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ENNAID2 SparkPoints: (0)
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12/29/11 2:49 P

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You sound like a great mom. To care for others you MUST take care of yourself.

Happy New Year

Dianne

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TYMBERWOLFE's Photo TYMBERWOLFE Posts: 2,392
12/29/11 2:44 P

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ENNAID2 I appreciate your support also. You are right our daughter should not feel pressure to clean house in this situation. But I just wanted to clarify my daughter has always helped me clean house. Her chores are to clean the kitchen and take garbage and recycling out. She helps me fold clothes sometimes when things get busy which she doesn't mind too much because she folds while watching her favorite television program and I always put them away. I have always taught her we are a family and have to help each other keep our home nice. But lately, it is true, I have asked her to help me do more especially since Monika's surgery and inside I do feel guilty about it. We have guests who want to be supportive and drop by so I feel even more pressure to keep things nice. It was so sweet, one morning I woke up and she had cleaned the whole house during the night! she said she heard Monika up sick and in pain so she wanted to do something special for us. I have to admit when she asked to go to the movies later I took her because she deserved something special for herself. Thank you for your support and advice. I will keep it in mind. I am going to pick up a card and a little gift to thank Marian for her help.

"Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now." ~ Denis Waitley

https://twitter.com/Greenergrad

https://pinterest.com/tymberwolfe/

It's hard to beat a person that never gives up.~Babe Ruth






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TYMBERWOLFE's Photo TYMBERWOLFE Posts: 2,392
12/29/11 2:42 P

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SWDESERTLOVER it so wonderful of you to have volunteered your time. I always thought that a message therapist's motto should be "It's nice to be 'kneaded'" Thank you for your support. I know the feeling, when I volunteered at the breast cancer resource center I never could have imagined that this would be happening to my partner. Our daughter volunteered by helping do outreach to the girl scouts in the community and in fact won an award for helping start the awareness program with the girl scouts. She said the same thing she never could have imagined this would happen to her other mom. My partner's name is Monika, our daughter calls her Mo Mo in place of Mom.

"Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now." ~ Denis Waitley

https://twitter.com/Greenergrad

https://pinterest.com/tymberwolfe/

It's hard to beat a person that never gives up.~Babe Ruth






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SWDESERTLOVER's Photo SWDESERTLOVER Posts: 3,017
12/29/11 11:38 A

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As a massage therapist, I used to volunteer my time at Cancer Services to give free massages to patients and caregivers. I did this because I wanted to help in whatever small way that I could. I'm sure this woman who will be cleaning your house feels the same way. You should not feel guilty about accepting help when you need it. You have to take care of yourself also.

I never dreamed when I was a volunteer that in a few short years my own husband would be battling pancreatic cancer.

Praying for you and and your loved ones.

Cindy emoticon

Cindy
"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing views. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds."
Edward Abbey
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ENNAID2 SparkPoints: (0)
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12/29/11 10:34 A

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There is absolutely no reason to feel guilt. Especially if you are in pain. The service is there for a reason. You are living under enough stress with caring for your partner that cleaning the house makes the stress worse. And while your daughter helps out it is not good to make her feel that she is responsible for keeping the entire house clean. I am assuming that her stress levels must be equally high. So let someone do the work and enjoy.

My prayers are with you and your family

Dianne

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TYMBERWOLFE's Photo TYMBERWOLFE Posts: 2,392
12/29/11 3:29 A

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I know I just introduced myself but I have a dilemma and thought I would post it to the group. My partner worked for the breast cancer resource center for years ironically before she was diagnosed. She knew of this service where women volunteered their time to come in and clean once or twice a month for women who are undergoing treatment. This wonderful lady is coming tomorrow to do some cleaning and I feel so guilty about it. Our daughter is 15 and does help around the house although she does not do deep cleaning very well such as vacuuming, bathroom and mopping. I have fibromyalgia and a terribly injured back and although I do the deep cleaning most of the time my energy is running thin with caring for my partner who as I mentioned just had surgery last week. I am also recovering from the overwhelming stress of my masters and student teaching. I am on Christmas break and this makes me feel more guilty because this woman is volunteering her time for us and I feel like I should be able to keep up with it myself. The truth is I have not been able to lately while caring for her all day and the sleepless nights when she is up in pain and my own fibromyalgia flair up right now. Is it wrong to accept her help? I want to leave the house tomorrow while she is here but mostly because I feel guilty.

"Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now." ~ Denis Waitley

https://twitter.com/Greenergrad

https://pinterest.com/tymberwolfe/

It's hard to beat a person that never gives up.~Babe Ruth






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