Octoberr Chat

Venting is healthy - it keeps us from exploding!!!! My prayers are with you.

My condolences on your husband's passing.

Hello from New Zealand
Being a retired legal eagle I know how important it is to get the will done, have a list of where the insurance policies are, clear instructions to the familiy on burial, access all kinds of passwords and a lot of other stuff. Please get it done. One is not saying "goodbye" when you draft your will, all you are doing is making sure those who are staying behind is not left in the dark.


Edited by: MAGGIEVAN at: 10/6/2012 (06:13)

I have to agree. The purpose of this web site is to help us lose weight. If we are emotional eaters, which most of us are, we need to vent and deal with our emotions, and that means we need to post about them. This group is for site-members dealing with cancer. My husband's cancer is hopefully in the past (I hope forever) but we all need to be prepared for the inevitable - we will all die. Either by accident, intent, illness or age. None of us will live forever. So let's share our experiences and learn from each other.

Terrel - vent all you want, we will help as we are able, even if it is just to provide a shoulder. I hope your attorney can make some progress and free up the funds.

And yes, I still need to push my husband into making his will!

Hello Diane and Terrel and any other person who might just be visiting.

Terryl what Diane said is so true. Other people can learn from your experience. Remember this site is not only for the patients but also for the family.

It must be very unsettling finding letters like that in your post box. When I was in practice as an Attorney of law I use to give beneficiaries a list of actions to be taken when winding up and estate. Can your probate officer do that for you?

Also banks close accounts upon notification of a death of one of the signatories. If your accounts are not closed yet, I would suggest you draw all cash that you can so that you have some money to go on living. Can't your probate officer write to all the creditors and ask for delayed payment? I use to do that on a regular basis.

You have to look after yourself, your health is very important.

I have noticed on your website that you have joined another group as well. That is good because you need all the support you can get.

Have a great day to all.

Hi FabTab, in my opinion there is no selfish venting. People in our situation may need to vent and their venting may help others in a similar situation. People with cancer do need our support but that does not mean that we do not. So please, keep on venting as much as you want. We are here to listening.

Take care of yourself.

Dianne

Thank you Dianne and Maggie. You're wonderfully understanding and supportive. Sounds like it would be OK if I stuck around. I still want to not post here if it concerns my selfish grief, because the people who really need attention are those who have myeloma. Maybe I will sparkmail and post on my blog for the selfish venting.

Business: to create a new topice, Maggie, scroll up to the top of these posts, to an orange bar with a giant tab. The tab has a box that says "create a new topic."

Thanks again for the kind words. I got notice in the mail yesterday that if I don't make imeediate mortgage payment, they'll start foreclosure. I tried to deposit some money from Michael's investment account for mortgage payments, so I could write them from my checking account, as well as house repairs, etc. The check bounced. I didn't know I have to call that account's investments advisor so he can take money from one of the investments and transfer it into the checking account part.

Overate last night. I was at least aware I was trying to mood-alter. Making a salad and microwaved chicken breast just seemed so much harder than grabbing crackers.

Hello Diane and Terrel

Thank you for trusting us in sharing your problems. I understand where you are coming from. My first husband did not die of cancer but suicide. So I know all about unexpected death in the family and the struggles of the surviving spouse. My dear Terrel, this is exactly the place to be since so many of the people are in different stages of grieving and trying to cope with life.

Having a solicitor to help you is great. Where are you living? Most companies are very understanding when there is a death in a family and most of the troubles that you experience now will be sorted out. I know you feel it is all too much now. and hey, that is perfectly ok. Take things one step at a time.

Something that helped me immensely was my 2 little boys and the every day things that I had to do for them. Irrespective of what going on in my life, life went on and they were so innocent. The everything things helped me to find perspective.

I am giving you a big, fat hug. It is from someone who has been there and know the rawness of it all.

As for your request about this forum, I don't know what is involved in keeping it going. Are you usually responsible for that? If so, I would be glad to help out. Please let me know what I have to do.

Edited by: MAGGIEVAN at: 10/2/2012 (16:06)

Hi FABTAB - so sorry that you have to go through these financial consequences of having a loved one pass away. I sympathize as I had to go through the same things not too long ago. There is a light at the end of the tunnel - hopefully sooner rather than later.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Feel free to chat with me at any time.

Dianne

I hope this topic helps more people find a place to post.
I'm grieving and frantically trying to fix all the unfinished financial business, since we had no idea Michael would die so quickly. I guess this is a word to the wise: don't put off making a will, or putting things into your trust, and do it properly. I'm paying a few thousand dollars for a probate lawyer's help. The banks have frozen his accounts, and the electronic withdrawals are being refused, so I'm getting warning letters from mortgage, utilities, etc. I think there is time to fix that, with help of the lawyer.
The other thing Michael left me that I want to pass on, is a booklet with all his usernames, passwords, etc. He did his banking, shopping, etc., etc. on line, plus still getting emails from his work and warning emails for unpaid bills. If I couldn't get into his email, I can't imagine what would happen.

Maybe Maggie could take over posting the "new topic" for each month? She seems very active and consistent. If you want to keep the monthly thing going, that is.

Not doing well at Spark; still so busy and freaked out about survival needs. Prayer is really helpful. TAB I don't think this is a good place for me to post as a person who's lost their loved one to cancer. I'll find another group so I don[t depress folks.