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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
4/18/14 9:05 P

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This week I went to Pa to move my stuff to my daughter's in Va. Now I am settling into my apartment, hoping to be pretty settle in by Easter. Close to done by Memorial Day. I think things are getting to my daughter. She'll get over it. Its been a busy week for both of us. While I was in Pa she had our new bath room completed. S W stayed here, she got her nerves pretty quick She does that, I know. Boy do I know, Good luck with your parents move.

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SHAPNUP Posts: 9,581
4/13/14 4:15 P

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I have lost my fear of asking for help. But I've learned not to ask my siblings. They don't come through. They either refuse at the outset, or say they will do something and then don't do it. Some friends of mine have offered to help my parents move and I will definitely be taking them up on that. It looks like I may have to rent a truck to move my parents. My brother was supposed to bring a truck from work, but now all of a sudden they don't have that truck any more. Mom asked him to rent a truck and she would pay for it. He is trying to talk her out of it. I'm ready to just leave him out of the picture completely and either get friends to move my parents or hire a company to do it.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
4/11/14 7:29 P

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Its tough when meeting are that far away, if your Mom could do it on line, maybe that would help. I found a good meeting only after moving from Pa to Va. I went to several in Pa an found them lacking. If there is other meeting perhaps you should go first. I found some of the support I need at the Senior Center, Just getting out with others can be hhelp cuttelpful. If they belo]\ng to a church, ask for help there, Some times they can find help when you need it. I Pa I needed help cutting the grass. A neighbor helped me there. Some times the services you need are unique, Don't be afraid to ask.

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SHAPNUP Posts: 9,581
4/9/14 5:52 P

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Thanks. I have contacted our Alzheimer's Group in central Illinois. And we have attended meetings in the past. The meetings are 40 minutes away, though, and it's now too much for my mom to drive. I can't drive her because there's no one to sit for my dad. Last month I did contact a social worker at the hospital, who referred me to another social worker who heads up hospice care and an Alzheimer's caregiver meeting. I took the afternoon off work to stay with my dad so my mom could go to the meeting. The meeting actually had Alzheimer's patients in it. The patients were supposed to meet the following day. The conversation was about how to safely remove icicles from your home and how and what to recycle. When my mom told me that I was furious. I called both social workers and left them a message. That night I received a call from the woman who ran the meeting. She had all kinds of excuses for why the meeting advertised as a caregivers meeting was something else. She wanted my mom to come back to the next meeting so they could decide what kind of meeting they wanted to have! I told her we already knew what kind of meeting we wanted - a support group for caregivers of Alzheimer's patients, which is what they advertised. I asked her if she had ever been to an Alzheimer's support group, but she didn't answer. After 20 minutes of going around and covering the same ground, I told her the conversation was over and I was hanging up. She kept talking. I hung up. It was extremely discouraging. I've tried to get my mom to call the Alzheimer's counselor line when my dad is with me or the home health aid, but she hasn't done it. No help at all from my siblings. I hope things will get better when they move to supportive living.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
4/6/14 10:38 P

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Shapnup,

Okay, I just read a little more. A full time job and caring for your Mom is quite enough. If you have not call the Alzheimer's Association to find out what available it would be a good idea. Also, let as many people know you need help. And what would help you could use. If they don't respond you have ti live with it, ask any way. They may be unaware and willing to help where they can and still not feel like an intruder.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
4/6/14 7:43 P

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Shapnup,

I am sure both you and your mother are going though a tough time. A change in living space may best thing for them and you. I would very much encourage you to find a way to get relief for your mother. I went though care giving with my mother and it was tough. Now I am going though it with my wife. Much, much, tougher. It is going though a major crisis and the major support person of your life is not there to support you but drag you down, it hurts a lot and it often comes at a time the caregiver could use a caregiver. Perhaps Dad could go to day care a couple times a week. One of days you could spend time with Mom. If not you one of Moms old friends or relatives could. You both could use some time off. My prayers are with you.

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SHAPNUP Posts: 9,581
4/6/14 5:17 P

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I went for a walk with a friend today and came home to find a message on the machine from my mom, needing my help. Don't get me wrong. I love my parents. They are a joy in my life. But sometimes I just want to have one day a week where I don't have to stop by, or get a phone call, or come home to a message that my dad has fallen, or hidden his diaper, or lost his hearing aids again. My mom is the primary caregiver. If I feel this way not even living with my dad, I'm sure she feels so much worse. I feel like my dad is not the only person losing himself. My mom is losing herself, too. And I feel like I'm losing myself.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
3/31/14 4:33 A

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S w kept me awake all night. WHAT NEXT?

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
3/20/14 12:50 P

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S W is driving me up a wall today. Audio appointment later today. I am going crazy, emoticon

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
3/13/14 10:32 A

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I've been back in Pa since Sunday, Found a snow filled driveway and no heat, Upon arriving I got stuck in the drive way. By Monay we had things pretty well straighten out. I've started to get many things done. I come to realize how much needs to be done. With both S W an me down for a couple of years has played havock on the house, Next I am hoping to leave SW in VA, Her presence makes things much harder to get done. Having given close to a hundred pounds back helps a lot. The furture oes look brighter than is has in some time.

Edited by: BELSNICKEL at: 3/13/2014 (14:58)
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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
3/12/14 5:22 P

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Last Saturday night went to a story swap. I left S W at home. It was great. She seems to be going down hill faster. I miss that old gal of mine.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
3/1/14 7:40 P

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Saturday nights are the hardest, I really feel like dancing.

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LESLIE_2B_LESS's Photo LESLIE_2B_LESS SparkPoints: (172,578)
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2/23/14 2:13 A

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Please be sure & use this forum to express your feelings - we sure want to try to help!

Leslie MO
Central Time Zone


Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

SparkGuy says:
Your daily actions and words impact more people than you realize! Who will you impact today?


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
1/25/14 7:57 P

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Thanks Sam, It does help to hear from someone. Back in Va. that also helps. I must develop friends here. Tonight there is a storytelling event I just did not want to go alone. I feel here is better, but I still have not figured it out. I do get some time away, figuring out what to do with it.

So how are things working for you. I wonder do you miss MIL, at lest she is close by. Time ro head out on a much needed vacation?

Bob


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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
1/15/14 5:25 P

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Bel. my heart aches for you. Can you get someone to come and sit with her so you can go out and do something you enjoy? You need some "me" time!

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
1/15/14 5:16 P

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BEEN back in Pa for 6 days. S W is driving me crazy, i feel more alone when she is with me. Sometimes she just sucks the life out of me.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
1/4/14 10:06 A

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Feeling better this morning. Still trying to figure out this new life of mine. Including what I should S W in. Every day seems t be a new challenge. Of late the endless weekend does not help.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
12/28/13 3:18 P

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Still finding myself sad and lonely. Its a really nice day, I want and probably could find some
where to go. But, I simply don't want to go with sweet wife by ourselves. I want to be some where other than soul care giver mode. Not being able to eat does not help. After the holidays have run there course, I'll be able to find new friends. Right now life sucks.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
12/25/13 9:57 P

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I had a nice Christmas. Good time with the grandkids. STILL, I FIND myself feeling very much alone. Many of my plans for my new life need t o be on hold until the New Year.

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LESLIE_2B_LESS's Photo LESLIE_2B_LESS SparkPoints: (172,578)
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12/8/13 12:24 A

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WTG Bels!

Leslie MO
Central Time Zone


Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

SparkGuy says:
Your daily actions and words impact more people than you realize! Who will you impact today?


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
12/3/13 3:47 A

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Welcome back LESLIE. Yes I had my surgery and am recovering well. I spent Great deal of November with my daughter. Back home again to visit S W doctors. I am missing food. STILL
The weight loss is good. Looking forward to swimming today.

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LESLIE_2B_LESS's Photo LESLIE_2B_LESS SparkPoints: (172,578)
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12/3/13 2:07 A

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I can tell you all - being off the Depakote has been a life saver for Mom. She is no longer using any kind of walker - She can get up out of her chair pretty easily now. She is able to walk (slowly) into restaurants with us and is not "confused" by all the action going on and is able to get to the table with no assistance. She is now able to do daily activities that she wasn't able to before -- fill up the dogs' bowls of water & food, load the dishwasher, take her dirty clothes to the hamper, clean off her plate at meals. I have been sick for several days and she made me a grilled cheese and soup for my supper tonight

I think over medication is a HUGE problem and caregivers really need to take heed of this. Please check your love ones medications and check with the Dr's and Specialists to make sure that they need to be on those prescriptions.


Leslie MO
Central Time Zone


Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

SparkGuy says:
Your daily actions and words impact more people than you realize! Who will you impact today?


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12/3/13 1:40 A

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Did you have your surgery Bels? I've been sick and Mom's been sick - so outta commission for a few weeks now.

Leslie MO
Central Time Zone


Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

SparkGuy says:
Your daily actions and words impact more people than you realize! Who will you impact today?


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
12/2/13 9:17 P

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I've a new problem. I have a friend who is showing more signs of dementia. He' s. Been a good friend to me over the years. Problem is with all my wife's problems I just cannot stand being with him. I don' t know what to do. He deserves a better friend than I feel capable of being now. Any suggestions.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/29/13 3:52 P

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Feeling a bit lonely today. I often feel that way when S W a home. Perhaps I need some where to go tonight.

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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/26/13 5:41 P

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you get another emoticon !!! Glad to hear you are doing better

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/26/13 1:26 P

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Having a rest does seem to work. I am having less. pain and I am already getting more active. Just feeling better at life.

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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/25/13 8:50 P

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emoticon emoticon Great job, Bels! Praying that all goes well with your surgery. Are you finding things to keep you busy now that your SW is with your daughter?

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/25/13 12:50 A

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With liquid diet today I lost 15 lbs. Made my needed weight lost

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10/25/13 12:12 A

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It's coming up soon Bels! emoticon

Leslie MO
Central Time Zone


Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

SparkGuy says:
Your daily actions and words impact more people than you realize! Who will you impact today?


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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/18/13 12:06 P

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Sorry, Bel. I should not have judged that you are a stress eater. Yes, stress alone can cause weight gain.

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/18/13 12:03 P

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I really did not eat too much. That has happen before and the scale went down again quickly. I expect to lose a lot before next week.

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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/18/13 11:01 A

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I thought I was the only one who could gain weight so quickly! I guess if you are a stress eater, 10 lbs is easy to come by. Yes, I share your pain. You will be in my prayers as you head to surgery. I am sure you will do well with the liquid diet. For some reason, for me anyway, if I know liquids are all I am to consume, I can do well! Hope the same for you!

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/18/13 5:14 A

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I did not do well at yesterday's weigh in. Gained 10 pounds in one week. I don' t feel it was my eating. But it was a very stressful week and have some new meds. Surgery is 11/4. SUNDAY S W will go to my daughter's , I'll have time for me. Also I started a liquid diet. I do hope to do well.

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LESLIE_2B_LESS's Photo LESLIE_2B_LESS SparkPoints: (172,578)
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10/17/13 12:53 A

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When is your surgery Bels?

Leslie MO
Central Time Zone


Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

SparkGuy says:
Your daily actions and words impact more people than you realize! Who will you impact today?


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/16/13 9:11 P

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S W scored a nine out of 30 ON the memory test at the neurologist today. Worst than I expected. Oddly though it. Is good to know a little more. . M R I NEXT MONTH. Tomorrow I'll spend the day getting ready for surgery. I've seen enough Dr. But the beat goes on.

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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/13/13 12:45 P

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All such tough stuff, Leslie. I wonder if maybe your mom is concerned about bills? perhaps that is why she is always asking about the mail. Maybe if she got some "fun" mail often, she would not be so persistent in asking so much. My SIL was very good about sending cards to my MIL and I think it helped somewhat.

As for her memory with the date for the graduation, I don't know that there really is an answer. Writing it on a board that she would look at often might help, but she has to look at it. It is odd how some things just seem to stay and other thoughts seem to flee as soon as you tell them something. Congrats on her graduation, by the way! First grandchild to graduate, how exciting!! That fact alone may be what is frustrating you about your mom not remembering. It is important to you and rightly so.

As time progressed with both my mom and my MIL, I saw more and more focus on self. Especially so with my MIL. Everything is about her and I do mean everything! I don't think there is much you can do about that. My husband and I could repeat stuff fifty times a day to my MIL and she could not repeat what you told her two seconds after we said it. I can sympathize with your frustration. I feel your pain. emoticon emoticon emoticon

No two ways about it, this is an awful disease!


Praying for you...

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/13/13 5:18 A

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I like your question. And putting up a board. How about about making sure Mom gets some mail. SOMETHING from Lauren about graduation would be nice. SOMETHING with a date. I to will work on mail too. I've been tearing up S W mail. She gets as many as 30 request for money on a single day. Maybe other mail would do her some good. I wonder if there is some sort of mail that I'd like her to receive on a regular basis.









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10/13/13 2:03 A

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The last few days question has been......... When is Lauren's graduation (my oldest daughter is graduating from college 12/21/13) first grandchild to graduate! for some reason, Mom can remember that Lauren is graduating, but can not remember the date or day of the week or time. So I THINK I TOLD HER at least 10 times today this information.

Mom seems to have a pending question on her mind all the time.... it will vary every few days, but it is asked at least 10-15 times a day. The daily question is the mail, she doesn't think anyone ever gets the mail and asks about it 4-5 times at least a day.... drives me crazy. We have a white board up with all the daily activities and what day of the week it is, etc..medicines taken, etc.

But doesn't seem to help.


Oh well, we are trying.


Leslie MO
Central Time Zone


Helen Keller explained the purpose of community best, when she said, "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."

SparkGuy says:
Your daily actions and words impact more people than you realize! Who will you impact today?


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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/11/13 5:20 P

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Sounds like you have a rough few weeks ahead. I assume you are having gastric bypass and not heart. I know people who have had that done and have done very well. It sounds like you have a supportive daughter, which is great! How long has your SW had issues?

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/11/13 5:12 P

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I am doing okay. I lot of changes coming. Wee week filled with Dr appointments. Both S w and me. Sometime doing the following week I'll take my Sw to DD . Later DD and me return to pa for my operation. Lots going on. I'm also thinking about a week neither being able to eat or drive. I don't know which I will miss more. I've several plans for when I goo to Va.

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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/11/13 2:12 P

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Bel, are there any support groups in your area? Maybe just go out and take a nice walk? Walking is a lifesaver for me. Maybe we can help on sp? This has been a wonderful place for me to vent and get support

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/11/13 2:03 P

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There are times I need to get away and see other people. This is one. But I do not know where to go.

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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/7/13 9:35 P

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emoticon

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/7/13 9:09 P

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Be careful Sam. We don't you to have to change your name. One day at a time.

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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/7/13 5:01 P

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She will be here tomorrow. I told my husband we should take her hotel room and she can stay here to take care of her mom!! My MIL probably would not have any issues that night... emoticon

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/7/13 4:10 P

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HAS s I l arrived yet?

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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/7/13 8:32 A

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I must scream again!! AGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

With God all things are possible


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PATIENTSAM's Photo PATIENTSAM Posts: 2,707
10/7/13 8:27 A

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Ok, that had to have been the worse night ever as far as my MIL goes. She was up at midnight, thinking it was time for breakfast, then again at 4:30 (for breakfast again) and then came down again at 6:30. So at 6:40, I gave her her breakfast and she stood to eat it. You know what happens to a bowl of cold cereal when you stand up and eat it while holding it in your hand and you can''t see or hear? Yep, you spill it all over the floor! And on your shoes and feet. I am not ready to up out of bed, let alone deal with all that. I am usually heading out the door for a walk by now, but that has been delayed to take care of her, Sorry, I am past frustrated! My husband is hopefully sleeping and I want him to stay asleep. He handles lack of sleep so much worse than I do. I know he was up at least the first two times last night. I know it will be just two more days before she goes into the facility, but wow, if our minds weren't already made up, they sure would be after that! I am just so worn down.

My eating habits have gone way off the deep end. This last week has just been awful. But II will make positive changes in my life to take care of me. I know I need to take action today, but I am just going to try to not gorge the next few days and eat normal portions. Then I will get down to what I know I need to do and keep the calories in check. That is all I can do for now.

I just want to SCREAM!!!!! AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With God all things are possible


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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/3/13 1:13 P

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My mood has improved today. Even a bit less pain. Ready to get things done.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
10/2/13 4:58 P

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I am feeling lonely today. I'm in a little less physical pain than normal. I went to the "y". Yet I feel the need for more. For today I don't know what that is.

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SLIMCRUISER Posts: 1,047
9/28/13 11:44 A

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that sounds like a terrific fun filled and busy week end, Leslie! Enjoy. Hope the Sunday visit is awesome.

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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
9/28/13 7:36 A

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Party hardy Leslie! I AM feeling better today.

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LESLIE_2B_LESS's Photo LESLIE_2B_LESS SparkPoints: (172,578)
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9/28/13 12:52 A

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So exciting Bels!

I added my ex-sister in-law on Facebook and she has been communicating with me today and is definetly bringing my nephew over Sunday afternoon and they will stay for dinner and visit, etc..! Yeah.

Mom & I are going to a good friend's 80th Birthday party tomorrow! Wow! Her daughter is one of my bestest friends from high school and it will be so great to see her.

Leslie MO
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BELSNICKEL's Photo BELSNICKEL Posts: 2,792
9/27/13 1:39 P

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It's been a busy.week. I really feel like I need,a break. S W IS NOT LETTING that happen.. I find myself in a foul mood. I don' t like me today. Good news is I'm scheduled for surgery Nov. 4'

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