emailed you back. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your willingness to actually talk with me on the phone. I want to sincerely thank you for that and to tell you that my I am filled with admiration for you and gratitude to you for providing an answer here. It may not be as complete as you would like to give, but it's good enough for me.

I received another email, as well, from a person who pointed out to me that the people here have been very, very kind to me and I got the impression that she didn't think I deserved that kindness. She also said that I do NOT love my daughter.

I sincerely appreciate the time and thoughtful answers each and every one of you provided here and I will take them to heart. I know how much you put into the replies to me because I do the same for people on the Dealing with Depression team. I pour everything I have into helping them.

I'll be slinking back to that team now - people there know me, understand me, and love me. They would never say that I don't love my daughter. They know that my daughter is the only reason that I'm still here on earth at all.

As I told Beth in the email, all of you would do better to spend your time, effort, and wisdom on someone who is ready to change and is willing to do the hard work to change. That person is not me. Keep fighting the good fight and helping people who actually want to win the race.

With sincere gratitude for every single word you all have formulated and typed on my behalf,

Miller

Edited by: MILLER-S at: 8/10/2013 (10:32)
Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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~INDYGIRL's Photo ~INDYGIRL Posts: 15,991
8/9/13 10:15 P

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I have the answer you are seeking. It is very long and involved, so I sent you a private message.

To give the most basic of answers here... I would have seen it sooner in the Questions to ~indygirl thread, sorry for the delayed reply....

Accept that you want the food.

Redefine taking care of yourself. I HAD TO do this. I nurtured myself by finding NEW COMFORT FOODS. Change HOW you spoil yourself on a splurge- where it used to be $15 in junk food, make it $15 in a beautiful fruit tray. Try organic milk and meat without the hormones that add poundage. So, in essence, you do not have to cut back in quantity- just up the quality. Why? Because you deserve it! You need to be nourished, not placated. If you are going to have a cupcake from now on, it has to be a good one- from a bakery or home made... Not a box. Pick the best and toss the rest.

We mistakenly want to treat ourselves, but we do so with crud. Redefine your treats to be satisfying both physically and psychologically.

I gave you my phone number in your spark mail because there is just so much more here.
If anyone else is suffering from this issue, Sparkmail me. It's too much to type. I tried to lay out a few basics... But they are nowhere near enough.

Let's not forget exercise. It can offset calorie intake.


Beth

Life is happening now, not 10 pounds from now.

230 lbs lost without surgery, crazy diets, diet products, or extreme exercise- so have hope!

Bethd101@comcast.net 317-964-3202 for texting

To join my team, go to Team ~Indygirl www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=50783


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 19,089
8/9/13 5:45 P

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LAURI - I just wrote a very long reply to you and then lost it! I'll try to remember what I wrote - computers - arg!!!

Anyway, first let me say congratulations on your 120 lb. weight loss - that has to feel so good! Kudos!!

I also want to thank you for sharing some of your struggles and challenges with me. I think your reply is very helpful - it's always illuminating to read about others and how they survived and even thrived through extremely painful situations.

I'm like you said you were in school - I have probably been overly kind because I thought that was the only way that I would even be close to being acceptable or worthy. I, too, have suffered greatly with anxiety, but mine manifested itself in the relentless obsession and compulsions of OCD. I'm so glad you were able to stop throwing up from anxiety - I can only imagine how painful that must have been.

I'm sure that my food issues and childhood abuse are related - food was the only love and affection in my house. We were only touched to be slapped, whipped, punched or hit. I should say that my abuse was not sexual in nature (as least not that I remember). Although I do sometimes wonder because I have sexual hangups and I go crazy when I hear about pedophiles - I think they should all be locked up forever and ever - or worse. At any rate, the abuse we suffered was physical, emotional, verbal, and even spiritual. Even though I don't think it rose to the horrific level of sexual abuse, it did take a heavy toll on me and my siblings. We're still all affected by it til this day. None of us feel we're as good as others, none of us feel worthy or loved - in spite of the fact that we have people in our lives who love us. None of us find it easy to trust, either.

Thank you so much for saying that I'm important and deserve help - that's so kind. I certainly don't feel important or deserving, but it sure is nice to hear someone say it. I also appreciate your offer of friendship and I have already friended you. Thanks again for all your concern, kindness, and understanding. I'm grateful.

Miller emoticon emoticon

Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 19,089
8/9/13 5:05 P

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FAIRERHIANNON, your idea is a very interesting and "out of the box" one. I like it. I would love a period of time when I could just track what I eat and not worry about whether or not I'm going over my caloric goals for the day. I know the component of also noting my feelings and the whens and wheres is very important to do if I decide to try this. Otherwise, I wouldn't really be learning anything new about myself. I really appreciate your sharing this idea. It definitely appeals to me and would be a very good thing to have when I find a psychologist. I would already have information they would probably want anyway - what, where, and how I eat plus what I'm feeling at the time I'm eating.

Miller emoticon emoticon

Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 19,089
8/9/13 4:57 P

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AZURE-SKY, thanks so much for sharing part of your story and journey with me. I'm sorry you had to endure cancer and the subsequent treatment and worries. I greatly admire you for being determined to live your life as fearlessly and as healthfully as possible. You've made thoughtful, smart and courageous choices in order to live your life this way and I'm so glad that you've discovered what works for you and are willing to put in the hard work to stay healthy. Your story is very inspirational and I'm grateful you shared it.

Thanks for your suggestions, as well - next time I want to overeat in order to feel safe, I'll try journaling about the fear and maybe even "sitting" with the fear and not trying to run from it or push it down - the last time I did that was a few years ago, and I broke down and cried for a long while - BUT, I did feel better afterward.
emoticon

Miller

Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 19,089
8/9/13 4:43 P

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Barbara, I just wanted to say thanks again. I agree with you that medication is good for helping one cope, but talking through things and addressing issues is key. My emotional "stuff'" probably (or I should say, most certainly) is impeding my weight loss attempts and desires. I will continue to look for a good psychologist that can help me address my various issues.

Many thanks,

Miller emoticon

Edited by: MILLER-S at: 8/9/2013 (16:44)
Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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POOH97015's Photo POOH97015 Posts: 4,416
8/9/13 2:36 P

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I don't know if I will be of much help, because I have never been addicted to food, Thank God! but I am an abuse victim myself and used other coping mechanisms for my abuse starting when I was 4 years old and back then it WAS food. I was always the biggest kid in school and got made fun of all the time. I tried to kill people with kindness just so I would have some friends. I have had a LOT of counseling around my abuse issues and due to throwing up for 3 years straight in high school due to anxiety I am no longer addicted to food. Counseling has had a profound effect on my life and I also finally had gastric sleeve surgery in October of last year and I have lost 120 pounds. I can't eat hardly anything so this solves my problem with food. Some people are able to overeat after surgery and stretch out their pouch and regain the weight they lose, but I don't expect to be one of those patients.
I would suggest trying the counseling and really work on your abuse and food issues. You may find that the two are interrelated. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you will keep us posted. You are an important person and deserve the help you need. I hope you will consider friending me and staying in touch. I am touched by your story and would like to follow you if I can.
Lauri

Hugs, Lauri

Always remember you are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
smarter than you think,
and loved more than you know!


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FAIRERHIANNON's Photo FAIRERHIANNON Posts: 1,352
8/9/13 2:09 P

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Others have given great responses already, so I'll just add this.

If you're not ready to give up the extra food right now, don't.

But use this time to track your eating habits. Learn about yourself. Write down everything you eat in the trackers, and make notes about the whens, wheres, and feelings around food.

Keep looking for options for a therapist or counselor. Medication is not always the best way to deal with depression.

When you're ready to make the changes, start small. Take one day at a time. And reach out when you need to, like you've done here.

Peace.

A women is often measured by the things she cannot control.
She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat or straight or round.
She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers, by all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is on the inside.
And so if a women is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control;
by who she is and who she is trying to become.
Because as every women knows, measurement


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AZURE-SKY Posts: 1,954
8/9/13 4:05 A

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I'm basically an introvert and somewhat shy, and have only a few close friends. I find that if I'm around people too much, I need "me" time, where I can get away and be by myself. Thankfully, my husband understands this and doesn't bother me when I'm reading or focusing on knitting. He's also an introvert, so it's amazing we ever got together.

I also love to read, especially mysteries. It's my time to get away from the rest of the world. I won't even try to say I understand your issues, I've been fortunate not to have those types of problems. But I am a 15-year breast cancer survivor, and I can tell you, a health scare like that really puts everything into perspective. I went through about a year of treatment, including 3 surgeries, chemo, radiation treatments, then nearly 12 years on meds to prevent recurrence. Even though it's been 15 years, I still have the fear of recurrence, especially when it's time for my annual mammogram. But I realized that I had a choice, either I could let the fear consume me, or I could live my life as healthy as possible to lower the risk of recurrence. I made the choice to try to be healthy. It's not easy, as a matter of fact it's a struggle a lot of the time. (I have a weakness for pizza, ice cream and chocolate).

So, I decided to reset my priorities. #1 priority had to be ME. I had to be the one who took control. I decided to focus on what I could control. I am the only one who puts food in my mouth, so I have to take full responsibility for what I eat. To start off, I stopped buying junk food. If there's only fruit to snack on, that's what I'll eat. If there are chocolate chip cookies in the house, I'll go for them first - but I have to make the choice. So, I don't buy them. If they're not in the house, I won't go out to buy them. It helps that the nearest supermarket is nearly 10 miles away, so I can't take a 10-minute walk to the convenience store.

Suddenly, I found that I really didn't want to work 60 hours a week and be on call at night. I didn't want to spend the whole weekend cleaning my house, I didn't want to spend time with people who made me uncomfortable, or who were negative. So, I made some changes. I cut back my hours to 40-ish, I learned to delegate some work, and not to stress about things that really weren't important. I stopped seeing those so-called friends, and concentrated on the people who really cared. Once I did that, I could see how toxic my former habits were. Getting those stresses out of my life made me able to focus on healthy eating. For me, with being hypothyroid, I know that it's going to take me a very long time just to lose 1 pound. But, I can look at a donut and gain a pound in the blink of an eye. I would love to be able to eat anything I want, any time I want, in any amount. I know that I can't, or I'll be buying larger sized clothing, and hate myself for it. But with every success, however small, I find that I'm more self-confident, and happier with myself.

I now try to avoid any type of medication if at all possible, but am on meds for hypothyroid & cholesterol. My doctor tried to put me on blood pressure medication because the readings are always high at the doctors's office. I was determined to avoid meds, so I tracked my BP at home for 6 weeks - always in the normal range. The last time I went to see the dr., my BP was high again, but I had brought my BP report and my own BP monitor with me, and took my BP with that. It was very close to the reading the nurse took. So, I proved to her that I have "white coat syndrome" where my BP is high only at the doctor's office. I took the initiative, being in control is empowering. Years ago, I would have just accepted the doctor's suggestion for more medication.

I've also found that the weather affects my moods. If it's gloomy out, I feel the same way. So, I do something that makes me happy. When it's sunny outside, I do my best to spend some time outdoors, even if it's to sit in the back yard to have my morning coffee.

You could try journalling. Just writing down your feelings, what's worrying you, just random thoughts, can help you pinpoint the things you want to work on.

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."
** George Eliot

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity."
** Amelia Earhart

"Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight."
** Helen Keller


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ONEMORX's Photo ONEMORX SparkPoints: (19,966)
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8/9/13 1:25 A

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emoticon Miller! Sorry your experiece with OA was so negative. Azure-sky wrote a great response to you. I am so glad you are searching for a physchotherapist; psychiatrists are great for meds, and I am on an antidepressant but my experience is that it helps me get through the day but talking things through helps get to and through the issues. Psychologists have so many useful tools, it is good to work with one. I'm not an expert but I did find that until I cleared up my emotional "stuff" losing weight and keeping it off wasn't possible. I know you will do what is best for you! Again, Azure-sky made some great suggestions. Blessings! B-

Blessings for the journey!
B

Go confidently
In the direction of your Dreams.
Live the life
you've imagined!

Henry David Thoreau

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 19,089
8/9/13 1:20 A

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AZURE-SKY, you bring up some compelling questions and I'm going to try to answer them here in case it gives anyone any insight into my struggle.

Does eating the junk food make you happy? If so, why?

Yes, eating the junk food makes me very happy because it makes me feel safe - it makes me feel that I'm being cared for.

If you didn't have access to any junk food, what would you do to make yourself feel better?

If I had absolutely no access to any junk food and couldn't even go buy any, I would probably watch some old DVD's of my favorite TV shows, watch music videos that I love on YouTube, read a mystery book and have some tea with artificial sweetener or a Diet Coke, take a drive to get out of the house. If I was truly, truly desperate, I might take a short walk and get out in nature - I don't like to do this because I don't like to meet people and I have overactive bladder and need to stay near a bathroom all the time.

What can you do for yourself - even if it's something selfish - that makes you feel good? I love to go to the beach (but I can only afford to go once a year, if that). I'd love a massage every day, but can't afford it and wouldn't want to take my clothes off anyway. I like to shop online sometimes. That's all I can think of. Frankly, I don't enjoy sex or being around other people or any of the things that normal people do. I'm really messed up.

What is it about food that makes you feel good? Is it the taste, smell, texture?

The taste and texture is what I love - but what I love most is the feeling that, by eating, I am taking care of myself. (not to play psychologist here, but food was the only love in my house growing up.)


Do you feel you want to eat the junk food to reward yourself, or because you're feeling sad?

Both - I eat often for both reasons. I eat to make myself feel safe and less scared. I have an anxiety disorder (OCD) and I'm basically scared all the time. If I ask myself at any time of the day or night, "Miller, how do you feel right now?" the answer is always the same - "I'm scared."

I like very little about myself and I doubt that's going to change. I turned 59 last month - my time is running out.

I hear you when you tell me about the dangers of diabetes - I really do - that's why I don't understand my unwillingness to give up the extra food. I suppose if the threat was imminent - like if the doctor said, "if you eat that candy bar today, Miller, then tomorrow we'll be amputating your leg," then I seriously doubt I'd eat the candy bar - but I'd be scared, scared, scared without the comfort food.

Thanks so much for your reply and insights.

Miller emoticon


Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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AZURE-SKY Posts: 1,954
8/9/13 12:57 A

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It sounds like you're struggling with a lot more than just food issues. I'm no therapist or psychologist, so I can't give you professional advice. Do you see a therapist or does your doctor just treat you with medication? If you can't talk through your issues, you might not find the answers you need. Medication isn't always the answer.

I'm the type of person who needs to know the "why" of things, I rarely take things at face value and always ask a lot of questions. (maybe that's why I became a computer programmer - I like to solve puzzles).

Maybe you need to approach this food problem differently because that sounds more like a symptom than the problem. Ask yourself some questions.

Does eating the junk food make you happy? If so, why?

If you didn't have access to any junk food, what would you do to make yourself feel better?

What can you do for yourself - even if it's something selfish - that makes you feel good?

What is it about food that makes you feel good? Is it the taste, smell, texture - or do you feel you want to eat the junk food to reward yourself, or because you're feeling sad?

Make a list of things you like about yourself, and keep adding to it. Focus on the positives even if you think they seem silly.

Don't give up, because even if you make small changes over time, they will add up to success. If you give up now, in a few years, when you might have serious health issues, you'll be kicking yourself for not taking care of yourself sooner. You might be facing pre-diabetes now, but if you do nothing, in 5 or 10 years you could have full blown diabetes, on insulin, or even have worse problems.

I was at the orthopedist with my husband last week because he was having a lot of knee problems. While in the waiting room, we saw a lady in a wheelchair. One food was completely blown up, had a tube of some sort inserted into the foot, and she had only 1 toe on that food - complications of diabetes. She was there for a post-operative followup appointment. My friend's husband passed away last month at the age of 56 from kidney failure - result of diabetes. Before he died, he had such bad neuropathy in his feet that he could no longer walk. I'm not trying to scare you, but you need to know that what you decide to do now has consequences in the future.

Remember, you have to love yourself in order to take care of yourself, and you have to take care of yourself before you can really take care of others properly.

Don't give up!

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."
** George Eliot

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity."
** Amelia Earhart

"Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight."
** Helen Keller


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 19,089
8/9/13 12:54 A

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Barbara, thank you so much for replying! I did try OA years and years ago. One group was extremely small and the people were not very friendly at all - I think they were happy with just their little familiar group. So I tried another group - it was really, really large and I got so many handshakes and hugs and people were wonderful. Unfortunately, I picked up a stomach virus or something there and spent the next day out of work with severe diarrhea and vomiting - I just never went back. I'm not much of a hugger, anyway - my parents never gave us any positive physical affection, so I'm not really used to it.

I am seriously considering psychotherapy, though. I have a psychiatrist, but not a psychologist. I have had psychotherapy in the past for other issues (dealing with my OCD, etc.), but not about my weight. I also have some childhood abuse issues that I should probably work on some more. I found a 5-star rated psychologist in my area and called her office, but she's not taking new patients. I'm going to keep looking and hope to find someone who sounds as good as she did.

Thanks so much for your offer of help and support - that's very kind of you. I'll let you know how it goes. I have to do something - that's for sure.

Thanks again,

Miller emoticon

Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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8/9/13 12:39 A

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Hi Miller, So sorry to hear about the situation in which you find yourself. I am not Beth but I would like to share something that helped me. Overeaters Anonymous (OA) is a wonderful supportive group of people who struggle with eating issues, but also when working the program you discover the things getting in your way and you are never alone within the program. The other thing that would help would be psychotherapy, but that may not be an option for you. You can find an OA meeting near you on the internet. If you would like my help and support I would be honored to so. In the meantime, treat yourself kindly no matter what foods you eat or don't eat! Blessings! Barbara

Blessings for the journey!
B

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 19,089
8/9/13 12:04 A

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I've posted this same message over several years time and on different team forums. This is the last time I'm going to ask this question because I don't really think there's an answer. This is a last-ditch effort - if this team can't answer, then no team can.

What do you do when you simply don't WANT to give up the extra food? What do you do when you simply don't want to do what you know you SHOULD do?

With tears in my eyes, I asked my doctor, just this week - "Why can't I do what I know I'm supposed to do? Even in the face of pre-diabetes? Even in the face of knowing I need to be here for my daughter because she has physical and mental problems? It doesn't make sense - it's not logical." He said it's because I'm depressed and depression isn't logical. But I've tried every medication out there - I'm about to start yet another one - I can never get to a high enough dosage because of side effects.

So - if I don't care if I live or die for my daughter or for myself - then it's hopeless, right? Nobody can MAKE me do the right things and I don't WANT to do the right things - that sounds completely hopeless to me.

And Beth - if you're reading this - what in the world made you WANT to give up the extra food? I can't conceive of ANYTHING making me want to give it up. I love my daughter more than anything, but I'm not willing to give it up even for her. That's so screwed up. I am failing in every area of my life - after seeing my doctor - apparently, the only things I have going for me are that I don't smoke or drink

Any comments or help would be appreciated.

Miller emoticon emoticon



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 8/9/2013 (00:05)
Miller

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."


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56.25
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